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Astral Projection
08: Weltanschauung

08: Weltanschauung

"Time to wake up," Paula said to Emil as she knocked on the door of the guest room. "I'd let you sleep in, but I already made lunch. Come out and get some schnitzel."

Emil wiped the crust from his eyes. He looked at the clock on the wall across from his bed; it showed 12:00 noon, on the dot. It was unusual to wake up at this hour, even for an astronomer who works exclusively at night. It was thirteen hours, he calculated, since he went to bed last night. It could take a while to get adjusted to a new, more conventional sleep pattern.

"Yes, Frau Silber. Thank you. Give me a minute and I'll be right out."

After he got dressed and came to the dining room, Paula came in with a plate for Emil and herself. The fried slab of meat was still steaming hot, and some chopped vegetables were beside it. This is a good meal, Emil thought, certainly it is something a husband would be thankful for if a wife cooked it for him—but now her husband might never eat it again. Emil wondered if Gustav Silber would miss these meals, or if it was now too insignificant for him to even think about.

Emil picked up his knife and his fork and began cutting. "How is Camilla feeling?"

"Hm, well, I went to wake her up before you," Paula explained as she poured a glass of water for Emil from a pitcher. "She told me she isn't hungry. So that means more for us."

"I had a dream last night that I was back at my home in Berlin. Also . . . I had another dream, but I don't quite know how to explain that one."

Emil took a sip of water. Paula did the same. She didn't look at Emil, but she nodded as she continued cutting her food into pieces. She did so methodically, not eating a single bite until the entire portion of schnitzel had been cut into edible chunks.

"I can never remember my dreams," she said.

They ate together in silence, all the while Emil reflected on the first dream he had—a manifestation of Gustav on a cross? Martin Luther speaking to him with his father's voice? What did it mean? He could remember every bit of it, and the more he reviewed it in his mind, the more it plagued him.

"Frau Silber, may I ask you a question?"

Paula put her fork down and said, "I will answer any question you wish to ask of me."

"What is your weltanschauung?" Emil asked her, aware that she may find his question somewhat arbitrary.

Without skipping a beat, she answered. "I married Gustav, I kept his home, I raised Camilla. The world has much to offer beyond that, yes. You see, when I was younger I told myself I wanted to travel the world. But since I've been with Gustav, my only wish is to hold on to the simple things. Being the wife of such a remarkable man is humbling."

"Come with us to Berlin," Emil said, leaning in closer to her. "I wish for you to come and see my childhood home. Then, we will go to your old home where you lived with Herr Silber. I think you will be rejuvenated by this. Returning to the city where you met your husband, you may see the world differently now."

Paula turned her head and stared blanky at the wall. "Oh, I don't know . . . I'm afraid I can't. No, you and Camilla must go without me."

"I can't leave you here alone, Frau Silber. Please, come with us. I promise I will try my best to give you closure with Herr Silber. I need you to have faith."

Faith. Just days ago, Emil never would have asked anyone to put faith in him or in anything. Now, it was crucial. Paula looked to Emil, a gleam of hope in her eyes. He recognized that look as the same unfeigned expression his own mother and his Uncle Walter had.

Before she could tell Emil she changed her mind, there was a knock on the front door.

.✪.

"Hello, hello, hello! My dear Frau Silber, I'm afraid I haven't seen young Camilla. Such a shame. Can I keep you company?"

Emil could hear the man's voice fill the entire house. Who was this man? How did he know Camilla? Emil wanted to stand up and run straight into the foyer, but decided to remain seated at the dining table and listen.

Paula's shy voice replied, "Rabbi Uhlstein, Camilla is home. And I have company, so . . ."

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"Ah! A burden is lifted. I was so worried she had ran away. Girls that age have chutzpah, but they can be so irrational at times. Who is this guest of yours?"

Paula called over to the dining room. "Emil, can you come here please?"

"Good afternoon, Rabbi," Emil said, entering into the foyer with a polite smile. "My name is Emil Weiss. It's a pleasure to meet you."

The man was indeed a rabbi. He had bushy facial hair and mutton chops with a fancy black hat covering the top of his head. He wore nice clothes—a black suit with a bow tie, a shiny gold watch on his wrist. There was one thing that stood out above this: Rabbi Uhlstein carried a heavy stench of liquor.

"A pleasure to meet you as well, young man. I am Udo Uhlstein. I have heard your name before, indeed! The up-and-coming astronomer, yes?"

