Cycle 3069 AF (After Freedom)
Chapter Two: Plans, Memories, and Rules
Honey-foot gods...
When I finally stopped it felt like it had been an eternity since the conversation and I was just hoping that I would finally be able to do something besides studying the energy moving me to such a faraway place.
Although that was fascinating in a variety of ways…
Trying to look around, I wondered what the squeezing sensation I felt just before stopping was. It felt like I was being forced into some small hole in a wall and was very uncomfortable. It was quite warm too, not too warm, but warm in a comforting way. There was also a definitive sense of which way was down. Then an annoying thump that shook my entire body.
…Wait. Was that a heartbeat?!
As a former, albeit self-appointed, general and infamous ‘bandit king’ there were many things that I could handle, even finding out that I had been poisoned was not something that could shake me up for more than a moment. This however, was so far beyond anything that should be experienced by any grown man.
No… No! NoNoNo. NO!
I became increasingly alarmed, even as I tried to calm myself the thought that I had heard a heart was firmly lodged in my head.
There is no way I am hearing my mother’s heartbeat as an unborn baby right now!!!
“Of course you are not. Do not be silly.” A confused, and slightly familiar, bookish voice drifted out to me in the… void.
It is a void, not a womb!
Also: more stoning voices! Still disembodied voices at that! I hate not knowing what is happening!
“Ah, I am sorry about that.” Someone clapped and suddenly light filled the room that I was sitting in… And I was sitting also sitting in a real chair, clothed! How did I manage not to notice that? The room was rather strange, the walls were perfectly flat and a strange butternut color, lit by glowing orbs on the ceiling. Oddly, I was having trouble focusing on them.
As my toes sank into the room covering rug I noted that clothes did not include boots apparently.
“It is called a carpet.” The new voice interrupted my thoughts again and I looked up from the ‘carpet’ to find a desk and a scholar of some type had appeared out of nowhere. The desk looked like a basic hardwood desk, but it was intricately carved to a shocking degree. The man himself was unremarkable; with dark green eyes, a bookish nose, and an otherwise extremely plain face that would have passed unnoticed in almost any country you cared to mention.
“Really now, you were surprised more by the carpet and a lack of boots than the light bulbs?” The figure gestured and a pair of standard soldier’s boots appeared at my feet.
… Oh, were those the glowing things on the ceiling? They worked better than candles, but magic light orbs were not that uncommon back in my kingdom so I did not pay much attention them. I grabbed the boots and pulled them on almost without thinking.
Suddenly the room became incredibly clear, as if I could not really see it before. In fact it was only now that I noticed a few very full bookcases on either side of the strange man.
“The carpet has an enchantment to help me moderate what you can notice. I apologize for not disabling it completely, but some of these books are best left where they are.” The man stated, studying me for a moment before he… attempted to smile. The expression looked like it needed to be dusted off and practiced some more. Very quickly he seemed to adjust and smile more naturally as he introduced himself as Leo.
Quietly I nodded and listened, still not eager to tick off anyone until I knew more information. Of course this bit of conversation told me two important things already. First, this Leo was apparently associated with the group of thought reading gods from before, he might even be the same Leo who got them to stop shocking me. Second, based off his actions and the fact that he actually appeared in front of me in a form I could see, I could safely guess that he was more familiar to directly interacting with humans.
At least I somewhat knew what was going on now, my official 'mortal you will obey' command had been given and now the quieter, closed door discussion was going to occur. To compare it to negotiations with kings back in my lands, they would act imperial and unbending in front of others and bend more quietly when separated. Although I doubted how much a god, or even a godly agent, would bend. Between that metaphor and the boots though I finally managed to really calm down and control myself. This I could at least attempt to deal with.
If this Leo was more human than his kin I could also risk talking more plainly than I had with them. Gods could be dangerous, especially if angered, but this one seemed different.
When Leo did not comment I went ahead and spoke out loud, figuring that was the only thing I could really do in this situation. “So what are you exactly and where are we?” Pausing I heard something odd, it was an incredibly loud ‘bum’ sound that seemed to shake the very room and I added “and what was that sound?” I paused as Leo seemed to consider my question and I could not help, but remember what questions had gotten me from our last little chat.
