**Moments Ago**Rena

My partner, my Jaku. I never even took into account the possibility that you could be hurt by memories. I, I was so foolish and selfish. I wanted to distract you, thinking you would be safer, stuck at home, following clues. I, I did it to try to keep you away from me while I trained to get strong enough to protect you, to help you get vengeance. I wanted to use your clever mind to piece together clues and trails that I haven’t figured out yet. You’re so much wiser than I gave you credit for. You realized things about my actions even I hadn’t realized.

Jaku, you’re spreading your arms? You would still embrace me, despite the hurt I caused you? So soon after realizing? I truly, truly have the best partner. I press warmly into our hug, a hug of mutual understanding. Not a cradled delivery, not a foolish attempt at salvation, an embrace of two equals struggling with their emotions surrounding their bond.

Jaku’s stomach rumbles, interrupting the seriousness of the situation with mild humor, but I cannot afford to laugh. I am not yet forgiven. I would not risk hurting Jaku further. Snf. I don’t know if I’ve ever truly cried before. I can’t recall now if I even knew if a Digi could cry a true, sad set of tears. Jaku’s breathing is ragged, shuddering, but slowly becoming more rhythmic. They are okay, physically at least, despite both of our fears. Mm, my partner tightens their hug and. Wait.

My partner pushes me away, solemnity fighting across their face. My Jaku. Please don’t say goodbye. Please don’t be dismissing me. My partner’s gaze contains a wealth of emotions. Sadness boils beneath them all. Sternness seems most prominent in my eyes.

Jaku speaks, “Rena, I am, as you guessed, as I said, as you felt, deeply, incredibly hurt by having those old wounds ripped open. But I can sense that some of your intentions behind them were for me. Some of them were for you, using them as a distraction, but I felt more than that.”

I gasp, fighting tears as I try to explain myself, to beg forgiveness. Jaku interrupts me however, “I’m not done. Rena. I don’t know how to express this to someone so special to me. I don’t even normally interact with people all that much, much less some fated person who cares so deeply about me. I love that you’re now a part of my life. I’m beyond enamored of the idea that we might be friends forever, deep, true friends, the best, for all time. I just need you to know that, those things, all of them. I’m hurt, but that doesn’t change that I love you, I feel slightly used, but that doesn’t change it either. I can’t begin to express how grateful I am to you, for saving me, for fighting for me, for teaching me. I’m sorry that my hurts weigh so heavily on you.”

I hurt my partner, my Jaku. I hurt and used my Jaku. I gulp, trying to fight away the sob attempting to force its way up my nonexistent throat. I blink back tears fiercely. I hurt them, and yet they worry for my feelings, and profess a bonded love for me. I. How can a Digi ever be graced with such an enormity of emotions in so short a time? I cannot find Zen at the moment. I can barely think. It’s as if I had lungs, and they were squeezed to the point of breaking.

My gulp and intense thoughts last a long moment before I can speak, I fight to drop all traces of any emotion other than remorse from my voice as I respond, “Thank you. Thank you for telling me, for your honesty. For being my Jaku. I’m so sorry. You’re right. I was selfish, and wasn’t thinking what they might do to you, what they might bring up. I can’t say sorry enough to express how horrid I feel at having done that to my partner. To you, my Jaku.”

Jaku is pensive a moment before donning a sad half-smile. I worry for a moment what this could mean before they extend their hand while saying a single word, “Friends?”

I clasp that hand, a whirlwind of emotions struggling to be unleashed within me. I can barely suppress them. There are currents of remorse, sadness, hope, joy, upset at myself, and so many more streams of forceful winds whipping about my insides. I certainly cannot find Zen amidst this hurricane as I reply, “Friends.”

Jaku draws me near by our clasped hands to embrace me once more, and I sob quietly on their shoulder, unable to fight the tide of emotions any longer. I’m grateful beyond imagining that my partner is Jaku, among all the people I could have been made from, made for. My data swells as these emotions whirl within me to the point of bursting. At Jaku’s side, I am nearing another stage of evolution. The next time we are in danger, I will rise to the challenge for them. I will be stronger, better, more powerful.

