Chapter III: Through the Valley
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The chaos at the refugee camp was barely controlled as soldiers barked orders, their voices hoarse from shouting over the clamor of countless traumatized survivors. The once orderly streets of Trost were now a sea of desperate humanity, a teeming mass of fear and grief and barely leashed panic.
Anja shuffled forward in a daze, her mind still reeling with the horrific images of her mother's final moments and the desperate hope that Heinrik had somehow made it out alive. Around her, shell-shocked survivors of the Shiganshina attack and countless others lucky enough to have escaped the Titans' ravenous maws huddled together, their faces drawn and haunted.
The massive walls that sheltered them, once a source of comfort and security, now seemed flimsy and insubstantial in the wake of the impossible. A hundred years of peace, shattered in an instant by the appearance of that Colossal Titan. The very bedrock of their world thrown upside down.
Everywhere Anja looked, she saw signs of desperation and chaos. Soldiers with twitchy trigger fingers and wild, frightened eyes manned the gates and watchtowers, their gazes constantly flicking to the horizon as if expecting a horde of Titans to appear at any moment. Civilians milled about in various states of shock and disbelief, some weeping openly while others simply stared into space, their expressions slack and empty.
A ragged cheer went up from somewhere near the wall, and Anja craned her neck to see a cluster of people gathering around a wild-eyed preacher of the walls perched atop an overturned crate. The man was gesticulating wildly, his voice rising and falling in a fevered cadence as he spouted dire predictions of the end times.
"The divine Walls have spoken!" he cried, spittle flying from his lips. "The Titans are the judgment of the Walls upon us, a heavenly punishment sent for their defilement, their wrath for our blasphemous sins and pride! Repent, repent and beg for their mercy, for the end is nigh!"
Some in the crowd muttered fearful agreement, sinking to their knees in prayer or tearing at their hair in despair. Others simply pushed past, too numb or lost in their own grief to pay the raving zealot any mind. Anja shuddered and averted her gaze, a chill running down her spine at the naked fear and anguish in the preacher's words.
Ahead of her, the line of refugees shuffled slowly forward, winding its way towards a makeshift processing station manned by grim-faced soldiers. Anja let her gaze wander as she waited, scanning the sea of unfamiliar faces for any sign of her friends or her brother.
For a moment, she thought she caught a glimpse of Armin's telltale blond hair a few lines over, but it was gone before she could be sure-
"Name?" the harried-looking soldier barked, his voice jolted Anja out of her spiraling thoughts.
She blinked, realizing she had reached the front of the line without even noticing. "Anja... Anja Wolf," she managed.
The man made a curt notation on his clipboard.
"Right, head on in. Next!"
Anja hesitated, craning her neck to scan the milling crowd. "Please sir, I'm looking for my brother. His name is Heinrik, he's in the Survey Corps. Has he come through yet?"
The soldier huffed impatiently. "Look kid, I'm just here to take names. If your brother made it, he'll be inside with the rest. Now move along, you're holding up the line." He made a shooing motion, already turning to the next bedraggled refugee.
Stomach twisting with mingled anxiety and anticipation, Anja allowed herself to be ushered through the gates into the vast courtyard beyond. The space was packed with a sea of haunted faces and huddled forms, the air rent with the occasional cry of grief or shout of anger. She stood on tiptoes, trying in vain to catch a glimpse of Heinrik's familiar blond head amidst the throng.
A light touch on her arm made her flinch and whirl defensively, only to find Eren regarding her with concern. "Hey, you alright?" he asked gruffly.
Anja managed a jerky nod. "Yeah. I just... I need to find my brother. That soldier said he might be in here somewhere..."
Eren's intense green eyes softened a fraction and he gave her shoulder a brief, awkward pat. "We'll help you look," he promised.
"Thank you," Anja whispered, blinking back the sudden sting of tears.
Just then, a commotion near the supply depot drew their attention. Raised voices cut through the restless din of the crowd as people began to surge forward, desperation etched on every face.
"I've got a family to feed, you can't cut us off!"
"I was here first, get back!"
