Carlos was right about one thing: Gavin wasn't going to be falling asleep any time soon. And, unfortunately, it wasn't for a reason as simple as having caused someone's death. It was his lack of reaction to it.

The onboard medic had checked him over quickly, noting down his listed injuries and having him describe his pain. He had Gavin hold his damaged hand out and had sprayed a solution onto it, before giving him a few pills and a glass of water to wash it down with. Gavin was skeptical of the wisdom of accepting drugs after his experience, forcing the doctor to explain in a quiet voice, citing 'silent running' as a general order for everyone on the ship to be as silent as possible.

"Your shoulder blade's either fractured or has a bone contusion, but other than that everything should heal pretty quickly. The spray I gave you is an topical antibiotic that should reduce the risk of infection and everything else is pretty much standard. An analgesic, an osteorejuvenic, and a vitality supplement. You should be fully healed in a few days, but if it's bothering you check in with a doctor or biosculptor. It shouldn't affect your range of motion, just try not to get your shoulder injured again in the meantime or it could require a larger intervention."

"Thanks doc."

"Not a doctor," he dismissed with a wave, "Never got the degree."

Gavin shrugged. "Is there anywhere I can sit quietly for a bit where I wont be disturbed?"

The medic worked his tongue around his mouth for a moment. "You can sit in here if you stay quiet, but if a patient comes in you'll have to leave."

"I thought you had to be a doctor to have patients."

"I thought I asked you to stay quiet."

Gavin almost said sorry on reflex but managed a single nod instead. Satisfied, the medic returned to their book, leaving him to his thoughts.

He'd gotten a new lease on life, of course it was a little too good to be true. His soul was no longer wholly his. Ser's soul- a mighty and overwhelming bonfire compared to his own soul's dim flame- chipped away at his identity. He'd been avoiding thinking about it as much as he could but it was undeniable now. If you put tens or hundreds of thousands of years of practice and familiarity up against his fragile 20 years of life experience, he lost out.

It was terrifying how easily it was happening. If Ser had been anything less than benevolent than that would've been it for Gavin. Even with the process slowed way down it was playing havoc with his emotions as things as fundamental as his ability to be angry, horrified, or upset was stolen from him and it felt like there was nothing he could do about it.

What even were his options? Gavin watched the sliver of the void churning away as he introspected, feeling the dull, muted pain of the way it tore at everything in it's limited reach. He sighed with his head rested against the cool tile of the infirmary wall, exhausted now that the adrenaline had flushed itself out of his body.

Well he might as well do something with this time because he wasn't sleepy enough to fall back asleep. "Do you mind if I meditate here?"

The medic lowered their book. "I asked you to be quiet, not to do nothing."

"I'm going to be doing magical exercises, and I don't want to disturb you any more than necessary."

"That's fine. Just make sure to keep it subtle, we're running quiet right now."

Gavin nodded. "Let me know if it becomes a problem."

"It wont. I can't sense Aether anyways."

"Do you mind-"

"Explaining why I'm involved with the magical world?" the medic asked, sighing. "My parents were both mages, I learned enough from them." They picked up their book again, making an obvious point of raising it between Gavin and them.

Accepting the end of the conversation and sensing he had committed a faux pas, he sat on the floor, legs crossed and back straight with his hands folded in his lap. Ser's instincts told him it was unnecessary, he felt it was a good idea to go by the book for his first attempt at Aether Breathing.

The Aether in the air around him was a somewhat unique blend. Water, earth, and spatial Aether made up the majority of the composition, though that wasn't surprising. They were deep underwater and in a metal submarine with a smattering of spatial enchantments.

He took a deep breath, doing his best to be guided by Ser's instincts instead of being controlled by them. He expelled a small portion of his Aether in a faint cloud, keeping his mind in control of it as it begun to swirl around him gently. Each slow revolution of the cloud absorbed a little bit more of the aspected Aether in his surroundings. He couldn't absorb the abundant water Aether, but the choromanti and geomantic Aether integrated smoothly.

He sucked the cloud back in, letting the Aether melt through his skin and filter through his body back into his Aether pool, expanding it ever so slightly. The change was like a cup of water being poured into a pond, but that was only a single attempt.

The clouds grew progressively larger, expanding and contracting until all the available magic in the room was gone. His eyes popped open when an absorption returned him almost nothing as he stood and stretched. He was a little stiff, especially around his thigh and shoulder, but it wasn't agonizing as the medication had long since kicked in.

He looked around. The medic was gone and had taken their book with them. A glance at digital clock in the corner of the room told him it was 1:35. though that was worthless without knowing what time zone it was set to. Lars, the DM from before, popped in him calling for him. "Gavin, there you are. I was sent to come grab you. Carlos wants to talk."

