I heard the familiar rumbling of the Osprey aircraft with its engines raving at their maximum. And nothing else could be heard. It was the silence of a failed mission. My mind was a blur and I could barely think. But flashes came back to me.
''I... I am wounded.''
''That damn beast... got my face.''
-Aleksei...
-Alek-sei, do I still have my eye?
I spoke, but only silence replied, and it was infuriating.
-Answer me... you bastard.
I thought I could see his pale face hanging over me. His worried expression turning to one of relief. His lips moved, but there was no voice coming out. Something wasn't right.
-Wait... you're dead...
Torment grasped upon my soul and a vertigo suddenly gripped me with that realisation. It felt like I had suddenly fallen flat onto the floor of the Osprey. I was still in the same place, I could very well sense that. And I felt much heavier for some reason. The rumble of the aircraft was the same, but now I could hear sparse whispers and comments. It was different than what I was used to.
There were too many voices of women. My task force... consisted entirely of men. I felt as I was regaining more of my senses and I finally found the power to suddenly open my eyelids. The interior of the aircraft was very similar to that of the Ospreys used by my unit yet slightly different. And the people around me... no, not people, they were... different, and I couldn't recognise them. I first noticed a dark haired wolf girl. And the gaze of her orange eyes quickly turned upon me, so different yet still so human.
-''His heart rate is spiking.'' A voice spoke sharply.
Then like a rush it all came back to me. My past, the present, Rhodes Island, the mission, my new teammates, Texas, the incident that knocked me out, my real colleagues... were long gone. I realized I had to find a way to quickly calm down before I gave too much away. My gaze ran around and I found Mostima. A chuckle escaped me, followed by a laughter. Texas looked at the doctor besides me who was Silence herself.
-''His heart rate is normal now.'' Confirmed Silence.
-''What's so funny?'' Asked Mostima.
-Heh, I never thought I'd live the day that I'd see both an angel and a demon in the same person.
-I guess I am quite a rare sight.
Focusing on that ludicrous idea that was manifest and very much existing just a few paces away I derailed the demons of the past inside me. Managing to calm down. I rose slowly, looking at the soaked bandage on my left hand and I started to pull it off.
-Hey, lay back down. Don't pull that off!
-It needs replacing anyway doctor Silence.
-You're not a doctor Tacet, I jus-
She stopped mid-sentence, she was speechless.
-It's already netting itself back... It's barely been an hour, but your wound looks like a day into it's healing!
-''I'd like a fresh bandage.'' I said simply and with no emotion in my voice.
-Of course.
Silence proceeded to diligently disinfecting and cleaning my wound before applying a sterile bandage roll. As I looked around I realised that the Osprey like aircraft was full to capacity with most of the lightly injured operators from the mission. Including the four lupos and the entire Penguin Logistics team. Just as she was finishing up Silence spoke again.
-Was your kind always this resilient?
I looked at her with an annoyed expression. She was part of Kal'tsit's team that researched my case for a cure, and thus she had access to most of my personnel file. Which was still classified. And she had just let something slip her. The part with ''my kind'' and ''was''.
Curious glances were already spreading between operators. Silence, for what good her operator name implied, looked down as she realised her folly. But the damage was done. I decided to answer her anyway now that the proverbial bird was out of the cage. Well, at least it was just one of the many birds in my cage.
-No, quite the opposite, my kind was quite frail. Thank you for the bandage.
I pulled myself up, and I felt like death, but I hid it all. At most seeming just very fatigued. The seat besides Texas was occupied with a backpack, my own. I picked it and left it down while I planted myself down on the seat instead.
-''Tell me doctor, did Franka make it?'' I asked Silence.
-She was in a critical state but yes, she made it.
-''How are you feeling?'' Asked Texas.
-Well enough, did anyone pick up my rifle?
-''Sure did!'' Answered Exusiai instead, showing off the case which came with the rifle and smacking it healthily.
I smiled a bit as I answered her.
-I'm sure you had a thrill when you picked it up.
