At times, I hated myself. For forgetting. For living too comfortably and at ease, so much so that the haunting echoes of my past appeared in my dreams only from time to time.

I hated how all the profit I earned and all the money I saved throughout the years had been thrown away as if it were nothing of value.

Above all, I hated the fact I had to force my sleep-deprived brain to study until my eyes bled.

With company.

“Did we ever study this…? We didn’t right?”

“I…I don’t think we even had this subject. Vex, do you remember?”

I wished I could say I was threatened into this situation, yet the only one who could be blamed was me.

They begged me to help, albeit my good judgment warned me to decline.

They both belong to noble houses, even if they are smaller ones. It’s better to have them owing you than the opposite.

This is what I told myself at the time.

Yet the regret I could taste in this moment was bitter and sour, enough to make me wish I was dead.

“…Professor Bel went over this in our first lesson. That pile over there are the subjects he was supposed to give us next week.”

Ceres and Elowen stared at me with widened eyes, their expressions pale—almost ill. They both glanced over to the other book pile, with nine thick volumes stacked on top of one another, and a few more scrolls still tied with simple knots.

“Could any of you punch me? Cousin Thomas used to say I fall asleep easily, so I must be dreaming now, right? Best way to make this end is to wake up.”

Ceres didn’t answer.

I think I broke her.

Since Belenus Kairon gave us the news about the changes for the exams, I’d been coming to the library as soon as classes ended. The day before, I stayed until I got kicked out by the custodian. But on the exam’s eve, these two blessed individuals grabbed me by the arms and fell on their knees, asking for help.

And because they paid beforehand, no custodian came to disturb us as we spent the night away at the library, studying until our eyes fell out and our minds rot.

At least, that was what they were trying to do.

Sighing, I hit them both in the forehead with my notes.

“Listen here. We have less than six hours until the written exam. The one thing you two should aim for is to not fail so miserably—Belenus said we are out if we fail three exams. So try to do the bare minimum to pass this first one.”

Because things will only get more difficult from here…

Ceres’ eyes began to fill with tears, her voice breaking while the words struggled to leave her lips.

“I will fail miserably, won’t I? My family was right… I…I really can’t make it here…”

As she cried, I saw Elowen’s lips begin to tremble as well, their gazes brimming with despair and the sheer terror of failure.

I pulled my hair, swallowing down a curse.

Fuck me. Fuck them. Fuck Ergos.

Just fuck everything.

My head throbbed, my eyes burned. I didn’t care rather they passed or failed. However, seeing their faces at that moment, alongside their trembling lips and tearful eyes…

Somehow, it made me feel…uncomfortable.

Is this how Emrys felt when he was teaching me?

…I am sure I never looked that pitiful, though.

“Let’s change tactics. You two, write down every subject you are good at, or at least the ones you have a better understanding.”

They did it as I instructed. To my luck, many subjects overlapped. I stood up, searching for the missing books I needed and gathering them at our already book-crowded table. After separating the books into two piles, I turned to them.

“Ceres, this is your pile. Focus on the images, and do your best to summarize the main points, and complement the pictures with whatever information they are missing—with your own words.”

The girl blinked a few times, her tears stopping for a few moments.

“And you, Elowen,” I pushed the other pile toward him. “Read and copy those. Let me know when you finish.”

They exchanged glances with each other before looking at me one more time. Almost as if they were asking for my permission to start.

Too tired to humor them, I sighed again.

“Study, sleep, leave—honestly, I don’t care. Do what you will.”

A few moments later, all I could hear was the sound of their quills and pages turning. I glanced at them every now and then, satisfied to see their eyes were a bit more focused. Though I had only met them recently, I could already tell a few things from the lessons we had together.

Ceres lacked the patience to read and write things down, yet she was better with visual and audio cues. Elowen, however, had a decent memory. I could waste hours trying to explain something to him, and he would forget it all. Yet if I had him write it down, he would remember it like magic.