Lars didn't look happy to be there, but they lacked the antipathy towards Gavin he'd expected to see. It was possible they were freakishly good at hiding it, but Gavin was reading nothing but annoyance and apathy on him. "I kind of expected it to happen," Lars answered the unspoken question, "Lucas was the type."

"It doesn't bother you that he's dead," Gavi asserted instead of asked.

"I mean, a little. I liked him but he got what was coming to him. I mean, what a moron, right?" he laughed casually, "Even if he got your Spiritbind after you died, which wasn't guaranteed, there was no way he was going to keep it especially after he proved he was willing to murder someone above him for power. Someone else would've killed him and taken it. No, he brought this on himself. I agree with Carlos' decision, I'm not going to turn around and blame you for it."

"But he was your friend."

"So?"

Gavin shook his head, disbelievingly. Accepting someone else's death that easily was alien. Even Ser, Gavin sensed, wouldn't have moved on from the death of a friend so closely. Hell, they'd been carrying around the guilt of their killing friends and family for who knows how long. There was a dark irony in the fact an immortal being was more human than the man standing next to him.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Gavin felt the hallways grew more sinister and claustrophobic as Lars continued. "It's not like you'd do any different."

Gavin let the honest offense he felt shine through this time even supported by Ser's instincts, the warrior in them balking at the insult to the very idea. "Excuse me?"

Lars paused before making a faint 'ahh' of sudden comprehension. "I get it. Sorry, I forgot you're not from our world. You judge me for it now, but you'll come around eventually. Everyone that joins the supernatural world comes in with ideas about how terrible everything is and we are, but there's one thing that stays consistent between them. Care to guess?"

"You'll tell me anyway."

Lars laughed, nodding an acknowledgement. "They assimilated, one way or another. That or they died. People from the mundane world always come in here trying to change things 'for the better,' but there's nothing to fix. This is how things are when you strip away all the pleasantries. You're from a nicer world, I get that, but you don't live there anymore.

"I can see it on your face," he said, his laugh slipping into a small smile full of confidence. "You think you know better, that you'll be different from them. And you know what? You might even be right." He paused in a thinner part of the hallway lined by red pipes blocking Gavin from passing with his body. His head came all the way around over his shoulder to make serious eye contact in profile. "But if that happens it's not going to be because you were better person. It's going to be because you were strong enough to force everyone to obey.

"Carlos is going to tell you a bunch of things. I recommend you pay attention, because our world pulled off the training wheels a long, long time ago. You want things to be different? You'll have to change it by force. And if you fuck up somehow, it's your brain matter that's going to be scraped off the floor instead of his."

Gavin waited to make sure he didn't have anything else to say before asking in a bitingly sarcastic tone, "You done?" Lars barked a surprised laugh, but Gavin wasn't finished. "I don't care what kind of bullshit natural selection philosophy you ascribe to. That doesn't give you a reason to stop caring about a friend."

"Are you trying to make me mad at you?" Lars asked, voice carrying a note of genuine curiosity.

Not particularly. "I don't want anything from you. Because honestly? That all sounded like one giant story you sold yourself on."

Lars shrugged. "I don't need you to believe me. You'll come 'round eventually."

Gavin pulled back his lips, revealing his teeth in something that was absolutely not a smile. "I won't."

Lars returned to leading the way without arguing further, seeming to feel arguing over it wasn't worth the effort, as if the outcome was certain. Hot emotions stoked in his chest, fury and disgusted rejection at the idea he would become as callous as he was. The crackle of those emotions burning therein made him feel more like himself than he had since dying.

He luxuriated in the feeling, taking deep breaths and letting the emotions burn their way through their course unhindered before dying down naturally, relishing the certainty of self it brought him.

Gavin recalled a quote from Aristotle he'd read once on one of those quote pages that would pass his social media feed every once in a while, regurgitating the same snappy aphorisms that twenty thousand identical pages would post every day like it was a sign of their intelligence. This quote only stuck out in his memory because the background had been a blindingly bright yellow that contrasted poorly with the white text. It had read, "You are what you repeatedly do."

Gavin though that Lars was probably right, to a degree. He wasn't going to come out the other side of this the same person as he was now. Lucas' shattered skull came to mind when he thought about how the world treated people who didn't cut it, and while he wasn't going to let himself end like that he wasn't going to let himself end up as someone else, either.

Thanks Lars, I needed that. You're still an asshole though.

----------------------------------------

Carlos was seated when Gavin entered the conference room. The room was as cramped as every other and with Carlos situated facing the door it was like being stuck in a petri dish where his arms would brush against the imaginary glass walls. "Gavin. Just the man I wanted to see."

