Ten years on the force. Can't believe it's been ten fucking years. Ten years of watching botched cases letting suspects walk free, or innocent people getting gunned down. Worst of all? Ten years of seeing what kind of people I'm working with. Took me a couple of years to realize why Bobrovnikov liked his smokes. It's one of the few things that keeps my hands from shaking.
I lean back in my swivel chair, glancing around the precinct to see who else is on duty tonight. The entire place stinks with a musky odor. It's nearly as run down as the places that we patrol. Peeling yellowed wallpaper, leaky pipes, cracked windows. Shit, could we worry about fixing this place up instead of buying another state-of-the-art interceptor that doesn't get used? Last time I checked, the scavvers usually don't have anything faster than a sedan.
Whatever, I light up another ciggie, snuffing out the old one right on my desk.
A stack of papers and folders being dropped onto my desk brings me back into the present and out of my unpleasant thoughts.
“More paperwork for you, Luc.”
“By hand on actual paper printouts? Just what I needed. You're a gem, Teixeira.”
“Take it up with the Chief, I'm just the messenger.” She gives me the middle finger and flips her long dark hair, leaning in over my desk. She's staring straight into my eyes. A bit too close for comfort. “Also, stop acting like a stranger and call me Calista, at least.”
“Yeah, yeah. Guess I'll be taking these home then, my shift's ending in five.”
“Just leave them on my desk tomorrow morning. Catch you later, Luc.”
I pick up the folder placed on top and flip through it, waving Teixeira goodbye without looking at her. Don't want to see any more of her signals by accident. I'm not stupid or blind, but sometimes I have to pretend that I am.
I sigh and put out my half-finished cigarette on the desk again. Time to pack it in and make the drive home.
It's going to be a long night.
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Had to make time for a stop at Primo Purchase. Cigarettes for me, and a box of “I'm sorry” chocolates for Ames. The least I could do is not fuck up my home life too.
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Nearly there, but the sight of a cab out front being loaded with suitcases makes me speed up. A regular sight to see, sure, but I recognize those suitcases. And the longcoat being worn by the woman standing behind the cab. Ames. My chest tightens. I pull up to the curb, perfect parking job the last thing on my mind.
I jump out of the car, frantic. She looks up and we make eye contact. The look on her face tells me she wasn't expecting me to be here before she left.
“Ames.” I hate how that came out. So fragile, so shaky.
“I'm sorry, Lucas.” She took the words right out of my mouth. It stings even more because I don't have a clue what she's apologizing for.
“No, I'm sorry for missing our anniversary dinner—”
“Is that how little you think of me? You think I'm walking out over you missing some stupid dinner date?”
Fuck. I'm fucked. “What's this about then?”
She lets out a heavy sigh and rubs the back of her neck, the way she always does when she's irritated. “It's… it's everything. The long nights, the way you look so defeated every time you come back home. When you come back home.”
“I can ask the Chief for less night shifts—”
“We're talking about the same Chief who gets on your ass for every little thing?”
Touché. She got me there. “Fair enough.”
“It's not just about that. I… I just can't stand to see you so unhappy. Can't you just quit, do some other work?”
“We've talked about this, Ames. I can do good by staying on the force.”
She sighs again. “Then why do you look more beaten down as days go by?”
I don't know what to say to that. Mostly because she's right. Hard to keep my spirits up when my big cases keep getting thrown out. Barking up the wrong ivory tower, the Chief keeps saying.
“You have to fight for what you believe in, Lucas.” She places her hand on my cheek. I can already tell she's made up her mind. “I miss the man I love. You've lost the fight in you, and it angers me how I've run out of ways to do anything about it.”
I still can't say anything.
“Hey, uh, I don't mean to interrupt, but your fare's running up.” First time a cab driver didn't take the chance to keep running the meter. I try my hardest to not lash out at him. Guy's just trying to make a living like everyone else.
“Take care of yourself, Lucas.” That's Ames for you, never missing a beat. She gives me one last look before climbing in.
I remain on the sidewalk, staring at the back of the leaving cab until it's gone. Out of my sight, out of my life. I don't know how long I was standing there. I walk back to the car after my senses return, pocketing the pack of cigarettes sitting on the dashboard and picking up the stack of files sitting on the passenger seat. I see the box of chocolates and pocket that too. Might as well not waste these.
I walk inside the building and ignore the stares of bystanders, tossing my car keys and a tenner credchit to the valet. I'm just glad it was a solitary elevator ride up.
I can't help but laugh when I get inside the apartment. Everything inside smells of her perfume. Ames can be real spiteful when she wants to be.
I put down the file stack on the dining table and toss the chocolates into the trash.
It's going to be a very long night.