It's been a hell of a ride since that fateful day when I nearly cashed out at the ripe old age of 20. Sure, I was just a kid doing donuts in the desert, living a life of memes and summer camps. But hey, death’s flirtation was the best damn thing that ever happened to me.

Now, at 30, I’m a self-made tech mogul, and let’s be real, the word “humble” isn’t in my vocabulary. Think of me as the Elon Musk of 2033, but with more flair, better looking, in better shape and less concern for humanity. Let’s get this straight: I’m in it for the thrill, the cash, and the fame. My startup? It's like if "Silicon Valley" had a baby with "Wolf of Wall Street" – we’re disrupting the disruption.

We’re creating solutions to problems that don’t exist, and guess what? People are buying it. I’ve got investors lining up like it’s Black Friday at Walmart.

I remember those days at Camp Sealth, “Kerbal” they called me. Now, the only camping I do is in the luxury suites of the finest hotels, strategizing my next corporate takeover. My old buddies from camp? I couldn’t tell you where they are now. Probably saving trees or something equally profitless. Me? I’m cutting them down to build my empire. You might be thinking, “What about your roots, Sage? Your family?” Well, let me put it this way: I send them nice Christmas cards, with my face on them, of course. And that sister of mine, India? I bought her a pony for her birthday – tax write-off, naturally. My parents? They’re still paying off Papa’s school debts. They rode me about being financially irresponsible for so long, so I figure they need to learn that lesson, too.

Soccer? Please, the only goal I’m interested in now is the IPO. And those pets, like Blue and Dragon? The only animals in my life now are the sharks in the boardroom and the leeches trying to get a piece of my success.

I’ve traded the lullabies for power lunches, the camping trips for jet-setting around the globe. I’m living the dream – or at least, the dream I sold to the world. The Russian and Japanese I learned as a kid? Just party tricks now, to impress the foreign investors.

You know that saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”? Well, it made me richer, too. That accident? It was a wake-up call. No more playing it safe, no more holding back. I hit the ground running, and I haven’t stopped since. And the scars from that crash? I wear them like badges of honor, a reminder of the day I almost lost everything, only to gain so much more. The Sage who loved nature, memes, and camaraderie is just a character in the backstory of this tech titan.

So, here I am, at the pinnacle of my game. I’m the guy everyone loves to hate and hates to love. But let’s face it, in this world, it’s eat or be eaten, and I’m feasting like a king.

I've ruined more families than Musk ruined companies, disappointed more kids than Trump disappointed his cult. And let me tell you, I wear that like a badge of honor on my Armani suit. My world is one where empathy is as outdated as dial-up internet, and if you can't keep up, you're just another casualty on my road to success.

Remember those heartwarming stories about me being a kind-hearted counselor at Camp Sealth? That Sage was too soft, too naive. He couldn’t see that the real world runs on cold, hard cash, not campfire kumbayas. Nowadays, the only 'camp' I care about is my penthouse on the Upper East Side, a far cry from those dusty tents and singalongs.

Let's talk about my "philanthropy". Sure, I donate – to get my name on buildings and press coverage. It’s not about helping; it’s about being seen helping. I’ve mastered the art of turning charity into PR stunts. And those close-knit friends from space camp? They're now just LinkedIn connections, useful only when I need a favor.

I'm living a life that would make Gordon Gekko look like an amateur. My daily routine? Wake up in a bed that costs more than the average American's yearly salary, work out for a couple of hours, have my personal chef whip up a breakfast that's Instagram-worthy, and then head to the office in my chauffeur-driven Tesla – that company did so much better after I bought it. Got it for pennies on the dollar when it went bust, and he threw in “X,” too... which I promptly rebranded back to Twitter & handed the keys to of that kingdom to my high school buddies for shits and giggles. I was as surprised as anyone when Andreas, Eli & Owen turned the company around and made it profitable within a year.

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You might wonder, do I ever think about that accident? Sometimes, when I'm sipping a $20K bottle of whiskey on my private jet. It’s a reminder that I cheated death, and now I'm cheating life, playing by my own rules. I could have been a statistic, a cautionary tale. Instead, I'm a force of nature, reshaping the world in my image.

My relationships? As fleeting as my interest in startup pitches. I've left a trail of broken hearts across continents, always looking for the next conquest. Love is a game, and I'm the undefeated champion. I don't have time for depth; my life is a whirlwind of meetings, deals, and superficial connections.

