A long time ago i figured out the secret to life..(Think i was 16 at the time) You can't make everyone happy. You can only do your best and hope that is enough. And if your best doesn't include laughter.. Well you are the one who is going to be unhappy.
Hope you enjoy
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Chapter 8
REDSHIRT
“I came to a fork in the road,
And Picked it up”
Jim
Upon waking up I found myself once again laying in my bed at Martha's. Checking under the covers I saw that everything thankfully was still where it should be and in one piece. 'I could get used to this auto healing' I thought to myself. Outside the room I could hear mumbled voices, glancing at the window in my room I saw that it was ether dawn or dusk.
Crawling out of bed I noticed that I was once again in my birthday suit and wondered briefly just who was responsible for that turn of events. It had become something of a disturbingly frequent occurrence since I had come to this world. Spotting my clothes and armor laying on a chair in the corner of the room I quickly donned everything and walked to the door. Pausing I put my ear to the door crack and tried to make sense of what was being said.
“you should have told him” Said a voice, “Yes I know....Do you really think he would have gone if I had?” said another voice that sounded like Martha's. I couldn't pick up the second voices reply it was too muffled. It didn't take a rocket surgeon to figure out they were talking about me and my recent little hunting trip.
Opening the door I stepped out into the hall. Walking towards the kitchen I put on my best poker face. Rounding the corner I saw Sara and Martha sitting down at the table. Nether one looked exactly happy I briefly wondered if they had somehow channeled my own feelings. On seeing me they both instantly switched from frowns to big smiles. Sara hopped up and with a more than friendly kiss gave me a big hug.
Pausing to catch my breath after that zinger of a kiss I gave Sara my best stink eyed glare causing her to frown back at me. Motioning at the table i said one word “SIT” a surprised look crossed her face at my forceful command. Thankfully she didn't argue and took a seat. Looking at them both I crossed my arms and stood there for a few moments giving them both best disappointed look. Both of them seemed to understand what this was all about and had the grace to at least look regretful.
Taking a small step back from them I began: “Now then ladies, It seems to me that I have repeatedly said that I would not be staying here forever. And yet both of you..” pausing to look directly at Sara “And your Confederate stalker Beth have been doing your best to keep me here.” I turned my gaze to Martha “You have also gone out of your way to make sure I was apprenticed..Not to just one boss but two. The effect of which has been to keep me here in the village.”
“Now before we get to those oh so minor little problems I have a few questions... One..how long have I been out this time?” They looked at each other and seemed to come to an agreement between them. Sara replied “Three days”. Nodding my head I continued. “Three days..Well Damn...” At this rate I was going to spend more time asleep in this world then awake I thought to myself. “Moving along..Did everyone make it back to the village ok?”
At that question both of them suddenly had a sad look on their faces which was plenty enough forewarning that someone else had been injured. Once again Sara was the spokesperson for the duo “Red..Died. I am going to miss seeing him walking around in his nice Redshirt...”
Pausing at this news the first thing that crossed my mind was 'Aww shit how the hell did that happen.' Then a nagging little thought came to my mind. 'Wait...Red..Redshirt?.........Alien Planet? WHAT the FUCK! This isn't some episode of Star Trek!'
A chill spread its way up my spine..Looking up I sent Fortuna a quick pleading prayer begging her to tell me that all of this wasn't some sort of reality TV show setup for the god's entertainment. (God I hate reality TV) [Dan: Don't we all brother]
Alas Fortuna didn't seem to want to talk. Putting my thoughts to the side I refocused on my two problems sitting in front of me. Thinking it was best to get all involved into this conversation I pointed to Sara and said “Go get Beth” Nodding She quickly stood up and left in a hurry without a word..
Sitting down at the table I looked over at Martha and shook my head. Asking the question “So tell me how he died” It turns out what happened wasn't what I had thought. I had thought that maybe the T-Rex had somehow killed poor Red...'Redshirt..' flashed through my mind again making me shudder. No that would have made sense.
What Martha explained to me left me shaking my head. On the way back to the village Red had left the group on a nature call, When he didn't come back the others went in search of him. What they found was Red laying dead on the forest floor holding a beautiful flower everyone knew as “One Step”. Once you touched it you took one step and died. Why he decided to pick the flower was not known. 'What a senseless way to go' i thought.
