It has been two weeks since Bob first dedicated his life towards solving the crime wreaking havoc in his town, and Bob is quite honestly a bit stuck. What seemed like such an easy plan had begun to sputter out underneath him. The only thing keeping him going was the praise he saw the local news had shown for taking out that ne’er-do-well on the crosswalk so long ago, sure the news had to pretend that it was some horrible crime, but Bob knows the truth.
However, the lack of new justice to dole out has been extremely trying to even Bob’s massive attention span. In search of a solution, Bob hunts the night with an even fiercer vigor than usual, desperately attempting to find something, anything!
As he crawls over a guard rail and onto a roof, briefly snagging his jacket on a hook and falling to the floor, Bob gains an excellent view of his city block for the night, and sits down to watch. Thirty minutes pass and Bob is about to pass out, the strain of watching an entire city block is starting to hamper even his prodigious stamina. However, at thirty one minutes, Bob sees what he is looking for, a man robbing an ATM.
Bob can tell even from his vantage point that something is amiss; sure the man may LOOK like he’s simply pulling out cash in a completely normal fashion, but Bob knows. Bob cannot be fooled by such machinations, his clever eyes pick up the man taking far more money than even Bob has taken from an ATM machine; he must be stealing.
Bob climbs down the fire escape behind the man, and jumps from the bottom level towards the ground, already poised in an heroic stance. Bob misjudges the distance slightly and falls on his face.
The ATM caper now notices Bob and rushes to him to perform aid, or so he says, Bob knows he is only trying to cover up his devious doings. Bob stands up, warm liquid flowing from his nose and mouth onto the ground. Blood, its nlood. The blood feles good on Bof’s fave. Bon fels so warm ight sow.
WAIT, THE ROBBER! Bob thinks, jerking him from his reverie. He is still trying to pretend to help Bob, that scoundrel.
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“Unhand me you scoundrel,” Bob says triumphantly. “And hand over your ill-gotten gains.”
“What?” the man replies. Like a liar, “You need to go to the hospital man, your face looks disgusting.”
“The only thing disgusting is your theft! Now hand over the money or I will bash you with this crowbar!” Bob yells nobly.
“What crowbar?” The robber says.
At that very moment, Bob realizes he has forgotten his crowbar at home. Confound it, he thinks, time to improvise.
“Maybe I have a crowbar, Maybe I don’t,” Bob says, “All I know is that if you don’t hand over that money that you stole, then justice will prevail, crowbar or not.”
“Sir you desperately need to go to the hospital” the man tries with one last dastardly attempt.
“So be it rapscallion, I shall retrieve the money from your cold fingers!” Bob declares, and with that he launches into a dazzling array of punches: right, left, another right, right again, one more right!
Somehow, the man is able to dodge them all, nimbly slipping in and out of Bob’s blood-soaked reach. With one more mighty burst of adrenaline, Bob surges forward to hit the man with a surprise right-handed punch. The punch rockets out, and nearly clips the man on the chin.
The robber, sensing his impending doom, throws the money to the floor and shouts out, “Enough! Take the damn money and go to the hospital, Jesus.”
Victory is mine, Bob thinks, blood pouring out victoriously from his nose, mouth and eyes. Suddenly the earlier warmth retrns to im and he is once adgain on the groaund, a pool of blod surrounding him. He loks acroass the puddle to tdhe stack of money lying on the ground. Wow Bob thinks, ’ve never senen two hudred dollars in cah before. With that thought, Bob falls gloriously into unconsciousness.
That was actually the start of the trail to get to Bob. That guy who Robert thought was a robber? Turns out he’s a middle-school teacher –good guy too, volunteers at a food clinic on weekends, donated his kidney to his best friend, his name is Ronald, called an ambulance to go pick Bob up. Ambulance never found anyone, but the police did make Ronald file a police report, which was the very first thing that introduced me to Robert Smith.