Spoiler alert for those who haven’t actually read my story. This is part 2 where I self-assess how well I applied part 1’s thoughts on making the story and characters feel alive. It will definitely examine the events of book 2 and discuss how they came to be, meaning it is spoiler-ridden!
Ok, ready? I’m telling you, major spoilers! Skip this if you plan on reading my series!
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So how well did I lose control and reel it back?
So, here’s a major bombshell: The Whale of ZhiXia, Ji WuMing, was originally going to die in this book. But not from the fight with the Empire’s four Titled Ones, no. The strongest known character with actual page time was not slated to get killed in a fight with insurmountable odds. He was going to die out of moral obligation, sentenced to death by the very people he had sworn to protect, in the "Aftermath Arc".
Wait, how did we get here in the first place, you may ask? Well here’s the quick summary:
* After the events of book 1, Molam gets what he wants, but finds that it’s not what he really wanted. Having had a taste of life outside of the Castle, he finds himself unable to just go back to a sheltered life on his own. This is especially true when he discovers the one individual he sought the company of had already left.
* Following that and several other plotlines, Molam decides that he’ll at least finish what he started regarding Fiery One’s rebirth. This brings him back down to ZhiXia City.
* Meanwhile, the Empire is pursuing the SunFlower’s design, which causes almost all of the events of book 2. Nearly everything following this decision was more or less unplanned by me.
* Hum-dee-da, Festival of the Hero, where we explore this tiny part of the world a bit as set-up before allowing everything to coalesce into a plot avalanche.
* Next, a lengthy fight with Roxxa (20k words is 1/3rd your average novel), which caused a lot of destruction in the City. As a funny side note: Molam and his companions only fought against a severely weakened Roxxa. I’d say she was at just under 20% after she used the Prince’s token to break free from Ji’s imprisoning ice. That being said, she did her best with a maimed hand and with minimal aura reserves.
* After Roxxa’s rampage, Aster of the Sharks decided that this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Sure, Ji didn’t cause the damage; but his decision to pursue the three Titled Ones instead of staying to defend ZhiXia City indirectly enabled Roxxa’s rampage. While it’s true that Aster does not hate Ji, it’s hard to decouple Aster’s negative opinion of Ji’s absences with poor outcomes. Everything Aster explained is a real problem in ZhiXia.
By the way, I — the storyteller, me — didn’t know any of this was going to happen when looking at the initial plot. I seriously thought we were going to Oasis, except the above happened. Oh — and Ji died, because it felt natural.
That’s when I knew I’d lost control. Something was about to happen that would have quite a few ramifications. Okay, reel it in. Let’s explore what that looks like…
…oh right, Ji’s story isn’t done yet. Ok hmm, is it worth it to still…? Let’s see what the beta reader thinks… Ah. Wait, Ji has a fan?
Well, this is awkward.
WHAT MADE IT ALMOST WORTH IT
Ji’s death, while surprising even to me when I was writing it out, would have been extremely fitting for the story.
To start with, a major theme of book 2 was critiquing two forms of government: authoritarianism and democracy. Molam flirts dangerously close to problematic ideals that are often associated with fascism and authoritarianism, and I let both the Oracle and Ji correct his course. That being said, I hope it makes sense why Molam has these thoughts given his background and the way he sees the world.
(Just in case it’s not clear, I have two wiser characters talk Molam down because I 100% disagree with those ideals. Molam isn’t perfect, and he should never come across as perfect. He can be wrong despite his better-than-average mind because he’s still influenced by his circumstances. It’s unfortunate, but fascism and authoritarianism are easy to fall into precisely because it’s attractive to even a logical mind. Molam in particular is susceptible to this line of thinking because of his past.)
For Molam, a community vote was the primary cause of his death. Ask any one person to kill a child in the hopes it would bring rain and save the harvest — many could not. But ask an entire community of hungry people to vote on it, and suddenly the responsibility is diffused.
This sets the stage for Ji’s death in order to serve the theme. He defends the system of vote, telling Molam off for sharing the same ideals as the tyrants and despots that have occasionally sprung up. Ji puts so much emphasis on allowing the community to choose that he willingly submits to arrest and jail.
Ironically, it would have been the very system and people he protected who will sentence him to death by suicide. Ji would have obeyed because in his mind he not only deserves it, but to disregard the results of the vote would be anti-democratic.
The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
However, Democracy is also not above criticism. As Churchill once said, “democracy is the worst form of Government except for all those other forms that have been tried”.
This series of circumstances illustrates something best summed up as: there is no right or wrong, only consequences. A specific character’s observation in Meditations.
REELING IT BACK
Changing a character death because of a beta reader feedback will never — wait, that’s too strong — should never happen again. It only happened this time because:
* I was wholly unprepared for the plot to go this direction, which was when I realized I had lost too much control.
* The result of going through with it would have scrapped much of what I had already planned for BtH’s 9 books.
* I wanted to finish Ji’s story without relying on flashbacks and memory scenes.
