Chapter Eight.
"Right, affinities. Describe your current level of education on the subject, if you would?" Veris said as he scrutinized my new form. We’d both taken a seat at his nice table, though my impressive height made things a little awkward.
Honestly, I was glad I'd left out genitals on my body with how thoroughly his inspection was going. I'm no shrinking violet but I was starting to realize at least one reason for some clothes.
My initial reply came out as an inaudible croak and I had my next realization. Breathing. Need to breathe to talk.
Renewing my concentration had my chest expanding with the oddly unfamiliar sensation of air filling my lungs. As a [Corrupted Blight Pit] I didn't actually need to respirate so the mimicked organs were little more than bags of air to speak with, but it still disturbed me how quickly breathing had become foreign.
"Nothing… Yet…"
The voice I heard from my lips was another source of discomfort. Deep, guttural, and raspy- it was jarring every time I heard it. Another marker of something that had changed and felt wrong somehow. A quiet anxiety started hovering in the back of my mind. How long until I can't remember my old voice at all?
Veris narrowed his eyes at me and for a moment I worried he was reading my thoughts through the link somehow and picking up on my anxiety. My fears were allayed by his impatient reply.
“Well, I’ve not the time to take you on a primer through the whole of the mystical arts. The abbreviated version will have to suffice.”
He leaned back, tapping his fingers against the tabletop.
“Affinities are the basis of how beings interact with magic, filtering the primal energies of the universe through means compatible with the wielder. Creatures differ in the affinities available to them based mostly by species, though aberrations- like yourself, for example- do exist. Beasts are born into the world with set affinities and will grow in power merely by surviving, nature doing the labor of empowering them to tremendous heights through naught but time.”
The android butler distracted us briefly with more sandwiches (ohmygod I could have tastebuds this was amazing) before he continued.
“The mortal races, such as my own noble Humanity, Differ in that we are all born without a native affinity and must cultivate them individually with great effort. This does mean that we are not bound to a specific discipline of magic, as you beasts are, though focusing too broadly will inevitably slow any meaningful accumulation of power.”
I had to debate myself for a moment here. Should I reveal my past, that I was human before? On the one hand, other than capturing me and then kidnapping me from the cave (a significant downer on most relationships) he’d been very civil. He seemed scientifically minded and treated me as a guest since I arrived, even getting embarrassed by the state of the facilities.
On the other hand, revealing my nature was an unknown. His reaction could be anything from ‘so what?’ to ‘burn the heretical demon!’.
In the end, I had to go with my gut. Veris and I might have started off on a sour note, but I had to hope that the first human I met wasn’t going to kill or torture me or… I was starting to convince myself otherwise so I just blurted it out.
“I’m not… a beast.” Veris arched his brows quizzically at that.
“What do you believe you are then? I assure you my investigations into your makeup earlier were quite thorough.” Deciding to give him the abbreviated version of events that hopefully left out anything the Victorian-esque man might find ‘heretical’, my reply was brief.
“I was… Human. Died and… woke up, like this.”
At least I was getting better at speaking, though my voice continued to grate.
“Ah, so you believe yourself to have reincarnated then? Fascinating.” He rubbed his hands together while an excited gleam came to his eyes. “It would indeed explain much about your existence, especially given that my readings show you to be less than a week old! Although I do suppose you could have merely eaten some poor soul and stolen their memories… but that notion has its own flaws.” He stood with a clap of his hands and walked over to me, his expression turning serious.
“However, I regret to inform you that even should you truly have been human and retained the memories of a past life somehow, you are now a beast.” He raised up a hand to forestall my objection. “I am most certain of this, however there is a very simple test we can easily perform that I believe will satisfy you to the veracity of my claim.”
Stepping uncomfortably close, he took a deep breath.
“If you still remember it, tell me- what was your name?”
Scoffing to myself I replied, “Well yeah...I remember it, my name is r-r-r-rR...r-R…” It was like my throat was closing off as I tried to get the syllables out. Panic rose even as I struggled to force the words to pass. My name is Ray! Just say it, damn it!
“R-Rr...Rrrrrr…” I shot to my feet, knocking the chair back behind me as I felt the voice box I’d mimicked in my throat twist before it vanished with my slipping concentration. Not bothering to re-form it I blasted out at Veris with the link.
“What the hell have you done to me!? MY NAME IS R--” Then pain. Total consciousness whiteout. I clawed at myself trying to reach the source of pain that seemed to stretch on to an agonizing infinity before dissipating as quickly as it came.
I came to lying on the ground in a fetal position, long and jagged rents clawed into my body with my sluggish biofluid slowly pooling around me. The [Blightlings] had gathered around me protectively, bravely facing off against Veris even with the huge gap in power between us. My biofluid returned and ‘healed’ the shell with a minuscule mental effort and I tried to calm myself, not wanting to risk whatever had just happened.
Veris was shaking his head. “I would have warned you not to attempt to communicate a taboo mentally had you taken a moment to consider instead of acting rashly. You are at least spared the pain of being muted physically; a ruptured throat is quite difficult to heal in those not gifted with your talent for shape.”