Gavin flashed a tight, polite smile as he sat down on the other side of the small table. It was a conference table barely, and put them close enough their knees almost brushed. "What do you want Carlos?"

"So hostile? There's no need for that, I'm here to help you." Carlos placated, easing into the calm charisma of a mob boss he'd had on the docks with even greater ease now that Gavin had seen the violence he was capable of. "It's come to my attention that you're unfamiliar with how things work in our world. That puts you in danger, and as I have a desire to protect my faction's investments I feel an urge to intervene."

"How kind of you."

"Gesù Cristo Gavin," Carlos cursed, sighing and dropping some of the persona, "I'm trying to help you. You need to be prepared because once you arrive things are going to happen fast and if you aren't ready for it you're going to sink. There's a certain etiquette that must be observed in La Famiglia."

"Does that etiquette allow for cold-blooded murder?"

"Yes," he said simply, "Of course it does. Violence always has a role in our dealings- that's what I'm trying to prepare you for. I support heirs Marco and Alessia because they stand for order. The others..." he shook his head, "they pay lip service to the rules, if that. I don't want you to die wastefully."

"Oh thank goodness."

"Your frustration is understood, but ridiculous. I've been nothing but rational this whole time. Still, if you would you like me to leave I will." Gavin remained silent, not quite able to bring himself to ask him to do so knowing that refusing help here would be silly. He was just as unfamiliar with how to conduct himself as Carlos said.

"Fine. I'll listen."

That's all I ask. Now, most things will be explained to you later but we're going to need you to make a big decision first.

"You see, there are certain limits for what constitutes acceptable behavior within. For example, a senior member attacking a new member who was new to the supernatural world would be improper and reflect badly on their faction. Having more powerful members attack weaker persons would invite retaliation and lead to a situation no one wants. Realistically, that leaves you two options."

Carlos made a little gesture, drawing a circle in the air with his hand and creating a foot-wide circle of ice on the table. "The reality is that someone's going to try to hammer down the nail that sticks out." He made a little ice nail and pressed it down into the disk with his hand, crushing it into small shards. "Your first option is to try and avoid that by flying under the radar. You're never going to be able to avoid standing out completely with a Spiritbind, but you could make yourself seem like a non-factor in the battle for the position of family head and avoid the worst of the conflict that way."

He wiped his hand over the disk, wiping away the shards and creating a humanoid figure carrying a spear that stood in the center. "You hide your real potential, and hope everyone passes you over." The little spearman moved through a kata that Ser's instincts recognized as embarrassingly sloppy before tripping and falling over. "It would be disappointing for our faction if you weren't as effective as we hope, but not a huge deal."

"If it won't help you, then why give that to me as an option?"

"You seem like someone who values honestly."

"Seriously?"

Carlos nodded. "Honesty is elegant. Lies can be seen through, and I know you're going to pick the second option anyways. You've got a killer's instincts and exceptional talent. Engineering a spell, even an incredibly basic one, during a fight without prior formal training from a single example? There's almost zero chance you're going to be able to slip under the radar, even if I could keep my crewmembers from talking." He frowned at the raised eyebrow Gavin shot him. "Oh don't give me that look, it's not my fault that happened."

"At least your inability to control your people is consistent."

"It's possible to control many people, but it's impossible to control everyone."

"You didn't even try."

Carlos laughed, shaking his head. "What could I even do? Leave guards, who would have been just as tempted as Lucas was and far more likely to be successful in any assassination attempt?" A gesture had the tiny spearman get crushed by a hammer of glimmering ice. "Never mind the fact I don't have many people who would be qualified to be guards in the first place, and none I would trust."

Gavin crossed his arms, recognizing his point unwillingly. "And the other option?"

"That's the fun one. You stretch yourself to your limit to develop yourself as fast as possible, relying on the infamy it brings you to shield you from overt retaliation. No one would be able to get away with killing such a powerful asset for the family, after all."

"But I'd have to sleep with one eye open?" Gavin asked flatly.

"You learn so fast." Carlos stood, putting his palms on the table and leaning over it slightly. "You'll have to make a decision quickly. The heirs will need to adjust their plans and make arrangements accordingly."

Gavin pursed his lips in thought. Someone had already attempted to murder him for his Spiritbind, and he bet that others were bound to try their luck at some point. And Lucas gave me a great example of what happens to 'assets' that aren't useful. "Would I be protected if I chose the second one?"

"Training, protection, everything you need would be yours. The only cost would be a greater responsibility to our faction in return for our support."

Gavin's eyes narrowed. His intuition was poking at him this whole time, but he hadn't put the pieces together on why quite yet. "I'll think about it," he finally said.

"That's all I ask."