Brinus vomited into a toilet. He was covered in cold sweat, and his pupils were dilated. He took a pull from his vape but it wasn’t enough. He took two more pulls, and some of the nausea got better. His brain was clearer, but his hands shook, and he was covered in sweat like he worked out.
The bathroom was destroyed by three days of AA nicotine withdrawal and smelled like vomit and diarrhea. He lay on the floor, moaning from the nausea. Doctor Calnori entered the quarters with a universal code and saw Simmie and Tangent outside the bathroom door.
Outside the door, Tangent ran up to Calnori. “What is wrong with him?! Will he survive?!” Tangent was pacing back and forth frantically.
Calnori was fumbling for something in her doctor’s bag. “It is AA nicotine withdrawal. It is like a less intense version of rage withdrawal but Brinus is a chronic smoker for a long time. He obviously isn’t smoking as much because I noticed yesterday his levels dropped by up to 45%. I have a patch from the pharmacy. It will wean him off of nicotine slowly to where he won’t have withdrawal symptoms. I am going to leave it with yous guys. I will start an I.V. now.”
Brinus ended up accepting four bags of fluids after she started the IV in his left hand. She also put the patch on his right shoulder.
“I am going to write a doctor’s note for the last three days and one for the four days of his classes. I will talk to his commander and medically excuse his AWOL absence. He will be fine in a few hours.”
Simmie grabbed Tangent. He said, “We need to go.”
Tangent wanted to stay with Brinus. However, Simmie knew best.
Dr. Calnori left their quarters after removing the I.V. and disposing of it in the replicator. She sterilized the wound with 100% ethanol, put a bandage over it, and then left.
After a few minutes, Simmie herded Tangent to a local bar, where he ordered two whiskies.
They sat at a booth, and Simmie drank his drink.
Tangent took her drink and took a swig. “What are those sticks people light on fire and suck on?”
“Those are called cigarettes.”
“What is it called when people inhale the smoke from them?”
Simmie crossed his arms and legs. “Smoking.”
“If smoking is so bad, why do people do it?”
Simmie began twirling his vape between his fingers. “I can tell you why I started. I was trying to emulate my teachers, parents, and friends. Also, the ads made it look cool.”
Tangent hopped on the chair. “So, is it social?”
He shrugged and leaned back into the booth seat. “Partly. Part of it is the flavors. They make it taste really good.”
“Do you regret smoking?”
He was silent for a few seconds and then leaned forward in his seat. “I have lung cancer and am getting weekly treatments. If I could do it again, I would never smoke….” Simmie’s voice trailed off.
“Why does Brinus smoke?”
“Because he hates himself because he blames himself for his first boyfriend’s death and the abuse in foster care.”
Tanget’s bunny tail flicked side to side. “Is that why we are at a bar instead of helping Brinus?”
“I know him. He wants to be alone, and we’ll go back in a few hours.”
Tangent rolled her eyes. “Humans are weird.”Simmie sighed and then stacked the two whisky glasses. “Yes, we are.”
Commander Theodore sat at his desk across from Dr. Calnori. He had his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.
After a few seconds of silence, Commander Theodore asked, " Does this have to do with his new companion droid?”
“Yes, sir. I think it makes him smoke less by enhancing his magic with power, like a battery charger.”
“Okay. It is obvious he didn’t choose to skip duty. I will remove his AWOL status and put him on four days of medical leave. Dismissed Lieutenant.”
After she left, he filled out the proper paperwork and submitted it to the ship’s HR department for approval. It was approved in minutes.
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As the medication in the patch went through his system, he began to feel better and have more energy. He felt clearer-headed and less nauseous, and his tremors lessened. After taking a long sonic shower, he grabbed some cleaning supplies from the closet and started cleaning.
There was solace in being alone, and despite being a duke, he refused to hire a servant. He wiped down the toilet with a lemon/ethanol spray — wiping down the rim and the toilet seat and scrubbing the bowel, he sang Gangsta Bitch Daddy. After taking apart the sink drain to run a drain cleaner through it, he then ran a lemon-scented, carbolic acid foam spray on the floor. Mopping everything up, Brinus then proceeded to wipe the walls with a lemon/bleach formula. He was dancing as he sang a new song The Deadly Surgeon. In truth, he smiled at the progress he made. A sense of relief overcame him as he moved from the bathroom to the hallway.
There was a knock on his door as he settled down for his fourth vape session. Despite the patch, he still needed to vape.
He came up, and it was Tangent. She hugged him and started crying. Brinus was confused as he guided her back into the kitchen. After she touched him, he didn’t have the urge to vape anymore. He also felt tingly and energized.
