The woman in the portrait

He roused from his sleep with his head full of anguish. His gaze met an unfamiliar sight. The surroundings were dim, with only a fraction of light coming from the outside. This helped him to distinguish some parts of it, but it wasn’t enough to thoroughly recognize the place.

Where am I?

For a reason he doesn’t know, there’s agonizing pain all over his body, and he feels utterly weak somehow. Still, he tried to get up with the bit of strength he had, but unfortunately, that wasn’t enough.

The troubled man observed the surroundings but wasn’t entirely convinced of what his sight had made out. It looks like he was in a medium-sized quadrilateral room. Then, he turned his gaze onto the fence-like steel rails that separated the room from where he was and a seemingly dark hallway.

He doubted it at first, but he knew what kind of place it was. The interior seemed to be an ordinary room, wide enough for him alone. But it did not take away the fact that the railings were there for him to be detained.

At the direness time, he just realized he had no recollections about what had happened to him before, or… that’s what he thought only at first. The emptiness he felt that all his memories were devoid of specific information made him lose his mind.

The feeling was strange. Though he was fully aware of himself, solely only on his name, Khael. But any related information about his life was empty, giving him an unusual feeling about his existence.

Khael felt worried as panic crawled up to his chest. The mental distress instantly nagged at him whenever he tried to remember anything. For the moment, he settled down on the ground. It was cold, but he brushed it off and directed his full attention to ease his troubled mind.

…..

When Khael thought he had rested enough. Again this time, he urged himself up. “Finally,” he blurted out excitedly to commemorate his little progress. He could finally get up with a wobbling leg, trembling feet, and a smile formed on his face. At last, made his way onto the prison rails, looking at both sides of the dark hallway. But to his disappointment, there was nothing to see except the silent and eerie surroundings.

For real… for what reason was I here? And why… I can’t even remember anything?

Khael just turned around and leaned on the rail against his back. This time, while staring solemnly at the leftmost part of the room, his gaze was drawn to something glistening. He walks toward it, expecting an awful look in front of what seems to be a metal sheet.

But he was left agape and dumbfounded when he saw his reflection.

And the person staring back wasn’t him.

Khael looked into the stranger’s eyes. He was convinced that it was another person, but somehow… his stare didn’t feel distant from him.

...Who are you??

The young man in his reflection wears a scattered of dirty rags. His dull black hair draped shortly above his eyebrow. He possessed narrowed black eyes that Khael somehow made out despite the insufficient light reaching him. As if he had already assumed it.

Khael, bewildered, shook his head in doubt and rubbed off his eyes in disbelief. He can’t even mumble a single word of fright. He then also looked at his side and behind him to ensure he was really the person standing there.

Suddenly, the throbbing pain in his head became more intense. Khael completely buckled down as he fell backward to the ground. And then, a loud screech out of nowhere envelopes his ears, making him succumb to pain and distress helplessly.

At first, despite his inability to remember anything about himself, Khael was still at least convinced of who he was. But seeing the person who was supposed to be him in front of the mirror, he wasn’t sure anymore….

After a moment of anguish that feels like an eternity. While still hasn’t recovered yet from the sudden turn of events. Khael heard footsteps approaching, not from afar, and looks like they were aiming to go from where he was. As it got nearer. The small chunk of light from the torch revealed two figures. Two people wearing sleeveless leather armor came into view. Khael instantly wondered why they were dressed like that, but as of the moment, he assumed they were the guards.

One of them walked towards the rails--nearly in front of him. This person is an old man with a serene face that complimented his lively white mustache. He wasn’t smiling, but at least let out a bright ambiance, unlike the taller guard behind him, which gave Khael a sharp disparaging gaze as if looking at someone with disdain.

“M-May I know why am I here? And where is this place?!” Khael did not wait for them to speak first as he impatiently bombarded them with questions.

