I walked through the snow at a brisk pace. The wind blew at my back and chest. It couldn’t seem to make up its mind as to whether it wanted to help or hinder me. I tied my scarf tighter around my face and hugged my coat tighter to my person. I imagined my feet to be like the hooves of the stone horse, great mighty hooves beating craters of snow into the earth on a relentless mission. But I was no mere automaton animated by magic. I had a purpose that extended far beyond mere orders. If this was the last thing I did, then it would be a worthy end.
The snowfall was so intense I could barely see in front of me. I thought I heard something howling in the dark over the wind. I was well past the town square and approaching the cemetery, and I was only able to do so because I knew this path so well by this point. The walk was straight on from the cottage to the bakery and back again. And Amersot was not large. I could’ve done this in my sleep if I could.
A large brooding shadow shaped like a bell tower told me I was at the cemetery. I gripped my lantern tightly even though I felt my fingers going numb through my gloves. I have to keep going, I told myself as I continued my journey. I must do this. No one else can.
The trees grew more numerous. My ankles were soon covered with snow. I looked behind me on the path and found my footprints were already disappearing into new sheets of white. I truly was just like the stone horse. I could’ve walked all over town in this weather, and no one would’ve ever known I was ever there.
To be forgotten like snow covering tracks, I mused to myself. That must be what Faustine wanted. If no one remembered her, then she would live out the rest of her life in solitude. She would be content to be alone forever because she felt she deserved to be. I gazed around at the snow swirling through the air and the fang-like icicles hanging from the whining branches. A single terrible night forever. And if I don’t do something about it, the cold will only worsen.
Through the gloom, something was barely visible up ahead. As I got closer, I focused my vision hard through the wintery wall.
A simple cottage stood surrounded by large snowdrifts and icicles hanging from the roof. I breathed in relief. I was here.
I strode to the front path and gave the house one more look. It stood disheveled and solitary among the trees looming over it. Despite everything thrown at it, it stubbornly refused to fall. A poignant image, considering recent events.
The path ended abruptly next to the house. This must’ve been the path to the manor that Genny mentioned. Upon closer inspection, it was very clearly supposed to lead somewhere, but the large trees in the way appeared to be a sort of boundary akin to a fence. That was the best way of describing it: A fence to keep the world out. Now I was going to jump this fence into a place where I was sure no mortal was meant to be.
I felt the rose in my pocket. I kept it wrapped tightly to protect it from the cold. Then Doux wriggled around in another pocket. “I know, I’m scared too,” I assured him. “But I have to do this.”
I shut my eyes and breathed out. Remember your reason. It is your tether to her. Remember what you will say to her.
I stepped off the road and through the boundary.
From the horse, the forest looked impossibly large. On foot, it was nigh-impenetrable.
I felt like a child again; helpless and small staring up at a world that I barely understood. The trees were no longer merely tall but reached far into the night sky and beyond. Large walls of ice stuck fallen logs and branches together in crystalline webs. Something hooted and chattered. Creatures with shining eyes watched me from tall perches and dark hollows of trees. I couldn’t tell if they were curious or hungry.
Each step I took was tentative and carefully considered. The snow was so deep in spots that my entire leg sunk before hitting the ground. Frozen brooks and creeks crunched and cracked underfoot. A branch frozen in the water reached out at me like a pleading hand. My mind wandered to the poor people who hadn’t made it out of here buried in the snow. If I never came home, then no one would know where to find my body, I thought as I trudged up a slippery hill. Then they would get lost too. And if other people got lost searching for others, then how many—
I shook my head hard to banish the thoughts. I couldn’t think about that right now. Not when so much was on the line.
As I kept walking, the world seemed to change further. The trees, already massive, seemed to twist and bend in strange ways. I passed a tree whose bark seemed oddly like an old man’s frowning face. There were points where I swore the snow fell sideways. I came to a large bent tree with ice that had frozen completely over a spider’s web. The weather should have destroyed it, yet the web was completely intact. I touched the web with my finger, and it instantly crumbled into snow and blew away. I gazed into the dark spaces between the trees and swore I saw lanterns and the lit windows of houses, but when I focused my vision, they were just the eyes of the animals watching me.
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This must’ve been the world between I had heard of. I was in a place between the real and the imaginary. So far nothing had come to hurt me, yet.
But I knew one thing was certain: I had no idea where I was going.
I found an empty tree hollow and huddled inside. I held Doux close. My fingers were numb and shaking. I held a free hand by the lantern at my feet, then brought Doux to the light to warm him up as well. The contained flame was barely flickering now, barely holding back the cold dark from consuming us. I added extra oil to keep it alive, but like me, the flame seemed to be losing hope.