Leo smiled wider than before as he explained. “We are energy beings that formed as what you would call gods. You may call us the Nalks. The problem, you see, was that our home worlds, and the rest of the worlds near us, were destroyed by accident.” I tried very hard not to think about a multiple world destroying ‘accident’ that would cause energy gods to start world hopping. “Anyway, we were stuck in the void between worlds and got very bored while we tried to locate a new home.
“As it turns out, the gods of most worlds only wanted us as temporary visitors at best or to eat us at worse. So we developed the Game to keep ourselves occupied and entertained during our wanderings, especially after we discovered how to feed off of entropy, but that is a different story entirely. So we set up the rules, arrived on a planet, played the Game, and left, usually in peace.”
“Wait,” I took a chance and interrupted Leo’s story. “How did you avoid problems with the local gods like Gorith?” I was curious about how Leo would react as well as honestly curious about how they did it. I was especially curious after that reference to gods eating each other as food.
“Ah well…” Leo, too my surprise, looked a bit troubled and even a bit embarrassed for a moment. “We decided that while we could never manage to get along well enough to wage a full scale war on another world’s gods, nor would we want the casualties, we could make deals with them. The local gods could not know that we were as fractured, as a group, to the extent that we still are now. So, the first version of the current Game was played with the local gods ignoring us until we had finished before cleaning up our mess.” Leo shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “The first games were especially messy too, which led a few groups of gods to interrupt or interfere in the Game.”
“Can you blame them?” I could not help the sarcastic jab as I listened to a god admitting to wondering through entire worlds, pushing around the very powerful locals, before making a mess of things and leaving.
Leo apparently understood exactly what I meant, although if that was because of his understanding of human logic or because he was still reading my mind I was unsure. Regardless, he bowed his head briefly before continuing.
“It was precisely because of those events that the first Architect and the Builders appeared. The Architects specialized in locating and preparing a world for the Game to take place while the Builders just constructed whole worlds from scratch.”
I noted that it sounded like there was a hint of pride in his voice when he spoke of the Architects, but not the builders. I quietly wondered if he was faking it or if the Nalks were more understandable than I originally thought. I also wondered about why the Nalks had gone wandering before their Game was formalized when they could just build a new world.
“It took too much time, effort, and energy. Especially for intelligent life.” Leo explained quickly “Given that energy is literally food for us it was almost too much to ask. Anyway, as a result of different preferences most of us went to help find new worlds and shift the Game between various appropriate worlds with differing levels of development and even different universal laws. Thankfully though we have moved away from some of the longer Games, which would last centuries, or even millenniums, on worlds with weak or nonexistent gods.”
I nodded, it made sense that the games of immortals would be limited by how long they could stay on the world they were ‘playing’ on. Although I had no idea why different worlds would have different 'universal laws' “So, are you one of these Builders? Or are you an Architect? In fact, why did you not only assume human form, but also seem to be the only one of your kind that has a name?” It was a bit of a stretch, however the surprised look on Leo’s face told me that I had not only guessed correctly, but also confirmed for me the fact that Leo had been in human form a lot more than that Duke like god who spoke before.
Leo blinked and then made a (normal/human) smile and spoke with pride. “I am an Architect and as such I am one of the few charged with finding worlds both good for a round of the Game as well as adding special rules when appropriate. In my travels I have to change myself into human frequently to try to understand and predict human reactions in order to help set up the Game. This is also the reason that I have a name in human tongue in addition to my true name.” Leo paused a beat before continuing in a more serious voice. “My human name is Leonardo however the short-name ‘Leo’ was much simpler so the others adopted it far more quickly than they would have usually.
“Our true names are complete sensations describing us, rather like very detailed pictures or other pieces of art. If you projected that piece of artwork as a memory, complete with sounds and smells, directly onto someone’s brain. For example the one you first labeled ‘mind reader’ has a name like this.” Leo gestured to the wall where a large box appeared on the wall before suddenly becoming a painting.
The painting had a group of monkeys wearing many different odd, and very colorful, helmets of some sort (“hats” Leo provided) all gathered in different trees watching a variety of animals below as they fought, frolicked, and… was that a bear drinking mead with some sort of lion-goat hybrid?
