“I understand you took the incident in Brazil…poorly. If I order you to go after the humans in Iscariot, can you comply?”
She didn’t have to think too long. “Sir, those police in Rio were lied and sent to die for no good reason, I still don’t think my Master had to do what he did to them, but I do understand why he did it. Those people in Iscariot knew the attack from Millennium was imminent, and joined in on it, they shot down civilians. They murdered hundreds. I’m not like my Master was. I don’t like killing. But I won’t lose sleep over going after those bastards.”
“That’s good to hear. There’ something else we’ll need to see after this morning.” She explained the peculiar errand and went on. “Help me with that and you’re at liberty until this evening. I’m afraid I’ve been keeping you up rather late recently.”
Integra had begun t stand but saw Seras had planted her feet, and caught the hint. “There’s something else?”
“Sir, please don’t snap at Kade like you did earlier. He’s been abused, and badly. You’ve seen how he is, nervous, skittish, apologizing over every little thing. I don’t know what the hell kind of operation those Yanks are running, but he’s been hurt. Please, try to be gentle is all.” She pleaded.
Integra had already been hoping the strange lad would hurry on and be whisked away back to whatever coven of miscreants Valens was running, at worst he represented the shame that outsiders had tried to save her from a danger she didn’t know she was in, at best he was a distraction she just didn’t need at the moment. It was a terrible way to think and she knew it, but he’d failed to dazzle her with his first impression, even if she’d allowed herself to forget that out of three operatives, the boy alone had survived that night’s terrible battle.
Integra rested her head on crossed hands and looked her dead in the eyes. “Well the good news is we’ll have plenty of time to learn what sort of people they are, the boy’s commander will be by in the morning, in fact we’ll likely be seeing them around quite often. That’s the good news.” It wasn’t really, but if working alongside them was the price of retribution against Iscariot, so be it. “The bad news is if Dagger asks for their attack dog back, I don’t rightly see that we can refuse.” She couldn’t have known that decision had already been made by the American President the day before.
“He is not somebody’s attack dog!” her subordinate snapped. “He doesn’t belong to them.” There was an edge in her voice she’d never thought she’d have to, never thought she could use with her superior.
“If the Americans don’t take him back, there’s a family out in Devon we have an arrangement with, most of them are doctors, good people, they can look after him there.”
“You’ll pawn him off then?” Seras was realizing too late how close she really felt to the boy, weather it was merely the instinct of police to save a victim, the tether of blood, or something more that bound them she couldn’t have said. “I don’t know if I would have even seen him if you hadn’t pointed him out on the street, he’s as much yours as he is mine!”
Hoist by my own petard. Shock induced rambling. The Master thought, but saw an opportunity and seized it. “As much mine as he is yours is he? Then he’s mine to pawn off to that American maniac and his bunch of misfits, and he’s mine to have shipped off to Devon. We’re a military organisation, Seras! We’re not a daycare. Don’t get too attached to him simply because he’s your first time.” Almost gritting her teeth on the last two words, and knew she’d taken it too far. An outrageous statement between two women who’d both kept their chastity into their twenties, it was the wrong thing to say to a former police officer about an abuse victim. Seras just balked, struck dumb for a second before she lost it, her face flush in anger.
“Where the hell do you get off?! I know it hurts that Walter turned on us, probably turned years ago, long before I signed on, I know you and Master were close and it hurts me too thinking he’s gone” all the discipline that had carried her through the last half week eroded like a sandcastle against the uncaring tide, and there was a real, quiet fury in her voice that Integra hadn’t heard before. “Whatever it is you’re after, Sir, don’t ever talk about him like that again.”
Integra slammed her fist on the table. “Where I ‘get off’ is I am not going to lose you to playing nurse to, I don’t know what this Valens was thinking, but he’s just as bad as Alucard. One of those centuries’ year old lunatics, I won’t lose you to try and save his charge. What I’m after at the moment is reciprocity. For that, I need you. You’re right, Alucard’s gone. Walter’s gone. You’re all I have left. God damn it!” that outburst left her drained but for the dull thundering ache where her eye had been, she slumped back down in the high backed chair, she really hadn’t meant to shout. She blinked a few times and found her eye was wet, an indignity she bit back.
“We are hanging on by a thread.” Her voice was quiet now, halting. “I’m going to need you more than ever, Seras. You’re all I’ve got left” that repetition was really the only way to conclude short of pleading, and that simply wouldn’t do.
