The first order of business would be which link he decided to strengthen. He didn’t just want to focus on his bug link, even if he thought it would be fun to study his beetle friend, he wanted something useful. The fog he already created was infused with the idea of [Greenglow Beetle], so the big question was: What idea did he want to showcase to the world?

Deciding that started with looking at the different links. He saw it before, but a few of them were stronger than others. Three links in particular stood out, with two others that were notable but stood out less.

The links that stood out were thicker than the others when they got further away from his soul, connecting out to somewhere in the real world, but as they got closer to his memories, they split apart and connected to different moments in his life. He decided to start with the thickest rope, and follow it down to a point, tapering off from a million memories into just a single one.

The memory took place in middle school. They were let out for recess, but one girl had to stay behind. He didn’t know why, but her leg was in a cast, so she couldn’t run around with anyone else. Dei watched the memory from the start, seeing her friends talk to her for a minute or so before leaving her behind on a bench as they went to go play on the slide. He saw how she got a bit red, and her eyes watered a bit, so he wanted to help.

He remembered Taj always brought a card game, so Leven told him that he would prefer to play cards rather than soccer that day. Taj didn’t really care, so he got his cards, and Leven suggested they play it with the girl that was sitting alone. Taj had given him a side-eye, but complied, and together they approached the girl on the bench, helping her get to her wheelchair where Leven pushed her to one of the benches that had tables in front of them.

He saw how she perked up when they approached her to play a game together, and got very bashful afterwards, but Leven pretended not to notice, and Taj didn’t really care.

For the next few weeks, Leven found any reason he could to play with her until her cast finally came off, and she was nice to him the rest of the year, as well as every year after that in middle school.

Looking at the memory now, she probably had a crush on him, but was too shy to say. Eventually, around the start of highschool, they went their separate ways and became strangers, but he did occasionally see her in passing.

He was smiling in pride at how he acted in his previous life, and he had a better idea at what this memory represented a link to. It was his Kindness. The three big links were moments when his affinities had shown through. While Soul was still very new, it was still an integral part of him, and it being a strong link made sense.

The two smaller links, as he followed, were his parents. Many of the moments they connected to were in his early life, before he became conscious, but also after. He wondered for a moment why they were more tangible than the parents of his previous life, as he’d spent more time with his previous parents, but dismissed it as “my current ones are more important to me.”

He wanted to see what each of the five big links would offer first. When he meditated on his connection to the [Greenglow Beetle], it had the effect of saying that he was a friend of the beetles. If he had to guess, it was stained by his perception of the beetle, so what did his link to Kindness mean?

Meditating on the Kindness link for just a moment, the smallest cloud of fog was released. Before it could disperse into the rest of his Presence and get lost, he collected it into a ball, and studied it for a bit. What was Kindness to him?

From the ball of Kindness, he found that to him, it was an appreciation of the world. He thought that life was beautiful, and he had a desire to protect it. Other people fascinated him because they were lives he could never live, but were valuable by themselves. Life was beautiful for its harmony, the beauty of nature. And the world itself was beautiful for its grand sights that made him feel oh-so-small.

He loved everything around him, and he wanted it all to know that as well. If he meditated on Kindness, his Presence would show that he went out of his way to understand and appreciate everything he could, protecting it when given the chance.

The feeling was profound to him, and he could confidently say that he liked how it made others see him. There was something else in there too, a bonus to the strength of cultivating his link to Kindness. It showcased a heavy burden for him to bear, one which he placed upon himself. This hidden feeling told the world that he considered himself responsible for acting when he had the chance. To him, failing to act was acting to fail. He was confused of where it came from at first, but the idea that it was his “burden” gave him an idea, and he looked at his achievements

[Achievements: Void Walker, Soulspeak, Beyond Understanding, No Rulers Above All, Bearing the Burden, Slayer of Mountains]

[Achievement Gained: Bearing the Burden

Despite the cruelty of the world, you have never lost the spark within you that believes in others, and have been recognized by Kindness as a result.

* Kindness affinity is 15% easier to learn and advance

* Kindness affinity users and Kindness derivative affinity users perceive a measure of the pain that you have suffered

* Increases Soul Presence]

In his [Bearing the Burden] achievement, he saw that it increased his “Soul Presence.” Now that he was messing with his Presence, he was reaping the rewards of the achievement.