The taller guard raised an eyebrow that seems got annoyed by his conduct. Though gladly, the older guard doesn’t seem to mind at all. “Kid, please calm down. We also had things we need to ask you.”

“We don’t have time for this, Grant. Just bring the brat along with us.” said the tall guard with an asserting attitude.

Grant turned to him, giving Khael an empathetic expression. “I hope you comply and do as we told you for now.”

And then Khael heard a short clanking sound, noticing that the railings were already unlocked. Khael did not know where the lock was, but it looked like they had opened it instantly without him noticing.

The old guard noticed his struggle to make his way out of the room and guided him as he walked. “Don’t worry, we’ll not hurt you or anything. You just have to cooperate with us.”

“And if we found out that you're…,” he paused as if considering something. “harmless. We will release you immediately.”

Khael nodded in response. He had no idea what is this all about, but obeying them, for now, was the best thing to do.

…..

As they tread the long hallway. Khael’s mind went deep into thoughts, thinking about what had ensued. Everything seems so natural for it to be a dream and too unbelievable to consider it a reality. Wherever he looked, the place seemed too unfamiliar and strange to determine any hint of where he was.

They stopped in a room that seemed to be the destination. The tall guard entered first, then Grant guided Khael to enter the room as they followed.

The room was more than twice as wide as the cell. Nothing seems to be special or strange of some sort. And there... a person sitting on a wooden chair, filling up some papers on his table until he finished up and talked. “Please have a seat, all of you.”

The two guards sat on a wooden chair on the right side of the room while Grant guested Khael to sit on the ones in the middle, in front of... he’d guessed to be their superior.

“I hope you tell the truth in everything I’m going to ask you.” the intimidating man said with a dead-serious expression.

At first glance, the person in front of him was the person you wouldn’t dare mess up with. He has a shaven head with a left scarred eye that seems clawed by some beast. The features of his face were already intimidating alone. What more if he stood up? Because he already looked so tall in his seat.

Khael can’t bring himself to talk because of being too anxious. He just stared at him and tensely nodded in response.

“For formality’s sake, let me introduce myself to you. I am Sergeant Baron Gelfand. Based on the report I received, you were found at the back entrance of this place this dawn.” The Sergeant frowns as he questions him. “What are you doing there?”

Khael just remained silent for a moment, didn’t know what kind of an answer he could offer. He just lowered his head to avoid having eye contact with any of them. Because no matter how hard he tries, he doesn’t know how to respond if he can’t remember anything.

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“Remaining silent doesn’t make us progress. Tell me, who are you, and where are you from?”

Khael took a deep breath. This time... raising his head aligned with the person he is talking to and tensely answers the intimidating man in front of him. “W-Would you believe me if I say... I can’t remember anything?”

Khael was expecting him to doubt what he had just said. Instead, Baron’s expression had changed, not angry or ridiculed by his answer. It just wasn’t clear to him what the Sergeant was thinking.

“What do you mean… by that?” asked Baron with a tone of curiosity in his voice.

It was at that moment that Khael felt more worried. Not just from not remembering anything but also from being unable to explain himself better. As the pressure overtook him, his mind sank into a flood full of worries as anxiety overlapped the very shore of his mind. He had no choice but to say something--for them not to think he wasn’t cooperating with them or, worse… deemed lying.

“I don’t want to sound ridiculous, but… I can’t remember anything besides my self-awareness,” said Khael. “What I mean is that… I know my name… which is Khael, but that’s all. I don’t know where I came from or the events before you found me there.”

“That sounds bullshit, isn't it?” the tall guard intruded. “Why does he still knows his name-“

Baron raised his hand to interrupt the tall guard.

“Let us say that you can’t remember anything besides your name. That makes no sense, doesn’t it? You should’ve been able to remember anything related to that, right?”

That was entirely what Khael had thought over many times. It was peculiar. He seems familiar with himself despite not being able to explain how. As if his memories had vanished or were just deeply buried in the depths of his mind.