The worst part, Seras realized was she was right. Talking up the men earlier had been one thing, but she was struck with the realization that she was Hellsing’s last real weapon against an equal force. “Sir, you’re not going to lose me. Hellsing took me in. I lost an arm fighting for this manor and we killed that insufferable little pig of a Major together. I’m not going to leave you. I won’t leave Kade either. He asked for my help, probably the first time he’s asked for anything. And… What you said is just beastly.” she finished, putting her foot down.
Integra did something she’d rarely had to before. Never had to for a subordinate. “I’m sorry, Seras, it was uncalled for.” It was a pained apology, but it was an apology.
“Now then, we do have that one other task ahead of us. It won’t be any easier if I wait.” With that she stood, stretched her legs, patted her left side to make sure her pistol was where she’d holstered it that morning on being discharged, and Master and Servant walked down the hall.
Walter C. Dolnez had kept his personal quarters as tidy as he kept the rest of the manor, which didn’t surprise Seras one bit. It did intrigue her that the man had left his door unlocked the last time he’d left, the evening of what the reporters was already calling “The Airship incident”. He’d known exactly what he’d gone to do that night, and his last act in the place he’d lived and worked for most of his life had been to leave his quarters unlocked, to save whoever went through the place the trouble of picking the lock of wrecking the door. Compared to how the halls on the third floor were decorated, hung with large prints of scenic pieces drawn by artists that Integra could probably name but Seras wouldn’t bother trying to, the Head butler had kept his own apartment sparse, a few baubles he’d collected over the years on a nightstand by the bed, which wasn’t even one of the decadent four posters the mansion was lousy with, a spare wristwatch, a brass-framed globe which was a couple decades out of date, a small cleaning and repair kit for his prescription monocle, a bookshelf on the same wall as the bed filled with technical guides and mechanical reference books, neither woman surprised at the absence of novels, the only real clutter was on his desk, he’d kept a cozy office space in an alcove you passed coming in through the door, and a cursory glance revealed it to be week old copies of the same lists and ledgers Seras would probably help Fargason sort through later. This, Seras set upon while Integra interrogated the rest of the room, she couldn’t interrogate the man himself.
A small shelf above the desk had the room’s only visible decorations, a dozen framed pictures of the man with his master, Sir Integra, taken here and there over the years, the first few showed a younger Integra with her, Seras had never seen her Master’s father before but it had to be him. Retainer and Master, with a smiling bright eyed girl between them, she’s kept the same hairstyle since she was a girl. Seras thought, remembering the last she’d seen of Walter, what he’d become. The smile he’d shot her then hadn’t been a lie. Thinking on it, what had she seen in those soft, sea-grey eyes before he’d been cast away? Apology? Regret? Both, she thought, an honest paternal affection glowing through the fog of vile treachery. You never stopped caring. You were helping run this place right up until you walked out on us. Damnit. Seras found her head swimming with dozens of thing she wanted to shout at the dead man, questions, curses, for a man she’d known for less than a year, and realizing why Integra had needed someone with her for this unpleasant exercise.
While part of her was going maudlin thinking, she had already set upon the desk, mechanical in cataloging the evidence while Integra set upon the room like a ravenous, bounding Tigress on prey. Beside the small mess of papers, there were two phones on the desk; one was marked as an in house line, a baker’s dozen small labels showing that the speed dial was programmed for the headquarters’ different departments, and the other a Secure Telephone Unit, the same Integra had insisted being by her bedside in the Base Hospital ward. Going through the desk drawers, she found another STU, the fresh sheen on the thing and the vague smell of new plastic told her it had probably been opened only recently, and likely used for just one occasion. The hidden phone was hooked up to a large battery pack, and holes drilled in the drawer where the fiber optic cable connected it, not directly into the wall, but into the connection for the desktop line, where they were carefully spliced together, and wrapped in black electrical tape. Beside the drawer phone, there was a single sheet of printer paper with thee entries hand written, each entry was a name, and a ten digit number. Jacob, Jane, Dennis. At the bottom of the page were series of four numerical sequences that could have been geographic coordinates. “Got something.”
