Life has not been easy. Well not life, most like death. Limbo?. Nowadays I'm not certain. I know that I had a life, or I remember something that I assume is a life; but its most of a distant memory now, a fantasy almost.
And if that was life, then my situation right now must be death. For who know how long I've been floating in the dark. The darkest dark. Pitch black. For what feels like an eternity I've felt nothing but panic and confusion. For a while I saw images, faded memories of what i suppose was a life, my life, but like a spectator. I never felt sad for "not living", I had no attachment to what I saw. I know they were mine (real or not) as much as I know that I am myself.
After the panic of floating in nothing whilst feeling nothing I calmed down. That "life" I saw has progressively faded into nothing. Why keep in mind for an eternity things that have no meaning now? Why see thing I have no feelings attached to? Why keep something that at times seemed more uncomfortable, sad and depressing that my situation? Tho I did keep some important things such as that I am; I don't know what but I am. That I can think; that there are words for my thinking, and that words held meaning.
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Lately I've been "feeling" more. I've started feeling a pressure around me, and an ember of fire inside me that each passing moment of eternity it felt growing brighter. Hotter. I've also felt that I can move more, however difficult it is to say floating in nothing unable to feel myself. And that when I "moved" that pressure would switch and comfort me.
Finally feeling gave me something to do after an eternity. I started feeling for that ember. Finally something mine other than my thoughts. I "poked" it. Nothing. Again and again but the result was the same. It felt attached to me, but I knew it could also move. So I willed it to move "out" of myself. Yet it did not boulge. So I willed it to move inside me
Pain. Excruciating pain. From an eternity of feeling nothing I felt all. Everything. A blinding white pain. And I felt my pain echo on something else. And that echo made the fire that had been consuming me burn my every thought. After it nothing remained.
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How long has it been since the pain?. I came back to my usual darkness. What happened?. I cannot say. Did I die? as weird it is to say as I was not sure if I was alive before.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
No, I don't think so. I know I'm at the same place that I used to be. I feel anew, tho what is new? I don't recognize where I am but I know I know it.
In fact I can feel more. did I used to not feel?. I can recognize the edges of myself. I can feel the fire in myself. Brighter. Calm. Pulsating full of power.
I can also feel that I'm contained in something. Someone.
I can see. I can see a green line connecting my fire with another one.
I feel it, I see it, It strengthens my fire and keeps it calm. Yet it isn't mine.
I decide not to play anymore with that fire afraid of what it did. Luckily I can now feel myself, so that will keep me busy.
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More time passed. I am bigger, I know that as I feel more and more uncomfortable in the space i'm being held. The line that connected my fire with another has been long gone. My one fire has stopped growing; its brighter than before, but its size has not change.
I can still see the other fire, it has grown lighter. Dimmer. The body that helds it feels in pain. Not as much as the echo of old, but weak. It withers. Suddenly I feel being pushed. I see light. I can't breathe. Have I ever breathe?. I can't breathe.
Something grabs me. I am pushed and pulled. I can breathe.
I feel cold. Empty. Sticky and sore. There is nose. Alien noise. I want the void again. I want that peace again. The stillness, the quiet.
I scream and trash. I want back in the void. I'm not safe. Something else grabs me. What used to grab me lets me go. I feel something warm wash over me. The stickiness is gone. Over the noise a humming grabs my attention. It draws me in. There is only the soothing humming.
Im gently moved and placed over something soft, warm. The humming is replaced by a beating. It was weak at first, but it grows stronger. Steady. it follows a rhythm. I feel I've know it. It's reassuring, comforting, safe. Almost as being back on the void. something soft caresses me. I give up and my thoughts fade away.
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Notes.
Hi, I'm going to answer questions I ask myself and that you might have, as well as some concerns of mine. I'll try to make this as concise as I can. There is no order in the list other than what came to my mind first.
There is no release schedule for now. I want to make writing a habit but who knows how long I can keep it.
All (civil) reviews are more than welcome. My first language isn't english so be ready for all kinds of mistakes, tho I'll do my best to keep them to a minimum.
I haven't decided if I'll write it in first or third person. So be ready for a mix of them (I'll try not to). This also means that I might rewrite quite often, so I encourage you to review the hell out of me so that I can control myself.
27-1-2020: AN: Hi! I've changed a bit the timeline I had planned and so I'll rewrite all chapters, luckily i'm halfway there. Hope you enjoy!