{I'm in a court with 2 other me's all looking at me strangely.
[That's not true though. Why would I look at my own imagination weirdly?]
(Hey, you're my imagination. Not the other way around... right?)
[Da.] {Ya.}
(Really? Russian and german yesses? Are you two little kids?)
{Da.} [Ya.]
(Sweet. I'm a little kid... Thanks other me's, now I'm depressed.)
[Why are we even doing this? We're not payed comedians...]
{That's because we're retards and we're too lazy to start a story...?}
(Fuck you two! You're too lazy to start a story!)
{[But you're me as well.]}
Ahem! Silence in court! I am the Third Person POV, and I shall judge all with fair and not-so-biased standpoint that obviously are in favor of myself like all other stories do!
([{Okay Dad!}])
Ohohoho! Good kids! Now, let's get on with the script, shall we?
*All* Yes dad!
Hey, where did the ([{}]) go?
*All* Too annoying to write.
Okay...? Well, fuck you, a.k.a me, let's get on with this shit! I'm too old for this shit...
(I'm actually only... ah shit, I can't say it. Sorry guys, safety reasons....)
[Yeah! Daddy always tells us not to say our name to strangers. He says they might fuck us up like daddy does.]
{Dude, that's gay.}
(But are we actually male?)
*Everyone* Dun-dun-dun-DUNNNN!!
(Ew. Shitty puns.)
{Ikr!!!}
I have a feeling this whole thing is shit.
(Oh trust me, it's not just your feelings.)
Well fuck you too. Now, let's begin!!!
My name is Joe Common and I'm a japanese virgin. I possess 18 years (he also possesses several porn books)[Shhhh! Listen to daddy's story!] and I like big breasts. Why I like big breasts? That's because my lower region feels good when I trump it whilst seeing them.
I was walking down a street. First I took two steps with my left foot, then one with my left hand. After that, I did a spin and landed on the head of an obviously mean guy. I mean he was screaming at a big-titted loli, so he was obviously in the wrong! {Holy shit, I never thought the japs were this.... this.}[Yeah... I mean, that guy was just mad cause she divorced him and took all of his money. Eh, that's all in the past though.](Ikr! Now he's in the section of *Forgotten side charachters that nobody will ever see again*)[Poor guy...]
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
She purred in awe and began to rub her cute little head on my muscle-filled belly tipical of shut-ins. I laughed in triumph and began beating my chest in a gorilla way. All nearby females had a chemical reactions in their nether regions and began to pant heavily.
(Hold on! What the fuck is this!?)
What are you talking about?
(That's not how the tipical story goes! He need to be run over by a truck! Also, he needs to be dense!!!)
Ahhh! Right!! Lemme fix that.
As Joe was heading back home after relieving himself like a true king on his harem, a wild truck suddently appeared.
Joe uses (Sucker Punch)[Sucker punch as in he's a sucker?](No, the guy he's punching is a sucker)[Ooooh!]
It's super effective!
Wild truck takes no damage due to being a truck
Joe pisses himself out of fear. -10 to all attributes for 3 turns.
Truck uses Satanic Driver
Truck can attack 10 times! Truck receives 9999 to all attributes! All of Truck's attacks are now super-effective! (Holy shit! I want that move! My magicarp could totally become a dumptruck!)[Haha. Nice pun!]{I don't get it?}[I mean that magicarp is trash, so a truck + trash is a dumptruck!]{Ooooh!}(Ew. Overused 'Oooooh' joke.]{Well, fuck you too}
Turk uses Asta La Vista!
It's super effective!
99999 damage inflicted!
Joe has been rekt.
And thus, poor Joe got recked. He was a real gud man, always helping poor girls. Not boys though, as all japs are biased in the ways of sexism. (Hey, that's racist!) Prove me wrong. (Ugh...) I dare you! Do it!! (Uh... some japs are gay...?) Hah! Minorities don't count! Just like the jews, minorities like gay japs should die! {Actually, the joke was that all lolicons should die.} Same thing! {B-But it's racist!} Shush it! Time for a philosophical debate! (What about Joe?) He can wait.
Is it racist to call a black black? (No?) {Yes.} [What's black?] See? People have different opinions. Now, what do japs think of us europeans? (Don't we live in america?) {Uh, that we're cool?} [Is europe tasty?]
Yes, it's very tasty. And yes, we live in America but fuck americans. Hey you reader! If you're american just so you know, americans actually are the most biased of all humans!!! {That's racist.} Fuck you. Debate over, I win everything so japs are sexist and americans are selfish fatasses. Take that, anti-racist scum! {That guy's racist.} (Yeah, don't talk with him. He might infect you with 'Racism'.) {Eww... I heard that it makes you... racist} (Hhhhh! Scary!]) [Does racism smell good?]
Shit! I see readers with pitch forks! Quick, let's change topics before they call the FBI on me!!
Joe was a good man. He fucked like a rabbit and dominated over his harem like a true alpha. He was average, but at least he was good. After all, he never killed anyone. He only sent them to prisons where they will be worked to the bone, tortured and sexually abused by stronger inmates. (0.0) {¯\_(ツ)_/¯} [Holy cow! That's dark dude...]
Thus, after his honorable sacrifice for the good of humanity, he found himself in a white room. In front of him, the most beautiful pair of melons was dangling from a the bestest of the best of peerless beauties which screamed 'Shove it in me!'
(That's fundementally disturbing) {Agreed.} [Are melons tasty?]
Thus, he immediately prostrated and shouted "All hail to the Tits Goddess!"
The peerless beauty laughed and said "Indeed that's me! I am the Tits Goddess and my name is Pervert. I enjoy fucking young men till they die, so in order to keep you for as long as possible I will give you a cheat and reincarnate you!"
"Hurrah! I want infinite power!" Joe said whilst pumping his fists like a 3 years old autistic child. The goddess laughed heartily and said "What's that? Infinite fucking power? Did I hear it right?"
Joe nodded and said "Fuck yes!" (I smell someone not understanding the implications...)
The goddess laughed and Joe's vision went dark. The next moment, he was in the hands of a big breasted person. It took him 3.14 seconds to realize she could be his mother! And he was a baby! That means... breast feeding!
(Ew. I'm honestly disgusted by this guy.)[Yes. Honestly, this is actually like really disturbing]{How could he still think with his dick even as a teenager?!}[That's why men are so... ew.](Aren't we a man too?)[Nah.] *Mystery intensifies*
Thus, when she began breast feeding him, he sucked as hard as he could. She moaned, which only enticed him to go at it harder. (Erotic content?) {Dunno... Daddy, is there ero?) Yes kiddos, I'm trying to disgust my readers with a disgusting MC, so stop interrupting me please. (Kay')
Thus, after 10 minutes of feeding, he felt satisfied. However, a strange power welled up inside of him and he felt himself grow stronger immediately. He somehow ended up much older then before, and his penis had become 15 inches long (How long is an inch?) [Dunno?] Me neither actually, but I heard it's long for a penis. Can't be sure though.
The mother gasped, however her eyes took a strange glint and she slowly undressed. (No! Stop it! My innocence!!!!)
They fucked for hours. They went at it like beasts~ (NOoooOOO...OOOOO...oo...?)
*Everyone* Quick! Close the laptop and send the chapter, a storm is coming, and it's name is sister!!!!!
Please don't burn me at the stake...