-Hey, I was careful with it, don't worry!
I scrambled through my backpack and took out a pair of headphones. I plugged the jack into my finger sized portable player and let start a chosen album of old world tunes. I tried to relax as much as my aching body could permit. I was sure that quite a few things were broken or torn inside me, the pain was that bad. Yet my gift would heal it all in at most a week or two. Once we landed on the landship Texas was quick to get my attention in a discretionary manner. She walked me to an out-of-the-way corner far from the others. I knew what would come next and so while we were still walking I asked first.
-Did I mumble anything in my sleep?
-Yes, you did.
-What did I say?
-Asking if you still had your eye, and realising someone named Aleksei was dead.
At least it was just that. It wouldn't mean anything to anyone who would have heard it.
-Tacet, what happened back there?
Of course she would ask me that. I was expecting she would, though grateful she did it in a mindful manner away from prying ears.
-''I'm not sure.'' I answered. Yet something must have given away my reluctance.
-You don't want others to know.
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-Whatever it was, yes, I'd prefer it not to.
-I understand... I was worried.
She looked as if thinking for a few moments. But of what I could not tell or read it from her own reserved self. Then she looked at me again.
-I won't pry, but they will be digging into this.
-''I know Texas.'' I told her in an understanding tone.
-''I won't say anything if they interrogate me.'' She said more like a question, waiting for me to answer. And I nodded acceptingly.
The mission was an utter failure. Not only we have had casualties, but we were seemingly outmanoeuvred. And while we managed to push back the Reunion attack we have found out it was all a ruse. Reunion infiltration teams have entered the interior of the moving city while we were fighting above. Not only they disabled the electric and water grid to the entire population, a thing that would require at least a month to repair. But they had also detonated an originum bomb in the untouched part of the city. Killing dozens of people and infecting over a hundred.
Rhodes Island's reputation fell by not an ignorable margin with this mission. Meanwhile, I was astonished myself when the doctors brought me the results of my after mission medical check-up. Too many broken muscles to count and signs of a near heart rupture. I indulged the medical staff this time by accepting to be interred for a week in the medical ward.
Truth be told it explained the constant pain I was feeling everywhere in my body. Including my heart. And it was becoming mighty a chore to try to hide it and act normal. At that point I felt relieved to be under care with special painkillers given.
I had a lot of time to think for myself. To think of what had happened. I had to take the situation cold. Analyse it with facts and to be honest with myself. It was because of my trauma. It couldn't have been anything else. Nothing else would affect me. I was in fact quite a cold person, even before the war left its mark on me.
So was this more than trauma then? I must say it was. More like a struggle. A struggle between my contempt, my fear for the creatures of the past and... my... my infatuation with them now.
It was the perfect setting as it could have been to trigger it. A war torn battlefield and a roughed up and grime filled vulpo. I then understood why I sometimes had so many strange bouts of dizziness or chest pains. Sensations of not getting enough air or feeling light-headed enough to pass out in the past when I was too close to certain lupos. They were just not as worse because the circumstances were better, calmer. It wasn't even someone I knew well, it wasn't even a lupo. Yet it was good enough and close enough to trigger one of the worst post-traumatic stress disorders possible.
Would this happen again if I remained in such a close and prolonged contact with one of them? Could I possibly get better with small practice? I couldn't say for sure, and the risk was complete organ failure and heart rupture it seamed.
That... or madness. Losing myself to my survival instincts and going berserk. It was too dangerous to try I realised, both for me and for all the others. And that meant... if I ever embraced the lupo I desired it could be worse, it could be so much worse.
Fate seemed to have played its best dark joke on me yet. It had given me the chance to actually meet human-animal hybrids, real lupo girls. Dangled the chance in front of me, tempted me and my secret fancy. And now I found I could never be functional with one. I could never embrace the one I desired so much. To be intimate with her without fear of dying or harming her.
It felt... disheartening, as such as I never felt before. I would never experience such happiness. And I felt I could have died then and there. The apathy was growing like a thick darkness over my mind.