Integra had almost torn the apartment apart, storming through every cabinet and drawer in a fruitless search for, she didn’t even know what she’d hoped to find, evidence of blackmail? A confession? A letter of apology? The search for evidence was secondary, Integra Hellsing was looking for targets for her anger, and found one in the room occupied for the last sixty years by the man who’d instructed, protected, served, and betrayed her. Seras thought it was blind fury and was mistaken in that, Integra had as many targets as the room could furnish. Failing that she had her damn fool self. Angry that she’d never even considered, never once suspected that the Judas within the Round Table was from her own House. Never even began to suspect Walter among all people. Angry at herself for ignoring the Americans for years just because she’d wanted to keep her distance from that fair haired maniac. Infuriate with herself that she was throwing a fucking tantrum while she waiting on the Police girl to do her job for her. Her job as the head of Hellsing, her duty as a Knight. She rose from the nightstand and dashed it aside with a furious kick, she was breathing hard from exertion when she looked at Seras, but the sad look in the Police girl’s eyes told her all she need to know.
“There’s a second secure phone hidden in the drawer here, spliced onto the main line, and something written down here. Sir, Walter never struck me as the forgetful type. Whatever this code is, he wanted us to find.” Integra walked over and snatched the paper, only scanning it for a second. “I’ll pass this to the JIC myself. I want this room locked and a rifleman posted by the door until I say otherwise. Thank you, Seras. You should get some sleep. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.” The master had started to leave when the shelf above her butler’s desk caught her eye and she saw the pictures. She knew in an instant what Seras had realized. Integra steeled herself and commanded her body to breathe deep and long. She could not afford to break in front of Seras. She resumed her forced march back up to her office before her anger exploded. Seras found herself drifting downstairs, almost as eager for a nap as she was afraid to be around when Integra lost it.
The sun was still up when Kade awoke, at least it should have been based on the clock, but he didn’t feel like going upstairs and looking out the window to find out for sure. He didn’t need the clock to tell him he was hungry, but it was getting harder to ignore. He’d known he was hungry almost as soon as he’d stopped screaming, but managed to shut up the urge behind his need to deliver the Package. Then he’d spent the rest of that day learning about the mansion and found it easy to keep ignoring. After getting him fitted and showing him the library, Miss Lindsay had taken him down to the large commercial kitchen, and he’d been amazed at how delicious a full English breakfast was after years of cheap jokes about British food, but it didn’t fill him up at all.
He was sitting at a table, looking at something else she’d left him, a soup bowl and spoon, and an ice bucket with a pint of transfusion blood like terrible juice pouch. He found himself starting at the damned thing. He’d seen Valens drink blood like it was wine, and wine like it was water. The kid had a few thoughts about his commander, very few of them were envious. Miss Seras drinks blood too though, being like her wouldn’t be too bad he thought.
Seras’ voice came at the door. “Kade? Is it alright if I come in?”
“Yes please!” he answered his… Master? Where did that come from?
Seras pressed her black arm against the door and tried something she’d been meaning to since rehearsing the presentation, having projected the shadow into a sprawling pool against the door she stepped sideways into it, and found herself on the other side, having passed clean through like mist through an iron gate, she hadn’t felt the wooden door, just the sensation of passing through her own shadow, it felt tingly.
The boy’s eyes were wide. “That’s awesome.” Was all he could manage.
Seras pulled her arm in behind her and back into shape, her control getting sharper every day, every hour the more she used it, making the ghoulish blackness dance in ways she hadn’t thought possible.
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
“You really think so? It feels like I’m learning magic I’ve known for ages.” She said with a smile. Having escaped being near Integra’s wrath and enjoyed an afternoon nap, she was fresh out of the bath, lounging in an old band tee and a pink down jacket, the sublevels did get a bit cold for her liking, having apparently been furnished without central heating in mind.
The smile on her face faded when she got a good look at her boy, he’d been sweating, his complexion sallow, and his eyes were sunken a little. “You look terrible.” She said, then saw how he was looking back and forth from her to the blood bag. She sat down at the table across from him.
“It took me a week before I started drinking, and it was miserable. Wounds don’t heal, you’ll lose strength. Get weak. And you’ll feel like rubbish doing it. I know it seems terrible, but you’re not doing yourself any favors going dry. It’s only been a couple days and you’re a mess. I don’t want to have to make you, but I’m not going to let you starve yourself like I did.” It was the first time she’d actually had someone to be honest about that with, remembering Alucard’s casual mockery when she’d refused to drink, and how Integra had sliced her own finger, Ordering her to kiss the wound, and the almost sexual way she’d had Seras suckle those few precious drops of chaste blood. “Besides” she went on with a faint smile “The last thing you want is to think any of the staff are looking appetizing, drink blood from any of the soldiers they’re liable to give you food poisoning.” Pip’s jokes were almost as bad as Integra’s, but she was glad to hear Kade chuckle at it.