Still, Jaku is still human, and despite the many benefits of Chi, they have biological needs. I struggle to stand, momentarily dazed by the wealth of emotions that had played through me. I want to speak, to say anything to my beloved partner. I cannot fathom how to find a way to form words. I’m at such a loss, and all my muscles feel suddenly weary, leaden, weighted down. My Jaku needs food though, and needs to remain still while their Chi preserves them. Moving about as violently as my travel could injure, or kill my partner in their currently vulnerable state.

How can I ask forgiveness? Permission to leave them here? My limbs quiver, unresponsive to my desires. I must center myself. I must strive to be Zen within the Dao, no matter the hurricane, no matter the occasion. My ragged, sobbed breathing continues to surprise me. I know that my texture covers my wireframe, and my core, but I have no organs, no lungs to be wracked with sobs. It does not matter. I am one with my juxtapositions. Yin and Yan can coincide. They are at peace within me. I am harmony and chaos. I am between light and dark. I am balance, and I am balanced. No force amongst me is greater than its counterpart. Equal, balanced, as all things should be.

My inner self takes its most masterful pose to center itself within the eye of the storm, the hurricane of emotions that have yet to calm. As I meditate in lotus position in external reality, my internal reality fights a battle within, and against, itself. Slowly the torrent subsides. When I finally am aware again, I hear Jaku’s slow, rhythmic breathing. They are asleep, though only barely. Normally I would be able to sneak away without notice, but our bond has grown intensely on this occasion. I worry that I would wake them to the sight of me skulking off, and hurt them further.

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Instead, I edge closer to Jaku, and smile as their eyes flick open. As I’m about to ask, their stomach rumbles yet again. Despite my best efforts, my cattiness returns as I tease, “Hungry Jaku?”

Jaku manages to snort a laugh, despite all that has transpired. They nod while responding, “Yeah, but everything feels so heavy, and hurts so much. I’m afraid if I move, my Chi flow might break or something. Could that kill me? In this state? I was pretty sure I was near death, and it’s not like magically regenerating all the damage instantly.”

I nod at Jaku’s assumption, sighing sadly. Jaku blows an exhalation through puffed cheeks, nearly whistling before asking what I’m about to offer, “Rena could you—“, “Jaku I would like your permission to—“.

We look at one another, and tearfully smile before laughing. We know. We truly know what the other was about to say. We both nod, and we hug once more. I amble away slowly, glancing back over my shoulder with mild worry, concern for my Jaku. This is not the safest location. Not with a fully corrupted dark-data Beelzemon on the loose. Also, despite myself, I think Jaku looks rather fetching in those leathers that look remarkably like Beelzemon’s outfit. How curious that they should happen to pick such clothing for a trek in which they encounter just such a Digi.

Huff, hup. Leap and dash, pass between shade and shadow, shade and dark, light and bright, light and dark, out for more than a mere lark. I hope Jaku understands that I will be stealing for them. They are wise, and smart, and kind. I’m sure they must realize. Though, they did just order food, based on their internet activity. Could I do the same? It will take me some minutes to get to the city regardless.

I withdraw the phone gifted to me, even if unintentionally, by Jaku. It isn’t very difficult to navigate the internet. Local eateries deliver, and I can use any number of data methods to pay them. Where could I have them deliver to that wouldn’t end up having the food turned away? What about that vacant lot on the north side of the city? The one with all the sewage ducts. It is technically an address. Yes, that will suffice. We shall order from several places, and whichever shows up, shows up. We’ll take all we can back to Jaku.

Hehe, we. I am a multitude yet singular. Juxtapositions are simply a part of the harmony of the universe. I shall beat the delivery to the location by only a few minutes, based on these delivery estimates. Still, some travel time yet.