"My children are starving, have mercy!"
The soldiers manning the depot looked increasingly harried as they tried to maintain order. "Settle down, the lot of you!" one of them bellowed.
"There's only so much to go around. Push again and nobody gets anything!" Anja and Eren watched grimly from the sidelines as the man next to them, his face gaunt and clothing ragged, balled his fists and stepped forward with a snarl.
"Damn freeloaders, coming here to steal food out of decent folks' mouths," muttered one of the soldiers to his comrade, not quite quietly enough.
The words ignited something in Eren. He lunged at the soldier with a cry of rage, his young face twisted with righteous fury. "Shut your mouth! You don't know what we've been through! Where were you when the Titans came, huh? Cowering behind Wall Rose while we watched our families get eaten?"
The soldier lashed out, catching Eren across the face with a vicious backhand. The boy staggered but caught himself, raising his head to glare pure defiance. "You little shit, I'll teach you some resp-"
"Stop, please! He's sorry!" Mikasa interjected, physically placing herself between Eren and the enraged soldier. She turned beseeching eyes on the man. "Please forgive him, sir. He's not in his right mind, none of us are."
Armin stepped forward as well, hands raised placatingly. "We've all suffered a great shock. He meant no disrespect. It won't happen again, you have our word."
The soldier glowered, clearly torn between making an example of Eren and avoiding a scene. "Get that brat out of my sight," he spat at last. "One more outburst and there'll be consequences, refugees or not."
Mikasa grabbed Eren's arm in an unbreakable grip and marched him away, Armin and Anja falling into step on either side like an honor guard.
Armin offered Anja a strained smile as he lengthened his stride to keep pace with Mikasa's determined steps.
"That's Eren for you, heart's in the right place but he'll get himself killed mouthing off one day," the blond boy said with a sigh.
"He wasn't wrong though," Anja muttered darkly.
Armin just shook his head. "Doesn't matter if he was. We're at their mercy now." His expression turned sympathetic as he reached out to touch Anja's wrist. "Hey, any sign of your brother?"
Anja swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat and shook her head. "Not yet. But... he'll be here. He has to be."
Armin nodded and gave her arm a comforting squeeze. "Of course he will. Don't give up hope. Oh, I almost forgot..."
He reached into his pocket and carefully extracted a slightly battered hunk of bread, breaking it precisely in half. Anja's eyes widened as he pressed one of the pieces into her hand. "Here, I want you to have this. I know it's not much, but Mikasa managed to grab extra when the soldiers weren't looking," Armin explained with a conspiratorial wink.
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Anja gaped at the precious offering, stomach betraying her with an audible gurgle. "Armin, I can't... are you sure?" she asked uncertainly.
The boy just closed her fingers firmly over the bread and smiled. "Absolutely. We have to look out for each other, yeah? Now come on, we better catch up to Eren and Mikasa before they get too far ahead."
Clutching the bread to her chest like a talisman, Anja fell into step beside Armin, a tiny spark of warmth kindling in her numb heart at the simple gesture of kindness.
The days bled together in a monotonous haze of gnawing hunger, bone-deep exhaustion, and endless waiting.
The refugees were packed into drafty warehouses and rickety barns like cattle, huddling together for warmth and what meager comfort could be found in shared trauma.
Anja spent every waking moment haunting the edges of the camp, eyes endlessly searching for some sign of Heinrik. But as the hours stretched into days with no word, the tiny ember of hope in her heart began to gutter and fade.
Eren, by contrast, seemed to burn brighter with each passing day, his green eyes fevered with barely leashed fury. He paced their small circle of ratty blankets like a caged animal, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.
"I can't stand this waiting," he snarled on the fourth evening, glaring out at the darkening sky as if he could set the walls themselves ablaze with the force of his anger.
"We're useless like this. We should be out there learning to fight, making those Titan bastards pay for what they did to us."
"And what exactly do you think we can do, Eren? We're kids," Armin said wearily, setting aside the book he'd been trying and failing to lose himself in.
"A single day of training isn't going to make us a match for Titans."
