Chapter Thirteen
"I was born here," Iris said. "The same goes for the other 107 Sa'nasi here. We’ve been trapped here for centuries, some longer than others."
"Centuries?" Diegen asked. "But that's impossible. If you're hundreds of years old, why do you look-"
"Like a cub?" Iris smiled knowingly. "Our bodies neither age nor perish due to something the Great Reset, which is when the dream in this place restarts. Everything goes back to how it was after every reset. The only thing that ages here are our souls, but souls can live forever under the right circumstances."
"That's incredible. Doesn't that mean that all of you are immortal?"
Iris corrected him. "Undying. There's a difference. We've all died our fair share of times, but then the Great Reset happens and it's like nothing happened. Our memories remain though, of course."
Diegen frowned. “Then, you've died and came back to life with all your memories? That sounds terrible."
"It is what it is," Iris shrugged. "It's been so long since I've died though that I've pretty much forgotten what it feels like. We've learned to manipulate the shimmer around us to form these safe zones called dreamspaces, which protects us from the monsters in the original nightmare."
"That’s actually something I wanted to ask you about. I thought Astrals were the only ones who could use shimmer. How is it that you’re able to do so?”
“That’s…” Iris hesitated. “Well, we’re not your typical Sa’nasi. Not anymore, at least.”
“If you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t pry into it,” Diegen said reassuringly. “I’m just curious is all.”
“No, it’s alright. Before I tell you though, I’d like to learn where you’re from, so that I have more context from which to explain. Also, do you happen to know of a village named Imala?”
Diegen did not, but he had his suspicions. “Are you talking about the village that connects to this chamber?”
“Yes!” Iris looked hopeful. “I wasn’t so sure that it was still there. It had been so long since someone from Imala visited us. I’m glad it’s okay.”
It was Diegen’s turn to hesitate, and Iris didn’t miss his reaction. “Did you not come from Imala?” she asked.
Diegen shook his head. “I’m sorry, the inhabitants of that village perished long ago as far as I can tell. All that’s left are the buildings now.” He left out the part that there were also more skeletons than the ones that had chased him into this place. Though he couldn’t be sure they were former villagers, those bones had to have come from somewhere. It was probably an unnecessary detail to add, especially since he assumed that Iris was a former resident of that village.
“I… see,” Iris said sadly. “A part of me had still hoped… never mind. But if you didn’t come from the village, where are you from?”
Hoping to gain her trust, Diegen launched into a long and detailed explanation about the modern world he grew up in, and the circumstances that led him here. All the while, Iris listened intently without interrupting him for a second. She soaked up the knowledge he fed her with bright and curious eyes.
When he finished, she leaned back and looked up at the ceiling, as if she could pierce through it and peer into the outside world that he had told her about.
“Fascinating. To think that this whole time, there was entire world beyond ours, and an even bigger universe beyond that.” Iris closed her eyes, and the space around them hummed. Diegen could feel her shimmer expanding like an aura into the air itself. He didn’t know what it was doing, but the dreamspace around them shimmered and sharpened, as if they were becoming more real.
He couldn’t imagine what it would be like for someone who had lived for hundreds of years to find out that there was a world beyond theirs. If it was him, he might’ve been skeptical, but Iris seemed to believe him wholeheartedly.
Iris breathed deeply and stared at him with reinvigorated eyes. “My turn. You wanted to know why we’re able to use shimmer right?”
Diegen nodded.
“It’s because we’re not real Sa’nasi,” she said. “We’re artificial souls created by the All-Seeing One, designed with the sole purpose of being an inexhaustible source of innocence for our fickle God.”
✾✾✾
Back in the village of Imara, the Watcher sat atop his ivory tower, trembling in sadness as he tried desperately to fall into the deep sleep he longed for. It had been a thousand years before he had been able to do so, and each waking moment was agony. Unable to sleep, the Watcher gave up and scanned the village he had destroyed long ago, looking for the pesky bug that had wormed its way into his home. His tired, bloodshot eye blurred the lines between reality and dreams, forcing him to relive the nightmare of his own demise once again.
