As John went to meditate, starting with the [Coiled Center of the Universe Energy Gathering Technique] to tap some coiled energy, he had a hard time letting go of the name he was called by Lilly. Cow-boy. He was almost certain it was meant as an insult, yet she didn’t seem to mean it as one.

But what else could it be? She didn’t call me bull-boy. She would just be poking fun at my little horns if she did. She called me cow-boy.

Bulls are feared and respected. Cows are…cows. A beast good for its resources and sacrificing to the gods, and naught else. No one wants to be told they are a cow or cow-like. Did she mean it like with the famous monkey-boys we could never find? The ones said to be half-boy and half-monkey.

Why would she call me that? Am I really cow-like? Do others see me as such?

Realizing he was too distracted and not performing the technique correctly, John cleared his mind. Instead of timing himself, he performed the technique until his mind naturally wandered into doing [Undirected Basic Meditation], which had yet to be given a new name.

During his meditation, John thought mostly of his recent battles, how to kill the shadows, what he did wrong, what he should’ve done better, and what he wished he had done instead. He thought of the [Ultimate] he made, and how to create a better one. He also thought of certain memories of Lilitu as she was, joining with her under the moonlight as he looked at her beautiful face, holding one another as they lazily gazed at the stars above. He then thought of the time he did kissing with Amber.

Not too long later, with a dantian distended near twenty percent over, an amount he knew was safe for him to distend his dantian to, it was time for John to rank up. She’s much more cow-like than I am. I will call her a cow-girl, and we will see how she likes such name calling.

“Jim, come on. I can tell you’re not cultivating. You really need to fill that core up without dilly-dallying. We’re on a tight schedule here.”

Confused, John asked, “Jim?”

“What is it now? Oh, yeah. John. Can’t I just call you Adon? Or Ramac? I won’t mess up with those.”

“Ramac?”

“You told me that was your name after you saved me. It meant ‘man.’ I thought it was funny and I’ll never forget it. A man named man. But we don’t have time to reminisce. You must fill your core. Go!”

“It’s full, you cow-girl. Over-full even. I will rank up now.”

Lilly’s brows furrowed in confusion. Her phone flashed in her hand for a moment. “How? In total, you meditated for, oh, less than five hours since we got here. It’s impossible to go from empty to full in that time. For everyone. Even for me when…ugh, we don’t have time for this.” She then smiled and winked. “And I love you, cowboy Jim, but hurry. Remember what winking used to mean? Don’t answer, just hurry. Pssst. I meant it the way it used to mean.” She laughed again.

Still confused over the whole cow-boy issue, John cleared his mind and focused on his dantian. He felt for his foundation. He could tell it wasn’t fully settled, but it was a lot more solid than the last time he checked. All the fighting and casting he had done since the last rank up helped to speed along the settling process.

With his willpower and mind, John began to spin his dantian. A mental picture of his hand slapped the spinning ball, urging it to greater and greater speeds. He stopped slapping the dantian when that assistance reached its limit, and then started to spin his middle and upper dantian, following the same method he always used.

Once the dantian was spinning as fast as it could, as fast as it did when his foundation was fully settled, he began to compress it. It seemed to take longer than during other rank ups and required much more effort.

When he got past the phase where everything started to spin including his head, the room, the world, he saw Thomas reaching out to him as usual. Then Betrayal, the bizarre monster, the greatest of the ancient old ones, filled his vision. Betrayal’s mouth opened as if to speak, also as usual. Except this time, John’s head didn’t pop, and his sight wasn’t blackened.

Something like a thick and burnt bough with a crotch entered John’s vision near the humongous monster’s mouth, and he realized it was the arm of the ancient old one. Reality snapped, and the magnificent plumes and flame-dragons dancing beautifully across the surface of the giant sun behind Betrayal froze. Nothing moved. Nothing other than Betrayal.

A third eye on Betrayal’s head flew open, and everything that formed the whole of John was stripped bare. Memories started to play out in John’s mind.

A mother’s child was ripped away from her by a squad of soldiers, and unarmed, hopeless, knowing it to be futile, but not caring, she attacked.

Mongols asked the men on their knees they had just defeated who wanted to die first. One man stood tall, fearless, and said he did, and spit in his captor’s face.

One knight, one of many, and all sworn to the same oath, kept his. He didn’t retreat. He stood alone as his whole order turned and fled. He looked at the company in front of him, put down his visor, and charged to his death.

A priest stood in front of a temple, hand shaking as he held his cross high, his voice trembling as he told the soldiers he faced down they’d have to kill him before any more of his flock. The soldiers gave him one more chance to move aside. The priest said no and stood his ground, and the ground turned red with his blood.

A farmer was left with hardly anything. His wife died, his two oldest died, and the only child he had left was sickly too. He had little will to live and little to live for, but every day he got up at the cock’s call and did grueling work and nursed his daughter. When his daughter finally died too, he stood at a noose in the barn, crying, wanting it to end. It all hurt too much. He stood there all night, until the cock called, and he went back to his grueling work and his life of misery.