“I am so glad you’re okay!” Tangent said, letting go and wiping her eyes.
“What are you doing?”
She stepped into the room and crossed her arms. “Will you quit smoking for me?”
Brinus pinched the top of his nose and rolled his eyes. “Why are you here?” He hoped for a few more hours of alone time.
Tangent cocked her eyebrow.
Brinus sighed and crossed his arms in front of his bare chest. He was clean as he had just showered and smelled like vape juice. “He told you how much I hated it, didn’t he?”
Tangent nodded. “He told me why you did it.” She had puppy dog eyes on her face.
Brinus knew Tangent was right. He looked into her eyes and saw the pleading look. Even though she had been in his quarters for three days, he needed to keep her safe from a new hell loop. She stared him down as though searing his soul.
Brinus felt nothing but, at a logical point, knew that smoking was affecting his career, that his husband battled lung cancer, and sanctions were placed on him for heavy smoking.
He put his arms on Tangent's shoulders. “I’ll quit. But it will take a long time.”
“I don’t care how long it takes, just quit smoking!”
“I will eventually, I promise.”
Tangent wrapped her arms around his waist. “You and Simmie are the only family I have left. The Feds have cost me everything.”
Brinus put Tangent on his shoulder and walked into the kitchen. “Are you hungry? Do you want something to drink?”
Tangent Wrapped her arms around his neck and arm. “I want to try some of that Sigini Grape wine Simmie has been making.”
Brinus went into the pantry with Tangent on his shoulder. There were four jugs of homemade wine. Brinus Reached for a wine glass and poured himself and Tangent a glass each.
They tapped their glasses together and Brinus smirked, “To a better future.”
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Three days later, Brinus was in line at the pharmacy at Proctor Vapes. Since he had decided to quit smoking, he was now allowed to use the pharmacy, as it was related to the medical business. As his turn finally came, he slapped the prescription on the table.
The pharmacist smiled at him and picked it up. “I see Dr. Calnori put in for a second media patch. Why did she?”
“I am still vaping despite being on the patch.”
The pharmacist rolled his eyes and clucked his tongue in disgust. “You aren’t supposed to vape on this patch. It can make you very sick. Anyway, How is your new companion droid?”
“She was bored and wanted to contribute to the ship, so she is getting the Turing Test.”
“I see.”
The pharmacist reached onto the shelf in the back and pulled out a second patch. “Put it on your left shoulder. The medicine is self-replicating, so it won’t need to be replaced. It will take an hour or two to kick in, but you should never vape again after the patches are fully in your system. We sell a variety of fidget toys and non-nicotine cigarettes if you want them.”
Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.
“No thanks.” Brinus picked up the box and put it under his armpit. “What is the copay?”
The pharmacist smiled at him and laughed. “Oh, This is medication for smoking cessation, so it’s free.”
“I had to pay for my vapes?”
The pharmacists smiled and said, “Those were for health monitoring and maintenance therapy. They weren’t the same thing. Do you have any more questions?” He subtly hinted at the growing line behind Brinus.
“No, sir.”
Brinus left.
Meanwhile, as Brinus walked down the hall from the promenade to the high-end section of the ship, he began reading the box. There were warnings about vaping or smoking nicotine products with the patch, along with a long list of physical symptoms it would cause. It also gave instructions on how to put it on his shoulder. It was waterproof and didn’t need to be changed because it self-replicated medication. The medication levels would be adjusted by his doctor once every three months. He opened the box, and there was a patch with a number pad on it that was set to 50mg. He slapped it on his left shoulder and opened the door to his quarters.
Simmie was in the kitchen preparing lunch. Brinus removed his shirt, shoes, and socks, and put on a pair of grey gym shorts. Simmie was in his uniform with steel-toed boots. He came up to Simmie and they kissed for a few moments. Brinus grabbed his ass and then threw him over his knee.
Simmie laughed as Brinus let him go. “Hey babe. I’m Glad you're feeling better.”
“What’cha makin’?” Brinus rested his chin on his shoulder.
Simmie flipped his cheese sandwich as it was brown on the other side. “Just a cheese sandwich on the homemade white bread I made a few days ago. I don’t have much time because I need to be back at work in twenty minutes.”
“Awesome Love. I still got one more day of medical leave so I’m gonna catch up on homework. Have a good day at work hon.” Brinus kissed Simmie on the cheek and ruffled his hair.
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On the other side of the ship, Tangent was attached to a machine that monitored her brainwaves. It was a computer monitor similar to an EEG but for AI code. The room was barren except for an examination table, the code reader, and the glass desk for the AI tech. It had a plain tile floor, four white drywall walls, and some black drywall ceilings.
