When I got back to the Merathorn, I felt strange. Part of me was still feeling as if I was dreaming, a dream within a dream, that I was still sleeping in my bunk. That I hadn’t killed a few people, necessary as it had been. I recognised the feeling, knowing that it was false but it remained, lodged somewhere in the back of my mind.
The time I had spent in the dark, looking for possible survivors hadn’t helped any, the isolation only adding to my discomfort. Getting out of my fighter and turning it over to the bay-crew helped a little, the familiar routine acting as an anchor in my disturbed mind. Looking around, I saw the pilots of Group 4 milling around, talking to the technicians and making sure that their fighters would be maintained as they should be. I also noted that each and everyone of them had a small holster somewhere on their ship-suit, either at the hip, under their arms or at the ankle. Somehow, I doubted those were just there today but would normally be hidden under their uniforms.
“Come with me.” Wildcat told me after a single look at me, her voice calm and friendly but laced with enough steel to build a Raptor. After confirming that the technicians didn’t need me any longer, I followed her, quickly leaving the hangar-area behind and heading deeper into the ship.
“What do you have in mind?” I asked as we waited for the lift to arrive.
“Unless I totally miss my guess, your mind is going at hyperspace-speeds right now, but you’ll need to sleep before we go on shift later. So, I’ll tire you out.” Wildcat explained, a wide grin on her face. I felt myself blush, not only in embarrassment at the idea and the ease with which she had read me but also in a strange anger that I couldn’t explain, even to myself.
Maybe it was the idea that I just needed to get laid, something I had heard about me, most of the time by a few cadets that I had I had beaten in some way. Saying that I was a frigid bitch that needed to get laid, that I just needed a man to take the steel-rod out of my ass, all those wonderful jabs they used in an attempt to make themself feel better about losing to a girl. Using verbal abuse to compensate for shortcomings was sadly something that had been with humanity ever since the first caveman had mocked another for having a short spear and most likely it would be with us when the last human died off at some day in the future.
“I’m really not in the mood for games.” I snarled back, glaring at Wildcat, for a moment forgetting that she was a superior officer. The result of my glare was completely different from what I had expected, instead of more teasing or her, taking offense at my tone, her face softened in compassion.
“Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry.” she apologized, sounding genuinely contrite. Before I could ask what was going on, or take offense at the diminutive nickname, she continued.
“I didn’t mean it like that, not at all. You aren’t the first who went through their first combat sortie with us and i recognized the signs on you, you are thinking about the people you killed today, right?” she asked and I could only nod in response.
“The time you spent out in the black, with nothing to do but look at your sensors and brood didn’t help in the slightest, right? Yeah, I thought so.” she nodded to herself, not giving me a chance to respond, not that I would have known how. I just stood there, her words bringing back the thoughts I had wrestled with before.
“But you need to sleep before we go on shift again, especially as we’ll most likely be out there again, patrolling, to make sure that nobody sneaks up on us.” the elevator-door opened and she gave me a gentle push, making me step inside. Luckily, it was empty and we had our privacy.
“I wanted, and still want, to take you to the gym, giving you someone to talk to, if you need it, while making sure that you tire yourself with a work-out. That way, no matter how confused and awake your mind is, your body will make you sleep.” she explained and I blushed again, now at my misunderstanding.
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“I’m sorry for snapping at you.” I apologized but she only waved me off.
“No skin off my back. Normally, I would buy you a drink but we can’t really do that, with us being on alert and all that.” This time, she gave me a saucy grin, putting enough innuendo into her voice that I worried it would condense in the air around us, even adding a wink. It was enough to make me chuckle, even if I didn’t really feel like it. At times, she was just a goof and, despite the fifteen year difference between us, she was a good friend.
When we got to the gym and I started to work with the elastic bands, Wildcat making sure that I was using enough resistance to quickly tire myself out, I felt that my head was simply stuffed full and I needed to get something out.
Without really thinking what I was saying, I spoke up. “Wildcat, what is the Void Guard?”
She froze at my question, obviously having expected me to ask something about the earlier mission or maybe my feelings when it came to killing people. But those things were too fresh, too raw, in my mind for me to consider asking for advice on them. I would, maybe, if I still wrestled with them in a day or two but for now, I was curious about her answer. The question had percolated through my mind for the last week, ever since I had been asked by the civilian after my interview. I was reasonably certain that there was some relevance to it, or the civilian wouldn’t have asked, unless it was some sort of red herring. But why put a red herring into my face, what use would it have to waste the time and mental resources of a random, nobody cadet?
“Where did you hear that name?” Wildcat asked, looking around in a manner that made it obvious she knew something and didn’t want people to hear.
“Does it matter?” I asked in turn, my curiosity even worse. Before, I had been quite sure that there was something there but now it was confirmed or she wouldn’t have reacted that way. But, instead of a smile and joke, the look on her face was hard, making me swallow hard as I realised that she was my friend but she was a fighter, a pilot who had served for over a decade and sent hundreds of people into the void.
“I was asked at the end of my interview on the Fleet Station.” I quickly explained, not wanting to know what she’d do if I didn’t talk.
She didn’t look happy about my reply, not at all but at the same time, she also didn’t look like I was in danger of getting crushed by the weight of her gaze. Instead, she let out a long, drawn-out sigh and started talking. I carefully kept my mouth shut, just in case a question might cause her to stop.
“It is an urban legend, you know. The Void Guard, Guardians of the Void, Defenders of Mankind, there are dozens of names that circulate, ever since the last war. Or rather, ever since the Eight Fleet, under the command of Vice Admiral Kezost, decided that they wouldn’t turn the Vice Admiral over for judgement. I think it was the largest defection in recorded history, over a hundred ships all refusing to comply. Instead, they left the few who didn’t want to follow the Vice Admiral into exile behind, jettisoning them in rescue-capsules, before jumping into the dark.” she paused, obviously lost in her memories but before long, she continued.
“The story goes that they are still out there, waiting in the void for the day Humanity needs them again. It’s almost like the stories of some mythological king, who sleeps under a mountain until his people need him again.” she chuckled at the idea, shaking her head.
“Well, anyway, there are people in the Fleet who’d have followed the Vice Admiral, who knew that, without her, the war wouldn’t have ended when it did, that without her, we would have lost. Neither Federation Security, the civilian spooks, or Fleet Intelligence are happy about those groups and over the years, they have become rare. Right after the war, a lot of people thought that way, those who had served in the war or with the Eight Fleet, they would have stood with Vice Admiral Kezost, even against the authority of the Federation. But nobody ever asked, nobody wanted the bloodshed to continue.” she stopped herself, her eyes focusing on me again.
“You shouldn’t try to investigate. If you want to make a career in the Starfighter-Command, you should keep the knowledge about that name somewhere in the depths of your memories and focus on being the great pilot I know you can be. Worry about the next war, don’t dwell on the last one. It is in the past, where it hopefully will remain.” she finished, her voice having a tone of finality to it.
What she’d told me, it was interesting. But iit created more questions than it answered but my muscles were feeling like jelly and I was barely able to keep my eyes open. So my new questions would have to wait.