When did it all come to this?

this idleness. powerlessness. unquenchable thirst. destructive idles of a monster.

I haven’t been able to move my body in quite some time. my eyes are stuck on the ceiling with no notion of what I’m looking at.

I haven’t been able to sleep. for a moment after i close my eyes it all comes back. I don’t even remember the last time I had a meal. I haven’t taken a step out of this room or put my legs over the door for the same amount of time. I can’t.

and...

I’m tired of this. Of everything. But now, I just want to end it all. I’m tired of hearing these voices that I can’t stop. Nor do i have anything to reply.

I can’t get out of this room, these four walls. this prison. this prison of my body. this prison of my mind. this prison that I can’t escape.

I’m tired of this lie. I’ve been lying to all. my parents, relatives, friends, everyone and even Gods. I can’t continue this. I don’t want to.

it gets harder to breathe with every passing moment. Every breath is suffocating.

I have to end it all.

But no more. I’m tired of having this hole in my chest. I’m tired of the constant ringing of my ears. I’m tired of leeching off of others, tired of being a burden to everyone around me. Nobody’s adding more creases to their face for me from now.

The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

Ever since that night, everything’s changed. It was a moment that probably happened in a flash, 5-10 minutes maybe. but that was enough to change everything.

It’s not like I haven’ tried after that. but I know. whatever’s happened is irreversible. And what do I tell others anyway.

I forcibly puke out everything I eat, nothing stays in or gets digested. I have no stamina, except the sudden power swings I get out of nowhere. and then, being still again. Everything and anything takes just too much effort. I once went outside after the incident, and it just made me more sick of myself. These strange urges of... hunger. lust. violence. destruction. Wherever I looked at anyone my body would shake uncontrollably. It was hell.

but my life this past few years has also been hell anyway. I was just an aove average guy, with no particular excellence or talent. Then why me? I’d ask myself. whatever I thought of doing before is just a sweet fantasy now.

I mean, I’m not even human anymore. yeah.

All this time that I’ve been here was passable due to these books. heh. I would read everything I could. My books from elementary, history and what not. all the reminiscence that would just make me more sad.

and yesterday I found something from long back. A preparatory elemental & warrior book that father bought me back when I was 14.

now there are legends that practicing these books can be very dangerous to non-human beings. It might just be legends but what happened with me was something out of fairy tale too.

Forgive me, father mother and sis. I’ve been unfillial, but I wont burden You any more.

I’m tired of living this lie, I cant continue. I am sorry. I wont ask for forgiveness. It’s getting unbearable with each day.

With this basic blood bone transformation method, It’s time I finally free myself. sorry.

yes-

I clenched my fists as I finally made up my mind.