I guess you guys can than Mr003 for his review prompting me to make this post. I haven't written much since the end of June. These last 5-6 months have been utter shit and I haven't been writing because I've been only focused on surviving.

So a a quick chronological list on what's happened.

May - I moved in with my girlfriend to a new city over 100 miles away from my family. I was having difficulty finding a steady job and just taking 0hr contract jobs.

June - I was frequently travelling 200 mile return journeys by bus to commute to my old job while staying with my parents so I could pay the bills. It was also my birthday at the end of the month so I took some time off and fell out of the habit of writing.

July - My dad was killed, he was visiting a friend to help him do some building work because my dad is a skilled tradesman but he was killed by a driver being on the wrong side of the road for over 1 mile.

Then to now - I have not had longer than 3 days off work since then. This event has destroyed my family, I am already reclusive by nature but this just threw it into overdrive.

I am not begging for a handout, I'm explaining the situation on why I have not been writing.

My dad was the main income for my mum, sister, and brother. With him dead the bills are almost impossible to pay. The bank kept ramping up the mortgage rate to the point it was about £1200+ a month, not including utility, council tax, food, petrol, car insurance, WiFi, and all other necessities my family had.

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Luckily the mortgage had life insurance for my dad in case something like this happened, the mortgage is paid off, after 2 months of them gouging my mum for every penny they could get and continually ramping up the price.

But wait it gets worse.

There was a lot of jobs my dad was going to do to the house, building and the works (tradesman stuff) and my mum can't do it because of her health and she can't afford to either. So she's selling the house to move to a smaller one. I'm losing my family home as well as my dad.

And worse.

They arrested the man, when the police came to our door they stated that they have a "respectable older man" in their custody. It throws me through a loop for them to use that description, it makes me worry the judge will be lenient.

The guy is also free right now. He was released, and is at home with his wife, their children, in their house and my family is losing almost all of that.

It can take from anywhere 9+ months for the police to decide if they're going to charge the man and then take upwards if 3-4+ years for it to go to trial.

The man who killed my dad is free for the next 4-5 years until it goes to court in which the judge be lenient.

So we've started a civil action case, but the thing is that cannot continue until the verdict from the criminal case is complete. That civil action case would give my mum the money she needs to find breathing room and security of mind. But I'll need to be in my 30s to see the end of that.

So I haven't been writing because I'm not in the mood and it's hard to work up the motivation. I have a steady job now but it takes a lot of my time. I still love writing and sharing whatever stories, but I need to be in the right headspace and I don't know how long that will take.

I don't want to throw a pity party, it just felt good to write it up and vent a bit while explaining why nothing has been written, thanks for coming to my TED talk.