“True names also change gradually” Leo added as I turned back to look at him. “I chose a basic human name because humans cannot transmit an accurate descriptor like that 'computer image' – Do not ask about computers, it would take too long to explain – That image though is only about one tenth of full her full name, not including sounds, smells, or tastes. Also, do not ask about how we taste names, I cannot explain it to you in human terms. Regardless, you humans gain false names, nicknames, given names, and finally true names. Almost all of which seem to change with the seasons for most of your lives.” Leo snorted, “most of you humans do not even know what your true name is, which results in the oddity of blood magic.
“Which reminds me, I never answered your question about the sound. That beating is a unique object that I found and is basically a giant heart. You can only hear it here, but you can see it later, when you go outside.”
I blinked. So it really was a heart I heard before? I could still hear it if I concentrated, how big was that thing!? Leo also said that I could only hear it here?
Leo nodded and added that he used it to tell time, which cued a loud ‘-bump’ before he moved on. “Which brings us to your situation and how we can give you a second chance at life.”
"So, just to clarify, I am still dead then?" I still did not have the ability to manipulate - or even feel - mana, so I assumed I was.
"Yes, technically you are currently a spirit, which means you cannot manipulate mana." Leo grimaced and continued "I cannot explain the exact reasons why, but you humans need a body to manipulate mana. My people are partly made of mana and can create bodies if we need to, but we always have the ability to control mana from the moment we are spawned. Humans have to use their physical bodies to channel mana into their spirit." He smirked before adding "It always seems to astonish the ghosts as they face the results of the actions they took in their lives. Although I seem to be off topic, so let me explain how this will work..."
I leaned forward as Leo was talking, listening even more intently than before and concentrating on memorizing the information I was being giving me instead of analyzing it.
Leo also took the time to start explaining about something he called the Gwainian Circle. This circle was basically a system of categorizing different worlds based on the rules that govern them. There were four main points on the circle located where the cardinal directions would be on a compass, placing math at the northern most position, followed by logic in east, magic in the south, and chaos to the west.
As most worlds in the chaos half of the circle were dangerous and unpredictable, even to gods, the Game rounds were located almost always located in the logical half of the circle. Leo also explained how, in chaos worlds, anything could happen, you could even be reborn as a baby squid one day and become a water god the next. The day after that you could become a gnat and die from a random micro black hole. (Leo just shook his head when I looked at him wondering how a hole of any type could kill a flying creature.)
In addition, since worlds with little to no magic could (somehow) starve his people to death, the Nalks tended to stay in world with more magic as opposed to math. Apparently, in these latter world, you could solve equations or measure things perfectly to grain a variety of powers.
All of that explained, Leo also emphasized two things in particular about the circle. First, he explained that the circle was actually a sphere with near infinite dimensions and facets. However, since I still had to have words such as ‘infinite,’ ‘dimension,’ and ‘facet’ defined for me Leo decided to give me the scaled down version of a circle. The second thing was a small tirade about how he did not come up with the circle/sphere and did not want anyone complaining about him taking someone else’s idea. I noticed that this part did not seem to be directly aimed at me and Leo seemed to be lecturing the air in general.
After he finished I decided to ignore whatever had caused Leo’s reaction and asked how the circle affected my being reborn Leo seemed to swell up until he almost burst with pride.
Since the world the newest Game was fairly typical of the Nalks’ Game worlds, it had a strong tendency towards logic and magic. Which while it would make it fairly easy for me to adapt, as it would be like my old world, it would also make it hard to reincarnate with my memories intact.
Leo tried to explain all of the specifics behind what he would be doing, however after multiple requests to explain the words that he used to explain the basic concepts behind what he planned on doing we were both struggling.
I summarized it as following: My spirit, whose bare form I was currently in, could record my new memories and help me keep my old ones until I had a new body. When I obtained a new body my spirit would automatically try and fit the memories into my new brain. This was a fairly regular occurrence on some worlds, but there was a problem with the developing brain. While it was actually simple for Leo to place me into a new body I would lose all of my memories and not know that I needed to play the Game (knowledge that the Nalks wanted me to keep to… encourage me to more actively play their ‘Game’). In the end, my new world simply did not have enough chaos in it to try and allow for reincarnation with memories, even with magic, as it simply defied what a newborn’s brain could handle. Even if my child form could remember some it, the developing brain would promptly rewrite the memories as it grew.
