Meanwhile, the Primo Purchase is… a Primo Purchase. Considering that these things are pretty much always built to spec, there's not much to say. If you've been inside of one, you've been inside all of them. Brotato chips? Always in the same spot. Expensive-ass cow's milk? Always in the same spot. Cheaper mystery animal's milk? You better believe it's in the same spot.
The only real outstanding thing about this one was how good of a shape it's in despite being in the Slag.
Stiletto looked around the Primo Purchase that wasn't as rundown as the ones she's used to visiting, nodding appreciatively and skipping towards the Sploshee dispenser.
The Sploshee dispenser actually looked brand new, with a lot more taps than usual. Its flavors were all appreciably fruity, ranging from banana to mango.
“Isn't that stuff bad for you?” Onigiri wasn't being much better, considering she was looking at the selection of Brotato Chips.
“Is it?” Stiletto grabbed the tallest glass emblazoned with a promotional image of Maximum Prejudice, which was a bit odd, considering the movie already came out in the summer months ago. She topped up her glass with a half-half Sploshee configuration, choosing mango and blueberry as her flavors for tonight.
“I dunno. I'm not a health expert. I've just been told they're bad for you. But you're modded up, so it prolly don't matter much.” Onigiri didn't seem all that interested in picking anything up, instead just deciding to browse like an asshole and waste everyone's time.
A flashing display of a giant orange tabby cat wearing a pair of V-shaped shades grabbed Stiletto's attention. It wore a shit-eating grin and threw up a peace sign. A speech balloon floated above it, displaying some sort of promotion spiel. “Katou dares you to go big or go home. Two XL Spicy Purritos for the price of one!”
“Oh look, they have a two-for-one on the XL Spicy Purritos! Let's get that!”
Onigiri looked up from behind the shelf she practically hid behind, as if that was necessary to respond to Stiletto. “Are you gonna be able to eat two? Or are you sayin' I should eat one?”
“I can barely eat one XL. One for each, of course!”
“And I can't either, but fine. Yeesh.”
Stiletto peered over the counter to spot where the cashier was at.
An ARO popped up where the cashier should be that reads SELF SERVE. The last E in SERVE was backwards, strangely enough. Seemed like the place was fully automated. Or the one employee manning the place is on their smoke break.
Stiletto interacted with the self service machine, inputting her Sploshee and the 2-for-1 XL Purritos. “Do you want anything?”
“Prolly just a water if you're gettin' a spicy Purrito for me.” Of course, Onigiri was still doing the same as she was before. Browsing.
Stiletto punched in a bottle of water and completed the transaction. Ding. The machine unceremoniously spat out two foil covered wraps not a few seconds later.
Onigiri ambled her way over to find a bottle of water and posted up beside Stiletto. “Huh. Didn't know they did self service.”
“If the Primo Purchases in Thorndale are this nice, maybe we should expand our turf aaaaaall the way here!”
“And maybe we should make sure people stop trashin' the ones on our turf?”
“That's a good plan. Don't think we have enough bodies for it, unless Switch decides to try and recruit again.” Stiletto took a loud slurp from her Sploshee and threw two XL Purritos into the microwave.
Katou, Primo Purchase's Purrito ambassador, stared at them from atop the microwave. Or, more accurately, a small-sized drone modified to look just like him. The shit-eating grin seemed to be a permanent fixture.
Stiletto booped the drone's pink nose. “He's a cute little guy, isn't he?”
“Not the biggest fan of cats, Stil. The hell is that thing’s deal, anyways? Fuckin’ been popping up all over the place lately.”
“Really? Is that why you don't want to hang with Tigress and her girls?” She booped Katou's nose again. “I think he's supposed to be some cat from outer space? The hero of justice! Powered by Purrito™!”
Oni gave Stiletto an incredulous look. “A cat from outer space?— Hero of justice? Who are they even marketin’ these things to? Kids?”
“I think he debuted in the Zhaponese market first? That might be why. They really like their mascots over there.”
“Fuck. That sadly kinda makes too much sense.”
The microwave beeped, indicating that it's done heating up their unhealthy-as-fuck Purritos.
“I'm not gonna pick that up 'cause I'll burn my hand.” Onigiri pointed at the microwave, despite the fact she wore gloves. “And prolly burn my mouth when I try to bite into it.”
Stiletto picked up both Purritos, closed the microwave door, and walked out of the Primo Purchase with their haul. She carelessly started munching on her Purrito once she's outside, standing by her bike.
“You're gonna burn your mouth,” she remarked as she strolled outside, holding her hand out for her Purrito. “—And then you're gonna have to do all of this with a burnt mouth and that ain't gonna be fun.”
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Onigiri was probably being overly cautious.
Stiletto deftly set her Sploshee glass on the seat of her bike to hand Onigiri her Purrito, all while taking another bite from her own.
“Ith na de ha," she says with her mouth full.
“It's what?” Onigiri stared gormlessly, Purrito in hand. “—Don't repeat yourself, just NeuroLine it. 'Cause if you're burnin' your mouth, you're just gonna make it way worse.”
«NeuroLine_Stiletto → Onigiri: It's not that hot.»
Stiletto pointed towards the northern road of the intersection, wordlessly eating her Purrito.
«NeuroLine_Stiletto → Onigiri: They'll be coming from there, and we can either head them off at this intersection, or half a klick before it.»
Onigiri raised a brow and looked in the direction that Stiletto pointed at. And then back to Stiletto. She felt peer pressured into using NeuroLine despite the fact that her mouth wasn't filled with Purrito.
