I submerge my head below the cool flowing river water and scrub desperately at my hair. It feels like I will never get clean. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I am far cleaner than when I got here, but no matter how much I scrub there is always more slime. And do not get me started on my pyjamas. Those goop stains are never coming out. Oh, my dear fantasy world Goddess, forget shoes, weapons, and armour. Please just give me some damn soap.

I really have to thank Graem and his group of adventurers the next time I see them for guiding me here. The water is pristine and the area itself is sheltered enough from prying eyes. Most importantly though, thanks to them I won’t be reentering the city smelling like a half-eaten rodent corpse. Apparently, adventurers come to this section of the river all the time for cleanup after getting dirty on the job. Of course, despite how common a post-dungeon river detour is, my own personal hygiene situation was apparently especially unique. Yeah, tell me about it.

Water floods into my laughing mouth, forcing me to surface and cough it out. Hopefully a little more of the shit was at least flushed out.

I hop out of the river and begin to dry myself off with my still wet clothes. It would be nice to stay a little longer, I certainly don’t feel clean. But the sunset is nearing the horizon, and I don’t want to be out in the wilderness overnight.

The walk back to the city is short enough that I’m still not dry by the time I arrive. Unfortunate, but at least I made it back before the creatures of the night start roaming. The city gate is well lit by a series of metal sconces fixed to the stone walls. Now that I look at them carefully, they look shorter than the dungeon fortress walls. A single guard rests lazily back against the wooden gate, his eyes wander across my body, briefly halting on my locket.

“You’re looking a bit wet there, adventurer.” He grins at me. “Unusual day?”

“Unusual day? You don’t know the half of it.” I can’t help snorting. “But yes, I’m soaked. I could definitely use a warm fire to help me dry off. Speaking of, I’m new to the city. Would you be able to point me to a tavern where I could rent a room for the night?”

“You’re new to Favel, adventurer?”

I smile. “It’s actually my first day here.”

“Well then welcome to our city. How much coin are you thinking about spending tonight?”

“I was hoping I could find some shelter that houses people for free.”

The guard shakes his head. “I’m not sure where you hail from adventurer, but you won’t find anything like that in Favel. If you want a room you’ll be paying in coin.”

I nod and snort again. Of course not. Nothing in this world can ever be easy can it, fantasy world Goddess?

The guard’s eyes soften a bit. “Well, I shouldn’t be saying this, but there’s a stone bridge by the west docklands. I’ve seen some of the homeless shelter there at times. At the least it’ll keep you dry in case it rains. Though might be a bit too late for that.”

“Any places with a fire where I could at least dry up before that then?”

“Nowhere that would let you in without coin. Well, actually the Adventurer’s Guild Hall would and though I’ve never been inside myself they must have a fireplace. Try there first, though I doubt anywhere else will house you. You’d better hurry though, it’s getting late.”

“Right.” I step past the guard then turn back, “Thank you.”

“Not at all. Safe travels adventurer.” The guard waves at me.

I wave back and enter the city before stopping suddenly. Slowly turning back, I find the guard looking at me expectantly. “This is going to sound really stupid, but could you remind me the directions to the Adventurer’s Guild Hall?”

He laughs and shakes his head. “Not a problem at all adventurer!”

----------------------------------------

The city guard was right to suggest the Guild Hall. It houses a roaring fireplace and luckily, I was able to grab a seat nearby. That, or the other patrons noticed my sopping wet state and gave it to me out of pity. Hard to tell considering how half-lucid most of the people in here are. The place is jam packed with drunk as hell adventurers. I wasn’t expecting the Guild Hall to double as a tavern, though retrospectively it makes perfect sense. I mean what else is a fantasy world adventurer supposed to do after a hard day of adventuring but knock back some ale?

While drying off I’ve had plenty of time to get a measure of everyone else here. Even more than meeting a dwarf in a dwarf sized house, or chasing goblins through a cave while watching wounds heal at an impossible rate, this Guild Hall gives the feeling of having been transported to a fantasy world. There is truly a diverse range of characters of all different sizes, shapes and colours. Giants twice my height and dwarf’s half it. Lithe Elves, and furred beastpeople. And then there are all the strange beings whose bodies are not easily described with Earth language. How many more strange and fantastical creatures will I be meeting over the course of my time in this world I wonder? Even amongst similar species and races the diversity of looks is tremendous. Each individual clothed in assortment of different coloured furs, pelts, and metals. Some carrying bows, others swords, or staves, or wands, or so on and so on.

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

This diversity does not end with appearance. The adventurers have been enjoying themselves in a myriad of ways. There are table groups gambling with dice or cards, others engage in games of strength and skill, and of course the majority of patrons are singing and dancing between swigs of drink. Every now and then I even overhear snippets of conversation focused on abilities, levels, classes, and monster fighting strategies. It’s more annoying than helpful really since I don’t understand any of it. However, at the same time, I can’t deny that it sparks a primal desire inside of me. The best thing about the diverse and boisterous atmosphere though, is that everyone is too preoccupied to pay the slightest bit of attention to me. Seems the epic tale of Reed the Shit Bathing Adventurer hasn’t spread just yet.