It always began the same way, with the smell of melting flesh and the sound of screaming innocents. That was the day that he had lost his own innocence and forced to experience unbearable pain as he was split into a thousand pieces and cast into an abyss. What followed was a feeling of grief and purposelessness, undercut by an insatiable hunger for the innocence that he had lost.
The Watcher cried as the nightmare played out before his very eye, and large, wet tears of red blood spilled down the walls of the tower, casting the cavern in an eerie glow of crimson. The Watcher slithered down the tower and retreated back to his hole in the ground, giving up his search for the bug in favor of closing his eyes, which was the closest he could ever get to a state of sleep.
At least he wasn’t alone there. He had the 108 to keep him company, and they provided him a tiny bit of reprieve in what was otherwise an excruciating existence.
✾✾✾
“What do you mean by ‘artificial souls’?” Diegen asked.
“The All-Seeing One created us by using the very flower in your possession,” Iris said. “Anima is not just a vital part of the world. It’s quite literally a part of the world’s soul itself. That’s why the curse is so strong against the one who severs its connection. Our God took those severed parts of the world’s soul and granted them egos.”
“Wow.” Diegen didn’t know to say really, nor how to feel about this development. He had been all but convinced that the Watcher was responsible for the deaths of innocent cubs in the village who offered them up as sacrifice. He had almost been sure that Iris was one of those cubs, existing here in some ethereal form, but if what she was saying was true, then it was likely that he didn’t have the full story after all.
“And here I was thinking that the er- All-Seeing One was just pure evil,” he joked.
But to his surprise, Iris didn’t take as a joke. “You’re not wrong,” she said. “God didn’t create us out of love or duty, but out of a sick desire for innocence.”
Diegen cocked his eyebrow. “What does that mean? You mentioned something about innocence before, but I’m not sure I understand.”
Iris was about to open her mouth when the air around them trembled. Diegen felt a familiar and chilling shimmer that made him feel like he was being watched from behind. He spun around in a panic, placing his hand on his dagger and fully expecting to see the Watcher behind him. He was surprised to find himself looking at another small cub instead.
“Welcome back, Krellan,” Iris said.
The cub said something in the same language as Iris, grinning as he did so. Iris responded with a laugh, and Diegen released his grip on his dagger since it seemed like Iris was on friendly terms with this Krellan.
Even so, Diegen was confused. Had he imagined the Watcher’s shimmer just a moment ago? That must’ve been the case, but he stayed on the side of caution as he observed the Krellan’s interactions with Iris. The two cubs took turns conversing for a good while, after which Iris cast the same spell to allow Krellan to communicate with Diegen.
“Thanks for that, Iris. I’m nowhere as good as you to be able to cast a spell of that level,” Krellan said, as the last of the multicolored lights fizzled away.
“That’s because you’re a lazy guy who spends way too much time just chatting with hags like Rosita,” Iris scoffed. “If you spent just one hour training your spellcasting a day, you’d be as good as me already.”
“Touché,” Krellan said, feigning being hurt. He then turned to Diegen. “Ah, where are my manners? It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, young Astral,” he said, bowing slightly towards Diegen. “It’s been a long time since we’ve had a guest.”
“Likewise,” Diegen said, still suspicious of Krellan.
“What were you two talking about before I so rudely interrupted you?” Krellan asked politely.
“I was just explaining to Diegen about how we came to be here,” Iris said.
“Oho! I so love a good origin story,” Krellan exclaimed. “Did you tell him about our magnanimous creator?”
Iris grimaced. “He’s far from magnanimous. We’re nothing but bags of innocence to him.”
“Don’t sell yourself so short. We’re much more than that,” Krellan said easily. “Especially you, Iris. You’re incredibly special.”
Iris flushed, and Diegen’s eyebrow twitched.
“What are you telling an old woman like me?” Iris joked, repeatedly slapping Krellan’s back with her paw.
Krellan didn’t seem to mind though, and even laughed her barrage of blows off. Diegen wondered if he was actually okay, or just pretending to be. Iris’s slaps thumped loudly and appeared quite painful.
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“Sorry, we were talking about innocence, right?” Iris asked Diegen.
“Yeah, I’m still not sure what you mean by the All-Seeing One creating you in order to obtain innocence,” Diegen said.
