Acadia – Whitehaven – Cycle of the Pine

***********

"You know what creeps me out?" asked Burnsy as he took a toothpick and put it into his mouth. He was slumped in his chair with his arm dangling over the top of it. He wrapped the arm around the top peg of the chair and pointed at me. "Is the creepy-ass way you turn blue in the daytime, and at night yer a white boy like the rest of us."

I looked down at my drink and smiled. "Yeh, it doesn't hurt or anything. Butress did some tests on me but he said that it was probably the sun somehow brought all my blood in my veins closer to my skin."

Burnsy started flexing his pointer finger at me. "You, my friend, have been duped by that crazy magic fool. Everybody knows that blood is red, not blue." Burnsy humphed. "Crazy fart."

"Nah. The way he says it, is that blood is red in the arteries and blue in the veins cuz it has no oxygen. That's why veins are blue."

Burnsy craned his neck towards the bar. "Hey, Jonesy! What color is your blood?"

The behemoth of a man standing behind the bar named Jonesy stopped cleaning the mug he held and thought for a moment. "Red!"

Burnsy reset his head on me. "You see? The dumbest animal on the planet knows that blood is red."

"Whatever." I took a drink of the ale. It was awful. "Good god! Is this what you got rich on?"

Burnsy just cackled.

After I shoved the drink away, I looked at him. "You know what creeps me out? The fact that you still have a half-decomposed vampiric bronzed hand attached to your shoulder. And what's with everybody calling you 'Lumy'? WTF is that?!?”

"THAT, my brothah, is what made me the man I am today. I found out that after I wandered around town for the first time, that people were bowing before me. Calling me 'The Lumy', meaning in their native tongue 'The Prophet'. I kept telling them I wasn't their fucking dragon reborn or any shit like that. But this hand kept the townsfolk giving me places to stay, food to eat, and even money. As time went by, I saved, I bought, I finagled, and won this bar on a bet that I could belch their alphabet; which has thirty-five characters in it, I might add."

I stared at him dumb-founded. "You mean to tell me that the decayed stub on your shoulder makes you a prophet?"

"Yep. A rich powerful prophet. I've got enough personal disciples that I can't keep track of how the information, money, and people flow. I just know that I give the word and it is done."

I smiled at him. "It's like you’re a 12th level thief and you've got all these followers hanging around you."

"Holy shit! You're right! I never thought of it that way!"

I remembered something that I was carrying with me. I reached into my pocket and grabbed a piece of jewelry.

"Hey, Jonesy! You invented that soda yet?" yelled Burnsy half craning his neck towards the bar.

Jonesy returned Burnsy's question with a large middle finger.

Burnsy turned around to me. "Big dope. I cannot believe a world exists without Big K or Vess soda." 

I handed the jewelry to him. "Told you about a month or so ago about the problems I've been having with vampires lately."

Burnsy extended the chain to its full length. At the bottom swayed a cross glittering in the candles' light.

"This is what I've been taking off of their necks."

Burnsy looked up at me. "Yeh, so? It's just a cross."

I leaned in closer and started speaking in English so no one else would understand. "Don't you see? Cross equals Christianity. There is no Christianity on this world." I let that sink into Burnsy for a moment. His body jerked back from the necklace.

"Jeezus! That means...did someone follow us through the vortex?"

I looked at him with serious eyes. "That...or someone we know is the leader and creator of these vampires. And he or she is teaching them about it. Plus, get this, the cross does not hurt them!"

"Cripes! You wouldn't think any of us would do that, would you?!" Burnsy said incredulously.

"Well, obviously you aren't or I would have found out by now." I replied.

Burnsy smiled. "Nah, you wouldn't have."

"Screw you, I would have rooted you out in a month or so."

Burnsy waved his hand at me. "No way. Let me give you an example of my influence here. Jonesy! Tell me what Queen Astrid is doing right now."

Jonesy nodded and went over to a smallish fellow with a sock cap on and trousers. Jonesy leaned down and whispered something into his ear and the smaller man looked over at our table. He gulped and skittered out the door.

Burnsy tilted his head to look at me. "This usually takes about five minutes." He leaned back and cupped his hands behind his head to rest. "My underground has so many channels and people in it that even the Queen's guards can be bypassed with ease."

Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.

Just about five minutes passed and several more failed attempts at swallowing the swill Burnsy gave me, the fellow slid through the doors and ran up to the bar where Jonesy was at. A quick exchange and Jonesy glided as much as a two ton man can to Burnsy. He towered over us as he stopped at the table. "Her royal highness is bathing."

"Damn, I knew it! She always does that after she yells at me."

I chuckled. "Sort of a cleansing, huh? No wonder with that disgusting hand. And besides, ole pint-size over there could be lying."

Burnsy raised his eyebrows. "If you were pinty would you lie to Jonesy." Burnsy leaned back. "If I can find out those types of secrets, just think what kind of information I can keep secret."

I smirked at him.

After Jonesy rumbled back to the bar, Burnsy leaned over to me. "But, come on! You don't think one of us is behind the vamps, do you?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "You tell me, you're the info man. What is everybody doing these days?"

Burnsy took a drink. "Well, Gunner is married and has a kid so he probably doesn't have time to be doing anything else. He's like this knight of some sort, some kind of mail order knight club, I don't know."

"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Back up. Gunnah is married? And has a kid? When did this happen?"

Burnsy scrunched up his face into his thinking mode. "Dunno. Guess about two years ago."

I frowned. "Man, he got busy fast!" Trying to let that sink in for a second I tried to gain a mental picture of Gunblaze with a baby.

"When he is not pokin' the dirt between his woman's legs, he's out saving his town. A real hero, they say. Course those are all the goody-two-shoes. A real man doesn't stay around after the missile’s been fired off. You grease her up and then yer done. Yep. Leave 'em screamin' for more, I say. Say, you know how to make a girl scream during sex?"

I held up my hands. "Yes! Yes, I do! You've told me that one!"

Burnsy turned around. "Jonesy?!"

Still drying the same mug, Jonesy replied. "Wipe your dick on her curtains!"

Burnsy slammed his fist on the table. "Damn, I'm gonna have to get new jokes!"

I walked over to Jonesy and whispered to him. "How about just some water, Jonesy?" I looked back at Burnsy who was still in thinking mode. "Spring....not toilet water."

Jonesy gunned and winked me. He bent down and out popped a smooth, clear glass of water. I walked back to the table. Burnsy saw what I had and scrunched his face again.

"Where did you get that?! Jonesy!"

I waved him off. "Forget that. What about Jupe? Where is he at?"

Burnsy's face lifted. "Geez, last I heard, he was living off the land like some sort of animal hunter pioneer weirdo. No women, no nothing."

I took a drink. It was good water. "I know that Butress and HS are doing research on linking technology and magic...you know anything different?"

Burnsy waggled his head back and forth. "Nope. Them two brainiacs are splitting farts and atoms for all I know, but I believe they're not responsible."

My eyes became slits. "Chuck?"

Burnsy looked a little embarrassed. "I really don't know where he is at or what he has been doing. I get sketchy details, but it is usually the description on the body of one of my scouts that Chuck has left to send a message to back off. And I usually do. He's been all over the land with no pattern to it. I hate him."

I cupped my hands around my mug. "As usual, he needs to be sat down forcibly and made to answer some questions."

Burnsy's head nodded in agreement.

As I raised my mug to take another drink, a commotion started brewing outside of the bar. I noticed Burnsy taking quick stock of where his swords were as yelling and the clanging and scraping of metal were heard. A lady's yell and a holler of pain brought us to our feet. I looked for possible intruders that could come through the window or even might be in the bar already. Burnsy had one sword in hand as we heard a thumping and scraping approaching the swinging front entrance doors.

Without warning, a body flew through the doors and *thumped* to the wooden floor which rose up a cloud of dust. The body was headless, but I noticed a blood stained gold necklace that had a cross attached to it lying next to the body. The doors creaked open and in stepped a knight in blood smeared silver armor. In his one hand he carried the head that belonged to the body on the floor. His other hand slowly reached up to flip up the helmet mask. Shoulders heaving in obvious exhaustion, the boyish face revealed belonged to our acquaintance, Gunblazegriffin.

He pointed to Jonesy who almost finished drying the same mug.

"Barkeep! A flagon of milk! And take me to your bathroom!"