Many scenes like those played out in John’s mind. He couldn’t figure out why he was shown those memories. They weren’t important or about him. They were just things he saw throughout his life. Things that moved his heart.

After some time, the scenes stopped, the third eye was closed on the monster’s head, and the ancient old one spoke. Its words were like extraordinarily destructive and strange trumpets meant to quake the earth apart, heralding the end of days. “MY CHILD, WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE?”

Betrayal had only spoken to John once before, and he was never given a chance to reply. He tried to kowtow but couldn’t move. “I’d bow if…”

“ANSWER.”

John said the first thing that popped into his head. The thing he often told himself. “Strong enemies to battle and, at the end, a glorious death.”

“WHICH IS PREFERABLE? TO LIVE WELL OR DIE WELL?”

“What is this…”

The ancient monster cut John’s question off and with a voice filled with maliciousness and impatience said, “ANSWER.”

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The deep feeling of malevolence that surrounded John was nerve-racking. Feeling pressure, John’s mind blanked for too long. When it started working again, his gut told him to live well, but his heart told him to die well. He then assumed he knew the correct answer. “Both are equally important.”

“NAME A PRINCIPLE YOU HAVE ALWAYS ADHERED TO.”

John nervously thought, what in the great below is going on? His hands began to shake. He pushed his nervousness aside to think. There were many values he held dear, and as he thought through it, there wasn’t one he couldn’t remember going against at some point. He tried to adhere to them as best he could, but sometimes it didn’t work out that way. He had lived a long time. He had done many things he wished he hadn’t, and he was filled with many regrets.

Going to speak, John realized he didn’t know what to call the being. He didn’t want to name it master as his wife did. Ancient old one wasn’t really a title. He knew he wouldn’t want to be called Betrayal, and he knew it wasn’t a name the being gave itself. He couldn’t leave a title off again. Not when speaking to one so above him.

Unused to being nervous, John steadied himself and picked the best of the bad choices. “I can’t think of any, Master.”

“SO, I AM YOUR MASTER NOW? THEN GIVE ME WHAT YOU VALUE MOST.”

Betrayal’s words sounded as if they were infused with more maliciousness and impatience. The monster was making John extremely nervous. He struggled to regain his calm and control over his nerves and thoughts. After thinking it through, he found an answer he thought was correct. It was the only thing that couldn’t be taken from a man by force, and John put great value on his own. “My honor?”

A darkness, deep and impenetrable, blanketed John. The cold entered every part of him and burned with pain. He let out a horrifying scream. Or wanted to. He wanted to scream, but there was no way to. He was nothing. There was only a cold nightmare, and darkness beyond hope, and nothing else. And it would last forever. Permanent. Without change.

That moment, that horror, that pain, that nothingness, forever. Universes would start and end and John would still be trapped there, nothing, in eternal terror. His mind would’ve snapped and gone mad if it could’ve. If he had a mind. There was no mind in the cold-dark. No thinking to whittle away the time. There was nothing. Endless, eternal, nothing. Nothing but the cold. The terrible cold.

No senses. Nothing to look at. No sounds. Just blank, deep darkness everywhere. And the awful pain. No one knew how painful such cold could be. Could know. Not until it was too late, and they were in the cold-dark. The pain of the cold was like nothing else. It couldn’t be described. It was beyond what a mind could tolerate and penetrated everything within the nothingness that made up what was left of John to an impossible depth.

Then the pain was only an agonizing memory. John had eyes again. He opened them and saw Betrayal in front of him. His heart nearly burst with relief and terror. His system was flooded with equal parts unbelievable elation and extreme fright. He was out!

John didn’t know how long his time in the cold-dark lasted. It felt like an eternity. He started to sob madly and shake terribly. Even one second in the cold-dark was too much to endure. When he accepted the power so long ago, he got a taste of the cold-dark, enough to wet his lips. This time, he got a large pull, and it was far, far too much.

Betrayal waited in silence.

While sobbing, John began to beg and plead. “Please don’t send me back. Please. I’ll do anything. Please. I beg of you. Don’t send me back. I…I…I can’t go back. Anything.” His pleas trailed off as his sobs took over.

“GIVE ME WHAT YOU VALUE MOST.”

“Anything. Anything. Whatever you want. All I have is yours. Please, just don’t send me back.”

“WHAT DO YOU VALUE MOST?”

“It’s yours. All I have. Everything. Plea…”

“WHAT DO YOU VALUE MOST? ANSWER.”

“I don’t know. My life? Take it. Just not the cold-dark. I can’t…”

“NOT THAT YET. WHAT YOU VALUE MOST IS WHAT YOU HAVE HAD THE LEAST OF AND YEARN THE MOST FOR. KILL YOUR WIFE, LILITH, AND THE NATURAL YOU TRAVELED WITH, AMBER. THEIR SOULS WILL GO TO THE COLD-DARK WITHIN THREE DAYS, OR YOURS WILL.”