I left the medical ward then on the first night that I was hospitalized. Pain be damned and told the doctor's off. I went to my room and set myself on the balcony. To the table besides me, I brought a bottle of cold juice and an entire bottle of the finest and strongest stuff to enjoy throughout this moonlit night. I pulled the headphones over my ears and pressed play.
It was the closest to peace I could be and yet at the same time I felt the pull of wanting to kill myself stronger than ever. Yet I forced myself to sit there and not blow my brains out nor jump off the landship. I took another sip of my fine drink and for a moment I thought of the lupo that my heart desired. A strange feeling this mix of despair and hope. That, or I was just fucked up in my head. The music soothened everything and the burning feeling of the liquid dulled anything else.
It was the next day at the after action report that I found myself along with the senior operators that took part in the operation and a few others. My mind wasn't exactly focused on what was happening around me, still affected by the realisation I had yesterday. Suddenly I heard myself being called out.
-''Operator Tacet, you know you shouldn't be here.'' Kal'tsit spoke.
-If I remember correctly I took part in that operation doctor.
-That is not what I meant.
''Ah.'' I realised too late.
-Please don't make a habit of walking out of your hospitalisation in the middle of the night to go drinking heavily when you have heavy medication still flowing in your veins.
-And you know I drank heavily from where, doctor Kal'tsit?
-This morning's preliminary blood results.
-That was just a recreational drink after a tiring mission. It was far from what I would personally consider ''heavy drinking''. I said, flexing, and Kal'tsit seamed to be at a loss of words for the first time.
-''Going back to our debriefing...'' The Doctor of Rhodes steered the conversation back on its track.
I was held back in the room when the debriefing was over, only with the Doctor and Kal'tsit.
-''Operator Tacet, we are deeply concerned with what happened to you during that operation.'' Started the Doctor.
-''I believed you might be, of course.'' I said.
-''It was highly unusual especially with your unique properties. Dare I say it should not have even been possible.'' Spoke doctor Kal'tsit.
-I am not completely immune to everything doctor Kal'tsit. As much as the gift shields me from most.
-''Can you not tell us what might have caused it or anything to better understand it?'' Asked the Doctor.
-I really couldn't tell for certain. It might be anything from nerve gas to chemicals spills that might have got caught in the massive fires throughout the city. Special poisoned blades perhaps, I know that a few did manage to scratch me.
-''It must have been something very localised, you were the only report we know of to have had such symptoms.'' Said Kal'tsit.
-It either was something that took a long time to have effect or a long time to go through my gift. Or it could have been something that I caught while rushing with Franka back to our lines.
-''However operator Franka was unaffected by such symptoms.'' Noted Kal'tsit.
-Fortunately, I think the fact that she was in a coma with a low pulse and shallow breathing had prevented her from inhaling whatever was in the air on my way. If it was that.
-''You may be right, I believe operator Franka will make a complete recovery.'' Said Kal'tsit.
-''It is good to hear that. We already had lost too many on that mission.'' I said strategically to guide the conversation away from me.
-''I am glad we didn't lose you Tacet. It would have been the hardest hit yet to our mission.'' Remarked the Doctor.
-Thank you for your concern my good Doctor, it is noticed.
-If you ever think you have more clues to what might have caused your medical condition then please inform us. The more we know, the closer we can come to a medical solution to prevent such cases in the future.
-I'll stop by if I ever think of something useful.
I withdrew from that meeting leaving them non the wiser. They didn't need to know my woes. It would be a few weeks later after Franka would make a complete recovery that she would approach me. She invited me to a drink at the popular Little Lungmen's Retreat and I had found myself in a position where I couldn't refuse her.
-There is no real way of thanking you for saving my life Tacet. I know Liskarm probably feels the same though she wouldn't admit it.
-''Look, it was a mission, and we always look out for each other. Let's toast for us both getting out alive from a job that we're not paid enough for instead.'' I said as the drinks and the sweet desert we ordered finally came.
-I agree, let's toast to still being alive!
