How did I go out? I’d rather not say. It wasn’t anything flashy or bold, nor would it make for a good sob story. No, I think it’s best we forget about that and move on. The question is… 

What happens next?

As I waited in darkness I expected to see a point of light appear at the end of a tunnel, or maybe for my consciousness to just snap out of existence. Perhaps I’d reincarnate as a bumblebee? I’m sure I could accomplish something much more meaningful as a bumblebee than I did in my previous life. Well, I’d like to be a big one if possible. There is something uniquely appealing about big bumblebees…

Then suddenly I felt a firm tug.

Snap!

My senses returned with a flash of light and sound, almost as if I just woke up in the middle of an orchestra in a light show performance with a bunch of people walking around and talking loudly. Wait a minute… There are a bunch of people walking around and talking loudly.

My eyes finally focused enough to see dirt very close to my face. Perhaps I have been reborn as a mole. No… moles have bad eyesight. Actually I felt pretty much like a human as I tried to move my extremities. I lifted my head enough to see what I assumed was my hand and wiggled the fingers experimentally. Then someone stepped on them.

“Ouch!” I yelped, drawing it back.

“What the blazes are you doing down there boy?” 

I scrambled to my feet, taking my intact body for granted for a moment. Surprisingly I didn’t stumble or feel off balance. I felt great actually. One of my hands was a bit red and squished, but not bad all things considered. My feet had found themselves some nice boots that look like leather or something. Odd choice of fashion, but I shan't protest. After all, I’m ALIVE! And Intact! How cool is that?

“Hey! Are you daft or somethin?”

I looked up at the man now, but the chaos in the background stole my attention once more. Men and women and children all bustling and jostling both ways along a wide dirt road, bordered by brightly colored canvas stalls, from which shouts and friendly calls rang out at irregular intervals. Rustic buildings of stone and wood lay scattered along behind those. There was also a large man standing in front of me.

“Hello there,” I stared, offering my hand. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

The man’s bushy eyebrows lowered as though he found my behavior suspicious.

Ah. I haven’t introduced myself. “My name is Finneas, or at least I hope it still is. Regardless, you may call me Finn.”

He grunted and batted my hand away. “Right. Now get off the road and lay off the bottle boy. You’re lucky to not have a horse hoof through your skull.”

I retracted my hand awkwardly and stuck it in my pocket. Dang. Where’s my pocket? Oh, there we go. The friendly gentleman was still staring at me, so I nodded my head gratefully. “Thank you for the advice. I will take it to heart.”

He sighed and mumbled as he turned away, taking the reins of his horse and leading it clopping past me. I also nodded respectfully to the horse as it passed, thanking it for leaving my skull intact.

Alright. New body. Medieval world. Lot’s to take in, but first thing’s first.

“Status window!”

Nothing.

“Menu!”

Nothing.

“Inventory?”

I was getting some weird looks now and a mother was pulling her children away across the street from me. I waved politely, then figured I’d better get somewhere less busy. There was a narrow alleyway that looked kind of dingy and unwelcoming. Perfect. I ducked back there and nodded respectfully to the black scraggly cat that poked its head from behind a stack of empty crates. It’s best to make good impressions in a new world.

I spent several minutes rattling off just about every “menu” word I could think of, but no luck. I was getting the sinking feeling this might not be one of those “reincarnated into a game” kind of scenarios. Disappointment bubbled inside my gut as I considered the possibility that there wasn’t even magic here. What if this was just some boring old regular earth? No special abilities or cheat skills or status points. Oh man, I was really looking forward to status points. 

I patted down my clothes and pockets, hoping to at least find some useful item. I was wearing a brown vest-thingy with a white long-sleeve undershirt tucked into black pants made out of some tough fabric. I’m no clothing expert, but it seemed like pretty basic and inexpensive stuff. I’d have to find a nice suit of armor, or maybe a wizard's cloak. That would be more my style.

The pockets were all empty. Well hopefully there was more excitement to come, and the start was just a bit slow. Sure. I didn’t mind easing into things.

I sauntered back out onto the road, taking in my surroundings and trying to avoid looking too out of place. I spotted a salesman under a canopy, sitting alone and puffing a pipe. Perfect.

“Excuse me good sir,” I started off, adopting a casual but friendly smile. 

He looked me up and down, and without removing the pipe he asked through his teeth, “You buying?”

