* Do not put milk in toasters - they will not make milk bread and set on fire if you turn them on

* Arson is illegal (apparently setting a house on fire to celebrate is not responsible)

* You shouldn't like enrgish - it bad

* Going around cutting peoples hair will get you suspended from school

* You are not allowed to keep scissors in your sleeves

* You are also not allowed to throw them at people (in case they get offended)

* Bringing a katana to school and sharpening it in Maths is not a good idea - they tend to stare

* If your brother breaks his arm you are not to throw boxes of bandages at him (he is injured and you are not a doctor, even if you wear a white lab coat)

* Running head first into a concrete wall will not get you to Narnia, or Hogwarts (you have to run into the red brick one they have all lied to you)

* Children's books do not have murder or blood (do not ask the librarian for them, even if it's for your cousin. She will think you are strange)

* However much you want to stab someone in the eye, it is not polite, you have to ask first

* No matter how much you need someone's legs for a ritual sacrifice they will not give it to you (unless you forcefully take them, but that's rude)

* Slamming your face onto your keyboard and rolling around on it could turn on grayscale (along with 10 different applications and possibly a virus)

* Hair is not for eating, it is for setting on fire

* You must not scream at people who are normal (they tend to get scared)

* Save sleep for the sane, they need it

* DEATH (when you die you're dead)

* If you die harder, you're more dead

* Tables make great C4 barriers

* C4 and bed frames are a great idea

* Flammable gases are flammable (I know from experience, trust me)

* Flammable objects are also flammable

* Laughing when someone says funeral is not a good idea

* Saying yum while looking at heads on pikes is also not a good idea

* Faceplant. Need I say more?

* Don’t ask genies for raspberry crowns.

* When in doubt, dig a hole in your backyard and stand in it and pretend to be a carrot, like so:Related image [https://s3.narvii.com/image/lpvykntoycgowiqcdmht2o6s6sbsswix_hq.jpg]

* Shouting “the earth's crust is 50 percent oxygen” and then proceeding to get onto the floor and start sniffing the floor will not get your homework done

* Walking on top of a random person then claiming you are 70% jesus will get you arrested

* Your teachers are not kidnapping you

* The fire alarm is not rude, even if they're being loud

* The tsunami is not your bathtub and does not have your bathtub

* Satan gets an allergic reaction when you throw pink puppies at him

* Vegans are paper towels, but then so am I

* Macie no means Macie yes (Macie, no)

* If you make a bad pun and someone says to get out, this apparently does not mean it's time to leave school. Nor does it mean jump out the window

* When your sister kidnaps your iPad, you are to politely ask them to return it. Not climb a tree and break into her room through the window while your brother plays mission impossible music

* Tables can be cut apart with a kitchen knife if you use it to play drums

* Tables are rude

* Chasing your brother around with a baseball bat will get you told off. Chasing him around with a kitchen knife will get you arrested

* Bobbin pins are not for sticking in eyebrows