I run my hand along the wall as I walk to my bathroom. The room is pitch dark. I follow the wall for twenty steps to where my bathroom should be. I push my hand forward, pushing the door open.  I take a step in. I wave my hand behind me. Searching for the wall that was just there. I turn around and with both hands search for a wall, a counter, or even the toilet. I can’t find any. I sigh, taking my phone out. I didn’t want to use it because the light would hurts my eyes after just waking up, but what must be done, must be done. I shake it twice, which activates the flashlight on the back of my phone. I’m standing on the surface of a pool of pitch black water. 

“This is not my bathroom.”  I dully state. 

I turn around. In front of me is a writhing large black creature. A pile of tendrils stacked together, it’s body continues farther into the darkness than my flashlight, moving like an eel tying itself in knots. In random intervals along it’s length are mouths deeper than the body would allow. Lined with teeth both herbivores and carnivorous.  

“Oh, I didn’t expect you to have a light source.” It speaks directly into my mind. It’s voice sounds like someone copied the same bit of audio a dozen times and set each copy off by a millisecond. The body of the beast quickly retracts itself under the water. A teen wearing a school uniform emerges from the surface. A tentacle holding it from the back like a marinate. 

“I hope you haven't gone mad after seeing my true form.” He covers his smile with the back of his hand. 

“It’s alright.” I’m fine, this is a pretty normal dream. 

“Really?” He is thrown off by that. He drops his hand and moves closer to me. Studying my face, I give him a mute smile. The kind that people give each other when they’re too busy to talk, but want to acknowledge that they know someone they are walking pass. 

“Odd, normally humans can’t handle seeing the infinite power of an old god.” he scratches his chin. 

“I saw two gXXX one cXX when I was ten. A large snake isn’t going to traumatize me.”  

He takes offence with that. “I’m not just a large snake!” He stomps his foot across the waters surface. His eel body surfaces under my feet. Lifting me up. Two endless tentacles push each of us away from the water. Bright spots of light flash by me. It’s cold up here. I feel my feet being sucked into the goey body of the old god. He stops abruptly. I’m standing upon a tendril taller than any skyscraper. I can see the edge of the planet’s atmosphere. I look down and see that the world below me is incredibly small. The sky, far away from any city lights is filled with millions of twinkling stars. The old god holds his human puppet in front of me. “There human? Do you understand how immense my power really is? Look, look there!” I follow his finger to a random star. “That is your sun.” 

“I don’t have a son.”  I use condoms. 

“Not that kind of son! Your sun, the star your planet rotates around.” I look around. I’m on another planet? I look to the stars around me. “Oh, cool, I have never seen the Milky Way from this angle before.”  He covers his face with his hands. Lowering us back down to the water. He sinks into it and lets his puppet body  float on the water, defeated. I free my feet from his body, like freeing a boot from mud. I step back onto the water surface. It supports my weight. That isn’t new. I was doing it before, just not something that happens everyday. 

“Did I summon a broken human?” It asks me, from within my head. I look at him floating in the water, I just shrug and look at the sky. 

“What are you doing?” He snips at me.  “Normally my dreams don’t have such a vivid sky.” 

He sighs. “This is no dream mere human. I have actually summoned you from your bathroom to this world. I require your help.” 

 I cut him off, musing under my breath. “Well that would explain the stars.”

 He kicks his legs, splashing up black water. “Take me more seriously! I’m an old god.” He acts like a spoiled child. “I need you.” I look him in the eyes, indicating that I’m listening. “There is a world that I used to rule. The humans there have imprisoned me. Hiding the key to my prison in a place that no old god would think to look.”

 I nod. He needs me, a human who thinks like a human, to find out where the other humans hid the key. “You are isekaing me?” 

“I don’t know what that means, but yeah sure. This world is similar to your world, it has humans on it, just find the key to allow me back to my world. I’ll give you some of my power to help you.” 

“What’s the key look like?”

“I don’t know!” He screams inside my head.