“Well, no. Not at the moment,” I answered, feeling my confidence falter. “Though I’m sure I’ll find myself in need of some of your…” I glanced surreptitiously at the assortment of dead bugs and animal parts on display. “Unique commodities, in the future.”

His eyes rolled away, deciding rightly that I was not worth his time. I hesitated, then sucked in a deep breath. “Actually, I was hoping you could point me in the direction of the um… adventurers guild?”

That felt remarkably uncanny to say out loud. I braced myself to be taken as a lunatic once again.

One of his eyes rolled back towards me reluctantly. After a long pause, he jerked his head down the road, then puffed out a particularly large cloud of smoke in my direction. I muttered a thank you through the thick haze and stepped out from under the canopy.

Down the road, a large and impossible-to-miss building stood a half-mile away with a tall tower in the center flying a banner emblazoned with a sword and a staff crossed over a shield.

My chest leapt with excitement, and I pumped my fist very reservedly so as not to alarm any passing mothers. Then I took off at a brisk walk, blending suitably with the hustling crowd despite outpacing most of them.

The guild looked quite impressive up close, pulling my excitement even higher. High arched windows stretched beneath towering parapets. A mass of imposing stone impaled by thick wooden beams. A courtyard of cobblestone path wound around a magnificent statue of three figures: one crouched with a bow drawn, another with a two-hand sword horizontally to block an unseen vertical slash, and the last, a wizard holding a staff aloft with his hand outstretched, no doubt casting a magnificent fireball. 

This is where it all begins. The grand adventure where I shall take my rightful place as the main character, because of my splendidly unique and superior skill or something that I will discover very soon, I assure you.

I strode forward to grasp one of the large iron handles, but before I could grab it, the door flew open at the behest of a large hairy mannn…ataur? I might have accidentally squeaked, because the bull-man stopped and fixed his bulging yellow eyes on me. We both stood there for a moment, silent and unmoving. Slowly, he leaned down so that his foot-long curled horns pointed right at my temples. Hot breath streamed over my face, and an aura of death crept over me as the edges of my vision dimmed. I reached numbly with my hand behind me, but my feet refused to move. My back landed hard against a stone rail, only just managing to keep me on my feet. The yellow eyes bored into my eye sockets, pressing down so hard that the stone ought to have cracked beneath me. An awful, toothy grin split across his maw, and an almost inaudibly low growl shook every bone in my body and vibrated space itself. The feeling in my legs completely left me, and I could vaguely tell I was slipping down, even as my vision contracted to a smaller, hazy circle. 

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Then suddenly the air stopped vibrating, and a weight lifted from my body. As my vision re-lit, my hearing that I hadn’t noticed was gone, returned with a dull ringing, pierced by a sharp woman’s voice snapping somewhere in front of me. I forced my jelly-like legs back underneath myself and braced against the rail to stand, teetering for a moment. I lifted my hand in front of my face, where I could see it shaking and slick with sweat, forming doubles and re-merging into itself. Finally the sharp words broke through to my addled brain.

“-happens again and I’ll hurl your sorry hide out and strip every rank and achievement you’ve ever had. Now scram, before I beat the fear of the Unholy Triads into you!”

I had just enough wherewithal to find it odd that a small woman would call that towering minotaur little, who towered over her even as he turned and slunk away. Then she turned an eye onto me. For a moment I saw through that round orb, an endless void of blackness, crackling with golden lightning spanning between distant stars. Reality stretched around me as though being sucked into it. Then without any warning, reality snapped back, and her eye looked as normal as any. 

The short woman smiled in a matronally way and held out a hand. “My deepest apologies young man. Come along now, let's get you inside and sat down for a spell.”

I swallowed to relieve my dry throat, but finding that unsuccessful, simply nodded and took her hand after wiping the sweat off on my pants.

As I passed through the tall oak doors, a wave of smells and sounds rushed into me, reinvigorating my body and mind to a degree so that I stopped shaking and made an effort to stand taller and comb the damp blonde hair off of my brow, so that I hopefully looked less like a half-drown cat.

The lady deposited me onto a stool at a bar in the center of the room, where a younger, slightly taller woman stood drying a wooden mug with a towel.

“Takata, get this young man something warm to drink, won’t you?”

“Yes, grandma Beek,” the girl replied, sweeping past me with a congenial smile. I glanced back surreptitiously at the shorter woman, taking in her definitely-not-grandma features. Her velvet black hair tied up in a bun, smooth skin, and lithe forearm muscles suggested a much younger age than grandparentage would normally call for. She caught my gaze with a wink, sending heat to my face as I looked away. This is uncomfortable for so many reasons.