"Emil, Rabbi Uhlstein is our neighbor from down the road. About half a kilometer or so. Like you, he is a dear family friend."

Emil nodded. He thought to shake the rabbi's hand, but was too put off by his smell. Emil wondered why a rabbi would be walking around drunk in the middle of the day—and to such a staggering extent at that.

"Rabbi Uhlstein! I knew I heard your voice!" Camilla called out, running from her room to greet him.

She ran directly to him, jumping up and hugging him. The rabbi laughed and smiled wide, and Camilla did the same. Emil wondered, was she not put off by the overwhelming odor or was she too naive to recognize it?

"Oy vey ist mir! Camilla darling, I am so happy you are back home and safe. You and your mishegas! Promise me you will never put such stress on your mother and I again."

"I'm afraid I cannot promise that, Rabbi," Camilla said. "I will be going to Berlin with Emil. We believe my father might be there now, it's such a long story . . ."

The rabbi approached Emil and put his arm around him. Emil tried his best not to cringe at the invasive smell of alcohol surrounding him.

"Well, then. This is quite a turning point for you," the rabbi said. "Emil Weiss, I would like to discuss this with you in private. Frau Silber, may I borrow this young man for the afternoon?"

Paula smirked at Emil. She knew he was uncomfortable, but did not protest her neighbor's proposition.

"Go right ahead. Camilla and I have some things we must discuss, too."

"Splendid!" Udo Uhlstein said, giving Emil a strong pat on the back. "You will come with me to my house, then."

Emil thought to decline, but a wholesome smile from Camilla convinced him to reluctantly agree to the invitation.

.✪.

The rabbi's house was small, dark, and the floorboards creaked with every step. The main room had a kitchen, a dining table, and several tables with papers piled on them. Udo drank from his flask and motioned for Emil to sit at the table.

"A friend of the Silbers is a friend of mine. You seem like a nice young man, Emil. I want to help you."

Emil fidgeted as he stared at the floor, his legs crossed. He wanted to believe the rabbi was being honest with him, but his trust could not be granted so easily to a stranger.

Udo continued talking, now slurring his words. "We all live with vice, Emil. To live without vice is not realistic. You are old enough to know this. Camilla is learning now . . . she is learning what you and I know about man."

"It's unfortunate," Emil said. "Nevertheless, I want to show her the good in humanity. She will see it when she meets my mother and uncle. They live in Berlin, and they are good people."

Udo smiled and clumsily sat on the top of the table, causing it to wobble beneath him. Emil slid back in his chair to avoid the possibility of the table crashing on him.

"I concur. There are good people in the world. I will personally bring you to Germany if you agree to marry Camilla."

Emil scowled, thrown off guard by Udo's suggestion. "Rabbi Uhlstein, our relationship is not like that. She is my friend, and we rely on each other for support. Even if we do share a romantic connection, this is not the time to be talking about marriage . . . considering the current events."

"Camilla is a special girl. You will not find one like her anywhere else in the world," the rabbi said after taking another quick swig from his flask.

"Truthfully, Rabbi, I don't want to go into it. Until we find him—find Herr Silber, I mean—I am in no condition to be in a relationship."

Udo pushed himself up and started pacing back and forth, waving his flask, the fluid inside it swishing around.

"Very well. We shall leave Austria tomorrow. Until then, go spend some time with Camilla. I am sure there is something she wants to tell you."

"Such as?" Emil asked, cocking his head to the side.

"You aren't Jewish, are you? No, I don't believe so," the rabbi said. "What is your relationship with God?

"That doesn't matter. Herr Silber and I never even discussed it until recently. We've lived in Austria for years, and I've all but disowned my religious faith."

"It does matter. You will see. You are associating with us Jews, and people will judge you for it. In Germany, you will be judged harshly. Like it or not, it is something you will be forced to accept."

"I do not associate with people who have such negative views," Emil insisted.

Udo laughed and stroked his beard. He put the flask down and sat across from Emil, taking a moment to think of what he could say next. Nothing came to mind, so instead the two men sat quietly for a moment and cleared their heads.

"It was a pleasure talking with you, Rabbi," Emil said. "I will go back to my home and gather some things, then I will speak to Camilla and Frau Silber. I will tell them you wish to take us to Germany tomorrow."

"Yes, I will be happy if Paula comes as well. Thank you, Emil."

As Emil walked out the front door, he could hear the rabbi vomiting in the kitchen sink. Emil took a deep breath of fresh Austrian mountain air.