Krellan answered instead. “It’s true. God takes our innocence from us,” he said with a crooked smile. “It makes us a bit cooky, but that’s a small price to pay for existence. Most of us here agree with that.”
Iris shook her head. “Not me. It’s wrong. Even if he is God, I refuse to accept that my sole purpose in life is to serve him a fresh dose of innocence every day. We’re no better than prisoners.”
“I think I agree with Iris,” Diegen said. “It’s wrong to keep anyone against their will when they’ve done nothing wrong. Freedom is a basic galactic right.”
Krellan continued to smile widely. “Iris tells me that you’re from the outside world. Enlighten me, young Astral. Are your people truly free there?”
“Huh? Of course, we are.”
“So, there are no rules or laws that bind your actions within your society?” Krellan asked. “I find that difficult to believe.”
“Well, sure. We have our own rules, but-”
“And you have a higher authority that enforces such rules, yes?”
Diegen hesitated.
Krellan licked his paw as he waited for Diegen’s answer, but he didn’t wait long before continuing. “See? As you have our own limited freedom bound by your rules and laws, we have our own limited freedom as well, bound by our own rules and laws.”
Iris rolled her eyes. “Stop confusing the new kid, Krellan.”
Krellan chuckled. “I just don’t want him to have the wrong idea about us. No matter what our personal opinions are, our God is absolute.”
Diegen furrowed his brows, wondering whether he should mention the existence of other deities who were certainly much different from the Watcher. He decided to keep that bit of information to himself though, because he wasn’t sure whether it would cause a conflict. Although he didn’t like this Krellan fellow much, and he was still on guard on account of the anxiety-inducing shimmer Krellan had given off earlier, if Krellan was any bit as powerful as Iris, Diegen stood to gain nothing from antagonizing the cub unnecessarily.
He relaxed his expression. “I’m sorry for making assumptions. Please tell me more about the All-Seeing One so that I can understand your point better.”
Krellan cocked an eyebrow. “I’m not sure what more I can say. He is our creator and the architect of the world we live in. We only exist because he wills it, and thus it is our duty to serve him.”
“By architect of the world, you’re talking about this nightmare we’re in, right?” Diegen asked. “Iris mentioned that before.”
“Indeed. Outside our manufactured dreamspaces, the All-Seeing One’s nightmare is the only dream to ever exist inside the Cavern in known history. These dreamspaces keep the unpleasant parts of the nightmare out so that we may live in peace. Then when the nightmare ends, it begins anew. That’s what we call the Great Reset.”
“Right. Iris mentioned that too. She said that everything comes back, even if you die.”
Krellan’s smile faltered for the first time since Diegen had seen him, and shadows passed over his face. “Yes, that’s also correct.” Krellan’s voice was quiet and somber, making Diegen think that Krellan, unlike Iris, remembered his deaths all too well.
Diegen pondered this for a moment. “I’m confused though. I saw the Watcher in the village moving around just a few hours ago. How can this be his nightmare if he’s awake?”
It was Iris who answered him this time. “Have you ever heard about hypnagogia?”
Diegen shook his head.
“It’s a condition when you’re both awake and asleep at the same. Since before we were even born, God has been in a hypnagogic state, unable to get a second of proper rest for hundreds of years and reliving the same nightmare at the same time.”
“Our poor, dear creator,” Krellan said sadly, shaking his head.
“Poor nor dear aren’t words I’d ever use to describe him,” Iris said, sticking her tongue out. “Regardless of whether he created us or has been suffering all this time, it doesn’t change the fact that he left us to rot in his own nightmare for years until we learned to conjure these dreamspaces.”
Krellan shrugged. “It was mostly fine after that though.”
“Except we aren’t able to leave this place,” Iris argued. “Like, ever.”
“Why would we need to, when we can conjure whatever we want in our dreamspace?”
“None of it’s real.”
“We’re real. That’s enough for me.”
Iris sighed, and Krellan smiled sympathetically. “In any case, these dreamspaces really were a game changer,” he said. “I still remember the first dreamspace we ever created. It was just a small, empty space that could barely fit all of us in it, and it took all 108 of us to conjure.”
“We were still discovering shimmer at the time,” Iris said. “Our cores were probably the size of a tooth.”
“Whoa, you have a shimmer core?” Diegen asked in surprise.
