Mari woke up as the sun filtered through the window. She forced herself to get out of the bed and to eat breakfast. It took a few minutes, but she began to feel somewhat better after eating. Her head still hurt, but she was able to comfortably walk about the room. That was good. She couldn't waste her day trying to recover. There was too much in her head for her to stay still.
She ignored the red stains on her dress and on her that had not been there earlier. Thinking about it would only make her feel worse. Sliding the crown onto her head, Mari decided she needed to see Dainan despite her hesitations. She determined the only way to sort through her conflicting thoughts was to go to him. She had much on her mind, but more than that, she found she missed him. It was strange. Mari thought more, realizing she missed him even more than she missed Muraad and the rest of the Seven when they had left her on that day in the cottage. That day felt like years ago to her, but Mari knew it had not been that long. Did she miss the Seven as much as she used to? No, Mari couldn't enjoy their presence like she used to, not when they made her feel so... so...
She stopped in the middle of a hallway; her stomach churned. That feeling returned. The one from the day she first met Dainan, like being torn in half. She increased her pace; her mind reeled from the thoughts in it.
She sprinted the rest of the way. Her feet burned, and her footsteps echoed around her. The guard in front of it hurried out of her way. He glanced over his shoulder at her, and Mari realized she must look frightful. She didn't care; there were far more important thing at hand than what that guard thought. Mari burst into the cell, slamming the door behind her. Coughing, she bent over to catch her breath. Her sides burned; she tried to speak, but nothing came out.
"Mari! What's wrong? Are you alright? Are you hurt?" Dainan took her by the arm and helped her sit down.
"Give her a moment to catch her breath," Regan said. She bounced her baby, coming a few steps closer, but maintained a safe distance.
"Sorry." Dainan winced as Mari's breathing slowed.
She kept her head down; her eyes watered, and her throat constricted. Her voice came out broken, like she had swallowed shards of glass. She said, "I'm not alright."
Something flickered in her sight. She glanced up to see Dainan kneeling in front of her. Regan had stepped forward, forgetting about distance. Her face... She placed a hand on Mari's shoulder and held her baby with the other. Dainan took a deep breath. His face was warm, concerned. It was so different from the way the Seven looked at her. Better different, even better than how Muraad looked at her. "Tell me, what's wrong?"
Mari took a shuddering breath, coughing. She had to tell him; that's why she was there, but a pang coursed through her heart. She had to do this, but her hands shook. If the Seven knew... Mari clenched her fists. She had to. She said, "I—The Seven. Balak. He, he was frustrated, upset – it was so hot, boiling, and – he and the twins, they – they wanted to destroy, and people got hurt. I–I couldn't do it. I did something. I couldn't watch it. It hurt too much."
Tears leaked from her eyes, and her shoulders shook. "I don't understand it. Dainan, I don't want to do this anymore, but I don't know what to do!"
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Strangled noised came out of her throat. Tears rolled down her cheeks, etching their way into her skin. "The Seven... I want no part in it! They use me, and people get hurt, but what can I do? I just feel so... wrong. Confused? So... alone."
Chains rattled softly. A pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her into an embrace. As much of an embrace as someone who was restrained could manage. Mari wouldn't have known the difference anyway. His voice steadied her racing heart. "That emotion, Mari, it's called being lost. We've all been there."
Mari clutched his shirt, struggling to breathe. It was like she had lost control of herself, but this time she had no idea who was pulling the strings. "How do I make it stop? What do I do? I feel like I'm being torn in half, and I can't stop it. Please, help me."
"Mari," Dainan said. He pulled away slightly. "Look at me."
She wiped at her eyes and looked up. He said, "I promise I'll help you. We'll figure this out, together. You're not alone; you've got me. I'm with you every step of the way."
A hand brushed her face. Another hand rubbed circles into her shoulder. Mari pushed her hair back and took a deep breath. "Promise? What does that mean? I don't understand. How do I know you won't leave me alone like the Seven did? You said you believe me. But, I want to, I truly do, but how do I believe you? I want your help, I do, but you're just a man in cell."
"That's what a promise is for, Mari. A promise means, well, Mari, it means you can believe me. A promise means it doesn't matter what's in the way, what I have to do, I will follow through. It means you don't have to worry." Dainan said, taking her hand. Mari stared at their hands. Hers was so small compared to his. It was so bony and frail. How was it possible she hadn't broken until now? Maybe... maybe it was because she had always been broken, damaged beyond repair. Was this what it was like to be healed?
Everything came rushing at her again. How could she possibly do this? Her hands shook. How could she make it through this in one piece? Dainan's grip tightened. How different their hands were. Hers covered in grime, stained red. Mari did not believe it could ever come off compared to Dainan's clean, normal hands.
He continued, "I may just be a man in a cell, but when I promise you I will help, you can believe me. I will help you through this. Mari, I'm not going to leave you. I know how you feel. I've been lost and alone. Facing the Seven, the day you first arrived, I had no idea what to do. Just like you do right now, but it's going to be okay, for both of us. Do you remember what you said that day I told you I believed you? You said you weren't alone. I'm never going to let you feel alone because I've been there, knowing that pain. I'm not going to stand by and watch."
Mari stared at him, steadying her breath.
"I believe you."
"Good." Dainan smiled.
The baby made odd, gurgling noises. Mari peered through her hair. Regan wore an odd expression, but it was a king expression. Regan said, "We'll both help you through this."
"I—" Mari wiped at her eyes for a different reason than before. Her fears from before, about Regan and Dainan not wanting her around because she was an outsider, were gone. She had never been so glad to be so wrong about something. "I'm so glad, glad to have you, both of you. It means more than anything I could ever put into words. Thank you."
"We'll get through this," Dainan said. "We'll stop the Seven, I promise."
Mari bowed her head. She believed him. She did, but she knew it wouldn't be easy. It would be the hardest thing she ever did, she was certain. It would be even harder than the day she decided to seek out Dainan. Could she really do it? Go against the Seven? Go against everything, everyone she had known her entire life? Could she fight the creatures that defined her? Who would she be without them? Could she do this to Muraad? Could she last without them? Mari had a sinking feeling like it was going to kill her to go through with this.