The boy looked up at her, and saw he still couldn’t make eye contact. “Can… you drink some with me? I don’t think it’d be as weird if we did it together.” He asked. She smiled and nodded. “I’ll be right back.” His ice bucket only had the one pouch.
It was as much her company as anything else that helped him get over it, he was amazed at how little salt he could taste, how smooth it was, with ice it really could have been a juice pack, but his first taste was heady, and almost made him feel drunk, or maybe that he’d drained the whole sixteen ounce bag after fasting for two days, he found himself dizzy again, he slumped forward in his chair but Seras steadied him with an arm on his shoulder. “Easy, it’s a bit like wine your first time. I drank the whole thing too and fell right into a nap.” She’d just been sipping hers this evening.
Kade nodded through the haze, was this what being drunk felt like? “I just got up… but a nap sounds really good.” He said. Seras helped him up and walked him back over to the bed, he hit the mattress like a sack of hammers and curled in his legs, she thought he could have been a cat. “Kade, when you’re up again I’d like to talk, there’s a lot I’d like us to talk about if it’s alright.”
“Okay.” The reply was faint, he was already drifting, and she was about to give him some privacy but heard him call feebly after her.
“Please don’t leave. I… I really like being near you.” He didn’t see that he’d made her blush, but heard her pull up a chair and take a seat beside the bed. He knew he was drunk then, he wouldn’t have dared confess it sober. Just drunk enough he didn’t know when to shut his mouth. “I don’t know what’ I’m going to do. I don’t want to go back… I don’t want to see her. Ever.”
That look in his eyes could have broken her heart. And he’d already answered one of her questions. “I won’t go anywhere, Darling. Would… Would you like me to hold your hand?” Where did that come from? She wondered. She was as nervous as he was, but he nodded at the offer, so her spectral hand waltzed over, he held it with both hands and closed his eyes. Like with the throw pillow the night before she watched as he brought her hand in close like a teddy bear, he was already asleep as he did it. Seras moved as gingerly as she could and pulled the blankets over him, she sat back and thought about what Integra had said earlier.
“A Military Organisation, not a daycare.” Seras realized she hadn’t been thinking of him as a soldier at all, he certainly didn’t act like it. But he had before, seeing her unit patch and remembering his mission. The surprise at his sunburn had been short lived, and then he’d pushed the pain aside to make a timely report, using code names when he called his headquarters, but since then he’d…what? Changed? Now he was curled up sleeping like a child, using her arm like a teddy. Not that she minded, having settled firmly on the fact he was adorable. Weather it was alright to faun over a trauma response was a quandary she’d pushed aside.
He must have fought along men years his senior, had he killed? Now he was curled up like a toddler, like one of the kids back at the orphanage who cried themselves to sleep. She’d been one of them. She hadn’t thought about that bin in years and really didn’t need to, now. Well, she asked. Any thoughts? Pip had been thinking about it too, not a little intrigued at the little Changeling.
“I’ve seen kid soldiers before but not like this. The ones in Uganda were dour, savage little bastards, murderous brats with rifles bigger than they were.”
That’s horrible. She groaned. She didn’t even want to think about what Pip had done in that country.
“Half my men were Americans, I’ve never heard of them using kid soldiers like that. Plenty of dumb kids who think they’ve got something to prove lied about their age to join up, but even that’s gone out of style. Could we ask Integra if she knows anything about his boss?”
She felt Kade’s fingers grip her shadowy hand like he might hold a Rosary, he was laying on his side facing her, his hands were slack. She laced her fingers into his and gave his hand a gentle squeeze, just tender enough to really feel his warmth, did feel hers when she was nearby? He’d all but said that hadn’t he? In the shy stumbling words of a boy with his first crush. Did he see her like that? She remembered when he’d seen her unit patch and mistaking it for looking at something else, he was a young man after all, and at that stage of a young man’s life. Another song came to mind she’d heard as a girl but couldn’t name, “I can’t take the chance on a kid like you, it’s something I wouldn’t do”. But she had done something, really done it in fact. For a brief moment she remembered seeing her Master during the battle, that brief glimpse of the man as a he really was, that armorer terrible dread Count, and how warm his smile had been when he lowered his hand to pat her head like a kitten. That had felt… awesome she thought.
.
She rested her eyes, mulling over those and a dozen other worries, a fruitless quarter of an hour later there was a rap at the door, two quick knocks like double tapping with a pistol. Kade was out like a light. She got up and walked to the door, stretching her arm out a couple meters, she didn’t dare take it away from his limp, calloused hands, realizing how pleasant it was. She’d flushed earlier because he said what she’d been thinking, that alone should have answered at least some of her questions.
