There was no melancholy, anger, or regret from earlier. Solely a singular pain that dully ached throughout his entirety, there was only a pure existence of being in the moment. Bread, mayonnaise, lettuce, tuna, tomato, red onion, pepperoncini, and bread again, he quickly wrapped the sandwich in deli paper, ringing up a guy in glasses.
“Your total is $14.39.”
The guy first paid a ten and a five. “One second. I think I have enough for thirty-nine cents.”
From the kangaroo pocket of his hoodie, the guy retrieved what looked like a watermelon wedge coin purse. It looked very odd, an artifact too cute and girly for the beholder. Theodore lifelessly gazed with his bloodshot eyes at the guy, the bearded man before him, fumbling around with his fingers for the exact change in his little pouch.
“A quarter, a dime, and one, two, three, four pennies,” the guy happily counted out.
Theodore accepted the precise tender on the counter, depositing the bills and coins into the cash register and bagging the sandwich. Likely noticing Theodore staring, the guy cheekily asked, “You like it?”
“Where’d you get it from?”
A wealth of warmth twinkled in his eyes, juxtaposed against the harsh cold glare of his glasses. He held the watermelon wedge with affection. “A friend.”
“It must be a close friend.”
The guy didn’t seem to hear the last remark. He instead requested, “Uhh, is it possible if you can give me two cookies?”
At Joe’s Hot Sandwich Shop, they always gave a free, complimentary cookie to go with any sandwich order. Theodore placed an extra chocolate chip delight into the guy’s bag.
“Thank you!” With sincerity, the guy subtly nodded before hurrying out to somewhere they needed to be. Behind the register, Theodore watched as the guy’s figure shrunk into the distance before turning a corner and disappearing.
Where did people usually go when they left you? If the dreams stopped and he no longer saw the individual, where would he go? Would he go back to staying in his room like he used to, only leaving the house to do the bare minimum? Would he go back to the colorless days and nights, unfeeling and depressed, kept awake only by the bright screens of his phone and computer? Theodore felt so dead. There was so much to change about himself since the individual appeared yet his body couldn’t keep up. And now that the individual had disappeared, he began to crumble, both emotionally and physically.
“Teddy, I’m so tired!”
“Is that why you brought a blanket with you?”
“Mhm.” The girl had a blue wool blanket draped over her head. She looked like an eskimo granny.
“How much sleep did you get?”
“Hehe. Not a lot.”
“And how much is that? Five? Six?”
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“Six.”
Seeing her yawning in fatigue, he turned to address the class.
“Alright, we’re almost done with today’s lesson! Jere-bear, you can talk to Norton about the ubiquity of Fourier Transforms after class.” “Jere-bear,” much to his chagrin, respectfully gave his attention towards his teacher. A few of his students laughed. Resting under the cool shade of the oak tree in the orange autumn, everyone listened to Theodore lecture.
“There are things in life that seem important in a particular instant, at a particular time. Maybe it’s to constantly be on top of things, making sure everything is properly taken care of. Maybe you feel that if you take a day off to rest, you’re afraid that you will fall, unable to get back up again. Maybe there’s this pressure to perform and uphold the excellent standards you or the people around you have set for you and that by taking a step back, it will damage your pride and make it seem like you have failed. Struggling to keep up with these unreasonable expectations, you find yourself completely broken, sleep-deprived, and exhausted. It feels like you don’t want to do anything at all, anymore. You start hating things. You get burned out.”
Theodore smiled.
“I value the time we spend together each and every day. We always have so much to accomplish. We always have so much to do. I couldn’t have been more lucky to have such wonderful, hardworking students.”
Theodore looked at each and every one of his kids much in the same way that guy in glasses did with his watermelon coin purse.
“But please properly take care of yourselves. As much as it saddens me to say this, I’d rather have you not come to class if it’s a matter of getting enough sleep and allowing yourself time to rest. When you feel refreshed, then we can resume and make sure we’re spending the best quality time we can together.”
Theodore glanced at the girl in the front, clutching to her blanket. He mandated impromptu, “Since today’s lesson revolves around the motif of how we choose to spend our time, for the remaining portion of class, I would like you all to choose how you want to spend your time. Ultimately, pick something you think would be much more meaningful than going on your phone or studying for a test that’s in a week.”
Some kids gave Theodore critical looks. If I can’t go on my phone or study for the next test I need to get an A on, what am I supposed to do? However, the majority understood the assignment and opted to put their heads down for a nap or to talk with their friends.
As Theodore sauntered around the classroom, thinking about something, he heard, “Teddy, can you talk to me?” Nestled in blankets, with her head down, the girl who wrote stories for him whimpered. “Teddy?”
Theodore, standing beside her, asked, “What do you want to talk about?”
“Anything,” she weakly mumbled.
Theodore scratched his chin before beginning, “There was once a dumb dog owner of a chonker named Teddy. For some odd reason, the dog owner decided to call their teacher that, too.”
“Heyyyy,” the girl softly whined. The girl soon fell asleep.
That night, Theodore resolved to try again. Finding a playlist online, a medley of calm jazz, he accepted his weakness. He did not long for the computer that he had been saving up for a year anymore. He did not cower in worry or fear towards Gillette. He did not even bat an eye at the countless unread messages from his phone. Troubles upon troubles, Theodore shunned all meaninglessness aside.
He brought in a trash bag, some Lysol wipes, and plenty of towels into his bedroom like he was going to war. He tossed his broken mouse and the empty water bottles into the trash bag and all his dirty laundry into a hamper. Switching on his portable vacuum cleaner, he swept across his floor to remove any loose particulates. Grains, granules, hair, he sucked it all up. Now he could wipe everything down. Loads of towels died in the process.
After the dusty cobwebs and grimy stains of seven long years had been expunged from his room, he moved onto his kitchen. He thoroughly scrubbed the dishes with ample amounts of detergent. He applied baking soda onto the burn marks on his stovetop. Leaving a warm, damp cloth on top of the powdered spots, Theodore descended into the underground garage with two Febreze spray cans, locked and loaded. He sprayed the air freshener with all his might. Ooh, that lavender smelled splendid. Chucking a pair of socks and moldy crackers into the trash, he locked his car, returning upstairs, making his way back to the apartment and now into his bathroom.
By the time everything had been fully purged of clutter and trash, Theodore stretched in exultation. The time read 2 AM. He paused and closed his musical playlist, going to bed in peace without a shred of fear or doubt, knowing he had done all he could for today.