 I readjust my hair. “Well, at least it’s not an impossible task.” 

He nods, “If you need help just speak my name and one of my minions on the planet will come.” 

“What’s your name?” I innocently ask.

A roar erupts at each of my temples. The sounds of three words being spoken at once. 

“

“Arvarva”

“Ghghsd”

“Tfghrses”

“

I won’t be able to pronounce that.

“That is my name.” He states smugly. I just nod. A whirlpool forms in the dark water underneath me. I hold my nose and jump in.

I pop up from the ground. Many men in robes stand around me. I’m standing on a glowing pentagram. The sky is blue outside the large glass windows. Murmurs echo off the stone walls. The sea of white robes parts and man with a crown steps towards me. His beard is white. 

“Hero, we implore you to save our world.  The demon king to the east needs to be stopped.” 

How cliche. The crowd keeps talking. I don’t like shouting over them, I give the king a thumbs up.

 A young man in a smaller crown and red cloak walks out from behind the king. Making his way to me and leading me to a room away from the crowd. 

He pours me a cup of tea. I notice that his hands are smooth, uncalloused by work. There is a scary looking suit of armor in the corner of the room. A gargoyle like face sticking through the headvisor. He takes a breath then asks me. “Will you help us defeat the demon king?” 

“Sure.” I shrug, I had no reason not to. He gives me a large smile. “Thank the gods, we are at the tipping point and having a hero sent from the gods to help us would ensure our victory.” 

The tea is nice, if not a bit gritty. 

“Just curiosity,  what god summoned you?” 

“The big snake one.” 

“Nidhog, a mysterious and powerful god. The snake that eats the roots of the world tree.”  So that’s how it’s name is pronounced

“What powers did he give onto you?” I shrug.

He sets down his tea. “This is a common thing. The summoned heros don’t know how to access their magic '' There have been other people summoned from earth? “Hold out your hand.” I comply. “Now focus. This sounds odd, but imagine pumping blood into your finger tips.”  

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

I do as he says. I can feel my pulse in my fingertips. Black needles shoot up from my fingers. “Wow, edgy.” I muse at my clawed hand.

 “Perfect hero, now shape the magicules into a weapon.”  I nod. The magic moves like grains of sand being held together. I turn the stiff spikes the size of sewing needles into flaccid spikes. I shake my hand and they jiggle like stalagmites made of Jello. I can change the property of it with just a thought. I play around with that, enjoying the new toy. I ball it together and coil it. I have made a Slinky. I let it drop from my hand and spring back up.  I wonder if the castle has stairs…

“Is that your weapon?” The prince asks me in a chiding tone.. I quickly draw my magic sand to my hand. I shape it into a short barreled snub nose. Changing the properties of the magic sand molecules to be identical to that of a handgun.  

“Can you stop messing around?” Oh, he thinks I’m still joking. I look around the room. In the corner is the suit of armor. I take aim for the chest and fire. A loud bang erupts from the barrel. My ears ring. The prince is yelling at me. Something about hurting his ears with my messing around. How magic is dangerous. That it’s not a toy. 

I walk over to the suit of armor. Pointing to the dime sized hole in the breast plate. Once he noticed that this is my weapon then he will stop shouting at me for messing around. 

“That’s not the weapon of Nidhogg!” He’s screaming at me. Probably has never heard a gunshot in a small enclosed space before. It can be really jarring.  “Calm down.” I tell him. Putting my hand on his shoulder. “Deep breaths.” Attempting to calm him doesn’t work. He is hyperventilating. I doubt he has PTSD, guns probably don’t exist here, so this amount of overreaction isn’t warranted. I pull the gun back into my hand. Sitting at the table I sip my tea. He paces back and forth pulling on his blonde hair. “That isn’t the weapon of Nidhogg, that’s the powers of the unspeakable.” 

“What’s the weapon of Nidhogg?” 

