Episode 29

Despite being the leader and the mess she was dealing with – maybe precisely because of that – Silvana offered to accompany them on their journey, to guide and protect them every step of the way. Max pretended to consider it, but of course, he flatly refused.

"Don't be silly," he said. "You're the leader. They need you here."

That was true, of course, but far from a reason to refuse the offered help. It wasn't his business how the tribe would manage without Silvana. The only real reason to reject her was that he was sure, or wanted to be sure, that he could convince Helen that Ares was better off dead. The same didn't go for Silvana, quite the opposite. It was a shame, but if he allowed her to accompany them, he'd eventually have to watch out for her stabbing him in the back. Following the orders of that monster, with blind faith and a smile on her face, it was clear that the only person he could trust unreservedly was Helen. And even then, he had reservations.

And even then, he had reservations. It was understandable. Helen loved him, but would she go against her own God to make him happy? Would she commit blasphemy, would she risk so much? He had plenty of reason to think she would, that she would do anything for him. But he was just a human, after all. He couldn't always be one hundred percent sure. He couldn't be immune to fear and irrational paranoia.

Silvana was very stubborn. It took him a lot to convince her that this was the right thing to do. Perhaps she not only wanted to serve him, but also to escape what was left after this disaster. The pain, the consequences of being like this, he didn't blame her.

"Alright," Silvana said at last. "I'll stay. But if you ever come back here, or if you need anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to come to me or any elven tribe. I don't understand why you hid it from us, but... Ares' champion will always be welcome in any elven tribe. You just have to prove it, and they'll treat you like a king, Mr. Miller."

"I told you, enough with the 'Mr.'," Max repeated for the umpteenth time, extremely uncomfortable.

It was nice to be praised so much for a change, but it was becoming too much. He didn't know how to handle it.

In the distance, darkness was reclaiming the territory of the sun sinking on the horizon. As if it would never rise again. The birds sang a sweet melody.

Silvana shifted uncomfortably.

"Please, understand me. I know that's what you want, and I don't want to disrespect you, you are who you are, and you've done a lot for us, but you're asking me to disrespect Lord Ares, and that's even worse," she said all that without barely taking a breath. "I can't take such liberties."

"Alright."

Max gave in easily.

He didn't like but, but what was he going to do?

Her logic made sense.

Her complete change in attitude, so docile and servile, like the rest of the elves, repulsed him even more than being called Mr. Max or Miller. But at least he wouldn't have to put up with this for much longer. One way or another, they were leaving today, right now. So, what the hell did it matter?

"Where should we go now?" Max asked. "Besides another elven tribe, which I don't want to try my luck with right now, where would we be supported just for, you know, being who I am?"

Silvana looked back at him. He could guess what she was thinking: *shouldn't you be asking Ares for advice instead of me?* How naive. Even if he swallowed his pride, bowed his head, and asked for help, Ares would turn a deaf ear. He would only do what he wanted when he wanted. Well, he was a god, after all, what else could you expect? He wasn't different from the cancer that had stolen everything from him. A force of nature, always repeating itself under the right conditions. A mass of impulses and instincts, not a human being. He supposed Ares would say that that was precisely what a human being was.

"Well," Silvana murmured. "There are temples dedicated to Lord Ares everywhere. The priests and priestesses would undoubtedly do anything for you, I mean, for you both. The closest temple is in, hmm... In Athens."

"Athens?" Wow. Well, he didn't know why he was surprised. "Alright. A map wouldn't hurt."

Helen was native to this world, but she was also a child. He had to be realistic. A child wasn't going to be able to guide him perfectly along the roads, with or without magic. And she had said the closest temple, but how close were they talking? Many kilometers, perhaps.

"Okay, give me a moment."

Silvana left, running. What a change in attitude, indeed. She didn't even seem like the same person.

Silvana returned with the map, and then they left. Max put the map inside a backpack that the elves had also given them. It was loaded with supplies donated by the servile elves who had made sure to beg them to tell Ares about their humble gesture of devotion, turning it into a kind of competition.

All in all, Max felt relieved to finally leave the place behind. If his secret hadn't been revealed, maybe he could have endured a few more days. But now the atmosphere was too oppressive, even worse than when everyone hated him, ironically.

*On the road again,* he thought. *On the road again.* *I really don't know how that song goes.*

——

"Mr. Max, I mean, Max, can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me and do whatever you want. Please, just relax, I'm not going to bite you."