Re-forming my voice box to avoid using the link I replied, “What… did you do?”
“Me? Nothing.” He shook his head again and began speaking in a practiced manner like he was quoting from something. “‘Given unto mortal souls was the province of names, that all might be known by their kind, and recognized for their deeds.’ Since the earliest days, it has been so, no beast shall be called by a name given to them by any but the mortal souls of this world. To defy this taboo invites suffering, as you have experienced.”
Coldness gripped me and I just felt drained at his words. Couldn’t even leave me my name, huh? A brief thought had me bring up the [Blightlings].
“What about… them? I’ve named them all…”
“I’m sorry, but to the world, they are likely considered a part of you. It cares not what you call yourself in the privacy of your own mind.” His words came with a sense of finality, and I slumped back down to the ground.
Despite all the hardships I’d been through since my death, this was the first time I really felt defeated. That something deeply personal had been taken from me in a way I couldn’t even fight back.
No. Fury rose in me again at this violation of my psyche. I will not accept this. My name is RAY. And I will break this bullshit system. Starting with magic.
Rising up, I focused back on Veris.
“You said affinities are... the way we use magic. How?”
The man brightened visibly at my shift in attitude and replied, “That’s the spirit! Well most annoyingly, whatever god of magic who oversaw the creation of all this fancied themselves an ‘artist’ and thought magic should be about ‘beauty and passion, Ideals of the mind’ or some such nonsense.” His hands started rubbing his temples and he continued despairingly.
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
“And so instead of a precise and efficient connection to the limited number of affinities, we must rely on the Ideals to manifest power. Of which there are millions.” Pacing back and forth now, he grew increasingly animated. “Some have even posited that ideals can be unique to the individual, a travesty against the scholarly pursuit of magic if it’s true. How can you apply empirical measure to subjective experience!? The power of a spell can even shift depending on how well the caster’s mood fits the Ideal they’re drawing upon, utterly destroying any sense of accuracy.”
His rant against the system was surprisingly comforting. At least I’m not the only one to notice this universe hates math. I had to interrupt him after he started quoting specific studies into the nature of magic.
"That's all great, but how do I use it?"
For a moment he just stared at me blankly before he realized what I was talking about.
"Oh right, well a human would visualize- often through meditation- a point where their appropriately leveled affinities intersect to form the Ideal. Done correctly this will resonate with the affinities in the soul, manifesting their magic. As a beast, your affinities are set and linked to your biology, which causes a number of difficulties. "
He pointed a finger at me almost accusingly.
"You, shall have to somehow visualize an Ideal composed of two affinities that are beyond antithetical to each other. One that encompasses both the hungry, infinite darkness of the Void and the all-present radiance of Heaven."
Returning to his chair, he sat heavily with a sigh.
"To be perfectly frank I'm not sure it's possible. But then had I not observed you with my own eyes, I'd say the same about you."
Steepling his fingers as he finished speaking, he stared and seemed content to wait for me to attempt… Something. So I did my best to think.
Because I had the advantage of a past life with internet, I was already further along than Veris realized. Two opposing concepts, light and dark together…
The first thing that came to mind was the classical yin/yang diagram. After thinking about it for a minute it just didn't feel right though. I only vaguely understood eastern philosophy, but yin and yang seemed to exist as oppositional concepts to me. Two parts of a whole in balance, but still acting counter to each other.
The next thing I threw out was life and death, for similar reasons. There was this inevitable sense of struggle to these ideologies that my mind rejected. My power would be a whole, with each concept not working to balance the other but to exert balance together on everything else.
I thought back to what Veris had said. Infinite light… Infinite dark… I could feel a connection in the back of my mind. That budding feeling of comprehension like I was this close to solving a puzzle, and then everything clicked.
Space.
The infinity of the universe suspended in an unfathomable void, all of it filled with light in every spectrum.
Like any good nerd, I'd been obsessed with space as a kid. Watching every cheap sci-fi flick, documentary, and reading every book I could get my hands on. Everything I knew and understood about space would work with this. It fits perfectly!
A thrum came from deep in my soul and I knew I was on the right path. There was just a little more I needed… A name. A name for an Ideal to encompass everything.
What about… Cosmos.
And then I exploded.
My physical body instantly evaporated in a blast of energy, first dozens, then hundreds and finally thousands of small lights pouring out of the space that had been ‘me’. In seconds, they had spread out through the entire chamber, suspended in the air and decorating it like a microcosm of the universe at whole. Awareness remained but I had been detached from my body, my patchwork soul visible once again and floating freely.
Then I started to hear something from the lights, like voices just out of hearing; a susurration that swelled into a chorus of sound and fury demanding answer.
What is Cosmos?
So I answered. Every image from a radio telescope I’d ever googled, every random fact I’d memorized, every scene from Star Wars where I’d scoffed at something ‘unrealistic’ (but loved it anyway). I fed them every memory and stray thought about space, the universe and my place in it, that I’d ever had. It wasn’t enough.