It did add an extra feeling that he couldn’t remove from his presence if he decided to meditate on Kindness, but he felt that it also added strength to it, so he thought it was a fair trade off.

Feeling like he knew most of what he could get from Kindness, he moved on to his link with Wrath. It was his second strongest, and he followed the connection down to a random memory to confirm what connection he was looking at.

The memory was from his college days. He was sitting in the common room with one of his dorm mates, talking about relationships. This was early into college, before he met Emily, so he was single, but his friend was telling him about how he was having relationship issues with his girlfriend.

It went normally at first, but when his friend offhandedly said something about “trying things out with other ladies” before seeing if he should dump her, Leven lost it. Rage bubbled up inside him so quickly he could hardly contain it.

He stood up from the couch, flipping the coffee table on accident with his legs before screaming at his friend that “If you hate her that much then just fucking break up with her! Don't take a roundabout way to just hurt her feelings!”

His friend was taken completely off guard, as they were speaking in a normal tone of voice before Leven blew up instantly, screaming at him.

His friend tried defending his actions, saying “My life isn’t yours. Mind your own business.”

Leven immediately stomped out, unwilling to continue the conversation for fear of killing his dorm mate. As he left, the dorm mate threw one last comment at him about how he was “Just gonna fuck em harder” to spite him, until Leven reached for the doorknob and ripped the door off its hinges.

Dei didn’t even remember this part, as Leven started seeing red at that point. He watched as Leven let out a gutteral roar and threw the door at the wall next to his dorm mate, who was paralyzed in fear.

After that, he stormed down the stairs, went outside, and drove off.

He didn’t return for over a week, but by the time he did, everything was repaired and the dorm-mate in question was avoiding him. He ended up breaking things off with his girlfriend the day after their fight, most likely afraid of retaliation from Leven, and Leven never pursued the topic. All he remembered was that they had a fight, and that he didn’t want anything to do with his former-friend.

Dei was surprised nothing else came of the event, but he could see how this was connected to his Wrath. He was also surprised to find himself proud of this event too. Despite him losing his cool, Leven had blown up on a bad person, and not hurt anyone. He found his actions justified and fair, despite his rage.

Moving out of the memory, he began meditating on Wrath in order to find what Wrath was to him. Weirdly, he felt like it was the other side to Kindness. Kindness was his willingness to protect what he considered good, while Wrath showed exactly what he would do to anything that threatened what he thought was good. Kindness was the shield, Wrath was the sword.

They weren’t fully separate either. Kindness was the compass while Wrath was the ship. He felt that Wrath would be directionless if left to its own devices, so Kindness guided its fury only to those that deserved it. By itself, to him, Wrath was a righteous fury to strike down any who committed acts he considered inexcusable. Kindness, by itself, felt too weak. While he would be willing to act in protection for those he cared about, he wouldn’t have the strength to protect them forever.

Wrath fueled Kindness’ power, which protected his friends, while allowing Kindness to guide Wrath's blade on a path he would follow without regrets.

They formed a symbiosis of perfect harmony. At first, Dei thought that his Wrath was a curse, something to suppress. He saw now how limited his thinking was. Wrath was not a monster to kill, but a feral companion, yet to be tamed.

‘Fuck, this is all getting so deep. At the same time, its fascinating to find all of this out about myself.’

Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.

He couldn’t complain at all. Having seen both Wrath and Kindness, he found that he would need to meditate on them both equally. One was incomplete without the other.

Before he could move on to Soul, he felt a notification pop up. Bringing himself out of meditation, he opened it.

[Affinity Strengthened:

[Wrath: Low-Uncommon: 99%] has strengthened into [Wrath: Mid-Uncommon: 0%]]

[Skill Leveled Up: Meditation (1) -> (2)]

He thought that his Wrath affinity would strengthen when he got angry again, and it might've, but it appeared that using affinities wasn't the only way. Speaking of, he checked his interface to see all the progress he made so far, and to check his Kindness affinity.

