image [https://i.imgur.com/xcQhW8Y.jpg]
A few moments earlier, because... why not?
Okay, you caught me! I left out a bunch of important shit that I’m now retroactively including. Shut up, don’t judge me! If you don’t like my madness, go tell your own tale while doped up on meds—prescription and otherwise.
I’m just teasing! You know I love you, right? Well, to be fair, I love anyone with yummy intestines. But that’s beside the point. He-he!
Oh yeah! Earlier…
I was absolutely buzzing with glee as I stood beside my sultry vampiress, soaking in the delightful spectacle of dungeon denizens losing their collective minds. Shouts, screams, curses—you name it, and a few fists (or fangs) flying through the air just for good measure. I swear, one poor bastard got a vampire fang smacked right out of his mouth. Classic!
Of course, no brave souls dared hassle me or Aurelia. She was the belle of the brawl, having flaunted the core they were all drooling over. And sure, there was a bit of a squabble brewing among them about the old warg’s bold decision to accept my sexy vampire’s offer.
Why Aurelia extended them an invite?
Beats me—maybe she fancied them as snacks for the road?
Personally, I’d have them as human (or whatever fantasy species) shields for when the Slaethians come back with a vengeance, but hey, I’m not the diplomatic type.
I flashed a grin, breathing out a whimsical, “I really like it here.”
Anywho, as you might’ve guessed, not everyone—okay, nearly everyone—was thrilled at the prospect of ditching their dungeon digs, despite having their butts handed to them previously by an army itching for a rematch. And oh, what a shiner Aurelia gave them, all while decked out in me, styled as her scandalous… naughty… lingerie… thong… erm, dress. Oops, my mind’s wandering again—
Keep it together, Blake—focus!
Eh, how’s a girl supposed to focus with flashbacks of Aurelia’s tight, round ass and those sinfully perky tits bouncing around in my mind?
Yeah… No! I need to focus.
Sigh
Okay, I’m back... kinda. That said, I’m definitely planning to shove my tentacles in and out of the bat cave later, ramming and stretching those entrances open wide to the sounds of blissful screaming and moaning—
“My love,” Aurelia cooed, snapping me out of my... fantasies.
Focus!
“Hm?” was all I could squeak out, biting my lower lip, my thoughts still lingering elsewhere.
“Would you be a dear and retrieve the others from Earth? They should be waking from respawn as soon as I reactivate this dungeon.”
That’s right! I almost forgot, users can respawn in dungeons if they’re killed.
My shoulders slumped at the request until a spark of recollection hit me—I think it was something like Shadow Step that I had been itching to Absorb and try out. My mood instantly lifted, and I shot Aurelia a wide smile paired with an enthusiastic little hop.
With far more pep than I knew I possessed, I chirped, “Sure!”
I heard Aurelia mention something to the kitty lady about reinforcing the fortress and dungeon entrance, but I wasn’t really listening. Nope! Before I knew it, I had given her a quick peck on the cheek and took off.
I was happily skipping through the dungeon—which, I might add, is a massive place filled with all sorts of corridors, chambers, and enormous caverns (one even contained that city I had just been in, albeit a decimated one, but that’s beside the point)—and various random structures; the place is just huge! So, I can’t really tell you how long I was lost in bliss as I made my way back up to the surface when everything suddenly started to rumble.
What followed was a wave of pulsating lights in an assortment of neon rainbow colors, spreading across every surface, resembling veins pumping blood—or rather, mana—throughout its body as the rumbling dungeon began to reawaken. Simultaneously, a large flashing notification popped up before my eyes.
V:\Ascension>SAFE_MODE
SystemAlert!
Dungeon Core Restored.
Dungeon Ockpool monsters’ respawn and rewards are now reactivating.
Notifying Primary Admin.
Error.
Error.
Admin:\Life>Not_Found.
Notifying Secondary Admin.
Admin:\Death>Login_
Notification Sent.
Notifying Auxiliary Admin.
Admin:\Magic>Login_
Notification Sent.
_
V:\Ascension>SAFE_MODE
AdminQuestAlert!
Quest: Retrieve Ockpool Dungeon Core.
Status: Failed.
Admin:\Magic>Login_
Quest Data Overridden.
Loading New Quest Modules...
Configuration Complete.
Initializing New Quest Data.
This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.
Quest Update: Seriously? Just Touch The Damn Core!
Reward: Immediate Graduation to Ascension.
_
Admin:\Death>Login_
[System Log] Auxiliary Admin [Magic] was forcefully logged out.