What is Cosmos?
My soul was straining, I was so close. The pressure of the voices grew and grew, blotting out everything else.
What is Cosmos?
And I had it. I had given enough substance, enough support. Now, in order for it to become an Ideal I needed to give it words.
Cosmos is... everything. Everything that has been or could be, a vast and interconnected universe united in Order and Harmony under natural law. It is the infinity of Light and Dark combined, to become all things.
The thrum from my soul turned into a roar and the lights throughout the cavern spun wildly before shooting back towards me, condensing in a blaze of light. For a moment it burned, and I felt my soul tremble at the uneven seams woven by my desperate attempts to survive. But as those seams started to give way, the lights crowded closer. Pushing brighter, hotter. Not allowing me to dissipate into eternal nothingness but instead pushing me closer together. Pressuring my fractured soul into a once more cohesive whole.
When it finished my soul felt cleansed, relieved of a terrible pain I didn’t even know was there. Observing myself, I no longer looked like a patchwork nightmare. Instead it had turned the jet black of deep space, with innumerable galaxies of stars shining within. Every stellar phenomena from my memories could be seen and some that looked new. I couldn’t help laughing in excitement looking at it all. The notifications I got were just icing on the cake now.
The first one I expected.
Attention.
New Ideal acquired.
Ideal: [Cosmos]
Grants access to compatible magic depending on level of synchronization with soul and body. Will require extensive testing and experimentation to effectively use.
A new Ideal for a new world, one that imagines Order ruling above all. Grow your authority and understanding of laws to spread your vision, and those who do not share it will instead be crushed by it.
At this point I didn’t even blink at the ominous subtext, skimming over it for the next and much more unexpected notification.
NEW SOUL PARAMETERS DETECTED.
REANALYZING.
ANALYSIS COMPLETE.
Extreme compatibility with Ideal [Cosmos] detected.
Trait [Hybrid Awakened Soul] has become [Cosmic Awakened Soul]
Recompiling… ERROR
Insufficient host synchronization.
Current synchronization: >0.01%
No benefit until full synchronization achieved.
Reverting to previous build.
I had a moment to puzzle over what it meant by ‘synchronization’ before I was sharply yanked back into place in my previous body. Like I’d never left it formed around me in an instant, currently lying spread-eagle on the cave floor. And with Veris’s face grinning ear-to-ear inches from my own.
“Fascinating! Simply extraordinary! Here I thought I’d chanced upon a dilemma to spend the next few decades pondering in study and you’ve solved it in moments. Your ‘past life’ must have been something truly spectacular to warrant so rapid a solution to such an unconventional problem.” He winked at me before darting back and directing the orb to scan me once again.
“Now, you simply must tell me the name of this most miraculous Ideal you’ve come up with. I’ve never heard of anything quite so profound occurring to simply form an Ideal!”
I debated not telling him, but in the end didn’t see the harm in explaining the Ideal of ‘Cosmos’. He listened raptly as I quoted the notification, as well as my own explanation that I had given to form the Ideal with the lights. When I finished, he began chattering excitedly.
“What an unusual perspective on the universe. Cosmos you said it was? A most unprecedented Ideal. Cos-mos… Cos...mos…” Mumbling quietly to himself, he pulled out a pocket journal and began taking notes at the table.
I used his distraction to comfort my poor minions, who at this point were all thoroughly terrified despite their new transformations. To be fair, I had just collapsed twice and exploded once right in front of them, so maybe a little trauma was understandable.
The sound of Veris clearing his throat behind me brought my attention back to him.
“It comes to my attention that the circumstances of our meeting were… less than ideal. Therefore, I would like to offer my full apologies to both you and your associates.” He gave a full bow at the waist, holding it for a moment before coming back up.
“I believe your Ideal has a most incredible potential. Not just for you, but for the greater scientific and mystical community. Should you be amenable, I would endeavor to discover all we can about its nature together. In return, I will give you all I know of magic and do my absolute best to aid your growth.” His face was resolute, but I could see him hiding a nervous tick in his fingers at his side.
Despite all my reservations and yeah, the terrible first impression I found myself liking Veris. He could be callous and prickly, but he had an endearing sense of curiosity and so far shown himself to be an honorable man. He’d done exactly as he said, not only answering questions he had no obligation to but helping me learn to form my Ideal. I made up my mind.
“Apology accepted… and I agree.”
“Wonderful! We’ll need to get to work straight away.” Practically sprinting off in his excitement, he got about halfway back to his home before turning around and coming back.
“Ah, I’d almost forgotten the matter of your name. No no, I mean you no offense.” He waved his hands as I stiffened at his comment. “But we can’t have you going into apoplexy every time you try to introduce yourself! And besides, I feel I’ve come up with something rather good if I do say so myself.” His hands spread grandly, he gave another courtly bow and wide grin.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my great honor to introduce to you… Kosimar!”