He stops his pacing. Looking at me with a dumbstruck face. He takes a deep breath. Clapping his hands together. “Okay, it’s fine, this is…” Another deep breath “fine.” He sits down. Resting his elbows on the table. “You’ll help us defeat the demon king, right?” My cup is empty. I take the time to refill it and to take a drink. With an accompanying shrug I say “Sure.” 

“You don’t sound very sure.”  He leans closer to me. “You understand that since you are a minion of  a very dangerous god that if you refuse to help us then we will imprison you?”

“I mean, the unpronounceable guy gave me the power to summon a gun and all they asked was for me to find a key.  You’re asking me to kill a king and haven't offered anything to me.” 

“You’re a greedy…” He takes a breath to continue but I cut him off. “No, I’d do it for free eventually. If I get bored enough.”  

“How much gold to get you to give up on finding the key?” 

The key is more pressing than the demon king. 

I weigh the options in my head. Serve a world destroying god, get cool ferrofluid powers, and get betrayed once I free them, or help this kingdom slay a demon king, and get betrayed for having powers issued by an old god. 

“I think I should go.”  I stand up. The prince reaches a hand out for me. “You can’t leave!” I slap his hand away. 

“I’m sure I can, the castle doesn’t seem too big or too complicated for me to get lost in unless.” I pause, mulling over the idea. “Is there something stopping me?”  

“The guards. If you betray us then you’ll be a wanted criminal.” 

“Okay.'' This is a medieval world, not like they have security cameras, or an ability to track me. There’s probably other kingdoms who will harbor me. 

His soft hands grab my arm, trying hard to dig into my skin. “You can’t leave, we need you or we need to get rid of you so we can summon another hero.” 

I look into his eyes. I now see that they’re blue. He doesn’t react to what I feel is tense eye contact. This was a common problem back on Earth. My face is normally emotionless. When apes show teeth it’s a threat, telling the other ape to back down. Humans react based on faces too. My face is almost always bland. The prince doesn’t know what I’m thinking or how to react. I can use this to my benefit. He won’t be expecting my next move.  

I grab his arm, while twisting it behind him I lead him in front of me. I pull forth my magic. Forming it into a black dagger. I hold it against his throat. Pushing his held arm forward he takes a step forward. I step with him as not to nic him with the dagger.  “Alright, well this is the easiest way to leave the castle then right? I’ll help you walk.” 

“Left.” He places his left foot forward.

“Right.” He moves his right foot forward.. 

We continue this pattern out of the room. 

The guards at the entrance turn as we exit. They step forward and draw their weapons. “Release him!” one yells. I shake my head. “This is a hostage situation. Clear a path ahead of me, I will release him once I’m outside the castle.”

They did, and I did. 

“So that’s how I got here.” I told the guy riding in the driver seat of a covered wagon. It’s an old horse pulled wagon like what people in rural areas use to carry farm goods from place to place.  He had asked me how I got here when I randomly appeared in front of him. The cart is heavily guarded for a food cart. With two warriors guarding it and a thick canvas covering. Iron bars peek through the parts that the sheet doesn’t cover. They must have a lot of food to protect. 

The merchant driving the wagon places his palm to his face. The warriors are moving to flank me, but haven't drawn their weapons. “I see, you’re not the brightest” I’m not dumb, just not socialy intelegant. “I should have asked why are you here?” 

“To steal your food.”  I immediately reply. 

“We don’t have any food.” At the word steal the guards have drawn their swords, slick curved scimitars. 

“Then what’s with the wagon?” 

“We’re transporting slaves from the Eastern Democracy to the Western Kingdom.” 

I scratch my chin, pulling at my goatee. “So that’s the road to the Eastern Democracy?” He nods. “You traveled all this way without any food?” 

“It’s the end of our journey, if someone would stop holding us up then we will make it to the kingdom by dinner.” 

I slam my fist into my open palm. Pointing at the merchant. “That’s it! I can buy food with your money.” The merchant sighs, locking eyes with the mercenary to my left. He gives him a nod, signalling to attack me. 