“Of course I do,” Iris said, looking at Diegen like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “How else do you think I can control and manipulate shimmer?”
“I don’t know. I assumed that artificial souls like yourselves could just… do it.”
Iris snorted. “Remember this so that you never say anything so stupid again. Anything that requires control over shimmer means that it’s being processed through a shimmer core. Got it?”
“Uh, okay.” While Iris was blunt and lacked a vocal filter, Diegen found it strangely reminiscent of Holdar, whom he missed a lot. He hoped Holdar was doing well in the outside world, wherever he was. “So, the All-Seeing One created you with shimmer cores, but that doesn’t explain how you learned to create these dreamspaces,” he said.
“It’s a long story,” Iris said. “But the short of it is that we learned to direct our shimmer with intent.”
“Intent?”
“You’re wasting your time, Iris,” Krellan said, licking his paws again. “Do you really think someone like him is going to understand the basic principles of shimmer just by explaining it to him with words?”
“Maybe not, but what’s the harm in trying?” Iris asked. “It’s not like he has anywhere to be anyway.”
This last bit sent little alarms off in Diegen’s head as a possibility arose in his mind. If these two weren’t able to escape this Cavern of Dreams in all this time, would he be able to? “Um. Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask something. How would I get out of here if I wanted to leave?” he asked, hoping he was wrong about his prediction.
Iris winced. “Oops. I guess you caught on because of my last statement. Sorry, I didn’t mean to just drop that bit of bad news on you like that.”
Diegen’s heart sank. “Then that means…”
“Yeah, you’re trapped here with the rest of us,” Krellan said with a grin.
Diegen leaned back against the wall for support and considered the implications of this discovery. Would he never see Holdar or his family again? It was too tragic to even think about. Not to mention, what was he going to do for sustenance?
He berated himself for not figuring it out for himself from the start. If Iris and the others were trapped in here for centuries, why would he an exception to the rule? “Damn ability, leading me here,” he muttered to himself. “I knew it was a scam.”
“What was that?” Krellan asked.
“What?”
“You said something just now. I want to know what you said,” Krellan said, a bit more forcefully.
Diegen cocked an eyebrow, wondering why Krellan was suddenly pressing the issue. “I was just expressing my annoyance for the path-related ability that led me here in the first place.”
“What’s a path-related ability?” Iris asked.
“It’s-” Diegen almost said ‘something that the Goddess Avaritia gave me’ before remembering that he had decided to keep his knowledge of the other deities a secret. “It’s a passive ability I got when I became an Astral,” he said simply. “I’m not sure how it works exactly. It just kind of directs me where to go or warns me where not to go.”
“Wait, you have an ability, but you don’t know how it works?” Iris asked, appearing to be confounded by the notion of it. “How is that even possible?”
“I don’t know that either,” Diegen admitted. “It’s just kind of been pointing me where to go. So far, I’ve just followed it in hopes that it’s leading me in the right direction.”
“You did what?” Iris asked incredulously. “So not only do you not know how it works, but you followed it blindly anyway?”
“Pretty much.”
Iris looked like she was going to overheat as she stared at him like he was the world’s biggest idiot. She really did remind him a lot of Holdar.
Krellan burst out laughing. “I’ve changed my mind. Please try teaching him some of the basic principles of shimmer. I have a feeling the result is going to be hilarious.”
“You, sir, are not helping.” Iris stared daggers at Krellan, who gradually stopped laughing and cleared his throat awkwardly. Iris turned back to Diegen. “It’s dangerous to use, much less follow, strange abilities that you don’t fully understand. Didn’t anyone teach you that?”
“I didn’t really have anyone to teach me,” Diegen said dejectedly.
“Oh right, you told me that you were separated from your people shortly after you became an Astral,” Iris said, nodding.
“Yup. I’ve just kind of been figuring things out by myself. And poorly too, apparently.”
“I know what that’s like,” Iris said sympathetically. “Well, regardless, I don’t think you should keep following that ability, especially if it led you here and you have no idea why. That said, since you’re already here, I have good news and bad news for you.”
“What’s the good news?” Diegen asked, not sure what it could be, considering that he had just been told that he was now stuck in a place no one had been able to leave in centuries.
