[Chapter 1.3] - True Awakening

Okay, so venting my frustrations in a stone coffin little bigger than my body doesn’t really help. In fact, it hurts, quite a bit. It also only makes me more frustrated, which isn’t a good thing when I need my wits about me.

No doubt most of you are laughing and going like ‘Of course!’ or ‘Is this how a god acts?’. What you all fail to understand is us gods aren’t like mortals. We aren’t all powerful or all knowing. Thinking that way is total bullshit.

We gods are primordial. We are all born of a specific essence of creation, and it shapes our basis. Our cores.

Like the elemental Titans of bygone eras, our true natures are inevitably tied to the essence we are born of. Within that essence, we are basically supreme. It is like looking inside of an orb that’s filled with the true understanding of what we are based in.

Mortals, on the other hand, learn from external senses. They learn what to fear, what to praise, what to worship, what to do from experiences outside of themselves. This is a massively fundamental difference between an existence such as myself, and those of mortals.

A god of fire, for example, will always have a temperament that resembles his element. Fiery, fierce, arrogant. Later aspects, such as being creative or destructive are things that come later.

Being born with this innate understanding is only part of it though. The second part is perhaps even more compounding. That, of course, is that mortals are inexplicably connected to us gods.

And that gives them power over us.

Now, this may seem a little counter-intuitive, but the process is very much there. Even I, whom was the first and gave rise to a great many things, do not really understand why it happens. Only that it does.

Worship, true worship, causes changes in our psyches. The way a mortal views us, over time, changes us. The power of mortal faith slowly molds us into what they expect us to be.

And because most mortals are crass, hubristic, and unrestrained in their secret desires… What do you think happens to us over thousands of years of being seen in such a manner?

We gods have almost no inhibitions to begin with, and then to be slowly carved into the figures that mortals hold in their hearts and dreams…

It can be really annoying!

Ugh!

Even though most of us definitely do have a proper sense of things like right and wrong and common sense, our natures force us to ignore it!

For myself, it is perhaps even worse, but in an entirely different manner.

What do you think happens when a god no longer has many mortal worshippers? They grow weak, and will eventually fade away. Becoming mere shadows of themselves. They slowly lose the aspects that mortals had for so long perceived them as, and thus slowly revert to what they once were when they were first born.

I, myself, have already noticed this. Once, long ago, I was at the pentacle of the gods. Ruler of the entire pantheon. My word was law, both in the heavens and upon the earth.

Entire empires rose and fell with my blessing or malice.

In ages past I was perceived in such a light. Kingmaker and Empire Crafter. Wise and if not exactly just, then decided evenhanded. Intelligent and feared, but respected at the same time.

The First God, the God of Magic.

Now though… No. I cannot claim I am that being anymore. Even though I am the same god, the aspects that made me more ‘human’ have slowly faded over the years I’ve slept.

Even my name… I do not even remember it any more.

If I were any other god, I would have died a long time ago. Or rather have reverted back into my essence and then been reborn under the dalliance of a new identity. This is how and why gods can be killed and later on be reborn.

Just like going through the cycle of death and rebirth as a mortal, so us gods can also go through a similar process. Becoming different, without our previous lives, but still retain the self-same essence.

At least, for the most of us.

The lower you get into the pantheon of godhood, the less there is to go around. This, instead, is substituted with different things. Strong emotions, like fear, anger, and love can give birth to their own essences. So can concepts, like the belief of ancestors and mythical beasts.

One of my great, great, great… I forget how many removed grandchildren was the goddess of cats. Not felines, but regular house cats. Heh. She was quite cute, truth be told!

Those neko-mimi ears were realllllllly precious when they twitched… Hahahaha.

Aaah, too bad there were very few of them that had more than a marble or two in their heads!

Otherwise the fools never would have arranged for this to happen.

*Sighs*

In any case, I finally calm myself after having my little temper tantrum. It finally ran its course, and I was able to think clearly again. Besides the big knot on my forehead, at any rate.

Now, to get out of this predicament. Hmmmmmmm……

As I stated previously, I’m not all powerful or boundless. In truth, I’ve most definitely almost completely reverted back to my unsculpted self, and it restricts my current options. After all, I wasn’t just sealed here to sleep, my essence itself was almost completely sealed.