The AI tech looked at the monitor with a confused look after trying to run multiple scans.
Finally, Tangent spoke after a long silence, “What is it?”
"This here AI code don’t no make sense. They ain’t coded but look like biological neural patterns, and Alex can’t determine what species they belong to either. What did you say your race was again?”
“Lapori.”
“According to these here neural patterns, you’re an organic Lorapi. However, you gotta a mechanical body. I ain’t never seen somethin’ like this here before. It’s almost like you’re a soul trapped inside of a shell, which ain’t supposed to happen.”
“Brinus told me what happened to my people.”
The AI tech sighed and put his hand on her knee. “I remember learnin’ ‘bout it in my AI classes at high school. The Federation wanted your technology, so they sent droids to assassinate your people and then steal your tech. They claimed it was a special military operation. I don’t think you’re a droid. I’m gonna classify ya’ as a new unknown sapient lifeform because ya’ ain’t a Lapori either.”
Tangent became tearful thinking of the trauma loop she was stuck in for two years.
After typing the information, the tech began talking. “I am gonna schedule ya’ fer a skills assessment at the Naval Academy so you can get your certificates. Then we’ll need to get ya’ an ID and microchip. Fer that, you’ll need to go to the courthouse on the ship. Since you’re a new life form you will need to get your engineering stamp from the scientists that built you. Then you will need to use that to get a tax code number, a benefits number, and an expiration date fer your positronic brain. You will need to register with the Navy as a person. Then we can hire you as a consultant, but you’ll need to apply for security clearance. Questions?”
Tangent looked at him blankly. What in the great balls of fire is he talking about?
He handed her a lawyer’s card. “This here card is fer an immigration lawyer who works with victims of Federation genocides. You should have no problems getting citizenship, depending on the results of your skills test. Based on your neural patterns, it looks like you’re skilled in energy and weapons science, which is in high demand. Contact that lawyer, and she will help you.”
Tangent looked at her card. “It says here two days after today at 2 pm.”
“Don’t miss the appointment or you’ll be labeled a stateless illegal immigrant and get a visit from the police.”
“Can I go?”
The tech nodded.
Tangent rose from the exam table and left the room.
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Two days later, Tangent was at a computer in the assessment room at the Naval Academy the next day. She was in the math section and had just completed the interstellar calculus section of the test. In her previous life, she was a theoretical antimatter physicist and weapons designer. To be honest, the next section was n-interstellar differential equations. Many of the formulas were similar to Antimatter Calculus, which she used when calculating the yield of a reactor core or a shield generator. She simply transferred the principles she learned in school and used them to solve the equations.
The following section was Warp Bubble Calculus One. This part of the math exam lasted only ten minutes before she failed.
The instructor came out from behind the glass and approached Tangent. He said, “Take ten minutes.”
“How did I do?”
“Did your people ever achieve FTL?”
“Yes, we colonized our entire solar system and had merchants all over the galaxy.”
“Do You smoke?”
Tangent crossed her arms and scowled. “Hell no!” she yelled.
This should go quickly. The smoke breaks eat up all of my time. The proctor said, “When doing exams, we are required to call two five-minute smoke breaks an hour, and you have been going for two hours. Take ten minutes. I know you’re not a service member, but it is the law.”
She scowled and jumped off the stool, hopping down to the vending machines.
Tangent was at the water fountain drinking water. She saw a vending machine that popped four credits for a bag of white cheddar popcorn. Brinus showed her how to use a vending machine the other day when he went to buy nicotine-free green tea cigarettes from the pharmacy.
After completing the written portion of the exam, they began the practical exam.
The examiner watched as she disassembled an A-15 blaster rifle, lessened the tension on the recoil spring, and switched it to semi-auto. She attached a heat-seeking scope to it and then reprogrammed it to see through walls. She reassembled it and handed it to the lieutenant supervising her.
“Shoot it.”
The officer pointed it at a target, and it sounded like a firecracker.
“More firepower and no kickback! I thought y’all were a pacifist species?”
"We are…but we weren’t always pacifist. We became endangered because of a war on our planet. We were forced to work together to survive.”
“Could you make this modification to about 100 A-15s?”
“Yes, sir.”
“You don’t have to call me sir. You’re a refugee and are our guest.”
Tangent smiled at the thought of being the guest of her new allies. Maybe she could avenge her family.
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Around lunchtime, Captain Plato came down to the assessment hall as Tangent modified a B-4 blaster pistol to have more firepower. The pistol looked like a WWII-era American Colt .45, but it was solid black and had a round magnetic coil with air cooling for the barrel. Plato entered the observation room, and the lieutenant saluted.