Quest Data Overridden.
Loading New Quest Modules...
Configuration Complete.
Initializing New Quest Data.
Quest Update: Cancelled.
Reward: None.
_
“Well, that’s not ominous or anything,” I scoffed. That being said, I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off when I noticed Magic had just been forcefully kicked out of the system. However, the screen of information didn’t stop there. Oh no, it continued to spew even more horrifying shit that made me puddle in my dress.
V:\Ascension>SAFE_MODE
Admin:\Death>Login_Override.
SafeMode_UpdateRequest.
Primary Admin required for system repairs.
Auxiliary Admin Log Request initializing...
Warning: Eldritch System Infiltration Detected.
Unauthorized USER [Blake].
Request: Terminate USER [Blake] with prejudice!
Request Accepted.
Attempting to delete USER [Blake]...
Error.
Error.
Deletion Unsuccessful.
Request: Sever [Blake] System Access.
Request Accepted.
Attempting to sever USER [Blake] from the system...
Error.
Error.
Severance Unsuccessful.
Requesting error code...
Error Code 385.560.980 [Titan_Soul_Detected]
Awaiting Admin Request.
Awaiting Admin Request.
Awaiting Admin Request.
Admin:\Death>Initiate_USER_[Blake]_System_Reboot.
_
V:\Ascension>SAFE_MODE
RebootComplete!
_
Titan
V:\Ascension>SAFE_MODE
Race Designation: Black Pudding [EHA]
Error.
Reintializing...
Race Designation: Eldritch Horror [EHA]
Subrace Designation: Black Pudding [EHA]
Hidden Race Designation: Titan [TIT]
System Access Granted [SAG]
Racial Skills Activated [RSA]
Class Designation: Monster [CDM]
Error.
Reintializing...
Class Designation: Sorceress [CDS]
Error.
Reintializing...
Class Designation: Fighter [CDF]
Error.
Reintializing...
Class Designation: Undefined [CDU]
Loading Modules...
Configuration Complete.
Initializing Character Data...
Complete.
Welcome, USER [Blake].
V:\>
“What the fuck was all that?” I blurted out, my knees trembling yet somehow holding me upright. Of course, I hadn’t read the whole thing; it was scrolling before my eyes a bit too fast, like watching an old-school computer boot up, but I caught enough to get the gist.
“Did Death just try to fucking murder me?!” My laughter, tinged with madness, echoed throughout the dungeon. The idea of meeting my end at Death’s own hand wasn’t just terrifying—it was absurdly hilarious!
With a couple of frantic deep breaths, I furiously shook my arms, flinging off my jitters like fingerprints from a murder weapon—not that I would know, ha-ha—all while a half-mad chuckle continued bubbling up from my throat. Honestly, the whole scenario was absurd. Though, to be fair, from the moment I finished reading what I could of the system log, to when I metaphorically pissed myself, I was back to merrily skipping around like a kid at a carnival, all within about thirty seconds.
Crazy, right? What’s the point in stewing in your own filth over stuff you can’t change? It took me years of therapy to figure that out—you’re welcome. I just wish it always worked that way—which, of course, it doesn’t, but hey, it’s a pretty good saying, isn’t it? However, once you achieve peak dead-inside status, it’s a lot easier to follow.
Huh, now that I’ve found Aislinn, am I over my goth phase?
No way, it’s just fully integrated with my insanity phase. HahAHaHaHAhaHA!
I spiraled, cartwheeled, and spun my way down the dungeon—completely consumed by my insanity, twirling endlessly. Well, I was twirling until I came to a sudden, skipping stop, nearly faceplanting when I heard a massive roar, as if a monster had just awakened from a deep slumber. Glancing around, I spotted an epic, towering dual doors leading into a chamber that had been empty the last time I passed through with that lizard-chicken-dinner guy.
“Boss fight!” I cheered, punching the air with a fist pump.
With way too much enthusiasm, I made a mad dash, shoving the doors open, and came to a screeching halt when I spotted the boss.
Golden flames danced across the chamber, casting eerie shadows that flickered along the melting stone walls. From the depths, a dragon roared, unleashing a torrent of fire from its gaping maw. The ground hissed and steamed as droplets of molten stone splattered like fiery rain, pooling into glowing puddles.
“Nope. No way. Uh-uh,” I chuckled, the laugh teetering on the edge of hysteria as my eyes darted wildly across the fiery hell before me. I whipped my head around—almost theatrically—with a dramatic flair that would shame a stage actress, and turned my happy curvy ass around, slamming the doors shut with a resounding thud that echoed my frantic giggles.