I mindlessly people watch for another few hours and one by one people trickle out of the guild hall. Finally, after a mass exodus I find myself one of the last few in the building. Must be closing time. To prove my theory a waitress approaches me. I follow her directions and make my way to the exit. Pity they don’t offer adventurers free lodging, but at least I was given enough time to dry. The biting wind hits me as soon as I step outside. It could be worse, I could be cold and wet. Hopefully the docklands bridge also protects me from the wind. I really need to figure out how to get some coin tomorrow. There are too many things I need. A weapon, armour, shoes, soap, shelter. Are you listening fantasy Goddess? My stomach rumbles. Right, and food.

My walk through the city at night is pleasant and peaceful. Everything is well lit by multicoloured lanterns. The stone slate paving is far more comfortable to walk across than the cave floors. Of course, it doesn’t come close to the Guild carpets. People smile and nod at me despite my tattered and stained clothes. It’s honestly odd, shouldn’t people be treating me like a disgusting vagrant? Also, isn’t this the part of the hero’s journey where I am supposed be attacked by mindless goons who underestimate me, end up getting the snot beaten out of them, and leave me with a big sack of gold?

A chill wind blows past me, bringing with it the salty tang of the sea. In the distance, I can see a large stone bridge surrounded by a number of decrepit wooden warehouses. Must be the place. It’s far darker here without the string of colourful lanterns. I peer around cautiously. Yep, still no goons. Whatever, at least the bridge looks good. Replace the wooden warehouses with a fish and chips shop, and this might even be like camping in some beach town back home. It’s completely fine.

I arrive at the bridge unmolested and step under it. The wind isn’t as strong down here, at least I’ll be free from the cold. I move a bit further into bridges recesses and am met with a soft growling sound. Peering into the darkness I see the faint outline of a big shivering dog. It inches forward a few steps, its bright white fangs the only clear part of its body in the dark. Seriously Goddess, this is the random encounter you give me? Where are the petty thieves? How am I supposed to get instantly rich from this?

I retreat a few steps back out of the bridge and the dog edges out after me. As it steps out of the shadows, I get a better look at its splotchy brown, black, and white fur. Still growling, it takes an awkward step forward. It’s limping; poor thing is missing a hind leg.

I gently coo at it. “Nice pooch. Don’t eat the poor defenseless summoned hero from Earth.” It growls back.

The dog advances another step forward and I move back in lockstep.

“You’re a good doggy, right?”

It stops and sniffs the air a bit before heading closer to me. Closer and closer until it is only a few steps before me. Then suddenly it stops and turns it head up staring right at me. Its mouth opens and I see its tongue roll out as it pants gently.

“Sniffing is alright, just no biting yeah?”

A few more steps. I retreat a bit but it’s faster. It’s next to me now, its head moves slowly towards my leg and then it starts licking my pyjama pants.

“No!”

The dog turns its head up at me questioningly.

“Oh thank goodness.”

It turns back to my pant legs and starts licking again.

“Okay. So, you are a good doggy?”

It ignores me and continues licking my pants.

“Will you be sleeping under the bridge with me tonight?”

The dog awkwardly hops around me constantly licking my pants. Its tail begins wagging like mad.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” I lean down to pet it, and thankfully it lets me too preoccupied with my apparently delicious pyjama pants. It’s a nice feeling, for a dog that sleeps in the dirt under a bridge its fur is surprisingly soft and fluffy.

“So, are you a boy or a girl or?”

It looks at me blankly tongue hanging lazily from its mouth.

“You look like a boy. Well, you got a name, dog?”

His tongue moves to my now exposed shirtsleeve and begins lapping it up as he stares at me with his big, dopey eyes.

“I think I’ll call you Floofy.”

As I pet Floofy, he returns the affection with continuous shirt sleeve licks. I step under the bridge and lie down in the hole he just vacated. Floofy follows me and nuzzles up to me still licking my collar.

“Geez Floofy, you must really love the taste of goblin. At least you’ll make a good blanket. A fair trade for all the flavour I suppose. I appreciate that a lot you know. You keep me warm and I keep you warm.”

Floofy’s body twists and turns constantly in my tight embrace as he scrambles to lick different parts of me.

“Can I tell you a secret, Floofy? I think... I think I wasn’t really brought to this world to be a hero. There’s been no conversations with a Goddess, no cheat abilities, no overpowered artifacts. Hours spent chasing goblins through the dungeon with nothing at all to show for it. Not a single ability, level, nor stat improvement. Nothing but ruined clothes and a revolting smell.” I squeeze my eyes hard, but can’t help laughing as Floofy licks my ticklish neck. “Well I guess you don’t think so. It’s just, at this rate I’m not even going to end up with a monster girl anime harem.” I snort and wipe my nose into my mangled pyjamas. “I don’t know. It’s just, on Earth every day I dreamed of this. Well not this, not penniless and starving, sleeping under a bridge, in goblin-shit stained pyjamas.”

Floofy licks the salt water trails off of my cheeks.

“Maybe none of this is meant to be.” I sigh. “Hey, Floofy. Just in case there’s some kind of magic or ability that lets people talk to dogs, don’t tell anyone I said any of this okay?”

Floofy shakes his fur and nuzzles deeper into my embrace.

“Yeah, I know. I’ll think about it tomorrow. Never make big decisions when you are emotional and all that.” I whisper through a pained smile. “Goodnight Floofy, thank you.”