…..

The interrogation goes on without any notable progress. Khael was glad when they let him ask questions for himself, and they gladly answered him reasonably. And the conversation continued along with the incident.

He learned it was something that happened to some people as well. The ones responsible for this are the so-called “Mnemonic Beings.”

It was a mystery where exactly they would appear. Based on the stories they told that Khael didn’t quite follow. They can be anywhere. But mainly in a place like a forest with denser ambient mana. And they will vanish without a trace or resemblance of existence except for their fallen victims.

Khael had no such idea about those. There are many things Khael wants to ask, but he has to set aside pondering about those things later. For now, his primary goal is to get out of prison. But Khael has to know how. And it did not take long before he admitted he wasn’t just dreaming throughout. Though Khael still wished he was.

“There are some cases that they can still remember a thing or two from themselves after encountering those damn Mnemonic Beings,” said Baron in a lighthearted tone. “And my son, unfortunately, can’t remember a single thing from his life.”

Baron clenched his fist as a pained expression came over his face. “There were still a few things we need to consider before releasing you,” Baron added. “We took care of your belonging, but you can take them back once we assured ————- — - — —. — — — —.”

Suddenly, everything seems lost to focus. Khael can’t quite hear anything well in his surroundings. Again, a faint but deafening screech suddenly enveloped his ears. He thought he had recovered enough, but somehow… he felt utterly weaker than before.

Not so long, the weariness ate him away as his consciousness slowly dissipated.

*****

The metal clanking sound seemed so loud in the middle of the silence. Khael blearily opened his eyes with blurred eyesight. And he can’t situate his neck or body as he wants to.

His vision distinguishes a figure doing something on the rails from the very corner of his eye. Even though his whole body fought against him—in contrast, to move on with his will. He was still eager to know who or what the figure was doing there.

Based on the silhouette, he can distinguish despite the slightly dim surroundings. Khael knew it was the old guard, Grant.

“You should just rest, for now, kid. I’m sorry if we still had you to be restrained here. But don’t worry, I had placed some bed-of-straw on the floor and lent you an old pillow,” said Grant. “Please bear the smell for the time being. It was the only pillow I could lend you.”

“C-can I—“ Khael halted, his mouth agape, unable to comprehend what he saw.

Khael might be half-awake, but he had just seen a tiny flicker of light from Grant’s hands. But then… his body was already forcing him to rest as his eyes slowly shut down, and he fell into slumber.

*****

The noon dawned, bringing a hot atmosphere to the room. Khael felt much better than before as he woke up on a bed of straw, unlike the first time on a hard, cold floor. His surroundings now were more apparent. The parts of the room were observable with the help of sunlight passing through the semi-circle window.

Too early in the morning, right after waking up, Grant passes by in an instant just to tell him to wait for someone to take him to the cafeteria. And that’s what he needed the most. Khael knows we won’t last any longer if he does not get something to eat this time.

After that, Grant will take him to have a thorough discussion with the Sergeant regarding what they should do in his case.

There’s still some throbbing pain in some parts of his body. He was fortunate to recover some of his physical strength but still unfortunate as he hadn’t yet regained his memories.

Not too long, an unfamiliar guard arrived. This time, the guard was covered in silver armor, making him more imposing than the guards he saw yesterday. But what bothered him more was something he wasn’t expecting to see again.

Khael was astonished when a flicker of light released in the guard’s palm. A ‘clang’ sound implies that the railing is now unlocked. He had checked the bars a lot before. But no matter how hard he looked, he didn’t find a resemblance to any lock mechanism there.

“Khael, right? Follow me. I’ll take you to the cafeteria.” said the unfamiliar guard.

Lost for words. Khael just followed him. His thoughts were filled with strange things he encountered. For him, those are supposedly not normal. He was shocked but not entirely bothered at all, as if something influenced him, and everything was fine.

…..