“My apologies,” the woman spoke with a smile dancing across her eyes. “I’m Lauretta Beek, but you may call me Madame B. I am the proprietor of this fine establishment. How might I address you young man?”

I did my best to make eye contact, made easier by her disarming smile, but not forgetting that void. “My name is Finneas Talloway, but please, call me Finn.” 

“Ahh, Finneas. Finn. An excellent name for an aspiring adventurer. That is why you are here, is it not?” Madame B asked, raising an eyebrow.

Takata slid a warm mug into my hand which had been resting on the bar. I thanked her with a genuine smile and nod, and took it in both hands, finding the warmth soothing, and the aroma of apple and spice almost sedating. “Mmm. Yes,” I answered hazily, breathing the warm fumes. Takata snickered into her hand and the older woman shot her an amused but reproachful look. She waved a hand in my direction and my brain sharpened back into focus, causing me to blink and shake my head in confusion.

“Takata, the boy has been bullied enough for one day,” Madame B said reproachfully.

The girl turned with a toss of her long black hair. “I was doing no such thing. Just helping to ease his nerves, that’s all.”

With my senses finally at full function, I arrived quickly at the conclusion that I was in way over my head, with no idea what I was swimming in. I needed to rein in my flippancy and come to grips with this new reality, quickly.

In most stories like this, the protagonist avoids mentioning their other-worldly origin and tries to blend in and adapt; however, I’m realizing that a misstep around the wrong person could very quickly get me killed, so I can’t afford to stumble blindly through this.

I set the mug down and draw myself upright with a deep breath. “Madame B., I would like to confide something to you if I may.” I paused, and she nodded, smiling subtly. “I am… not from this world.”

An awkward silence passed as I waited for a response. Then Takata burst into giggles. 

Heat rose quickly to my face. “I’m being serious!”

Madame Beek seemed to be suppressing her own laughter, for she cleared her throat unnaturally before speaking. “I know you are dear. Takata, give him a pamphlet please.”

My mind reeled for a moment as a slip of folded paper was thrust in front of my face, held between two slender fingers. I took it gingerly and turned it over. It read: “The other-worlder’s dummy’s quickstart guide to life in Alavaria.” The word “other-worlder” was crossed out and replaced by “dummy” with a rushed penmanship.

I lowered the pamphlet and peered incredulously at Madame B., who sat with her hands folded across her crossed legs, looking smug in a distinctly grandmotherly way. 

“Is this some kind of joke?” I asked.

“No, no sweetheart. Some of your kind drop into our world every few years. It’s become something of a tradition to heckle the other-worlders.” 

Any annoyance I’d felt flew out the windshield of my subconscious vehicle which had just collided with a brick wall. “Wait… you’re saying I’m not the only one?”

“That narcissistic presumption of your kind is always so amusing,” Takata sneered from over my shoulder.

I was about to fling back a retort when the truth of her statement managed to penetrate my thick skull. Of course I wasn’t the only one. There was nothing particularly extraordinary about my circumstances, so it stood to reason that if it could happen to anybody, it could happen to many.

I closed my jaw and took a moment to think before responding with some humility. “I apologize. I’ve made foolish assumptions based on folk-lore from my home world. Thank you for this.” I looked back down at the pamphlet in my hand and flipped it open. There were several diagrams and cartoonish pictures surrounded by large-print text. It gave the distinct impression of being a guide for dummies, but such was my position.

Madame B. watched me for a moment before responding, “You’re quite welcome young man. Now, I recommend you get a jump on the day. Pamphlets are free. Meals and lodging are not.”

My buzzing brain took another moment to process that, then I nodded dumbly. Neither of them seemed inclined to speak further but the old woman continued to watch me with a patient smile. 

I glanced again at the pamphlet, then, feeling suddenly awkward, fumbled for the next appropriate move. “So um… I’m guessing this has recommendations for earning-”

“It certainly does.”

“Right. Well I guess I can get out of your hair for now.” I rose from my chair, eyes darting around trying unsuccessfully to process my surroundings while simultaneously reevaluating everything I thought I knew or had expected. Figures of all sizes, shapes, and colors drifted around the room, filling it with a numbing buzz of conversation. I was going to need somewhere quiet to sit and think and read.

“Did you forget what you came in here for?” Madame B asked goodnaturedly.