Eren rounded on Anja, eyes burning. "You get it, don't you Anja? You want to take the fight to them as badly as I do, I know it!"
Anja looked away. "You're right. I want to make them pay more than I've ever wanted anything. I want to join the Scouts and put my blade through the neck of every Titan I can find. But..." She took a shuddering breath. "Armin's right. We'd only be throwing our lives away as we are now. We're not ready."
"So you're giving up, just like that? I thought you wanted to be a soldier! What would your brother think of you now, hiding like a coward? Have you already forgotten what those monsters did to your mother?" Eren shouted, stepping forward aggressively.
Something in Anja snapped. With an inarticulate cry of rage, she launched herself at Eren, swinging wildly. But before she could connect, a blur of dark hair and pale skin interposed itself between them. Mikasa's fist sank into Anja's gut with clinical precision, doubling the smaller girl over as the air whooshed from her lungs.
Mikasa blinked, looking almost surprised at her own actions. "I... I'm sorry, I only meant to stop you, not..."
"Stay out of this, Mikasa!" Eren snarled, trying to push past her, but the dark-haired girl stood firm, planting herself protectively in front of Anja's gasping form.
"Enough, all of you!" Armin cried, actually raising his voice for once. He looked between his three friends with equal parts anger and distress.
"We can't afford to fight amongst ourselves, not now."
But Anja was already stumbling backwards, one arm clutched around her throbbing middle. Tears of pain and humiliation streaked down her face as she turned and fled, Armin's pleas for her to wait echoing uselessly behind her.
She ran until her lungs burned and her legs wobbled, finally ducking into a narrow alley between two of the towering refugee warehouses. The overhanging eaves provided some meager shelter from the persistent drizzle as Anja sank to the ground and curled into a tight ball, surrendering to the racking sobs that had been building in her chest for days.
"Heinrik where are you?" she choked out between hitching breaths. "You p-promised..."
Spent at last, Anja slipped into an uneasy doze, still huddled against the rough wood of the warehouse wall. The chill slowly seeped into her bones, but she lacked the energy to care. At least here, no one could see her break.
A sudden sharp pain in her side jolted Anja rudely back to wakefulness some interminable time later. She sprang upright with a gasp, one hand clutching her ribs, only to find herself being dispassionately regarded by a pair of ice-blue eyes beneath a fall of wheat-blonde hair.
"Oh. You're alive." the strange girl said flatly. She looked perhaps a year or two older than Anja, but there was a hardness in her gaze that spoke of experience beyond her years.
"W-what? Who are you?" Anja managed through chattering teeth, trying to subtly edge away from her unknown assailant.
The blonde girl gave an irritated huff. "No one. You're in my spot, that's all."
Anja blinked, glancing dubiously at the filthy alley and her own soggy perch. "But..." Comprehension dawned and she flushed. "Oh. Well, I can just go..."
She made move as if to rise, but a fresh lance of pain turned it into more of an awkward stumble.
"Don't bother," the girl said shortly. "Just don't do it again, or the next kick will break ribs." Her expression remained stonily impassive as she folded her arms. It was less of a threat than a statement of fact.
Anja swallowed thickly, trying not to let her mounting unease show. "Point taken. But... we're all refugees here, right? Couldn't we just... share? Two pairs of eyes are better than one, and you never know when you might need someone to watch your back..."
It was a long shot, particularly with a prickly character like this one, but desperate times and all that. The blonde stared at her for a long moment, brow faintly furrowed. Then she sighed and glanced away. "Just keep your mouth shut and stay out of my way. And tell anyone else who asks, this spot is full."
Anja hastily nodded her agreement. "My name is Anja, by the way. Anja Wolf."
"Annie," the blonde said curtly. And that was apparently that.
They passed the night in silence, huddled on opposite sides of the narrow alley. But it was, Anja admitted privately, just the slightest bit less miserable with someone else to share the darkness.
As dawn began to paint the sky in streaks of watery light, Anja finally gathered the nerve to speak again.