The sobs stopped, and John’s mind froze in both fright and relief once more. He couldn’t go back to the cold-dark. He couldn’t. He had a way out. His wife. He already sent her there once. Or thought he did. If anyone deserved the cold-dark, it was her. The dark marble of her soul proved it. And Amber? Naturals were made to be used. If not by him, someone would. Better by his own loving hand. Better she be used to heal his damaged soul. She doesn’t deserve the cold-dark, but I can’t go back. I can’t, he thought.

“Yes, Master,” said John.

Suddenly back in the room, John watched Lilly turn to him. His wife smiled widely as if to show off how many of her milk teeth were missing. The absolute joy and love that was shown on her face hurt his heart terribly.

“You ranked up. Nice! I can feel it. Now on to training and capping out your harmony. We’re still on a time crunch, my dear heart. What? What is it? What’s wrong?”

John stood. He walked to his wife and snatched her up. She weighed nothing. He held her back to his chest and placed his mouth near her neck.

“Adon? Adon, why? Why are you doing this? Adon, please. Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry. For whatever I did, I’m so sorry. Please. No.”

Lilly didn’t bother squirming. She knew she couldn’t escape. John knew that as a child she was used and abused terribly, and she learned well that resisting only made things worse. It was burned into her mind that when a much stronger man held her the best thing to do was to be still and hope it was over soon, to never cry out or yell or plead too much or, especially, fight back. Her eyes teared as she was held, and she cried silently.

John breathed heavily and angrily onto Lilly’s neck. And just held her.

Soon after, John racked with sobs.

Time slipped by, and Lilly held herself still and silent as John cried as if in great pain. He had never cried in front of her before. He never cried. Men didn’t cry. It wasn’t allowed. It showed weakness and a lack of control.

For a very long time John held his wife. He tried to kill her. He wanted to kill her. He couldn’t go back to the cold-dark. He couldn’t. She deserved it. If anyone, she did.

Slowly, over what felt like long hours, John regained some control over the fear that overwhelmed him.

“No.” Even with that short, whispered word, John’s voice quaked with fear.

John set his wife down. As soon as her feet touched the ground, John was back in front of Betrayal. The being seemed closer. Its face loomed so large in front of him it seemed like he could reach out and touch it.

John couldn’t move, and before he was sent to the cold-dark for eternity he wanted to get one hit in. To not go so meekly and quietly, one act of defiance, his last act, so he cast [Flashburst Pulse], not expecting it to work. He was surprised when it did. Three balls of destructive sparks flew towards the monster. And flew. And flew.

John stopped being able to see the sparking balls long before they reached the ancient old one, and he could see very far. He thought the monster was only a short distance away. Betrayal was much further away than John could believe, making the monster’s actual size completely unimaginable. All of his vision was taken up by the monster’s head, and the head was even larger than his vision could take in at once.

John tried to move forward, move towards the monster, and hopefully give some battle before he was sent to the cold-dark. He couldn’t tell whether he couldn’t move or if it just felt like he wasn’t since the monster was such a great distance away, so he just waited for his fate, trying to stop himself from shaking with so much fear, forcing himself not to cry, to accept his fate as bravely as he could. As bravely as accepting the cold-dark as his fate could be done.

“IT SEEMS YOU DO HAVE A PRINCIPLE.”

John saw his dantian. He was back ranking up. Mentally, he shook his head to clear it. He was confused by what happened with Betrayal and was still full of fear and anxiety. He didn’t know what that was about. He hoped it was over. He hoped he wasn’t going back to the cold-dark. He hoped he never saw that monster again. Never had he been so unmanned. So fearful. Made to be so little. To beg as one so low.

Without much active thought, John began compressing again.

Darkness came, and John compressed the dantian he could no longer see. Time became meaningless, but not self, as he used all his anxiety and fear and confusion as fuel to help compress his dantian. With his great will he struggled to force his dantian to become smaller and smaller.

Then John saw fire and mighty sparks like fireworks and cannons firing their great loads. All became silent, and then his loud heartbeat sounded. He started compressing his dantian to the regular and strong beat of his heart. He compressed until the darkness exploded in white, and then nothingness.

“John. Come on, my dear heart, wake up. We’re on a time crunch. They’re getting closer. Hey! Adon, wake up!”

John awoke to Lilly lightly smacking his cheek. “Oh, good. What happened?” She began wiping his face with a cloth. “I can feel you ranked up, but your face is all bloody and you passed out. Didn’t go well? You’re shaking! My poor little monkey. Are you okay? Sorry, no time. Sorry. You must enter your Mind’s Eye and train.”

Nervously, John asked, “Did I…do you remember me doing anything as I ranked up? To you?”

Lilly’s brow again furrowed in confusion. “What? No. Like what? Did you want to do something to me? We don’t really have time now, but later, I’m all yours, my love. Whatever you desire.”

Great gods below, she must stop with that disgusting nonsense. “No. No. Nothing like that. And I ask for you to stop saying such to me. It isn’t funny. Neither is the winking. Let me sit up and I’ll go train.”

John rushed to enter his Mind’s Eye as an amused smile started to form on Lilly’s face.