Five feet, they’re each five feet from me. The right one moves his foot forward first. I am already materializing my weapon. The two shots I deliver to his chest knock him back. He drops his sword to clench at his chest. I jump towards him to avoid the attacking left guard. Squaring up to him I take an L stance. Then two shots to him knock him back, but he takes another slow step towards me. Another shot, aiming for his head, but my aim is off. I end up hitting him in the neck. Blood sprays from three feet away onto my jeans. Thought that was something that only happens in the movies.  The merchant has the reins in his hands. He cracks them against the horses back. It begins to take off running. One shot to the horses leg causes it to come crashing to a halt. I’m sorry Mr. horsey. 

The merchant takes off running towards the kingdom. I put the horse down then check on the mercenary who took two shots to the chest.  He’s breathing. The bullet wounds are in his stomach area. I take off his sword and armor. Balling up his shirt I apply pressure to the wound. The blood slowly seeps into the  shirt. This is too much work for saving someone that I don’t really care about saving. I rip a strip of cloth off of the other man’s clothing. Tying it around the dying man’s chest. I cinch it down over the wad of cloths. It’s holding the wad with a lot of pressure. The bleeding shall stop soon. 

I take the canvas covering off the wagon. Inside is a large cage holding two elf girls in potato sacks and a short lizard person. One of the elfs has a large pair of breasts and long blonde hair. The other has short red hair, a flat chest, she struggles to meet my eyes.  The blonde elfs rush towards me. “Our hero, save us, we’ll do anything. We’ve been locked up with this monster for days.” The blonde one pushes out her large bosom. I walk around to the other side of the cart. There is a small sack. Opening it up it is full of potatoes. They lied to me about the food. Next to the food was a small chest. I need a key.  After checking the bodies, both alive and dead, I find no keys. I stand with the small box in my hand. I bring out my black sand. I can form it into whatever I want. I form it into a lock pick, at least what I think a lockpick looks like. They look like the ones from video games, right? 

There I am standing next to a cage of slaves trying to learn lockpicking. When a clawed hand grabs my shoulder. I spin around. Turning to the lizard half pint with its arm hanging out the cage. “Kree open. Human give food?” I nod. I place the box in the kobolds hands. It quickly retracts its claws. The box slams against the bars, being too large to fit in between the bars. It falls to the ground. “Ah, we need to get you out of the cage.” I take a potato from the sack and hand it to the kobold. Giving it a rare smile, “Eat this while you wait.” The kobold begins to greedily eat it. 

I get to the front of the cage only to be greeted by another lock. I pull at my facial hair, thinking over my situation. 

1. A lock blocks me from opening another lock.

2. I have no key and don’t know how to pick it with my powers.

3. The kobold inside the cage knows how to unlock it. 

4. I have a power that allows me to form anything I can imagine with any properties I can imagine. 

5. I have a power that allows me to form anything I can imagine with any properties I can imagine. 

Oh yeah, if I can make anything, then I can make an angle grinder. One round of grinding with an acompanyian shower of sparks later the gate is open. I realize as soon as I open the gate that now I can also angle grind the box open. I leave the cage open and pick up the box. Another, much shorter, shower of sparks and the box falls open. It’s filled with gold coins. Nice. I have money and food now. I took a potato out of the sack and began to eat it like an apple. 

I feel a soft tapping on my shoulder. “Thank you for saving us. You’re our hero.” I munch my potato and calmly state. “That’s cool.” 

“Where are you going to take us now Mr. Hero? To your cabin in the woods? On some great adventure. I can do spirit magic, and Red” She points her thumb to the red haired elf besides her. “She’s a bit shy, but she’s good with a bow.” 

“I’m fine. You can go where you like.” I pack the gold in with the potatoes and set out. Towards The Democracy. The pitter patter of two feet and a dragging tail follow behind me. They’ll go away eventually if I act disinterested enough.