Eventually, they arrived in a hall where the cafeteria was located. But aside from the unpleasant heat caused by the sultry weather. The place was disappointingly in poor condition.

It was already terrible at first glance, but as he looked thoroughly… it worsened. The dirt and thick layer of dust are visible anywhere. The tables are unstably hanging on their own—which tells that the rest are eating on the floor instead.

Khael was not being captious. For him, eating in such a place was just not pleasant.

After all, what would he expect from a place where a prisoner like him eats? Khael set aside his worries and then made his way into the pile where the rest lined up to get their ration. For being last in the queue, there’s still a lot of time before his turn comes.

Kind of lost in thoughts, his mind went deep, diving into vague notions that didn’t help assess his current predicament. Probably he was still drained mentally. So Khael just probed his surroundings to pass the time until his gaze got attracted by a portrait on a nearby pillar.

Strangely, Khael mindlessly walked straight into the portrait and studied it thoroughly. Not minding the spot he left in the queue. It was an old wooden frame attached to the pillar that seemed simplistic but had something that made him interested.

The portrait was drawn well; the details are realistic, portraying pleasant countryside scenery. But the main feature of it was a young woman. At first, Khael thought he knew her. Khael felt a strange feeling towards that thought.

“Are you sure it’s fine to leave your spot like that?” A voice out of nowhere startled him, but it somehow made him back to his senses. “This portrait is alluring, don’t you agree?” said Grant, but his expression contrasts with how he describes it.

“I-I agree. The place in the background brings a nostalgic feeling. Even though I do not know where that is,” said Khael. “It looks oddly familiar to me.”

In the corner of his sight, Khael noticed the inquisitive stare of the old guard. “Of course… I wasn’t still able to regain my memories yet. That’s just what I feel about it.” Khael added.

“I see. Don’t you worry, I’ll do what I can to help you with-“ Grant halted as he noticed Khael being drawn further in the portrait. “Uh, you sure had liked the portrait, huh?”

“Ah… pardon me… It’s just that… I thought I had seen this woman before. Or her face was that you’ll unconsciously say she was familiar, even though she’s not.” Khael laughed awkwardly but seeing the old guard’s expression made him think he might have said something he shouldn’t.

“Khael… d-did you just say,“ Grant looks nonplussed, stuttering his words.

“Did I say something wrong?” Khael asked worriedly this time.

“Did you say that… that woman looks familiar to you??”

“I didn’t mean it like that. Don’t mind it,” Khael nervously said as the conversation suddenly felt uneasy. “Tell me, is something wrong with anything I said earlier?”

“Khael… that woman in the portrait, Astelta. You said she somehow looks familiar to you, right?” Grant whispers as if not letting others hear what he says. “But look at the portrait… look at it carefully. The woman there… doesn’t have a face. The portrait was drawn like that!”

Khael didn’t know how he’d react when he realized the old guard was right. The portrait was drawn like what he had told it. There’s a blank shade on the woman’s face. Khael felt chill and wondered whose appearance he pictured then.

What he felt at the moment was undefinable. And then... the emptiness he had felt the first time he realized it himself, slowly filling up along with the resurfacing memories he had longed for.

Khael was overwhelmed, more than glad by the overlapping memories. It made his mind feel like it was being drilled forcefully by information. The life he had, the memories he longed to regain for the entire time. But there’s something different….

“—ther, can you tell me what my name is?”

It was solely a voice that seemed familiar. Nothing can be seen as if Khael was listening to a nearby conversation.

“Did my son forget his name?” said another voice that seemed to be from a woman. Her alluring voice resonates with nostalgic sentiment.

“Of course not. I know my name. But I’m kind of confused,” the conversation continues in his mind. Khael felt like he was floating in an unknown space where nothing could be perceived.

“—confused? Why then? Come on, tell me… if something bothers my sweet and kind—”

“—is my name, right? But why did they call me Khael? T-those people in my dream… they always called me by that name.”