Ah. Did I?

She must have understood my lack of an answer, as she offered, “You came to register as an adventurer, is that correct?”

“Oh yea. Now that you mention it, that was my plan.” 

Hold on a minute, don’t make assumptions. 

“That is a thing I can do, right?”

“Yes dear.” She snapped her fingers and I vaguely registered Takata shuffling around behind the counter while the old woman continued speaking. “The basic rules and requirements are all written down. I ask that you read it carefully before signing.”

Another piece of paper was delivered beneath my nose, which irritated me slightly as I snatched it up and began reading. Relative silence ensued as I scanned it over. It was pretty basic stuff. Meet a quota of jobs or pay a small fee to retain membership. Only allowed jobs at or below your rank. No fighting other adventurers or interfering in quests. Not responsible for your death, dismemberment, disfigurement, disembowelment, or other forms of debilitation. Oddly thorough.

“What’s this bit here about attunement level? Is that like magical power?” I asked.

“Not quite dear. It’s more like -”

Shouting broke out somewhere in the back of the room, accompanied by a clatter of dishes. Madame B. grimaced and rose slowly from her seat. “Well, you can read about it in the pamphlet. Takata will see you sorted out.” She cast a stern look over my shoulder, then glided off.

I turned reluctantly back towards the bar where Takata stood smirking and holding out a pen, the point of which nearly grazed my nose. I bravely resisted the urge to flinch and took it daintily in my fingers, then with a flourish, I signed my name on the agreement sheet. It occurred to me thereafter that I could have changed my last name to something more imposing or memorable, like Stormwalker or Bonecrusher. But I suppose Finneas Talloway would suffice. 

Takata took the paper and placed a black rectangular brick on the bar. I eyed it suspiciously, but remained silent.

“Place your left hand on here. Palm up please.”

I obeyed. The brick felt oddly cold, and my skin tickled like tiny threads were brushing against it.

“Look over at the banner on that wall and read what it says.”

Despite growing skepticism, I remained silent, not wanting to give her any further reason to scoff at my lack of knowledge. My eyes roamed the walls, looking for a banner, but there seemed to be nothing that fit the description. I felt her take hold of my wrist, then just as I looked back, Takata jabbed a black knife through my hand, pinning it to the black slab. Pain, shock, and anger all surged as a yelp escaped my open mouth. I instinctively tried to pull away, but her grip on my wrist tightened like a hydraulic vice. 

“If you don’t hold still I’ll have to start over.” She said it in a gentle, almost singsong voice, but there was a definitely-evil glint in her eye.

I ground my teeth and tried to relax, even as the nerves in my hand screamed, causing all my forearm muscles to twitch and writhe in panic. At last, after longer than probably necessary, she slid the dagger from my bloody flesh. I winced but otherwise repressed my pained reaction. 

“Okay, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” She chirped. Her grip remained around my wrist, and before I could formulate my indignant response, she waved a hand over my bloody palm and the pain stopped. Only the warmth remained from the small pool of blood I now held. This was also removed with a second pass of her hand, and I noticed her eyes flicker this time, though I failed to catch it in detail. My wrist was released. So complete was my shock that all words left me and It was all I could do to retract my hand and test the mobility. It was as though the blade had never touched my skin.

When I looked up once more and observed her smug visage, I clamped my dangling jaw closed and steeled my face. “Nope, not bad at all.”

She scoffed and turned with the black slab in hand, placing it into some device I could not see, hidden behind her slender form. A hiss like hot metal in water cut the momentary silence, followed by a flash of golden light. Then she turned back, holding an arm outstretched.

I had leaned back this time, keeping my nose out of reach, and held my hand out expectantly, though with a touch of nervousness. A thin metal card dropped into my hand, emanating a comfortable warmth. A bold engraving of my full name decorated its bronzy surface, underscored by my rank, race, and sex. A new sense of hope and excitement for the future overtook me as I pocketed the card, then rubbed my hands together as I looked around for a job board. “Hey Takata, where can I sign up for a quest or mission or whatever.”

“Depends. Do you fancy a bout of fisticuffs with a hoard of armored axe-goblins? Or perhaps a sumo-style showdown with giant acid slimes?”

My excitement fizzled out like a runaway balloon. “I’m gonna need a weapon, huh?”

“Probably.”

“You don’t perhaps give those…”

“Definitely not.”

“Right.”

And so my grand adventure begins.