I had to admit it somewhat looked like a romantic date. And I had a tingling sensation brewing in me. I hoped that Franka wouldn't approach me romantically just because I saved her life. Yet we ate, and we drank and had a rather enjoyable time. Franka was a mature but congenial vulpo to be around, if not a little mischievous. Though I regarded that as part of her character and not an innate part of her race.
-I know it must have been difficult. I heard that you were wounded yourself when you carried me.
-Just another reason to have reached our lines before we both popped our cherries.
That, I realised was not my best choice of words.
-''Smooth. Talking about popping cherries Tacet, I think there may be a way to thank you properly.'' She said with a more suave tone in her voice and with an intentful smile.
''Oh no. I activated her.'' I thought as she pulled a slight part of her attire away just for a few seconds, showing me a peek of her chest.
-Franka, you don't need to do this just because I pulled you out of there.
-You saved my life Tacet.
-I understand, and still I tell you this. You do not owe me, you do not need to give me anything.
She clasped my hand as I was going after my glass.
-No Tacet, I want this by my own will. And you more than earned it if you agree to take me.
I gave a small smile of understanding before answering her.
-You are a gorgeous and a seductive vulpa if there ever was one Franka. And a mischievous one if Liskarm's annoyance is anything to judge upon.
-But I have to say no to your proposal, as much as you tempt me. I hope you won't take it the wrong way.
-None taken, don't worry... is it Liskarm you're interested in? I can hook you up.
I choked on my fucking drink, but I managed not to make a scene.
-I can be your wingman and help you on it. You'll be up her skirt and with her in no time!
-''You truly are a scandalous vulpo!'' I said with a light, amused smile and with a toned down voice.
-I'm sorry. You mentioned her and I just thought, well, things. She is a nice vouivre.
-She is I will admit.
-''And I would never be offering myself or her to you if I didn't know who you really were.'' She stated that on a serious tone. And with a serious look that was almost intimidating before resuming her light-hearted smile
-Who I really am? Then why are you offering? We barely have known each other Franka.
-I made my own research, and I have good instincts. I read you enough throughout our little date. And I can tell you are a good person Tacet.
-''Heh, personally I wouldn't say for sure.'' I said, looking slightly away.
-Sometimes we are our own harshest judge. But still, I sense you are good, and that is enough.
-Thank you, Franka.
-So... about the proposition with Liskarm.
-''I can scarcely believe you are serious about this.'' I said with a chuckle.
-What can I say, she deserves the company of a good man.
I picked up my glass and started taking a sip.
-''And every girl deserves a good dicking now and then.'' Franka suddenly continued saying.
This time I choked all the way.
-''Sorry, I think I am getting too comfortable in your presence, I tend to do that with people I can feel level with. I hope I'm not scaring you off.'' She spoke with no honest sense of apology present in her voice.
-I'm happy to hear you consider me so trustworthy.
-You never answered my question by the way.
-I have to refuse you on that as well.
Franka was looking at me then, smiling a little whimsically.
-Liskarm is a very reliable person, and a beautiful vouivre. But my answer is a respectful no.
After I answered my attention was pulled to the entrance of the establishment, where I saw a certain lupo girl entering. My gaze must have lingered on her a bit too much for Franka had picked it up. And because we were in a special delimited alcove in a certain angle in the restaurant we could see the newcomers without them having a clear line to us.
-''I understand now.'' She voiced with a slight mischievous smile.
I turned around and looked at her with my same relaxed demeanour. Not wanting to give her any more information indirectly.
-Is she the one you are interested in, Tacet?
I didn't answer.
-Or is it the lupo race you are into?
-Maybe you'll stop prodding you lewd vulpa.
-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to annoy you.
-I am not, it's just more of a private matter. Let's order another round and enjoy the atmosphere this place has to offer.
-Careful Tacet, I might make you change your mind.
-You can try, but I can hold my drink.
We both had a good laugh after that, and we enjoyed the rest of our private little celebration with thankfully no more teases from her part. At least none that went too overboard.