“I don’t want your help. Go away.”
Mother Dora looked like she had the perimeter defenses under control by herself. The once blissful path to the plantation house now looked like a walkway straight to Hell. Barbed wire lined either side of the concrete path. It was covered in blood for some reason — I hadn’t heard about any intruders trying to come in. Gaping mouths with needle-like teeth sprouted from the ground, opening and closing mindlessly. Giant black birds with red eyes perched on top of the trees, constantly scanning the area, looking ready to pull out a motherfucker’s intestines if they got too close. And to top it all off, a tower, about two stories tall, that looked like it was made of human skin, with an opening at the the top that puffed out clouds of black smoke into the sky.
“Ah yes, the Hell Pillar,” Mother Dora said, catching me staring at the flesh tower. “You want to see it in action?” She didn’t wait for my response. She muttered some nonsense, and the center of the tower engorged and puked out a ball of magma with the force of a cannon, hitting a tree about fifty yards away and dissolving it completely.
“Yeah, I don’t think we’re needed here,” I said. Caleb agreed, and we went back towards the bunker, Mother Dora shooing us away as we walked.
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“Are we really gonna just sit here and wait for mom to give us orders?” Caleb asked as we walked down the corridor towards the elevator to the bottom floor.
“I know you think you’re a big badass now that you snuck in a kill on a marked man,” I said, “but running into shit without a plan will get you killed. It’ll get us all killed. Anita might be a cold bitch sometimes, but she’s smart. She’s got a mind for this sort of thing. Teenage me would kill me right now if he could hear me, but the best thing for us to do is to listen to mom.”
Mom — it felt weird to call her that. I didn’t like the way the word felt in my mouth.
“You’re right, you’re right,” Caleb conceded. “Shouldn’t we be doing something though?”
I thought about it for a second.
“Great idea. Let’s get drunk.”
Caleb looked at me like I was the prettiest girl in school and had asked him to prom.
“For real?” he asked.
“Fuck it. Why not? You’re old enough to kill people in a war, but you’re not old enough to have a goddamn beer? What kind of bullshit is that?” I said.
“Can’t argue with that.”
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Caleb got wasted.
Somehow, word got around that I was getting Caleb drunk, and everyone wanted to help. Mickey came down first, to the old meeting room where we were hanging out, and saw Caleb with a beer in his hand.
“No way are you starting a long, illustrious career as an alcoholic with a fucking Natty Lite,” he said. He ran to the elevator in a blur of motion and came back with a bottle of Jack Daniels, and filled a plastic cup halfway with liquor.
“Here ya go.” He handed it to Caleb, who started chugging it like it was sweet tea — for a second, at least. It took him about two gulps to see the error of his ways, and he sprayed a brown mist onto the floor.
“Hey, gotta respect the ambition,” Mickey said. I was too busy laughing my ass off to pat him on the back.
Pretty soon, other people started to trickle in, all with offerings to place at the Altar of the Drunk Child. He took each beer, shot, and cocktail with the tenacity of someone young enough to still think drinking was cool, and downed them all. Somehow, after sampling every type of alcohol Mickey had stowed away down here, which was a pretty damn good selection, Caleb was still on his feet. Clodagh put on some music — some sort of hardcore punk sang by the most Irish-sounding man to ever walk the planet. Everyone was having a great time. It was fucking weird.
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“What is this garbage? Sounds like someone threw a leprechaun in a garbage disposal,” Angela said, nursing a beer.
“Fack off, ya old cunt,” Clodagh yelled over the speakers and then laughed maniacally.
“I thingit’s preddygood… actually,” said Caleb. His looked completely closed, but somehow he was still moving around the room without walking into anyone. He pointed his head in the direction of Clodagh and lifted up his cup. She lifted her cup as well and gave him a long distance cheers.
“You’d like nails on a fuckin’ chalkboard if Clodagh said it sounded good,” Mickey said. “Why don’t you just ask her out already? Is it because you’re fourteen and she’s thirty-two?”
Caleb’s face turned beet red. Clodagh laughed so hard she spilled some of her drink onto my shoes.