When I asked about other ways Leo just shook his head. Reincarnating into an adult body was out because the brain needed to have something called ‘neural pathways’ already in place as a result of growing up. That was not even going into languages, regional dialects, religious norms, local market values, and ethical values that would be common knowledge to everyone except me. The only other practical solution was to place my spirit, or my memories at the minimum, into a vessel of some sort and then send it through into the new world. This however would cause literally dozens of problems from where it (my conscious) landed to who picked it (me!) up.
The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.
Such problems were one of the reasons the Nalks did not try to reuse their players across multiple Games.
Therefore the solution was for me to exist in two places at once. Specifically, my consciousness would stay with my spirit in a different universe than my body and slowly fuse with it over time. As a result I would gain nominal conscious control of my body when it was seven years old, majority control by age ten or so, and would totally merge by twenty five. All while keeping my memories intact.
Of course this meant that my body would have only a slight knowledge of my presence and memories as it aged. At age seven, from my point of view, I would gain a lot of control over my body and would gain even more control as time went on, with my pre-age-seven relation with my body completely reversed by age sixteen with total fusion coming shortly thereafter.
It was as good a plan as any available… well, technically, it was the only plan. In fact, Leo made it very clear that this was the only real option by describing to me just what could go wrong otherwise. I was not comfortable with having to give up control of my body for years, but it would beat having to relearn things like language and how to use the chamber pot. Not to mention the ability to keep my memories.
As Leo started talking about what I would be doing until I was reborn I realized something important.
I could remember everything.
Not just from the conversation, every single stoning moment of my life, death, and my current afterlife.
I remembered it all perfectly.
I remembered that after the blurs of my early life I was abandoned in the gutters. I remembered growing up without anyone else, distrusted by almost all the city gangs for being a literal graveborn, I ended up living in memory-yards, gutters, sewers, and other places that made my skin crawl remembering them. I remembered killing my first person when I was eight for a few copper coins. I remembered the result of that first kill and what it did to me. I remembered fleeing that city at age eleven to avoid a noble whose fancy I aroused. I remembered the old man, Thane, who fed me while I worked on his farm and who taught me the basic soldier’s forms. I remembered how he died when I was thirteen and how his neighbors took his land for themselves and chased me out. I also remembered how I spent the next year hunting them, stealing from their supplies, and making sure that they paid for the land with their blood. I remembered how I learned to kill and how I spent the next forty years refining how I killed in the mountain ranges in the center of the continent. I remembered the group I built up around me. I remembered how I learned and taught them to move and fight with discipline. I remembered falling and giving up my pride to survive. I remember the butchery I caused to regain a measure of that pride. I remembered rising again, bringing a rain of blood. I remembered all the lives I took, all the ones I spared, and all the women I slept with. So many women, which had resulted in so many children. Some of whom would die at my hands. Only one of whom I could ever say I truly loved.
I remembered how I rose, how I became a king!
I remembered every single second of my life with perfect clarity, perfect detail, and perfect horror.
I also remembered the Guilt. All the horrors that I had seen in my life, all the tragedy, paled in comparison with reliving all the accumulated Guilt of my life.
For only the second time in my existence, not including my death, I blacked out…
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When I came to I was no longer in the odd room I had woken up in and Leo was nearby, arguing with someone. We were outside now and the red sky pulsed eerily, while the ground was coarse and rocky, with mountains not far away.
Groaning I tried to collect myself. My head did not hurt, so much as it throbbed like iron under the smith’s hammer, my heart on the other hand…
It appears that time heals all wounds, until the moment you die.
As it was I felt the Guilt try to return again. It was so odd, I always felt the Guilt after I killed someone, never when planning to kill them, never while killing them, and never for anything other than killing. That was the thing about the Guilt, no matter how justified the death, or even the manner of death, it would always come. The pain from being hit with the whole of my accumulated memories was similar in pain to having every piece of skin removed before being lit on fire.
I fought it down like I always did, gritting my teeth, and waiting for it to pass.
Leo seemed to finish his conversation right as I finally regained control over myself enough to stand up.
