I get up with a strange ache in my chest. I felt .. sad. That dream felt so close to reality. What could be so important that that girl would rather be killed than give it up and save herself, and I’ve never seen the Watchers and Diers act so .. hostile and violent. I mean yes I’d get the occasional verbal abuse but they were never that violent with us and those tools certainly weren’t used. Maybe it’s because they didn’t feel the need to or maybe it happened but we just couldn’t see. I let out a sigh and rub my chest willing the invisible ache to go away.

The morning passed without anything much happening. We got our field assignments and slaved away in the as usual.

~~

The greater light had just peeked and as if on cue the bell goes off in the distance. . at the sound of this we all take our place on the line to walk up to the hub.

I go through the mind numbing process of being checked in and collecting my food, this time a medley of vegetables. My legs as if having a mind of their own lead me towards the table where my team is sitting.

I didn’t recognise it earlier but that odd girl had already found herself a space at the table; meaning she was working with me again. Everyone else in the team was different. This confuses me, it's strange. We usually don’t end up with familiar faces in the same group until about two cycles.

I give her a brief glance and take my seat. As if sensing me she perks up, moves out of hers and drops down in the chair right in front of me. I look around horrified and scared. Everybody else seems to not notice, their heads down focused on their meal and those on our table didnt even seem fazed.

“Hi, I'm Juno,” she introduces with an even wider smile, an elbow propped up on the table and her hand cupping her chin.

I continued looking around; again the atmosphere seemed undisturbed. She watches me amusement flickering in her eyes. This gets me a little angry, how can she find putting us in danger funny!

“Odessa right. I tried stricking up a conversation yesterday but I was clearly… ignored. It seems mashed up sweet potato isn’t your thing.“

I lift my head and look over to the Watchers positioned all around the canteen.

“Why are you doing this? Do you want me to get dragged to the isolation room with you”

Hearing my voice was so disturbing it sounded so foreign I didn’t like it.

Her smile drops a little.

I suddenly felt apologetic, It's not that I wanted to be mean but my self preservation was just on really high alert.Yes I’ve whined next to a million times about just getting someone to speak to and hearing somebody else’s voice in not just short words or sentences but an actual conversation and here I am ruining it.

I cast my eyes down, the foreign feeling of guilt too hard to bear.

“I'm sorry .. I.. I. Just. This is so odd. In my 25 years here I’ve never had anyone display so much curiosity and interest in me, I mean not that it’s any of their fault.”

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I look back up at her and her gaze softens, a picture of understanding and pity. She knew what it was like under these conditions. We were puppets, beings of limited free will. If they told us to jump we couldn’t even ask how high. We'd just need to play froggy.

She lets out a sigh “look I get it .. maybe I could have been a little more subtle” she lets out a chuckle “but subtle really isn’t my thing.”

she glances around “like you, I know how things work around here ..”

“clearly you don’t care” I mutter under my breath

Ignoring me she continues “ it's hard to explain but trust me .. she motions to the watchers stationed around the canteen “ All they’re seeing right now is us happily munching on our veggies like the cattle we are.”

I gave the room a once over for like the fourth time. It was the same as the first and second time, they acted like it was another day of manning the canteen. To them nothing seemed out of place.

Now I had even more questions whirling around in my head.

I open my mouth to ask how that’s even possible but she cuts me off.

“I know you’re curious but I can’t give you an answer .... well I can’t for now at least. But trust me I feel the same about this shitty life as you.”

I watch her. I'm sure she could see the suspicion clear as day.

“We've only just met and given the circumstances where I’m clearly at risk of being holed up in who knows where because of you. I find trust hard to give out right now.”

She lets out a sigh

“ That's fair enough. Look I just want you to see me as a fellow soul who is as sick of this life as you are and wants something different. I’m no different than you .. The only thing is I’m just bold enough to act on my desires.”

I go to defend myself but just as I open my mouth the bell goes signaling the end of lunch.

She gets up to leave and disappears in the sea of others scrambling to make it out of the canteen.

The rest of the day passed and I couldn’t help but replay the entire exchange. One part of me felt relieved, though the sound of my voice sounded strange, I was happy; and those foreign feelings I’ve never experienced made me feel alive. But on the other hand I was deeply offended. Who was she to be judgmental? Yes I agreed I wanted more out of this life but I preferred actually being alive to enjoy the little that was offered instead of offering myself on a silver platter to be “taken cared of” .

The time flew and dinner came around just as fast as lunch did. I was hoping I’d get to talk to Juno again and maybe try to smooth things over but she was nowhere to be seen. It's like she was never there in the first place. What's even stranger is that there were no signs of the Watchers looking for her..

~~~~~~~~

On Tuesday evenings we did one thing out of the norm: we attended the gathering of venandris. The one activity we were allowed outside of work.

I follow the rest of my group out of the canteen and down the hall past multiple doors to an open hall filled with chairs. A Dier stood up on the podium at the front impatiently waiting for us to file in and settle down.

When the last person was seated a hush fell over the room and he started.

“The high beings have granted you all grace for you are ignorant sinners marred by the evils of your ancestors.”

I look at the crestfallen faces of those around me. Their faces a reflection of sadness at the fact that they're all sinners. I scoff, these people were so far removed from what was around them that they’d take words stringed together to clearly manipulate us to heart. What does the evils of my ancestors have to do with the me whose living in the present.

My eyes turn to the Dier on the podium. He looks so satisfied seeing their hopeless faces.

“Fear not for their grace has been granted. For in simplicity you will find righteousness and in righteousness you will gain salvation. Give up your love for excess. Want no more than what is given and you will find your yourself in the land the high beings have created as your final resting place.”

On cue hands are lifted in the air and the congregation erupt in mindless chorus.

“ Simplicity breeds righteousness! praise be to the high beings!”

All this made me sick. I could see that these people’s minds were so far gone that their only escape was these manipulative words from this sham of a religion. I couldn’t help but feel alone. Why was I the only one who could see this for what it was, invisible chains used to keep us in line. Why was I different? Why wasn’t I a mindless drone clinging to the words of those self righteous pompous Diers.

I zone out, the words of the Dier becoming a buzz and I sink deeper into my thoughts.

The shuffling of feet brings me back to reality and I see everyone making their way out. I follow them out of the hall and go through the usual procedure to get out of the hub.

Getting home was the same as usual so was getting ready for bed. Today was so out of the ordinary it was hard to believe.

The exhaustion of the day takes over and I slip into a deep sleep. The wisps of a dream tugging me in.