Helen laughed softly. He wondered if that wouldn't be an unusual expression in this world.

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"I know, I know. Well, if you don't mind, I'd like to know more about your world and what you were like before this."

"Why? Do you want to know what could have made Ares choose me?"

Max was pretty sure of the answer.

Nothing in particular. As if he had drawn his name out of a hat, he simply hadn't put much thought into it. All that nonsense about his strength in the face of adversity, about his second chance, he doubted very much that he gave a damn. That he had taken it into consideration. No, he had just taken another toy out of the box when the previous one had been broken. He and Ares had only spoken twice, but he felt pretty sure of that.

He could read Ares like an open book, although that wasn't a great feat. Because it seemed that, indeed, he was an open book. And it made sense for something like a god, why would he hide anything?

Would he care about the opinions and feelings of a mortal? Laughable.

"That's not it," Helen replied. "It's just that I'd like to know more about you. After all... you are..."

"My father. You can say it. I don't mind, although I'm a little young to pass for your father. Don't you think? Maybe from now on you should call me big brother."

Helen blushed to the tips of her ears. And well, being an elf, that was a lot.

"Big brother, father, or whatever. We are family."

"That's right, Helen. We are."

"Well, tell me. It seems that, sorry, it seems that you want to drag it out."

"It's not that, it's not that, Helen. It's just that there's not much to tell. I already told you. Believe it or not, I was a normal boy. With a normal life. Well, more or less."

"Only more or less. During the last years of my life, of my first life, I contracted a disease for which you probably don't have a name. If it even exists here, with all the magic you have."

"Well, in any case, I contracted a disease and, well, I slowly deteriorated for years in a hospital. In the end, I couldn't even go to the bathroom without help. That wasn't, it wasn't easy, but it wasn't that much out of the ordinary either."

"At my age, there are many people who contract that thing, you know? As miserable as I felt, there are young children suffering from the same thing, dying."

"That sounds terrifying. What was it?"

"Cancer, Helen, cancer."

"It's when, well, essentially your body starts to betray you. Something goes wrong deep inside you, and the failures accumulate, making it difficult for the organs to function. I had lung cancer."

"They could remove one lung and with it, well, we leave the disease, but not both, obviously. Anyway, the treatment, which was within my reach, had no results. Shame to say all this in front of you."

"Shame," the girl repeated. "And why is that?"

"Because you think I'm special, bigger than life, but I'm not special, I'm not even a warrior. Just a sick kid."

"A sick kid with extra responsibilities and powers that are way too big for me."

Helen was silent for a while.

"You've been doing very well so far."

Max smiled.

"Yes, so far, I guess. But that can change at any moment. I feel like I'm talking too much, but I want to be honest with you."

"And I want you to be honest with me, no problem."

That's what you may *think* you want, Max said in his thoughts. But what you think and what you really desire can be two very different things. I think every child needs to be deceived, like with Santa Claus.

They need to know that there are good things in the world, that goodness is rewarded. And that their parents are something more than two stupid humans, like any others. That one day they tried to have a child just because, their condom broke or the cheeky guy slipped inside.

With the pull-out method of contraception. Pure genius. They need to believe, at least for a few years, that the world makes sense.

But you already know it doesn't, don't you, Helen? You had to see what you had to see. I wish I could reach out and rip those memories from your head. I wish I could hug you and take you to a world without fear or pain.

Max pursed his lips. He actually *could* do that. And that was what he intended to do. Once he sat on the throne, no one could threaten her anymore. She would never want for anything. He would be happy when she was happy.

"You *are* special," Helen said. "Maybe in your other world you didn't have a chance to show it, but you saved me. You defeated that snake, the bandits who wanted to kill you, rape me, and sell me."

She said it with such ease, with such naturalness, despite her age. He supposed her mother had warned her about that. She had felt the need.

What a horrible, disgusting world!

"And if that wasn't enough, you kept me safe. In the midst of so many orcs, you helped me kill. You trusted me."

"To me, you are special, Max."

"You're going to make me blush, little one."

Max kissed her on the forehead.

Then he impulsively ruffled her hair. Helen didn't seem to mind. What an adorable little girl! She deserved something much better than him.

But for now, he was what she had. And the future, well... Surprisingly, the future looked pretty good, for a change.

"I mean it," Helen said.

"Me too. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for... for being there."

Helen seemed confused.

"You could have done this without me. But I couldn't without you. I couldn't have gone on."

He'd bet she was wrong.