Two different seals, of two different types. The first one slowly wore itself out, while the second one is buried inside of myself, feeding upon the very power it dams up.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

This, as you can imagine, is a very annoying thing. Even looking into myself to see the seal is difficult, because I currently don’t have hardly any access to the very power it is made of. In a way, you could say that it takes magic to do magic.

Like how life cannot exist without water. If a seed is completely dried out, then itself can no longer grow to be what it should have become. A seed both needs water inside of itself before it can draw in water from the outside as it sprouts.

It almost sends me into another fit, to be honest. After all, what is a god of magic without any fucking magic!!!

It isn’t like I’m unable to do anything about it though. It is just that the cure could possibly be even worse than the disease. Like all those medicines that make you want to throw up or give you really bad side-effects!

The only power I have that can do anything about the seal is that of my body. My god power, which is already greatly weakened. That in itself is a fearsome thing.

After all, if I use that all up, I’ll die. With my magic sealed, there will be no rebirth for me… and the fucking world will completely die.

Damn, just thinking about that makes me angry! Grrrrrr!

Can you imagine, being the first creature born into the world, watching it grow and evolve for thousands upon thousands and thousands of years only to know that it’ll wither and die without you?!

Being a pillar of existence itself, only to know that if that pillar is cut down, then the whole damned thing will break apart and disappear?

Shit.

Okay, one breath, two… I really have to keep that anger in check.

However, there aren’t any other options. I have to do it.

So I sink down into myself, turning my focus inward. Instead of meditating, where my consciousness expands outward, I focus it all inward. Pass my body, and even deeper.

Deeper, and deeper. Deeper still.

This inner space is called the God’s Domain, and every god has one. It is boundless and infinite, and is our direct connection to our essence. Within the God’s Domain, our true selves reside.

Not in any sense of like having a soul or a spirit, but in truest sense of what a god is.

Within mine, it is completely black and void, as if a thick curtain has suffocated everything. It is almost as dry and barren as the world outside is. But within that place radiates a purple glow that dances and flickers, swirling round and round in a massive sphere.

The seal itself is both complex and at the same time very crude. Upon it I can see the various markings used by a great many gods of my pantheon. Dozens, then hundreds flicker before my seeking gaze. Nearly seventy percent of what had once been my family.

Large and small, powerful and weak… They all came together to do this to me while I slept.

For the smaller, weaker gods amongst us, it probably denoted nearly all of their power to accomplish this task. It wouldn’t surprise me if many of them faded very quickly after putting forward their bit.

Those foolish, foolish idiots.

I could almost cry. Almost.

Now however isn’t the time to get sentimental, and I sharpen my gaze and my will to do what must be done.

In an instant I’m in front of the massive seal. It is so crude and stretched to the limit that it doesn’t even try to impede my progress. Its sole purpose is to suppress my magic, with the expectation that I’d remain asleep for eternity.

Ah, I almost wish it had been so. *Sighs* At least then I could have gone away and never known that any of this foolishness had happened.

There is, however, no time to dally. I firm my will, and reach out my hand and touch the seal. I’m not repulsed though, and indeed am able to touch it quite firmly. But just as it is a barrier, a dam built to keep my magic on the inside, so to does it stop me from reaching through it. A solid wall.

This close though, I can both see and feel its weak points. Mostly at the areas joined between the larger, more powerful markings meet up with bunches of weaker markers. They were smart in grouping up the markings in where most of them compliment each other, but at the same time the uniformity between them are all mixed up.

No rationality at all.

That is where I attack it, using my god power to directly hammer against a single weak point.

BOOOOOM!

Like a hammer, my power slams into a single weak point where a single fire mark resides, surrounded by several earth and even a water mark. That fire mark instantly cracks, causing the surrounding area to shift to grate roughly within the framework of the larger marks.

At the same time I could feel the great drop in my power. There is no time for finesse or planning. My power will only grow weaker from this point onward. If I wait any longer, I won’t have the power to break it!

So I hit it, again and again, always on the same mark, willing my power into every blow with more and more force.

70%... 50%... 30%... My power rapidly drops, being absorbed into the seal even as that fire mark cracks and grinds roughly amongst its fellows.

20% power… 10%... 5%...