“I was unsure if Gorith’s blessing would even hold after you died, but the memories must still be potent for you. In order for you to keep it onto your next life it would almost have to be engraved on your soul.” Leo commented, waiting for me to walk over. “Or deep in your spirit at the bare minimum, most gods cannot touch a being’s soul, but your soul did reside in his realm briefly, so it was technically possible.”
That was where it came from?!? I though, shocked. That was Gorith’s blessing? The Guilt was the worst part of my life, constantly haunting me and making me second guess myself before and after every single battle, judgment, or revenge killing. Stoning graveborn yellow-eyed honey-foot!
While Leo winced from my mental tirade, I tried to calm myself somewhat and looked over the new guy. He was not thin, but he lacked the body development that would show as a result of any type of martial training. Any type that I knew of that was. He also did not give off the sense of power that I could sense coming off of Leo. Besides that he was very old, at least sixty by my guess, with a gaze that spoke of a harsh history. I could tell from experience. In total he looked fairly ordinary with those odd ‘glasses’ that I knew some nobles used for reading, and incredibly deep eyes that hinted at wisdom. He was also wearing a long white coat with what looked like a black wheel with red spokes on his arm.
“Good of you to let me know,” I said, barely above a whisper, my throat felt raw, perhaps I was crying in my previous state, there was no way I was going to try and remember. Stones, I was going to try and stay away from those memories as long as possible! I nodded towards the new comer in greeting and tried to project some semblance of strength and dominance, even in my weakened state. He seemed unimpressed and did nothing to hide it. Glancing at Leo I asked the obvious question. “Will you be introducing us?”
“Ah, yes.” Leo’s feeling of power intensified as his face grew serious. “However, before I introduce you I need to explain the general rules of the Game that you will be playing.” I blinked in surprise and gave him my full attention.
Not that I was complaining, but was it okay to be explaining to a mere mortal the Nalks’ precious Game Rules? “I will only be telling you the basics as they apply to you in order to save some time.” Leo supplied. I wondered if he would teach me how to keep others out of my mind, but he continued to speak and ignored my thought this time.
“When we play the Game the specific rules vary depending on the situation, but the basics are simple enough. One or more of the Nalks, the ‘backers,’ choose a sentient being, a ‘player,’ and give them various, small, blessings like improved memory, good looks, or visions to try and guide them. According to the old rules each backer has one player, however that is more of a tradition than anything else. The backers, as a result, usually choose players that can aid a central player and spread their energy between them, creating additional blessings. However, more recently, some of the backers have taken to backing a player with no chance of winning and devoting all of their energies towards a central player. They do this by forming groups called conclaves to give one particular player with multiple blessings. These individuals often become great heroes or mercenary captains who can then align themselves or be aligned as the backer sees fit.”
I kept silent on my opinion of the backers aligning someone else according to their own will. Some would say that that was the whole purpose of politics, which no one, not even myself was totally immune to. Stone me, politics was something that was still disrupting my life! Or, afterlife I suppose.
“The purpose of the blessings vary based on the backers, but it is usually to try and make our players first rise within their own society before the Game actually starts. While doing this the backers try and make their players strong enough to support the backer’s position against opposing backers and their players.
“As the players grow the Backers start playing larger and more complex moves, like encouraging a monster group to attack an area, waking up ancient beings, and causing other disasters to influence the world. Backers can also declare temporary or permanent alliances and try to have their respective players work together.”
“Wait a second,” I felt like I had to interject here. “What is stopping some ‘backer’ from simply sending a twister through my parent’s front door before I am born? Or just after? In fact what is protecting me from nature itself just deciding to kill me?” It was unnerving, by the sounds of it I would have absolutely no control, and might just be struck dead by a lightning strike at any given moment.
“Honestly that is not all that different from your usual situation as a weak material creature without advanced technology or copious amounts of magic to protect you.” Leo stated, frowning at my concern. “However the Backers are only allowed to cease larger disasters when there is a large faction in favor of the action. Since we find it so hard to agree on anything it rarely happens and the even if something happened you could not be simply killed, by lightning for example, as the rules protect you from such assassination moves.” Leo sighed. “Going beyond that, we have to declare large scale events or visions before the Game actually starts, meaning that they are effectively set in stone once the Game actually starts. We can only lightly play on emotions and memories or encourage natural abilities once the Game starts.”
“So you mean that all I have to worry about is if they have decide to send a plague through a town that I am going to staying in after you game starts.” I confirmed, still unsure.