For the curious, I briefly entertained writing out a full “What if?” side-story. The reason that didn’t happen was because when I outlined the ripple effects of Ji’s death, everything changed.
Let's go through an overview of what happens:
ZHIXIA’S HAPPENINGS, AROUND OUR MAIN CAST
* Changes from the immediate plot
* Despite Molam’s best maneuvers, the speed at which the vote happened was too much. The vote for whether Ji is guilty would have been decided on 1 vote, after which the Sharks would pronounce Ji to be guilty as charged. Ji would then say his last words in front of the crowd, echoed throughout ZhiXia City, then drive an icicle through his heart.
* Before Madam Scarlette and Primrose could have time to fully process what just happened, GloomSire and Kalle would crash down from the skies, chased by Ruskru and Rei. Primrose recognizes that if the Eclipse has personally shown up for this, they must desperately need a Master Alchemist. Ruskru is stunned by the sight of Ji’s corpse, so much that he temporarily forgets he was in the middle of a chase. Primrose seizes the chance to drag Kalle towards Sanctuary, hoping Molam noticed the sudden change in events.
* The Oracle noticed, alerting Molam to the sequence of events. Molam mourns for Ji while he dashes out to help escort Kalle into Sanctuary, but Ruskru’s Domain has fully extended without challenge after setting Rei to keep Yao-ren in check. Molam and Primrose are doing their best to pull Kalle into Sanctuary’s borders, but Ruskru has trapped Kalle’s lower half outside. The Eclipse says that he would prefer not to cripple Kalle, but would if he needs to.
* GloomSire’s fight with the Tempest gets close, and Molam signals to GloomSire to force the Tempest into a fight close to YiZhi Mountain right above Sanctuary. After his initial confusion, GloomSire determines that Molam’s curious hand gesture meant to signal that the Tempest’s aura detection was now covered by the Eclipse’s Domain. Understanding Molam’s plan, he drags Rei into a fight where she touches the Domain surrounding Sanctuary. This fulfills the requirement for the Submerged Leviathan to interfere since it’s no longer a “worldly” affair, and the Empire’s two Titled Ones are forced to retreat to bring an end to that arc.
* Tee-dle-dee-hum, Molam now has to negotiate with the mursashu on reaching Oasis. There’s a lot more mourning, and a special bonfire is held for cremating the Whale of ZhiXia.
* The immediate aftermath, macro-scale
* In ZhiXia City alone, the sudden loss of the Whale of ZhiXia would result in some grim developments such as the resurgence of other bandits and unsavory crime sprees across the City. This doesn’t necessarily mean Aster of the Sharks made the wrong call. As mentioned, there is no right or wrong, only consequences. In this case, Aster simply wanted there to be an impetus for change, but the people who have lived with the peace brought about by the Whale of ZhiXia’s existence don’t remember how turbulent it was before. Can’t blame them; it’s been almost a century since ZhiXia City saw any real turmoil.
* HuaLang Chamber would have been forced to recall multiple stationed Flowers to help the Sharks deal with a mess that Sanctuary deemed worldly affairs, aka “not something we interfere with.”
* Across the Central Valley, news of the Whale of ZhiXia’s death would ripple through the Free Cities and the Empire alike.
* The Empire would have a mixed reaction. While he had defected decades ago, Ji was never replaced as the de facto Commander of the Red Army. That being said, Ji WuMing is technically an enemy of the Empire, having caused incalculable amounts of damage when he fought the Prince eight decades ago.
* Despite this fact, the death of Ji would cause a giant rift within the Titled Ones of the Empire and its various Cities as well. Crescent City, Falysos, and Exabell still consider Ji to be a hero from the Frost Saint’s Rebellion, and many of the Free Cities have their own stories of Ji’s positive affects on them.
* This chaos, made worse by the current sleeping status of the Empire’s Prince, would have resulted in the Empire’s Titled Ones choosing to make a full-on assault on ZhiXia City. Their reasoning would be to secure it so they could give the Prince a foothold to fight the Submerged Leviathan again when he woke up.
* The other Free Cities, understanding this and seeing that ZhiXia City no longer had its defending Titled One, would have been forced to band together to wage all-out war on the Empire while condemning ZhiXia City’s residents, with four of the Free Cities contemplating capturing ZhiXia City for themselves.
* And that’s all in the two Sorrows before the Prince wakes up!
In short, the story Below the Heavens would have changed drastically. I was in the middle of figuring out what part our main cast would be playing in this cock-up cascade when I realized nope nope nope, no can do. I’m going back to my original plan; just with a few slight changes.
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And that’s the story of how I lost control, explored where that would lead to, then reeled it back in! I’m somewhat glad it happened because that’s when I realized that my cats were cat-ing and it was still on me to herd them correctly. By tracing it all back to Ji’s death and realizing, okay, this is that turning point, I had to make the difficult decision to undo it.
I 100% still hope to find myself losing control in the future! Because then I’ll know the story really is taking on a life of its own.
Cheers, and thanks for reading.
CKMo, Scholar of the Fallen Star Pavilion