“Sweetie, how are you feeling today?” My Mom asked.

“Same as yesterday. Same as last week.” I said as I let out a big yawn. She walked into my room and opened my curtains, bringing the headache-inducing sunlight into my comfy, dark room.

“Mom, please,” I grumpily started while burying my head underneath my pillow, “I don’t like the light when I’m tired.”

“Oh please, sunshine is good for you.” She sat by me and ran her fingers through my long brown hair, “Now, I want to talk to you about school again.”

“I-I can’t go back.” I stuttered with fear, “Please, just a little longer… I don’t feel good.”

“I understand you don’t feel well. I’m trying to help you.” She sighed, “Now, can we work something out? I’m worried you’re going to fall behind. A girl like you shouldn’t be shut inside like this for so long.”

“I don’t care if I fall behind!” she started to agitate me, “All I cared about was her… she was my best friend, and now she’s… well, she's gone.”

“They’re still searching for her. You know she’s not gone.”

“Sh-she’s dead. I-I know it, and it’s all my fault!” My voice started to break, and tears rolled down my flushed cheeks.

“You have to stop blaming yourself. None of this is your fault… You’re only going to rip yourself apart if you think like that.”

“Well, who else’s fault would it be? I was the only one who could possibly talk her out of it. Everyone knows it. She went into that forest and killed herself!”

“They’re just rumors, honey; none of that is true.” She reassured me.

“How do you know that?”

“Think about it. Has she ever kept a secret from you?”

“Not that I know of. She told me everything. Even if it was a little embarrassing.” I said with a little giggle.

“And do you think she would keep something so important from you?”

“I hope she wouldn’t… it’s just that… she was always super happy all the time. A lot of people thought it wasn’t genuine and thought she was hiding away her sadness around others.”

“We shouldn’t listen to the ones who make us feel hopeless. Honey, we have to keep being hopeful that the officers will find her. We shouldn’t accept her death if there’s no proof of it.”

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I listened to her words and felt a little shock in my heart that sparked a fire of hope, a feeling I hadn’t felt since the day I stopped going to school; I felt happy.

“You’re right,” I wiped away my tears, “I know If I was the one to go missing, she wouldn’t give up… in fact, she’d probably be the first person to look for me.” My eyes sparkled as I looked at my mom with a smile.

She smiled back and gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead, “Now, what do you want to do?”

I chuckled and heard my stomach grumble, “Well~ the first thing I want to do is eat!” I was surprised by how happy my voice had become, “And… maybe go to school tomorrow?”

“If that’s what you want, then of course you can!” she petted my head and went to the kitchen as I got ready for the day.

I groggily shuffled through the hallway and into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I winced at the sight of my reflection. My eyes had dark circles underneath them and my hair was tangled; come to think of it, I stopped taking care of myself since that day. I heard Vallory’s voice echoing through my mind; it startled me, I hadn’t heard her in so long, “This isn’t you Ivy. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” I remember this was a memory of the time we became friends, I was crying and that’s when I met her. It was such a long time ago and I don’t remember why I was crying, I only remember her and how much she cared for me… she always loved me from the day we met.

Again, tears rolled down my cheeks and I started to choke up. I quickly wiped away my tears and started to clean myself. After I finished cleaning and brushing my hair I saw that I was much more pretty. I smiled at my reflection and let out a soft, “Thank you.” for Vallory helping me.

I went to the kitchen with a happier spring in my step and heard my Mom call, “That’s the Ivy I remember.” My cheeks turned pink and I happily sat down at the table where a warm plate of waffles and bacon greeted me. I quickly thanked her for the food and shoveled it into my mouth. The waffles were so sweet and the bacon was so smokey, they brought even more joy to my face. I hadn’t had a warm meal in such a long time I felt like crying, it made me feel as if I had come back to life. I devoured my stack of waffles in no time and quickly asked for more until my belly started to hurt. I looked into my Mom’s eyes again and saw that she was almost as happy as I was from seeing me eat with her again.

For the rest of the day, I kept that happy feeling and spark of hope. I was able to play games and watch movies almost the same as I used to. I had no more guilt and no more worries. Only the warm, joyful memories I shared with Vallory.

When night fell and I was lying in bed, I felt the anxiety rush through my whole body as I thought of tomorrow, “I have to go to school tomorrow!” I said in fright, “What am I gonna do? I promised myself I’d never go back… I’m not gonna have anyone to be with. The only person I talked to was her.” I sat leaning against the wall curled into a ball under my blankets. I felt the sadness suddenly come back all at once, remembering all the wonderful times I had with Vallory. I covered my face with my hands feeling my warm tears fall again, “Why do I have to cry, why do I have to be so useless?!” I sobbed to myself, “I’m never gonna be anything without her. I’m always gonna be too shy and I’m never gonna make friends like this!”

I started to gently hit my head against the wall as I sobbed and let the tears roll down my cheeks, “I wish it was me and not her. She could’ve been of use to this world… I’m only a burden to this world.”

Again, I heard her voice echo through my mind, “If you keep talking about yourself like that, then you’re going to make both of us cry.” she giggled and her voice faded away.

“Oh great, now I’m going crazy… I don’t know what’s worse.” I continued bumping my head into the wall as I watched the moon through my window and slowly drifted off to sleep.