Integra was on the other side of the door; she looked almost as bad as Kade had. She’d been crying. Seras felt awful for leaving her earlier, so weary of becoming a target of her wrath she’d practically ran downstairs like a child from an angry parent. Some bloody help you are she told herself. Right after saying she wouldn’t leave her. Seras was looking down at the floor like that same child when both women spoke at once.
“Sorry.”
Seras looked back up in shock and Integra went on. “You weren’t in your own quarters. I’d…Like to talk. May I come in?”
“He’s fast asleep Sir, we’ll have to keep the noise down.” she answered sheepishly; it felt ridiculous to say it to the woman who owned the place.
The Master went in and took a seat at the table, where she sat down two glasses and a bottle nicer than anything in the lounge Seras had found her wine the other night. Integra looked at how Seras was coddling the boy, and figured they both needed it. Somewhere in the room a cat mewled, and both women looked over to see the noise had come from the sleeping boy. “If either of you start purring, I’m getting a spray bottle with Holy Water. I never did like cats.” She warned, filling both glasses with a Scotch so old she’d actually had to wipe the dust off the bottle.
This was a side of her boss she’d never seen before. Two apologies in one day, drinking and chatting up an…Employee? Soldier? Servant? Seras had barely time to think about where she really stood in Hellsing’s hierarchy now. Her Master gone, leaving her subservient to the Master of her Master, and that was before remembering she’d effectively inherited Pip’s command of a band of mercenaries. She took up the glass only after Integra had her own, and drank in turn, she drank deep, overwhelmed by too many thoughts and the rising threat of new duties she’d never considered. The Scotch was better stuff than she’d ever had, but she’d never gotten used to neat spirits. “Don’t you dare put ice in that-“ Integra warned as she downed it, wincing against the peaty, peppery current . “Alucard brought this back himself from the War. I don’t know how he hid it from my father all those years.”
“You took this from his room!?”
“Don’t be daft” the Master said, refilling the glasses. “It was a gift thank you very much, my twenty-first birthday!”
“How long ago was that I wonder” she couldn’t ask. She took another sip and looked back at the floor, finding a question she could ask. “Sir, why did the sun hurt him so badly? It was never that bad for me. Master could walk around all day without a sweat.”
“When did he wake up?”
“Just a few moments after you called. He woke up screaming, just like I did.”
Integra’s eye went a little wide. “Seras, that’s far too soon to have let him out in the day, your… When a person’s reborn as a vampire, the human body takes at least twenty four hours to acclimate to all the changes. You were out cold for two days and it was another day yet before you deployed with the teams.” Midmorning Sun on a new fledgling must have burned like hot oil. God, did the boy grit through that the whole time?
“Wait, I was out for two days?” they’d never told her that part.
“Two and a half, Alucard was up all the first night with that Wilkins girl, she helped him make that set of uniform skirts for you.” Integra finished her glass and leaned in. “Those adorable skirts that I haven’t seen you wear all week, little miss Tomboy.” She said, prodding an accusing finger in the girl’s direction.
True enough, since the battle, with hardly enough housekeepers to run the wash, she’d found herself back in her old duty blue cargoes for most of the working day. The sewing club was news to her, too. And really Lindsay, I thought you were better than that….”Steady on, you’re telling me Master sewed?”
“Poorly” replied Integra, “The lass spent half a day teaching him how use the machine, imagine being alive for five hundred year and he never learned to sew, it’s a miracle he got that coat to last him so long.”
That just hung in the air for a moment before both women were sniggering like schoolgirls, Then they were laughing like neither had in weeks, laughing as hard as they could quietly until all the horrible work was forgotten for a bit.
Seras would have been happy to leave it forgotten, but knew it couldn’t be so. “Sir,” she said. “Kade’s traumatized. He’s been hurt, I think he’s still hurting. Back in the Academy we learned how to recognize child abuse, interview younger victims, treating the trauma was always somebody else’s job. Psychiatrists and the like. Like those ‘good doctors’ in Devon?” she paused, wondering that the shithole state Orphanage hadn’t bothered with mental health doctors, not when she’d been there. “I’ve never seen a child solider before, even Pip says he’s never seen one like this. I’m going to help him. But… I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” She sat down her empty glass and buried her face in her flesh and blood hand, she felt everything bubbling up at once, Alucard gone, Walter gone, thousands of other regular people butchered, who’d never asked for this madness, and Kade, a half broken, hurt child turned killer who’d asked her for help. She would not, could not fail him.