“Yes, in addition, I will be acting like your backer before then,” Leo responded simply. “That means that I will be protecting you from the other’s plays and intervene directly, if necessary, until the game officially starts.”
I blinked, a guardian god was good news, but did that mean that he would be playing the Game with me as his piece?
Leo almost seem to explode at the thought, before I could brace myself a feeling of absolute negativity slammed into me. It was not like Leo just said the phrase ‘no’ it was like he took every possible way to say it, verbally, physically, even with smell and taste. It was like he was saying that he would be far, far, too busy to help, much less manipulate me on a regular basis. There was something else too, an undertone of wrongness that he would even consider to help as it would make him… corrupt? Bias?
As soon as I could blink the feeling was gone and Leo regained control of himself. He then proceeded to apologize profusely, saying something about ‘spirit speak’ and the impact it could have on some.
Outwardly I just nodded, but underneath I felt far too passive in this whole exchange, even if I had no choice or power right now I needed to change something. At the minimum I would need to make sure and get these Nalks back later, utilizing their precious Game of course. In this world I was powerless, however as long as they were going to play by the same rules as in my previous life, I knew I should be able to win. After all, I did mess with them in my previous life and that was without even knowing that they existed.
Leo seemed to relax before steeling himself for something. “There is something else, before you were told that the others will be acting both on your behalf and against it, however the reality is different. To keep it fair for you I will only let each curse come with a blessing, but that was all I could do impartially. That will not stop them from trying to curse you with useless or harmful ‘blessings’ of course. The blessing of ‘obedience’ being an annoying example, but there are other blessings that can prove even more disadvantageous.”
I felt a chill, as an ill omen was revealed. I was going to have to bow my head again. I tried not to flinch as a memory of depravity passed through my mind. I would survive, I always did.
I spoke into Leo’s pause as he studied my reactions and asked him as straightforwardly as possible: “Did they already start placing curses on me?” I tried to keep my voice neutral, but there was still an edge there.
Leo nodded slowly, “In order to keep everything fair I have a veto power as the Game Architect, however blanket changes bypass that, especially if there is a majority agreement.” Leo sighed and continued in a depressed tone. “In fact, all I can do is adjust the Game in order to keep the balance good. In this particular case there were two major changes placed on the Game which pushed it back at least thirty years total.
“To summarize these blanket changes: first, everyone in the Game world will be more… prolific.” I snorted, despite the situation, wondering exactly how that had been done. “That blessing will last for 20 years before and after the Game. Second, the gender of all unborn player shall be changed. Which means that not only will you have to wait to be even longer to be reincarnated, but both your gender and your natural skill inclination will be changed.”
I froze. “My gender?” I asked, wondering if that word meant, or more accurately, hoping against hope that it did not mean what I thought it meant.
Leo killed the hope immediately and with only the mercy of a clean kill:
“You will be reborn as a female.”
* * *
In Leo's Playground:
Ahtoh, or Anton, by his western name, watched with detached amusement as this raider Czar confronted the individual who was, for all intents and purposes, the god who had just emasculated him.
Leo had asked Ahtoh to be patient with the man though, so he had overlooked the territorial show of strength earlier. That said, he could not help, but enjoyed the look on the ridiculously muscular man’s face.
Ahtoh was born what would come to be called a ‘geek’ in the cold predawn of the most terrible war in his world’s history. He survived the prison camps, the seemingly impossibly cold winters, and he was even one of the lucky few to escape.
He even did the one thing he thought would be truly impossible and became a doctor, just like he dreamed he would, albeit in the Red Cross. After all that, Ahtoh felt no need to assert any type of dominance and honestly would have thought that the bandit was overcompensating if he had not made the joke to Leo, who had corrected him in the most straight forward way possible.
As it was, Ahtoh honestly thought that this was all a mistake, how much would a raider, much less one that tried to become a czar, ever be able to become a healer? A healer took an oath and understood the responsibilities of 'do no harm'
Leo had given him a small peek at what would happen in the next Nalks’ next ‘Game’ – a concept that still made Ahtoh shiver as if he was back home – and there was no way that this man would make a good doctor, much less a good healer.
What are you thinking Leo?
Ahtoh sighed.