«NeuroLine_Onigiri → Stiletto: Well, if we hit them at this intersection, then we don't have to move. But that's speakin' from the perspective of bein' lazy.»
«NeuroLine_Stiletto → Onigiri: Only one try, though. If they don't get diverted by the roadblock, we'd be on the backfoot and have to chase them.»
«NeuroLine_Onigiri → Stiletto: What are they gonna do, outrun bikes with loaded trucks?»
Onigiri laughed and bit into the Purrito, breaking into a violent coughing fit. Not the best idea to laugh and eat at the same time. She cleared her throat and skipped over communicating via NeuroLine. “You didn't tell me that it would be this spicy. I thought this would be white people spicy. ”
“You bite the 'rrito and it bites back, right? It's great, I love it.” Stiletto took a big slurp from her Sploshee, droplets of sweat dotting her forehead. “I'm more concerned about the type of security they have. I'd rather not eat bullets when I'm chasing. Do we have any idea how many people we're looking at?”
“Two trucks, so I'm guessin' prolly eight people at most. Four at minimum. I can try to override the vehicles as long as you drive me around. That is, if they don't stop or get diverted.”
“That's a bit light considering the cargo. They really wanted to keep this under wraps, huh?”
“I'm only guessin', 'cause you can't really fit more than four people in an eighteen wheeler, right?”
“That sounds about right. I'm going to go up ahead and see if there's anything I can do a makeshift blockade with.” Stiletto does just that, crossing the street with half-eaten Purrito and Sploshee in hand.
Up ahead lay some standard Barrens debris. Discarded decades old traffic cones, some pockmarked concrete barricades, a few stripped out husks of cars parked to the shoulder, and finally, some petrol barrels filled to the brim with charred remnants of planks, branches, and other flammables.
What a fucking contrast to the Primo Purchase. Whoever has the job of maintaining that corner store has their work cut out for them.
“We gonna take bets on what they'll do?” Onigiri shouted from the sidewalk.
“If I can block the road with these barrels and barricades, they're either going to detour into that smaller road, or stop the convoy to move the things out of the way. It's a toss-up, but both would still be in our favor.”
Stiletto pushed a barricade section with both hands to see how much give it had. It wasn't actually attached to anything, but it was pretty heavy. Lifting and moving it to where it needed to be might be a difficult, but not impossible, task. Alternatively, walking it there would be a bit easier, but more time-consuming.
“If you can get the lead truck to stop for just a second, that'll be long enough for me to kill their engines.”
“Barricade's a bit heavy, but if I can get it in the middle of the road... You'll get plenty of time to kill their engines.”
Stiletto squatted down to give it a test lift.
“You know that you could ask for help.” Despite offering, Onigiri didn't make much effort to move, instead standing down the road and staring at Stiletto while eating her Purrito.
On Stiletto's second inspection, the barricade wasn't actually that heavy. Awkward, yes, but not too much of an effort to heft it up. No doubt thanks to her biomodded muscles. She lifted the barricade and shuffled her way with it in hand, planting it square in the middle of the road to cover two lanes. “Is this enough or should I grab another one?”
“Would two be suspicious? Them slowin' down should be enough. We still prolly got like fifteen or so 'til they show.”
Stiletto pointed at the barrels. “I'll move a couple of these to flank the single barricade.”
On the flip side, the barrels were only awkward. In reality, they weren't heavy enough on their own to stop someone from barreling through them, but most drivers won't take the risk of hitting a petrol barrel dead on.
Stiletto got to it, moving back and forth to place four barrels next to the barricade, two on each side. She dusted off her hands and looked at her handiwork. “That looks pretty good.”
Onigiri offered a thumbs up in the distance. She was still eating. An XL Purrito might’ve been too much for her. “So, we’re hopin' they stop or slow down, and if they don't, I’m ridin' bitch til we can get them to stop, right?”
“That's right!” Stiletto went and grabbed her Sploshee that she left on a barricade and took a loud long slurp from it. Her hand suddenly shot up to her temple; eyes wide and mouth agape. “…brainfreeze.”
“You don't have a pain editor or anythin'? Huh.” Onigiri paused her eating to do something helpful. “MikiHow says to stick your tongue against the roof of your mouth.”
“Okay, that helped.” Stiletto looked around for a spot where she and Onigiri could hide behind. No sense in standing around in the open and making the trucks wary of stopping.
The most immediate option was the most obvious one, the concrete barriers actually being tall enough to hide behind if one were to kneel down or sit behind it. The next option was a line of dead and/or dying shrubbery lining the road adjacent to the intersection, which would give them a more advantageous position to move on the vehicles from. Significantly less bulletproof, though.
The next option was the husks of some old houses in the other direction. Decent cover, but in the opposite direction that the convoy will be heading if they decide to keep moving.
Stiletto opted for the most obvious choice, plopping her ass down on the asphalt to lean against the barricade. She took a moderate slurp from her drink now, the extra tall glass seemingly bottomless.
Onigiri finally makes her slow ass down the road, having finished her Purrito. Thankfully she took the cue and took cover behind the barricade, before looking at her wrist mounted commlink again.
“—About two minutes now. Prolly try to make sure I don't get shot or nothin', 'cause I'm prolly gonna be hiding behind this.”
Stiletto nodded and drew her Kreuzzügler II, disengaging the safety. The custom ballistic mask snaps to her face in a snug fit, replacing her wide grin with its own.
“I'll protect you!"
“Okay. Message me with what's happenin', though.”
With that, Onigiri snapped her helmet into place and laid down on her side. And then she promptly went stiff as a corpse.