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Binding Volition
Bygone Dreams

Bygone Dreams

Thalia sat on the windowsill overlooking the cathedral garden. The thin wisps of moonlight gave each drop spraying from the fountain a silvery glint in the still air. The sunflowers and day lilies that lined the garden walls and streams always had a sickly yellow tint to them this time of night. The paths were bereft of their usual traffic of clergy and paladins, giving the whole scene a kind of dead feeling. She loved it. If she could paint, she'd have painted this garden a thousand times in her life. But her old childlike wonder was gone. Her parents had a special way of striking that down.

It had only been a few days since she got home, and she's already lost count of them in the miserable routine of clergy life. Injuries aside, he'd taken such better care of her. From his rustic cooking to his gentle hand offering incredible strength to help, Josephi felt like more of a father in those six months than he ever did. Hells, she could still taste the venison stew he made so often after a long day of hard work. Yeah, he made her toil and sweat in the snow-covered permafrost he laid claim to, but that was nothing compared to the dull, mundane lessons at the church.

She reached back to tuck her hair back and froze. She'd only seen herself in the mirror once, right after they chopped off her hair. It still stung deep in her soul. She reached for the shard of that mirror she'd snuck after smashing it, sending a bolt of pain shooting up her arm from her bandaged arm and knuckles as her fingers moved just the wrong way.

"Now, Charles, I could heal this, but I believe Sol has many things to teach you. You'll have to do this on your own, let the pain be a reminder to what you have yet to learn."

Her mother’s words rang hollow between her ears, but echoed around the space all the same. She held the shard up and away from herself, eyeing the boy in the reflection. His hair was short, so much shorter than hers was. He had the same cut as her father, but the same snow white hair she had since meeting Her. She couldn't see the tears in his lightless eyes as her vision blurred. Tear drops stained her tunic as she pulled her knees in close to her chest and leaned against the locked window.

She thought back to a happier time, when her grandfather and his friend had shown her what it was like to be cared about. Amelia, in her heart, was her mother. Amelia was just incredible, everything Thalia wanted to be. Powerful, fierce, and exciting. The shadowy magics she wielded were like nothing else Thalia had ever seen. She had even taught Thalia a trick or two.

"You've got something special and dark in your heart, Thalia. Embrace it."

That line bounced around her head along with her mothers. It was the last thing Amelia said to Thalia before she got on the ship to begin the journey home. They had done a tarot card reading when she had first arrived, the first time Thalia had been exposed to anything more occult than the flashy bright magic of the clergy she grew up in. She had been meditating on its meaning, and lost herself in a memory wrapped as a dream when she nodded off.

A bright flash, and the cold bit her heels as the wind threatened to push her over. She marched slowly through the biting blizzard, hoping with all her might that she was still on the path to the light of her grandfather's cabin. The snow underfoot gave way to a ravine, taking her down into its depths. She felt a sharp crack as her leg landed the wrong way trying to steady herself. She clutched the bundle of moonflower and snowthistle she had gathered, cursing herself for trying to be brave despite her grandfather's warnings. Her matches were soaked, and she had little hope of warmth as she pulled herself to an overhang in the ravine.

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She laid buried in the snow, wrapped in Amelia’s black and purple cloak. The blizzard had ended. She tried to get herself up, yelling out in pain as her leg failed her. Struggling to crawl, she huddled against the wall of the ravine and terrified. The crack of a branch rang out, grabbing her attention. Between the sounds of sniffing and growling, there was no doubt a wolf above her. The huge mass of gray fur and claws leaped down into the ravine. She kept perfectly still, biting her tongue as the dull pain in her leg ached and reminded her of her newfound lack of mobility. The beast sniffed as it dug around the snow. It looked emaciated, like it hadn't been able to eat a full meal in days. As her grandfather had taught her, the most dangerous type of wolf.

She trembled where she sat. She couldn't run, even unharmed she couldn't hope to outrun a starving wolf. She prayed to Sol, Aurelius, or anyone who would listen that she would stay hidden. A small whimper betrayed her, perking up the ears of the predator and bringing its attention her way. It padded slowly and low while its bright gold eyes scanned the snow bank. It seemed not to notice the whimpering girl, but sniffed up at the air and gave a defensive growl. It slowly approached her, following the smell of something it couldn't see. They stayed like this for ages; Thalia holding her breath against her worsening leg, and the wolf unable to find her. Her mind drifted as her reality sunk in. Even if the wolf ignored her, she was likely to die here alone and cold. She suddenly felt exposed as a cold panic rushed over her. The wolf charged.

It bared its teeth in a leap before sinking its teeth into the forearm Thalia rose to shield her throat. She screamed out in pain, wrestling with the wolf the same size as her in the snow, blood seeping from her newly torn coat. She used her free hand to grab at the wolf as it tore at her with its claws, cutting ribbons through her porcelain skin. Her grip tightened around its neck, hoping to overpower it. Then it hit her. Sol would not save her. Her parents had shown her as much. This was His plan, His idea for the life of a child. Rage bubbled up in her throat as she started hitting the wolf with a balled fist, determined to survive. The rage she felt at her god for bringing her here, and the sudden burst of adrenaline funneled one word into her mind. It would be by her will alone.

She grabbed the wolfs face with all of her rage funneled into her grip. Energy billowed forth like sickly green lightning, sapping the wolf's life as it yelped in fear. It fell limp on top of her, freeing her from its deadly grip. She took a breath, realizing that the wolf was the first warmth she had in hours, and pulled it to her like a blanket. She was tired and exhausted and rested her head as she willed to be found.

The chiming bell of the cathedral awoken her from her slumber. She was in an alien room, all alone. The light of morning had just edged out over the mountains in the east. She ran her fingers through her long, snow white hair, taking a moment to really enjoy its newfound softness. As her fingertips traced scars of as bite on her forearm, the smell of fresh breakfast snuck its way into her room and drew out a hungry growl from her stomach. She got dressed as quickly as she could, and rushed down to say good morning to her new friends. Today was the last day before classes, and she hoped to enjoy it.