[Name: Dei Grrata

Race: Human (Gem Dweller Variant)

Class: Prodigal Detector (Level 34)

Profession: Pondering Sage (Level 2)

Achievements: Void Walker, Soulspeak, Beyond Understanding, No Rulers Above All, Bearing the Burden, Slayer of Mountains

Contracts: Soul of the (IIIIIIII)

HP: 26/26

MP: 26/26

SP: 26/26

Stats:

Physical: 13

Mental: 27

Spiritual: 24

Magical: 28

Affinities:

Kindness: Mid-Rare, 57%

Wrath: Mid-Uncommon: 0%

Soul: Low-Uncommon: 55%

Inner Skills:

Kindness: Pandora’s Box (Contained) (50) (614/2000), Call for Help (9), Good Samaritan (1)

Wrath: Pandora’s Box (Unleashed) (2), Growing Pains (19)

Soul: Astral Projection (1), Connection (1)

Mana: Meditation (2)

Confluence: Identify of the Stout Protector (1)

Outer Skills:

How About a Demonstration?, Fine-Tooth Comb (2), Vigilance (1), In Tune (1), Commune with the Universe (2), High Mind (2)]

His Kindness affinity had gone up by 13%, while his Soul affinity went up by 15%. On top of that, his Pandora’s Box gained 22 mana, and he didn’t remember getting angry while meditating, so it had to be something else.

Pulling up the dropdown for what mana was in his box,

[583/2000 Wrath

7/2000 Kindness

22/2000 Soul]

‘Hmm, did meditating get me some Soul affinity? Maybe, but that's a huge burst that came from nowhere. I think Soul is the affinity for who I am, my identity. It’s likely that I gained Soul affinity for thinking about what kind of person I am, and what that meant for my actions, with some mana to go along with it. There's a good amount of overlap between my Profession and Soul affinity too, which is lucky.’

Notifications handled, he checked the timer, seeing that about fifteen minutes had passed while studying the first two affinities.

He closed his eyes again, waiting until the links became visible again, and drew closer to his Soul affinity.

Following it down into one of his memories, he noted that they only started after the death of Leven. The memory he found was… unusual compared to the other two. The world was muted, muffled. The focus was on himself, and him alone. This was his souls memory, not his. He could still feel the sensations of the world, but they didn’t matter to the soul. The only thing that mattered were the changes it felt.

It was his first time seeing the underground forest, and he felt the soul responding to the scene. It took in the emotions objectively and analyzed them, feeling almost robotic in its appreciation. “The body feels wonder at the sight. There is safety in my mother. The cold wind gives a new stimulation, resulting in excitement. Imagination stimulates the mind, filling with new ideas”

Such statements flowed through the soul, uncaringly. For the first time, Dei was beginning to understand what people meant when they said there was a difference between natural and unnatural affinities. Soul was all about himself, to an unnatural degree. It was utterly uncaring of the world around him, instead focusing on himself, and how the soul responded to the world.

Kindness and Wrath were natural parts of his existence, and would not change who he was. Soul felt foreign, and the link he had with it would draw him closer the stronger it got. Wrath and Kindness didn’t do that, as they were already a built-in part of him.

Natural affinities grew from within him, connecting to the Conceptual Planes the stronger they got. Unnatural affinities grew from the Conceptual Planes towards him, pulling him closer the stronger they got.

Drawing himself from the memory of Soul, he began to meditate on it, drawing the fog into another ball to study its meaning. Wrath and Kindness were relative feelings, he knew that each person would have their own interpretations of them. Soul was different. There was only one meaning for Soul, unchanging in its definition throughout all life on the planet.

Soul was the collection of individual experiences. If he brought Soul into his Presence, it would tell the world that he was an individual. Everyone was an individual of course, but the Soul would bring enunciation to that. Those sensing his presence would feel solitude. Not necessarily loneliness, just that he was not one for community. It would tell the world that he was himself, and nothing anyone said or did would change that.

He… didn’t really like that. While solitude was nice, he didn’t want that to be what the world knew of him. His individual experiences were important, and he should always be conscious of who he was as a person, but there was more to life than focusing on himself.

No, he would not let Soul into his Presence. Instead of letting it disperse around his soul, he dismissed it into nothing.

The next strongest connection was the one with his mother. It was significantly weaker than all his affinity connections, which stained almost every moment, but still stronger than any of the other ‘regular’ connections, so to speak.

Following it down into a memory, he found the familiar sight of when his mother had picked him up from his cradle, patting him on the back and singing to him while he fell asleep.

He wiped a tear from his closed eyes and backed out from the memory before he could be drawn in too far. When he used his meditation Skill on this one, he got the feeling of care, safety, and love for innocents in a cruel world. It spoke of a determination to not allow any children to be harmed, the motherly love spreading further than simply her own progeny. It was the care for all who didn’t know better though, not simply children. It would be the protection of trust, the trust in authority, the trust that good in the world would prevail.

