I guess it didn't take me that long to understand where I was. One moment, I was looking up at a falling A/C unit, the next moment I woke up in a strange wilderness where I was attacked by some kind of draconic pigeon. I know an isekai when I see one, and the [System] popping up didn't really phase me.

After scrambling to my feet amid trees blossoming with flowers pink and light blue, I made the wrong decision. It's not everyday you see a little miniature dragon with dirt-grey feathers and a bobbing head. So sue me, I tried to approach the thing and I got bit on the hand. Youch!

The gash, for as small as it was, bubbled and stung. My finger swelled to twice its size. Τhis also did not phase me. Isekai protagonists often get injured or even poison right at the start. Its an easy way to add stakes and a sense that time is of the essence. On the otherhand, if the [System] swoops in to fix things, it's a good way to demonstrate the power of the new world.

What did phase me was seeing my [System]-assigned Class. After fleeing my encounter with the little pigeon dragon, I fiddled with my [System UI]. As much as I would have liked to choose the Class for myself, I figured I could make do with whatever the [System] threw at me. [Fighter], [Mage], [Cleric], I‘ll take it! [Mage] would obviously be ideal but you can't be too picky when you get isekai'd.

But to my dumbfoundment, the Class was not a standard fantasy option. It wasn't even something more out there like [Artificer] or something controversial like [Necromancer]. No, my [System]-assigned Class was [Circus Clown].

I rubbed my eyes several times. I closed and re-opened the [UI] over and over. Off then back on. Off then back on. Still, projected as blue light for only me to see, was the same data.

Name

Kim

Job

Circus Clown

Pronouns

She/Her

Rank

1

Body

13

Fast

10

Mind

7

Slow

5

Skills

Pratfall

When you flop on your buttocks, the audience loves it!

Traits

Physical Comedy

Injuries appear exaggerated but you are more resilient to serious damage

Equipment

Polka dot blouse

Armor +5%

Tutu

Fast Body +5%

Big Shoes

Slow +5%

Striped Tights

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

–

Bouncy Hammer

Fits in your pocket!

What even do these skill descriptions mean? ‘The audience loves it’? ‘Buttocks’?! I skimmed my equipment. The Bouncy Hammer was interesting. Reaching into the pocket of the garrish tutu, I pulled out an oversized, brightly colored mallet. The handle was striped like a candy cane and the flat of the head was decorated with a large pink heart. Aiming at a thin tree topped with blue flowers, I tested the hammer. With a swing, the tree snapped in half as the Bouncy Hammer, well, bounced off with a sort of ‘honk’ sound effect.

You don't realize how much ambient noise there is in the wilderness. Chirping and chittering that I would normally assign[tk] to birds and squirrels, but whose sources are mysterious to me in this strange world. After a sudden, loud noise (like the ‘honk’ of a comically large hammer), everything pauses. It's in any creature's best interests to stop what they're doing and gather more information about a sudden, potentially overwhelming threat.

I, too, froze in fear. I was certain that the mysterious flora and fauna of this world would realize their inherent advantage over me and pounce, but they never did. Slowly but surely, sound returned to the woods.

I returned to looking at my [Status Screen]. [Physical Comedy] explains why my hand is already mostly healed…although the skin is still discolored so I may need additional treatment for poisons.

The rest of my equipment is nothing super interesting but at least I don't have to wear a red nose…oh god…no! That was when I realized my nose was somehow naturally red and round and made its own ‘honk’ sound when I squeezed it.

Unfortunately, all the…honking finally started to catch up with me. Having not been shocked into silence a second time, the draconic pigeon from earlier returned with a small flock in tow. Their yellow eyes fixed me for a target.

I gave a few warning swings of my Bouncy Hammer. “That's right, I've got a weapon now!” I said.

The pigeon in the lead squaked and then spit out a small, saliva-soaked rock at high speed. The stone, which couldn't have been larger than a few inches, hit me and I went flying through the air.

I'm going to die, I thought, but as I collided with the trunk of an old, gray tree, I rebounded off with a squeak and landed on the ground after a series of diminishing bounces. I heard tweeting and looked up to see a trio of yellow birds flying in a circle above my head. Nonetheless, I realized I felt fine. Despite flying through the air and slamming into things, nothing was sore or broken or bleeding. Must be the [Physical Comedy] Perk again.

With a few choice swings, I sent the first pigeon flying. Apparently the bounciness worked in both directions. Another draconic pigeon spit a rock at me, but this time I caught it mid approach with a swing of my hammer, sending the rock ricocheting back.

A [System] notification popped up.

Achievement

The Dark Souls of Parrying (I)

Rebuke an attack without a shield. +1% damage to counter attacks

I rolled my eyes at the reference. Did it actually say that, or was that the [System] translating things into a reference I would understand?

Ok, ok, I thought. Maybe I was wrong about the setting. Maybe this world is more gonzo? There's no reason this alternate dimension would need to adhere to genre expectations in my home world, right? Maybe [Circus Clown] is a totally normal Class.

***

“What the hell is a ‘circus’?” asked the innkeeper. The kind older woman had offered me a night's stay in exchange for a few hours of cleaning.

“It's sort of like a bard…thing, I guess,” I replied, broom in hand. “Like a bunch of bards doing…stunts? I'm not actually sure.”

“And that's why you're wearing…all that?” she asked, gesturing at the everything about me. (I haven't even started on the bright-red, curly hair.)

I looked up from sweeping and nodded as she continued. “It's not a Class I've heard of, but I'm no expert. Maybe try asking at the temple next door. Some of the [Clerics] know a lot about the [System].”

***

None of them knew either, but the first [Cleric] I talked to was kind enough to explain stats to me.

“The Domain stats are Body and Mind. The Velocity stats are Slow and Fast. Each action is informed by a Domain and a Velocity according to the following matrix.” the [Cleric] gestured towards a helpful chart. hanging on the wall:

Fast

Slow

Body

Dexterity, Acrobatics, etc.

Toughness, Constitution, etc.

Mind

Charisma, Wit, etc.

Arcana, History, etc.

What kind of nitty-gritty nonsense…

Despite my strange class (or maybe because of it), the [Clerics] all encouraged me to continue Leveling and adventuring to learn more. Each begged me to give them first rights to record any strange information into the ‘SRD’ ([System] Reference Document).

I slept fitfully. Each time I rolled over and bumped my nose, I started awake to the sudden squeak...