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It was at this point that Martha dropped the floor out from under me. “Everyone in the village is going to miss poor Red.. Till he gets back I am going to have to make sure his wife is taken care of again.”............'Wait..WHAT?' Glaring at Martha I said “Gets Back?......” Not noticing my glare she happily went on “Oh sure after he resurrects. It does take a week after all.”
I just sat there thinking about her words for a few moments. Then the last word of what she previously said made its way to the front of my mind. “Again?” I uttered. Nodding her head Martha said “oh sure..Every time poor Red goes out of the village on a hunt or..Well any reason really he ends up getting killed every time he steps out of the village, the poor man. No one knows why. And his wife is starting to get tired of having to wait a week for him to come home every time he dies.”
'So resurrection takes a week.. Good to know' Flew through my mind. Making a mental note to remember that I was about to continue when my two stalkers arrived. Seeing them I decided it was time to shit or get off the pot concerning these two. Standing up I motioned for them to take a seat. Sara it would seem had informed Beth about the general gist of the meeting. Nether of the two looked exactly happy or comfortable about the turn of events.
Not sure exactly how to go about it I finally chose plan A. Bull in a China shop. Looking at the two beautiful woman I said “You two willing to share me?” Not that I really wanted to be stuck in a relationship at the moment with ether of them. I figured I might as well explore my options if I didn't have a choice. And they had made it abundantly clear that NO I did not have a choice in the matter.
looking at each other in the way woman do, nether one seemed to like the idea at all. I was happy for that to be honest, One woman in a mans life is more than enough in my opinion. My problem currently was that I had two after me and that was causing way too much bullshit and it was distracting as all hell.
Sara was the first to speak up “No..That is not a proper solution” Nodding in agreement Beth quickly agreed with her. At this point Martha started to laugh. Pointing my finger at her I gave her a look and said “HUSH You. Wait until this is over.” Stifling her laugh she just nodded and sat there with a smirk on her face.
Looking back at my two erstwhile stalkers I said “Well if you're not willing to share then I am going to have to find a way of picking. Knowing you two you're not going to give me a moment of rest until we resolve this issue.” Pulling out a Coin from my pants pocket I saw that it was a Nickle. How appropriate ..Now if only it was made of wood I thought. Let lady luck decide this mess.
Telling the two what I was about to do I said. “Tails for Beth and Heads for Sara” It only seemed fitting to me seeing that Beth had a tail after all. Before I flipped the coin I looked at both of them and said. “Regardless how this turns out, Know that I like you both and I consider each of you a friend. You have pushed for me to make a decision and I hope whichever one of you isn't chosen will remain so” Both of them quickly agreed that it would be so..I had my doubts about that though. Only time would tell.
I wasn't honestly comfortable with making relationship decisions based on a coin flip..But god dammit I was getting tired of these two stalking me everywhere I went. They asked for this ..Maybe not exactly how it was turning out but they did ask for it.
Without another word I flipped the coin up into the air. Flip flip flip flip flip reaching its apex it started its journey back down. Flip flip flip flip Clink. It bounced on the table did its best to roll off the side but it just didn't have enough energy. Slapping my hand down on it I gave Beth and Sara a look and asked them both. “Ether one of you want to give up before we take a look?”
They looked at each other and both of them had a look of determination on their faces.. Looking back at me they both said "No". Sighing I took my hand off the table and turned my back so I didn't have to see. Three things occurred at the same time behind me, There was a loud squeal of happiness a moan of sadness and Martha's loud laugh boomed out making me jump a bit where I was standing.
Turning around expecting one of the girls to be crying I wasn't prepared for what I saw. Beth and Sara were hugging each other and had huge smiles on their faces. Martha was doing her best to pass out from lack of oxygen. I heard Beth tell Sara with a smile “Congrats..And good luck..Your going to need it with this one. I am happy for you.” Her words shocked me. I had been expecting fireworks or waterworks or some kind of works.... What I got was two happy and smug looking woman happily discussing how things turned out.
I Muttered to myself ..."Women........."
End part 1
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