“Seras, do you think Alucard knew what he was doing when he turned you? As far as I can tell, you’re the first person he ever took in. The last girl he bit, he practically terrorized her, you’ve read the book.” Now she told Seras something she’d never told anyone. Never felt worthy to confide. “You think I knew what I was doing when I took the reins of this place? Did I know we’d be led into…” her tired, blue eye took in the octagonal room like the whole of the chateau, its secrets, and histories, were contained therein. “This? My title as a Knight, the definitions of my duties. Just words I learned by rote, and told myself I knew what they meant. I was wrong. The first time I met that boy’s commander, he frightened the hell out of me. I don’t get frightened.” Another shameful confession, she hadn’t even admitted as much to Walter, who’d seen the vulgar display firsthand.
For only the second time since she’d come in, Integra looked over the queer boy, but with a new interest he’d never know he’d sparked in her. Seras hadn’t even tried taking her hand away, without meaning to she’d even started stroking his clasped hands, gentle as a feather. “I made it because somebody trusted me. Alucard trusted me, and don’t tell me a few drops of my sweet blood could tell him anything for sure.” She turned back, and that one that sad, blue eye was gleaming like sapphire, the light behind it was dim, but unmistakable. A look of dauntless fire. “This boy trusted you, Seras Victoria. I trust you as well.” This time it was Integra who looked down, even as she stood up. “It’s nice having someone to talk to. Thank you for… indulging me.” She was on her feet, leaving the bottle behind after polishing off her third glass, her dark skin was flush with alcoholic glow. “Sir-“ Seras called after her.
“Thank you for… pointing him out to me. I really wouldn’t have seen him otherwise, I wasn’t paying attention, a bloody stroke of luck really. Enough people died that night. I’m glad I managed to save him. I’m going to save him again.” She stood up with the same belligerent swagger she’d learned from her Master, and from her Master’s Master. “And anybody who’s hurt him, they’re never going to lay a hand on him again.”
Integra turned in the door and smiled softly, more than a little tipsy after they’d gone through a little less than half the bottle. “We are Knights, Seras. I expect nothing less.” And with that she was gone.
It was still early when Kade’s eyes opened, he’d pulled in his arms while he’d slept and found his hands clasped to his face like in prayer. Instead of a rosary, his hands held Seras’ left hand. It was slack in his. His eye were open but he didn’t try to get up, didn’t look around, it was too good to believe and he didn’t want to break the spell, afraid if he looked up, the hand would disappear and Seras with it, and he’d find himself alone again. He shut his eyes and tightened his grip on the hand that had to be hers, while his bottom lip trembled. I don’t want to be alone anymore! It sucks! It fucking sucks and I hate it!!! He raged inwardly.
“You’re not alone! I told you I wouldn’t leave you. I’m right here. Just look up, silly.” He heard as much as felt her voice, inside his head. And sure as sugar, when he looked up it was into her eyes, and Seras’ eyes were a steady glowing blaze, weather the setting sun beckoning night or the dawn, he could throw himself into those eyes and dissolve.
He wanted to do just that, but instead let her hand go and pulled himself up, his own left arm had mended during the nap, and he felt whole, possessed of the fitness that had been drilled into him. And something new was there.
He looked up and the warm smile on Seras’ face could have melted him still, he felt his cheeks flush. “Feeling better?”
“Loads. I feel brand new.” He looked down at his hands again, amazed at the miraculous rate the burn on his left hand had… It hadn’t just healed, the damage to the tissue had evaporated completely without scarring, he couldn’t even tell there had been a burn there if he hadn’t felt it himself. “This whole thing is… awesome as shit.”
Her smile flattened just a little, less than impressed hearing him swear so naturally, like the men upstairs had been, a casual curse dotting almost every conversation, but gripe could wait. “Kade, there’s some things I’d like to talk about, and I’d like to ask you some questions.”
He looked back up at her, it was the first time she’d looked him straight in the eyes, the first time he’d felt comfortable looking anyone in the eyes. “You… want to know about me, right?” she nodded. “I would like to, if you’re okay with talking about it.”
“Can I ask you something first?”
“Of course you can.” She smiled.
She saw the look in his face change and despaired at it, now he really was like a child, a boy who knew he’d done something wrong and was waiting to catch hell for it, and what he asked tore at her.
“Why haven’t you used me yet?”