“The good news is that you’ve brought the one thing that might get us out of here,” Iris said, beaming at him.
“…The flower?” Diegen asked, feeling a spark of hope.
“Yes. That’s why I wanted it from you. I think I can brew us a potion that will wake us up.”
“Really? Then by all means, please take it,” Diegen said, reaching for his pouch, but Iris stopped him.
“The bad news is that you’re still cursed,” she reminded him.
“Oh, right…”
“That’s why I want to propose a deal. In exchange for your flower, I’ll help you get rid of your curse, give you a sip of the potion that will allow you to escape this place, and I’ll even teach you the basics on how to control your shimmer. What do you think?”
“What do I think? That sounds better than anything I could’ve hoped for. It’s way too skewed in my favor, isn’t it?” Diegen asked, taken aback by her generosity. “What can I do to make things even?”
“Trust me, that flower is worth everything I’m offering,” Iris said seriously. “And I’m not joking. To be honest, it might’ve taken several more years of research, or even centuries more, to complete this potion without that flower. I’m just grateful you brought it.”
Diegen pondered her offer, tempted to accept her offer outright. After all, she had also saved his life earlier, so there was no reason for him to decline. Even so, there was one other thing he wanted.
“This might be shameless to ask, but can I ask for one more thing from your side?” he asked.
“Sure, what is it?”
“Do you happen to have any food? I’m starving,” he said, regretting not stopping to grab the last of his fish before he had come here. They may have been rotten, and the only way to eat them was to char them black first, but at least it was something.
Iris considered this for a moment. “Unfortunately, all the food in our dreamspaces is fake, and only for experience purposes. These bodies are just artificial shells for our souls, so we don’t really need food. But you should be able to sustain yourself with food from the original nightmare until the reset, at which point your body will return to how it was when you first came here.”
“I’m having a hard time imagining finding anything edible in the original nightmare,” Diegen said, remembering the toxic wasteland that he had come from.
“Don’t worry, there’s bound to be something. You might not like how it tastes, but it’ll keep you going. I’ll show you since we have to go ingredient hunting anyway,” Iris said. “So, how about that answer? Do we have ourselves a deal?”
“You do,” Diegen said, holding out a fist.
Iris looked at his hand in confusion. “What is this?”
Diegen quickly withdrew his hand. “Ah, sorry. Where I’m from, we usually touch paws or fists whenever two parties make a deal. It’s called a paw-bump, and it’s like a tradition of sorts. But never mind, it’s not important.”
Iris curiously held out her paw. “Like this?”
Diegen laughed. “Yeah, exactly.” He bumped her paw with his, and he could feel the warmth through his fist.
“Hmm… I’m not sure how I feel about this… ‘paw-bump’, but I’m not completely against it,” Iris commented. “Anyway, we’d better get going. The Great Reset isn’t too far away, and I need time to brew both the curse removal potion and the escape potion. If we wait too long, we’ll have to do it all over again after the reset.”
“Well, have fun you two,” Krellan said. “I’m going over to Rosita’s to let the others know about our new guest over some excellent tea.”
“Don’t you want to help us get out of this place?” Iris asked. “There’s an entire other world to discover, Krellan.”
“If it happens, it happens,” Krellan said simply. “If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. I’ll be rooting you on though, from the sidelines.”
Iris huffed, then sighed. “Suit yourself. Let’s go, newbie.”
“Newbie? Really?” Diegen asked, as he followed Iris outside.
Iris shrugged. “When you’re no longer a newbie, I’ll call you by your name. First things first, you’ll have to learn how to control your shimmer.” She stopped in an open part of the field and turned around to face Diegen.
“You’re teaching me now? I thought we were going to get some food and ingredients first.”
“There’s going to be plenty of monsters on the way, and your curse is going to make those encounters a lot more frequent than normal,” Iris said. “I might as well teach you the basics now so that you don’t get killed along the way.”
“…”
“Would you rather learn this stuff now, or when you get killed and respawn after the Great Reset?”
Diegen was about to open his mouth to ask if he would really respawn if he got killed, when an enormous amount of shimmer gathered around Iris and materialized into spears of light. Iris’s smile was even brighter than the spears around her. “Let’s get started then.”