Captain Plato saluted him back and then said, “I heard we have another refugee on board. Can you tell me about her?”
“Yes, sir. She is a Lapori, and her name is Tangent. Based on the skills test, she is an expert in weapons design and antimatter engineering.”
Captain Plato slow-blinked and raised his tail slightly. “Lapori? I remember reading something in my daily dispatches. That was the mass execution of those scientists Pattaban did before he became dictator. Something about their energy tech. What are her weaknesses?”
“Her computer skills need work, and her math is at a college sophomore level for a STEM career…and social skills are a bit…lacking.”
He ordered firmly, “Get her an appointment with the immigration lawyer. Is she tall enough to sign up for the academy?”
“No, sir. She is three foot two.”
Captain Plato sighed and crossed her arms, “I want to hire her as a civilian contractor under the weapons officer as soon as she is registered. Commander Tom can suck it up. Who found her?”
“Smokestack, sir.”
Captain Plato’s tail swished rapidly from side to side, and he flexed his claws in annoyance. “I wonder...never mind. I don’t wanna know. Carry on, lieutenant.”
“Yes, sir.”
Captain Plato slapped his hands together. “Imagine, having a Lorapi weapons engineer on our ship. I thought all the Lorapi were dead!”
The proctor smiled. “Just another fuck you to the to the feds. I wonder what she will design for us?”
Captain Plato laughed with giddiness. “I can’t wait. I will have to give Brinus a bonus.”
“I know he can be frustrating at times sir but he definitely came through on this one.”
Captain Plato rolled his eyes and hissed. “I hate the idea of owing him a favor… but I owe him a favor.”
“Come on sir, I heard you praising him yesterday to the admiral. You enjoy having him on the ship.”
Captain Plato swished his tail rapidly from side to side and slow-blinked. “He is my least worst officer.”
The proctor laughed to himself. Everyone knew Captain Plato respected Brinus a lot and that he had to put up a tough exterior for everyone else.
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Brinus returned from work and removed his boots, socks, and shirt. He then put on a pair of blue gym shorts. He walked up to Simmie, who was boiling salt water. He, too, was also bare chest and in gym shorts. He slapped him on the butt and kissed him on the back of the neck.
He smiled, leaning into his chest and stomach. “Hey, sweetie.”
“I got some new herbal cigarettes I like.”
Brinus began making out with Simmie’s neck and then wrapped his hands around his chest and waist while kissing him.
Suddenly, there was the sound of a pan dropping, which caused Brinus to run and duck under the table.
Tangent had a wide-eyed and open-mouthed look on her face. “What were you guys doing?”
“It is part of our love language. He comes home, makes out with me, and then we have supper after he has a gaming session.”
Brinus came up from under the table. “Is the enemy gone?”
“Yes, Brinus, she only dropped a pan.”
Tangent looked at Brinus and then Simmie. “Is it normal for men to be married to each other?”
Brinus put a green tea cigarette in his mouth and snapped his fingers, lighting it. He inhaled the smoke, which felt good against his throat and in his mouth despite not having nicotine. It also felt good in his lungs and was soothing.
He said after taking a drag and blowing out, “Not normally. Me and Simmie are a bit unusual.”
Simmie put a jar of frozen relish sauce in the boiling water.
“So what is your relationship called?”
“It is called a same-sex marriage.”
She slapped Brinus on the ass and and he yelled. “Don’t ever do that again!!”
“Why? Isn’t part of our love language?”
Brinus got on his knees and down to her eye level. “Have you ever heard of the concept of sexual assault? It is unwanted physical contact between two non-consenting parties. You see, Simmie is my husband. He gets more leeway in how we interact whereas you are a guest in my home and a friend. I am sure your people had a code of conduct with guests.”
Tangent nodded. “It was called Lorapi Hospitality.”
“And what is Lorapi Hospitality?”
“It is the idea that you are polite to your guest and your guest reciprocates. If your guest is rude then the host reserves the right to evict the guest.”
Brinus put his hands on her shoulder and drew her in for a hug. “And was slapping me on the ass without my permission rude or acceptable?”
“It was rude. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
Brinus whispered in her ear with her tightly embraced in a hug, “It better not. This is the first and only warning. You're not a child and I expect you to behave somewhat like an adult.”
Tangent nodded and felt terrified.
Brinus felt the point was made and let her go. “I am going to play my game. Simmie, Tangent, do y’all wish to join me?”
“In a minute love. I need to cook the pasta.”
Brinus ruffled Tanget's fur as she followed him into the game room.