It was a bittersweet feeling, knowing that it spoke of her determination to protect him.

He would incorporate this into his Presence, but he doubted it would be one to show the world. This would be for him, so he may never forget the feeling his mother gave him.

The last of the five major connections was to that of his father. While he wasn’t as directly present as Dei’s mother, who constantly carried him around, he was a cornerstone in Dei’s mind nonetheless. Following the link down to a memory, Dei saw a time when his mother was talking to someone at a stall, but his father wasn’t paying attention, looking elsewhere.

Dei had followed his fathers gaze, seeing some shifty looking woman at a stall further down the road, in dark clothing and staring at a single item being presented at the stall he was at, while ignoring the seller completely.

His mom was distracted, and his siblings were exploring the market. Dei noticed that the woman was keeping his siblings in her periphery, watching them closely.

Dei watched his siblings move to stand off to the side of the road, in front of an alley, while they inspected the toys they had bought. His siblings were talking animatedly to each other, when suddenly the woman moved towards them.

She bobbed and weaved through the crowd, none taking notice of her despite her being obvious to him and, clearly, his father.

The moment she started moving, his father did too. In the middle of the road, he intercepted her. Dei saw him reach out, laying a hand on her arm and guiding her in a different direction than his siblings, down an alley parallel to the one his siblings were in front of.

She did not resist at all, a fear stricken look overwhelming her as she saw his fathers face.

Dei never found out what happened in that alley, only that his father emerged alone less than thirty seconds later, looking at Dei’s siblings to ensure they were okay, then Dei himself. Locking eyes with Dei, he smiled, and Dei smiled back.

He resumed his position behind Dei’s mom, and acted like nothing had happened at all. Still, though, his head was on a swivel, searching for threats. His body language had relaxed, yet it was never off guard.

Emerging from the memory, Dei was thoughtful. There were many nuances to this world, and he couldn’t say for sure what had happened to the woman. While it was true his father might have told her to fuck off somehow, it was just as likely he had quickly killed her. For all Dei knew, she could have been either a known criminal or a monster. There was clearly no shortage of such things, and he wouldn’t be surprised if she was a monster that focused on bringing attention away from herself, as the crowd had ignored her completely. Could she have been a [Diamond Smiler], of which he was accused of being? He didn’t think so, as Iora seemed to imply they replaced children more than disguised as adults…

But that might’ve been what she was doing? Actually, now that he thought about it, it was pretty likely. She had turned peoples attention away from her, potentially using Soul techniques to mess with their perception, as Iora said they used the Soul affinity. He remembered his mom telling him more about his Soul affinity, how it was made up of what people called “control” affinities, meant to manipulate others, such as Mind and Heart.

Holy shit, his father might’ve killed a [Diamond Smiler] in a back alley without even telling anyone! Or he did tell someone, just not while in the market with his mom.

When he meditated on what his father was to him, the feeling he drew from the link was that he was content with his position, to the point that might even be considered lazy, but when anything threatened any part of his position, he would respond with a zealous determination to keep himself firmly within contentment.

He loved his position as a father, so he would fight for his kids. He loved his position as a husband, so he would fight for his wife. He loved his position as a hunter, so he would fight for his village.

His father loved him just as much as his mother did, yet they expressed it differently. His mother couldn’t show her love enough, yet Dei knew what his father had done to make his and his mothers escape possible. He was a protector against the monster in his closet. He grabbed the hand which wielded the dagger in the dark by materializing from somewhere even darker.

His father was the silent protector, and he was content to be so.

Dei would have to include this in his Presence as well. There really was so much about the world he wanted to draw into his presence, but would settle for the strongest connections. And maybe his favorite bug.

He also noticed that more Presence was drawn from his Kindness affinity than was drawn from the connection with his Parents. He guessed that it was from the strength of the connection he had to Kindness, as it was something innate to him as a person.

He decided his plan for his Presence would be Kindness and Wrath in equal parts making up the majority, maybe around 60%? Then his parents would make up 30%, and his “miscellaneous” connections to the world would make up 10%.

While it would be most effective for his Skills to use only Kindness, and maybe a bit of Wrath to scare creatures when needed, he wanted some presence for himself too. He wanted to be surrounded by his appreciation for the world, and his parents' love.

Plan in mind, he brought his Kindness back into view and began to Meditate.