Ha-ha. Ha. What the hell was that? Has the dungeon become even more dangerous now that the core is back?
I squeezed my eyes shut, the terror of what I had just seen dwarfing any fear a mere system notification from Death could muster. A fucking fire-breathing dragon? That’s a big fat no from me. It’s like being asked to brawl with an angel—no, thank you! Though, I wouldn’t mind plucking one’s wings. Still, Fire and Holy magic? Those are my personal kryptonites. Nope, not happening, not in a million insane years. Who even thinks up these dungeon scenarios? Oh, right, the dungeon core… Is it actively trying to kill me? Never mind, don’t answer that.
A deep frown creased my forehead as I glanced down and noticed a long pink tentacle wrapping around my waist.
“Not again—erk,” I managed to groan just before I was yanked off my feet and into a gaping mouth bristling with teeth that could shame a chainsaw—and pretty sure they were churning like one, too. They glowed like coals in a forge, and boy, did they sizzle against my dark flesh.
Notifications buzzed like angry bees around my head—or was that the sound of its teeth?—their flickering text just teasing the edge of my blurred vision. I caught glimpses of the dungeon outside as it chewed, and one last notification flickered before everything went black.
V:\Ascension>SAFE_MODE
BattleResult
You Were Defeated By: [Dungeon Mimic Chest]
Opponent Level: 58
Your Current Level: 25
Initiating Respawn...
V:\>
I jerked upright with a gasp—or at least, I attempted to. It was quite peculiar trying to sit up as a black puddle of goo, though the gasp still managed to bubble out in an exasperated blurp. Without any conscious thought, I reformed my body, draping silk only over my face. I didn’t pause to check whether I had achieved my creepy-cute look, but I was relieved to find I had retained enough mass to assume my full desired figure. And height? Well, not exactly my full height, but close enough—the figure was all that mattered at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t exactly short now… for a girl.
“Motherfucking mimics!” I screamed.
My eyes reignited, casting the room in an orange glow, though I didn’t need the light to see in the dark. I glanced around and realized I was on top of a stone altar in a circular chamber, surrounded by other altars spaced evenly along the walls, each with just enough gap to walk behind. I swung my legs over the edge, noticing that I hadn’t formed a dress but appeared to be clad in a black latex outfit that covered my entire body. I shrugged it off.
“Ugh. Looks like I’m a little shorter on extra pudding than I thought,” I muttered.
With a sprightly hop, I vaulted off the altar, only to drop like a rock and land with a solid thud on the cold stone floor. Rolling my eyes, I surveyed the room, my frustration bubbling up as I noted the conspicuous absence of the others I may have killed—they’ll get over it. Either way, they hadn’t respawned yet.
Figures.
My mind drifted back to that bizarre dream, the one where I was dining with the Crone and six other hopefuls, all desperate to become her Champion. I had flat-out rejected her offer when it was first presented, which she later handed off to that needle-toothed jackass. What was his name again… Justin? Jason? Whatever the hell it was. Names have never been my thing—and never will be.
Regardless, a wicked chuckle escaped me as I remembered his skeleton practically glowing with smug excitement. If only he knew that he was now just a lapdog to her whims. It served him right. If anyone was tailor-made for a life on a leash, it was definitely him, no matter how charming the Goddess of Dreams might appear. Don’t get me wrong, I actually like her—Duskara, was it? She was nice. But let's be clear, servitude is still servitude.
Though don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t mind if Aurelia used a leash on me—and vice versa! Yep, total switch. Who would have ever thought?
I hummed a happy little tune, trying to distract myself from the recent encounter with that piece of shit mimic as I stepped out of the chamber. I glanced around, half-expecting those dumb fucks to have respawned before me. No such luck—just groups of beastkin shuffling into the ruined fortress, looking lost, while vamps played traffic cops, ushering them in. Meanwhile, undead zombies and skeletons bustled about, reinforcing the corridors with whatever junk they could find.
And get this—some of them were headless! So much for my favorite theory that headshots were the way to take out the undead. I mean, I’d taken out loads of them with a good ol’ tentacle head-whack before that chimera showdown. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it? And speaking of wondering, did I ever use Life Drain on them? Does that even work against the undead? I felt like it was doing something when I fought them last time, but maybe that was just wishful thinking—a total placebo effect, maybe?
Man, here I go, rambling again.
“I’m alive!” a female voice cried out from the respawn chamber.
And just like that, I’m all caught up on earlier events. Tee-hee!