“Sorry, sorry,” Clodagh said, choking back the rest of her laughter. “But I only like men who’ve killed more people than I have.”
A glimmer of hope sparked in Caleb’s drunken eyes.
“I can make that happen,” he said confidently.
“Oh, and they can’t be fuckin’ teenagers,” she said, and started laughing again. Caleb’s confidence melted away. He started to walk towards the elevator.
“Come on Caleb! Learn to take a joke! Don’t be such a little bitch!” Mickey yelled to him when he was almost at the elevator. Caleb stopped in his tracks, turned around, and moved towards Mickey. Four of those disgusting creatures crawled out of his pockets and sat on his shoulders. He squared up to Mickey, standing as close as he could without physically touching him. His creatures shuddered with excitement. Clodagh stopped the music.
“Who’re you calling a little bitch?” Caleb said, suddenly sounding much more sober. Mickey looked back at him with dead eyes.
“Careful now, boy,” he said. “Don’t make me do something I’ll regret.”
There was something animalistic about Mickey’s eyes that made me deeply uneasy. He wanted to kill. He was looking for any reason at all to do it.
“Touch him and I’ll fucking kill you right here, Mickey,” I said. But Mickey didn’t take his eyes off of Caleb, and Caleb didn’t take his eyes off of Mickey. Everyone stood completely still, looking at the two of them, waiting for something terrible to happen.
Caleb whispered something.
“What?” Mickey said.
A creature latched onto his face. Caleb moved away from Mickey, who was taken by surprise as the creature burrowed its head into his cheek. He grabbed it and it popped like a zit, covering Mickey’s face with brown and peach gunk. He looked at Caleb with crazy eyes and a hole in his face that dripped blood onto his shirt.
Oh fuck.
I had a pretty good idea of what was about to go down, and moved towards Caleb before Mickey started running at him. They were only a few inches away from each other when I got between them and stuck out a sludge-encrusted arm to catch the hand that Mickey intended to wrap around Caleb’s throat. Mickey sent his other hand at my stomach, but it only hit a thick layer of sludge. He tried to pull it out, but couldn’t.
“Alright boys, let’s calm the fuck down,” I said. “Are we really going to do Alec’s dirty work for him over a little drunken argument?”
Mickey’s eyes were locked on me now, the animalistic urge still clearly flaring up inside of him. But he looked back at Caleb and saw the look of horror on Caleb’s face, and started laughing.
“Holy shit, boy, you’re a cranky drunk,” Mickey said. “And this shit hurt like a son of a bitch.” He wiped the blood off of his cheek with his shoulder. “Hurt more than anyone’s hurt me a long damn time, excluding your dear ol’ brother, of course.” He laughed some more. The look in his eye wasn’t gone completely, but it was softer, less pronounced.
“Let me go, motherfucker,” he said. “I’m not gonna kill anyone.”
I let him go.
“That shit’s really gross, you know that?” he continued. “Feels like warmed up cow shit.” He wiped his hands on his shirt even though I didn’t leave a trace of sludge on him.
Caleb still crouched behind me, trembling and dew-eyed like a baby deer. Mickey walked around me and crouched down in front of him, and extended his hand. Caleb didn’t grab it.
“Really? Fuck. Cover it in cow shit again, if that’s what it takes.” I covered his hand in sludge, and Caleb cautiously shook it. They stood up together, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
“God damn, that was close,” I said. “How about everyone go and get some sleep? Some of y’all clearly can’t handle your alcohol.”
Everyone seemed to agree that the party was over and went to the elevator, filing in five at a time. Mickey, Caleb and I were the last ones to get on.
“Sorry about your pet, or whatever the hell that was,” Mickey said.
“It’s all good,” Caleb shrugged. “I was meaning to conjure up some more anyway.”
“I’m just glad nothing bad happened for once,” I said.
As if the universe heard me and told me to go fuck myself, alarms started going off and red lights flashed around the room. Anita’s voice echoed through an intercom.
“Get your asses up here, now. We have visitors.”