**Presently**Jaku

I try not to sob as I draw ragged breaths after watching Rena leave. It’s cold, frightening, and lonely here, high up in the mountain range, far from anything remotely resembling my norm. I gulp with mild fear, and my stomach rumbles strongly yet again. My eyes roll about in their sockets weakly. I’m afraid that if I sleep again, my Chi might stop working on my injuries. I don’t want Rena to arrive with food only to find a corpse. That would be so heartbreaking. Stay awake Jaku. Heh. I haven’t had a nickname in so long. I haven’t had a friend in so long.

I sniffle and rub away more tears swiftly. Both feel uncommonly, incredibly wonderful, after so much heartbreak. She’s such an amazing creature, person, being. I am starting to understand why she’s so driven to become stronger though. To have tried to protect me as Vixi, against forces that are demonically, devilishly powerful, it. It’s unimaginable that she could save either one of us. Even though she is incredibly impressive as Rena, I don’t know what her limitations are. Does she have further forms and stages to grow to? What was it she called herself and those like her? Digis? Digimon? It truly does sound like any of a series of videogames or anime with some portmanteau relating to monsters with human friends or tamers or partners or any other such thing.

In most of those, many of the creatures do have at least one stage beyond their first, sometimes two or three. What could Rena possibly become? Maybe she would get some spiky Blizzard-like armor, with massively over-sized pauldrons, and a silly over-sized weapon. Or maybe she’d become some kind of fox-dragon. Combining a thing with a dragon is fairly popular in those.

Heh. It’s all fanciful thinking though. Maybe Rena has reached the height of her stages and changes. Maybe now she simply strives to become a Chi master, and exercises in difficult terrain to sharpen her muscles and senses.

Oh heck. What’s that sound? Oh no oh no oh no. Something’s on the cliff outside the cave. It’s getting closer, and its feet are not Rena’s soft pawpads. They’re loud, stompy, scratchy. Oh no. I whimper in fear as tears stream down my cheeks. I don’t want her to come back to find a corpse. I’m scared. I’m sorry Rena. Tears cloud my vision, so I can’t even see who or what approaches as the sound draws nearer.

**Presently**Rena

Almost to town. It is a pleasant eve. It’s a good thing I put the orders for food in when I did. Some of these places are closing up for the night already. Sigh. The snow crunching beneath my feet ever so slightly as I dash across the landscape is delightful. It’s so wonderful to be out in the real world, to be free and alive. I suppose I can see why Cyberdramon would be in no hurry to risk their newfound freedom and lease on life. It would be a shame to leave this realm full of regrets, remorse, things left undone, unsaid. Returning to the natural cycle. Or worse, consumed by such a corrupted dark-data Digi.

Hm, now where to be as the deliveries arrive. I do believe there is some media, yes. Sewer dwelling amphibious reptiles that order pizza. Hopefully the delivery drivers find it humorous, and don’t simply return to their eateries without dropping off the food. It has been paid for, and tipped after all.

The first one arrives, and, awkwardly, the others show up while he searches for where to deliver the food. A mixture of young men and women mill about with the food I’ve purchased for Jaku.

I cough to draw their attention to the grate I’m hiding behind. There are startled looks in this direction, but no one moves closer. I roll my eyes and try to reduce my snarky cattiness as I call out, “Anywhere around here is fine please.”

Various voices call out things along the lines of, “This delivery is for a Jaku and a Rena. Is that you?”

I try not to laugh as I affirm, “Yes, yes I am Rena. Just set it anywhere nearby, thank you. I am very happy with your service. Your tip should be added electronically, hopefully it gets to you. I do not know how your eateries process tips and wages.”

There’s some nervous chuckling, but the late teens and young adults each drop their packages of food off in turn. Some of them stop to chat with one another, knowing one another. Curses. I could maybe sneak away from a few, but this many? So close to a large series of objects that I have to stop and pick up? Drat.

Jaku, I hope you aren’t too hungry. You shouldn’t be able to starve for at least a day or two if you ate breakfast today. I’ll be with you as soon as I can, my beloved partner.

**Route of Chill Circumstances Part 8**