"I don't suppose... you haven't seen a Scout around here by any chance? Tall guy, blonde hair, green eyes that look like mine? He's my brother, Heinrik. I'd do anything to find him again..."
Annie visibly stiffened, her chilly gaze sharpening on Anja with an intensity that made the smaller girl want to squirm. For a moment, Anja thought she saw some unreadable emotion flicker in those icy blue depths. But then it was gone, hidden behind the impenetrable mask once more.
"No," Annie said flatly. "I haven't seen anyone like that. Do I look like the person to ask?" The scorn in her tone could have etched glass.
Anja wilted, but managed a nod. "You're right, I just thought... never mind. Thank you anyway." She pushed herself to her feet with a wince, feeling a decade older than her scant ten years. "If you do happen to hear anything..."
"I'll be sure to let you know," Annie said in a tone that implied just the opposite.
But then, almost too low to catch- "I'm sorry. About your brother."
Anja paused, surprised by the genuine emotion in Annie's voice. Despite the girl's rough exterior, she sensed a kindred spirit, someone who understood the depths of loss and pain. She knew, instinctively, that Annie had endured her own share of horrors, and that beneath the hardened shell lay a soul as wounded as her own. She blinked hard against the sudden sting in her eyes.
She nodded jerkily. "...thanks," she managed, the word sticking in her throat. Then she turned and began the long, limping trek back to the barn she'd claimed with her friends, mind awhirl.
Lost as she was in her own thoughts, Anja didn't immediately register that she was being hailed until the third or fourth repetition of her name. "Anja? Anja Wolf, is that you?"
She turned to find two figures in the unmistakable green cloaks of the Survey Corps watching her from the mouth of an alley. Even with their hoods raised against the persistent drizzle, she recognized the smaller of the two immediately. The ember of desperate hope flared painfully back to life in her chest.
"Lieutenant Levi!" She covered the distance between them at a run, ignoring the protest of bruised muscles. "I knew it! You guys made it! Eren kept saying the Scouts would be alright, he had faith in you even when I started to doubt... Please, is my brother with you? Is Heinrik okay?"
The words tumbled out in a rush as she reached the two Scouts, craning her neck as if Heinrik might appear from the shadows behind them at any moment. But then she registered the wretched, pinched cast to Levi's stern features, and the way the taller Scout was refusing to meet her gaze. Her heart dropped like a stone.
"I think we better talk inside," Levi said, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. "Is there somewhere dry we can go?"
Anja mutely led them to the barn, her mind filled with a sort of blank static. Some distant part of her registered Mikasa, Eren, and Armin scrambling up in surprise and concern as the three of them ducked out of the rain, but she couldn't bring herself to look at them. Not when Levi and his subordinate were regarding her with such stark, aching pity.
With leaden fingers, Anja accepted the small bundle Levi pressed into her hands. "These were with him, at the end. I thought... I thought you'd want to have them," the Scout lieutenant said gruffly as she unwrapped the torn and a bloodied patch of the wings-of-freedom, Anja's heart clenched as underneath the patch she recognized Heinrik's pendant, the metal disk he had always worn so close to his heart. She picked it up with trembling fingers, the leather cord sliding through her grip like a whisper
"How," she choked out, the world blurring as her eyes filled.
Levi's lips thinned into a bloodless line. "He made it out of Shiganshina, but only just. By the time he found our squad, he... his wounds were too great. I still don't know how he stayed in the saddle that long, stubborn bastard." The lieutenant's voice hitched almost imperceptibly before firming once more.
"He passed on the news about the breach, gave us the warning we needed to pull back before the Titans hit our position in force. Your brother saved a lot of lives, Anja. I'm just sorry we couldn't save his."
Anja closed her eyes, hot tears leaking down her cheeks as she cradled Heinrik's effects to her chest like a baby bird. She was dimly aware of the others crowding around her, Armin's arms coming up to enfold her in a clumsy embrace as Mikasa and Eren hovered close. But in that moment, she had never felt more alone.
Heinrik was gone. She had no one left, only her hatred of the titans that took everything dragging her to keep on fighting.