And those pets I once adored? The only animal in my life now is the bronze dragon statue in my office, a symbol of my unrelenting pursuit of wealth. I’ve traded compassion for competition, affection for ambition. I’m not just playing the game; I'm rewriting the rules.

Do I have regrets? Sure, like not investing in Bitcoin sooner or selling some stocks before they tanked. But moral regrets? Please, morality is for those who can’t stomach the sight of blood in the water. I thrive in it.

In this high-stakes world, I'm the king. Every step I take is calculated, every decision made to bolster my empire. I’m the puppet master, pulling strings in a market that dances to my tune. Sage Phoenix Corlett Waters, the name that once whispered innocence, now roars with power.

So, here’s to the tech-bro life, to the endless pursuit of more. To the old Sage, lost in the sands of time, and the new Sage, who rose from those ashes, stronger, richer, and more ruthless than ever. In this game of thrones, I’m not just a player; I’m the game-changer.

Last week I got a call from Kermit - Vivian, from those Sealth days. I don’t know how she got my personal number, but whatever. I fired enough people to make sure it doesn’t slip out again. She sounded bad. Like total horribad, but I was in a hurry and tried to get her off the phone as fast as possible. Then she said “It’s my son, Sage. He’s five and he’s dying. Cancer. We can’t afford the treatment.” First, I couldn’t believe she had a son who she named after me. Second, we beat cancer, but only us trillionaires (I guess billionaires, too, but they’re kinda low rent) can really afford it.

“Sorry to hear it Kerm. But I got a meeting. Please lose this number.” And I hung up.

But it’s been sticking with me, y’know? I looked her up. Single mom of two, husband died in the last outbreak of whatever it was that the low classes spread amongst themselves. Her oldest, Sage Kerbal Yazzie, had been fighting this thing for a couple of years now, and it looked not good.

Fuck.

It gnawed at me, like a software bug I couldn’t debug. So, I did what any self-respecting trillionaire would do – I threw money at the problem. I paid off her kid's medical bills, anonymously, of course. Can't have the world knowing that Sage Phoenix Corlett Waters has a heart, can we? It was a transaction, nothing more. Or so I told myself.

But that wasn’t enough, was it? The deed sparked something in me, some remnant of the old Sage that I thought I’d buried under layers of cynicism and NASDAQ listings. Next thing I know, I’m setting up a series of shell corporations, funneling a chunk of my fortune into an anonymous charity. Its mission? To pay for kids' cancer treatments and lobby to bring costs down. Yeah, you heard that right – Mr. Tech-Bro is playing Robin Hood. But let’s keep that between us.

The charity took off, making headlines, “An Unknown Benefactor Saving Lives.” It was like watching a startup succeed, but the ROI wasn’t in dollars, it was in lives saved. Weirdly satisfying, in a way that making another million just wasn’t anymore.

I found myself at these charity galas, not to schmooze with investors, but to see the faces of those we helped. I met kids who’d been given a second chance at life, parents who could sleep knowing their child was safe. And damn, it hit me – there was more to life than just stock options and market dominance.

Don’t get me wrong, I'm still the same Sage who'd buy a sports team on a whim or a vintage wine just because I can. But there’s this edge, a hint of something more. Like I’m standing on the precipice of a profound change, and I’m not sure I hate it.

I started reconnecting with old friends, the ones I left behind in my ruthless climb. Even reached out to Vivian, checked in on little Sage. Turns out, the kid's a fighter, just like his namesake. We talked, and it wasn’t about investments or market trends, but about life, the real stuff.

It’s like I’m rediscovering parts of me I’d locked away in some forgotten vault, dusty and neglected. I find myself laughing more, the kind of genuine laughter that comes from deep within, not the forced chuckles at board meetings. I even started volunteering, yeah, you heard that right. Sage Waters, in a soup kitchen, serving food to those who've fallen through the cracks of the system I so expertly gamed. I’m still the king of my empire, don’t get that twisted. But now, there's a new dimension to this king. A king who’s seen the other side, who’s felt something beyond the cold touch of gold and the glare of a computer screen.

Maybe this is growth, maybe it’s a phase, or maybe, just maybe, it’s the real Sage, the one who got lost in the glitz and glamor of Silicon Valley, finding his way back home. The old Sage, the one who believed in more than just profit margins and IPOs, is re-emerging, and I'm not sure I want to stop him this time.

So here's to the journey, from tech-bro asshole to... whatever this new version of me is. It’s uncharted territory, but for the first time in a long time, I'm excited to see where the road leads. Sage Phoenix Corlett Waters, evolving, growing, and maybe, just maybe, becoming the man he was always meant to be.