Five men stood together on the deck of the yacht, scratching their heads. They stared down into the water with perturbed looks on their faces. From left to right, Stitches scratched at his short beard and squinted into the water, tilting his head a little to the right. His dark hair soaked by the rain that had passed over just an hour before. Haus crossed his arms, the tan man sniffing once and turning his head slowly to look towards his right. His faintly glowing red eyes narrowed a bit. Wake scratched his neck, shifting a bit on his feet awkwardly and cleared his throat. Trigger exhaled through his lips, making a popping sound and bounced a bit on the balls of his feet.
At the end of the line, the much taller Barry coughed into his fist and put his hands on his hips. “So uh, and that’s how it happened,” He said awkwardly. “I’d say a job well done, right?”
The four others looked over at him incredulously before looking down into the water below. They looked back up at him and each made an exaggerated face of disgust, disbelief, and utter confusion. He pointedly ignored them, rubbing at his chin as he squinted into the surf for a moment. “Hmm, I wonder what we should do with them now that I think of it.”
Trigger threw his hands up into the air and walked away for a moment. Wake crouched down and laughed. Stitches rubbed his hands over his face while Haus pat his shoulder consolingly. Barry kept ignoring them as he mulled it all over. “It’s not like any of us know how to drive one of these things. Or really need them with me and Bubs around,” He said thoughtfully. He didn’t even blink when Trigger landed on his shoulders and wrapped his hands around Barry’s impossibly thick neck from behind, trying to strangle him. “Could always ask the boss for Amos.”
On his shoulders, Trigger pulled a hammer out of his tool belt and it started to glow a bit. He reared back with it for a moment before getting a look from Wake and letting out a sigh. The hammer stopped glowing and he put it back.
Barry crossed his arms and tilted his head, “Maybe give ‘em a cool paint job.”
Trigger whipped his head in Wake’s direction, gesturing frantically at Barry. Wake just shook his head and waved his hands placatingly. Trigger threw his head back in a silent groan and hopped off of Barry’s back, walking over and crossing his arms before looking back into the water again, “You stole two nuclear submarines, and your first thought is to give them a snappy paint job?” He asked, glancing up at his boss.
“Flames,” Barry said with a toothy grin.
“They’re submarines!” Trigger shouted, throwing his hands up again.
“Blue flames,” Barry corrected, his expression brightening.
Wake fell back, laughing and kicked his feet. Trigger turned around and started kicking at him, “What’s so goddamn funny you walkin’ health advisory! Get back here!” He barked as Wake teleported away, reappearing on the bridge of the yacht and continuing to laugh. Trigger turned and pulled a tennis ball out of a small sack on his waist only for stitches to grab his arm. He glanced over at the guy who shook his head with a weary smile and sighed. “Don’t want to glue him back together, huh?” He said. Stitches nodded and shrugged, turning back to the view of the two nuclear submarines lined up next to one another just a few meters beneath the water next to the yacht.
“Guess the only thing we can do is call for Amos,” Trigger said with a sigh.
Barry nodded, “Ayep, that’s my thought,” He said and paused for a moment. He seemed to go a little pale for a few heartbeats before he cleared his throat, “Hey uh… Trigger, can you do me a favor, my friend?”
Trigger glanced at him and squinted, “What is it… boss?”
“Would you uh…” He trailed off, “Mind calling the boss and asking for Amos to visit, I gotta go check on the Commodore and his fleet. Thanks bro! Later!” He said quickly before diving right into the water and vanishing into the depths.
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Stitches and Haus both stared into the water after him for a moment before looking up at Trigger. Somewhere in the background, Wake was howling with laughter, the faint clanks of him punching a wall in his mirth carrying over them. Trigger stood stiffly, fists clenched, his face red, his eyes squeezed shut as he wrestled with the urge to blow everything and everyone up around him. Maybe just the boat, that would convert nicely into a few million sticks of dynamite worth. He sighed when he remembered he’d have to be standing next to it when it went off.
He paused and considered it anyway then scratched his head, “Wake!” He shouted as he turned from the railing, “Where’s the damn Ishtar line?” He shouted as the man kept laughing, “Quit your gobblin’ or I’m gonna cut off your food for a week!” He barked.
–
Eight figures now stood on the side of the boat, all of them leaning over the railing and staring down into the water where the subs were sitting quietly, untouched. “Is there… anyone inside?” Marta asked, brushing her hair back nervously.
Amos rest his elbows on the rails and let out a sigh, “Not detecting anybody with my drones, looks like they all abandoned ship at some point. You let them go Barry?” He asked, glancing over at the big man who stood in the middle of their gathering with a very annoyed looking Sonya. He had a small red bump on his head.
Barry looked sullenly down at his feet, “Didn’t see any need ta kill ‘em. Just figured I’d bring ‘em back. Y’know, maybe the boss could use ‘em.”
Sonya had been standing in silence for a long while, ever since they arrived. Barry, Amos, Marta, and the others had done the most talking. She finally clicked her tongue and squinted at him, “And, what, pray tell, do you expect me to do with two United States Navy Nuclear Submarines?” She started, rounding on him and putting her hands on her hips as she stared up at him. He was many times her size but he still shrank a little when she stared.
“Here it comes,” Amos chuckled.
“They’re Nuclear Submarines! Barry!” She rambled, “That doesn’t just mean they have nuclear reactors, they do! But that’s not the point! They’ve got rockets on ‘em, Barry! Nukes! Do I look like a nuclear power to you? Huh? What am I gonna do with nukes? I’m a supervillain, not a crotchety third world dictator!” She threw her hands up and scratched at her head before letting out a sigh and looking back at Amos. “Is there anything we can do with the bombs? I hate those things.”
“Could probably repurpose most of it, the materials could be used for a bunch of stuff,” He said thoughtfully, “You sure you don’t wanna keep one? Trophy?”
She leveled him with a deadpan stare, “With the United States looking everywhere for their precious ships and nukes?” She growled then glanced over at the four men who were laughing at Barry’s comeuppance. She put her hands on her hips, “And what were you guys doing while he was off galavanting and picking a fight with the Navy? Haven’t you heard the Amercian phrase ‘Don’t touch our boats?’” She demanded. They looked at one another and all looked away or in any direction other than directly at her. She rubbed her temples and looked back at Amos, “Can we really repurpose the missiles?” She asked, “I want those things gone. If not through you, then find a dirty nuclear rep to pawn them off to and have them decommissioned. I don’t want them connected to me, got it?”
“Yeah, I can handle it, ” He said, “Gotta get my drones over here for a day or two and work my way through the ships. Disable the self-destruct and everything,” He huffed, “Should be able to have them running in a week with my operating system rather than the shit one they’ve got installed.”
Sonya held up a hand, “You can get them running?” She asked seriously.
Amos scratched his neck, “Uh, sure? Why not?” He said with a shrug as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Sonya brightened, “Oh! I figured we had a pair of explosive golf trophies on our hands!” She turned to Barry and slapped his arm, “Atta boy! Well done big guy! I’m still gonna let you have it for going off the reservation but good catch!” She said merrily, the small threat thrown in there making him pale a little as she wandered over to the rail and looked over at them. “Kinda ugly, don’t you think? I’ve never seen a sub up close. Guess that goes with the whole ‘stealthy’ thing.”
Trigger and Wake looked at one another and then at Barry. They both shook their heads urgently but the big guy just squared his shoulders and walked over to lean next to her.
“Yeah, I was thinkin’ a paint job! Some flames maybe?” He said thoughtfully.
Sonya pursed her lips, “Hum, gonna have to be blue flames then,” She said and Trigger groaned.