If they truly memorized the things they were studying now, they could pass the written exam.

My problem, however, was a different one.

I went for some flights with Styx the last dawn, before coming to Ergos. And to make sure I wouldn’t embarrass myself by doing poorly on my first written exam—and to aid the happy duo—I focused on the subjects we didn’t have a chance to see.

Why do I have to name all the bones in a dragon…? This is stupid.

For winged dragons, there were differences between races. Four-legged wings’ would usually have between 2-3 phalanges, while two-legged’s would have five.

Four-legged, like birds, would have ulnas almost the same size as their radius. Yet the size comparison for two-legged dragons was a lot different.

And of course, how could I forget the density of their bones? So unique it had its own calculation, based on a dragon’s age, race, and core. Usually, cold core dragons’ bones were lighter.

A wing’s membrane could also have different names depending on these same factors; a dragon’s race and core. And somehow, Ergos concluded all this information was simply indispensable for a rider to succeed.

I felt dizzy, my vision blurring. Something warm started running down my nose, yet before I could touch I saw the red droplet falling and spreading onto the paper, the blood swallowing and tainting the words I had just written with its bright, scarlet color.

After cleaning my nose with my sleeve, I continued to read and write down the sections.

Because there was nothing else a student from the reinforcement class at Ergos could do.

----------------------------------------

I woke up with a startle, right after hearing a loud noise.

Not even three seconds later, the black crystal on my wrist kept pulsing with a bright light, creating a high-pitched sound that echoed through the library.

As I buried my face in my hands, my heart still racing, I thanked and cursed my past self at the same time.

I can’t believe I fell asleep…

I was so glad I set up a few alarms in case we missed the time.

Yet the moment I glanced at the time, I nearly fell down the chair.

I had set up six alarms.

And somehow, slept until the very last one of them.

“You two, wake up! Hey, wake up NOW!”

They both jumped in their seats and by the time they found me I was already grabbing everything and putting inside the bag.

“We have five minutes until Professor Bel walks into the classroom—we need to go now!”

It took them five seconds to process my words. And when they did, they looked as desperate as I was.

For that had been one of the very first rules Belenus Kairon made us understand during our first day.

Whether you were in the classroom when he arrived, or you were out.

And the library we were in was at another building.

The last time I ran like that was during Emrys’ training, before I enrolled in Ergos. Yet the last time I had felt so desperate as I ran was the day Alantra Harris and the authorities invaded the underground and surrounded Jackal.

I glanced back at the time, the number staring back at me like a death sentence.

We are late.

We turned into the hallway, and all I could see as dread sunk into my flesh and carved a hole in my chest was the closed door.

No…

By the time I reached for the doorknob, I was breathless. Blood was rushing through my body, yet I felt cold and hollow—my hands shaking too much.

“Vex…?”

Behind me, I heard Ceres' broken voice. I bit my lip, not even bothering to knock. I simply opened the door.

And was immediately met with six other pairs of eyes who were all frightened and relieved.

It took me a few seconds to scan the classroom and realize Belenus Kairon was not there.

“If you three don’t go inside in the next ten seconds, I will remove your names from the list.”

The voice reached me from a distance, being close enough to send chills down my spine. As I turned around, I saw Belenus walking down the corridor with a stack of papers in his arms, staring at us with annoyance.

I blinked a few times, the air still stuck in my lungs.

The man cursed as he reached us, practically kicking us in before shutting the door behind him.

“I swear, not only do I have to wake up early to prepare these shitty exams for you lot, I still have to play the babysitter? What, you think my time here is cheap for trash like you to be abusing it like that?”

Even as he complained, Professor Bel went on to write down things on the board and place a crystal on his table, with the timer.

Only when I was holding the exam in my hands, after writing down my name, did my hands stop shaking. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down my nerves, gather my thoughts.

Nothing happened this time, Vex. You had luck.

…luck, huh?

Belenus sat down in his chair, putting both feet on top of the table.

“You have one hour. Begin.”