I took the flower from my pocket and stared into its beautiful folds. Its cool glow was almost enough to distract me from the bitter cold. This was supposed to be a key, I thought. But how is it supposed to help me find the way?
I knew blaming myself was pointless. No one besides that horse could’ve known the way. But if the rose was my only way of navigating this place, then I would be lost in this strange realm until I froze to death or was taken by whatever beast lived in these woods. From my current stead, I was trapped.
I clutched the head of the rose with both hands. Its light shined through the gaps of my fingers like a blue star. I imagined I was keeping it warm from the cold. Doux in turn climbed up my shoulder and licked my cheek.
I shut my eyes. “Give me a sign,” I said to no one. “I need to find my way.”
The cold howling wind answered my plea.
My hands and toes were numb. My teeth chattered viciously in my jaw. I wanted to curl into a ball and sleep.
But my thoughts were only of her.
Show me the way back to her.
The wind faded to a whisper. I could only feel my heartbeat and my lungs as I breathed evenly.
Show me the way.
The rose felt warm in my hands.
Then, out of the dark, I could see something fading into view. It looked like a tree encased in a wall of ice, not unlike the many I had seen while I trekked through the forest. Branches and leaves sat suspended in mid-fall in the frost. A large hook-like branch poked out from the ice like an arrow.
The image sharpened into focus. The branch was not a branch, but stone. Within the ice was a familiar brooding bird with large shining eyes.
My eyes flew open. Doux jumped back into my pocket as I grabbed my lantern and left my hollow. I recognized that spot. I’d just passed it not a minute ago before finding that hollow. Of course, I realized as I tried to keep from slipping on the snow and ice. It would be hidden. But there always had to be a way.
As my lantern pierced the translucence of the ice, a large raven statue stood frozen in the ice with only its beak barely poking out. It was positioned between two trees which caused its beak to meld with the other branches desperately reaching out of the ice.
Trailer markers, I thought as I picked over everything I knew. The large statue in the square, then this one in the woods. This must’ve been a path that was covered up by the snow! I nearly yelped with joy when I made the connection. The way was always there. I just needed to look for it.
I started searching along the trees and other pillars of frost. One by one, I discovered other statues. Some were frozen like the first. Others were barely visible under layers of ice or covered by branches. But all were organized near each other in a clear direction. This was the way. I could feel it.
I’ll find my way back to you, I thought with determination. I know the way now.
“And where do you think you’re going?” Someone said directly behind me.
I stopped.
The voice laughed. “Did the heat of the moment make you forget? Or are you really that stupid?”
I knew that voice. It was the same one from my dreams. My voice.
“Go ahead, turn around. I dare you.”
I didn’t want to. Keep going, I told myself. Don’t acknowledge him. Keep moving.
“You’re going to fail.” The Maer said, all mirth or amusement gone from its voice. “You’ll die out here.”
“I will not.” I retorted. “I refuse.”
“You cannot escape this place no more than you can escape me.” The voice was in my ear now. “Turn around.”
“No.”
“Turn around, you weakling!” The Maer suddenly growled. “Face me!”
My heart hammered in my chest. I didn’t know what it planned to do. But I knew that if I listened to it here, then I knew it would win. Whatever it said was a lie or a half truth, but it was something I would’ve said to myself. But I’d come all this way without it. It never helped me.
So I decided I would return the favor.
I started walking at an even and calm pace.
“Turn around!” Quick crunching footsteps. It was running.
I kept my eyes trained on the dark woods ahead. I could not see too far ahead of me, but I refused to look around.
“You will fail!” The Maer screamed over the howling wind. “You are a fool!”
Left foot, then right.
“You are useless!” It spoke in August’s voice. “You were never my brother!” It said in Connie’s voice. “You disappoint me, Marius.” Mother’s voice said.
They sounded so accurate. Maybe I would’ve believed it. But I knew where it was coming from. I kept walking.
“Turn around!” The Maer screamed over and over. Its cries sounded like something between a squealing pig, a hawk, a wall of cicadas, and an infant crying at once. “Pleeeease just turn around!”
“I feel sorry for you.” I said. “But you’re not worth the trouble.”
Ice cracked and shattered. Trees crashed to the forest floor. The Maer screams overwhelmed the wind. “You cannot escape me!”
“Watch me.”
The Maer continued its inhuman squalling. It should’ve been right on top of me from how close it sounded. But never once did it touch me.
Then it finally hit me: If this place was controlled by my mind, then the Maer was only as strong as I let it be. I was no longer afraid of it, so it could not touch me.
Soon the Maer’s screams mixed with the wind before fading altogether. I didn’t even look back to check if it was really gone. I knew it wasn’t there anymore.