“So, Al, says we have a few things to fix up before we can really figure anything out. Personally I’m hopin for being the only civilization around, but judging by ratzilla in the generator room, I doubt it. Rat’s like that usually come from like New York or something, right? Anyway, I’ll be heading topside to look at these environmental thingies, why you guy’s start on Al’s mile long to-do list. Any questions? No good let’s hop to it.” Grabbing a tool kit and running away from everyone at a brisk speed walk, I follow my map to the indicated hatch. Opening it and walking outside, I’m in a massive jungle. Trees that make redwoods look like chumps are everywhere. The sound of some grade A beast’s roaring and probably killing, with a pep in my step, I head to my designated marker to get this shit done, and quick.

“Maybe Lady Luck’s on my side today…Fuck, I did not say that, Universe, ignore that please?” Nothing like jinxing yourself on a wild, freaky planet. A quick tactical look around, with no creepie crawlies looking for a snack, I finally make it to a hatch leading down into the scanner bunker. Again it’s simple module swap and pop, followed by a whirring sound, and were in business. Choosing to ignore looking at everything on the monitor that wants to kill me, I make like my best roadrunner impersonation and book it out of there.

Remember Lady Luck, because she sure did. Standing there, eating a lion the size of a car, is a giant freakin troll. Huge, oddly proportioned with long arms, squat legs, a face even a mother couldn’t love, and the trademark tree club. I’m so screwed. Moving like a ninja, I keep heading for the bunker, eye’s glued to the troll. I must smell delicious, because he turned to stare directly at me. With a glint in his eye, and a lion mane sticking in his teeth, he bellows at the sky and start’s lumbering towards me. Moving like one of those old tractor trucks, slow at first but damn can they boogie, he’s on my heels in no time. Diving to the ground and rolling to my right, I feel the whiff of air as that club just missed turning me into pink mist. With troll on my left and forest on my right, guess what I chose. No I did not chose the troll, you moron.

Queue an action packed and epic escape scene. I wish, I tripped and fell down half a mountain, i think. I lost count at tree number 3. Opening my eyes with a killer hangover, I look around and find myself in a hole. Screw it, safe enough to go back to sleep. And I did.

A loud troll bellow woke me from my not quite slumber. Scraping off mud and leaves, I try dusting myself off, and check my map. Thankfully the map is updated with little red dot’s for things that will eat me. Scanning my location, and knocking on wood, I try activating a stealth skill, or something. Those always show up in the first couple of chapters, right?

Ding! Yes stealth, wait no, monster. Fuckin run. Next time I leave the bunker, grab weapon. Note to self, check for mech or mini nuke launcher. Moving through the forest, at a leisurely dead sprint, I catch a fire out of the corner of my eye. Yes, people, time to enter hot fantasy girl. Of course, my lucks not that good. Goblins. Two guys and that could count for a female, I guess. Hearing my rendition of a bull through a china store, they immediately spot me.

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“Hello, my good Sir, how may we be of assistance?” says goblin dude number 1 in a british accent. Sadly, no. Loud chirps and grunt’s followed by arrow’s, and I’m off again. Oh a cave, nothing bad ever happens in those. Ducking inside and praying they can’t track me, I catch my breath. God, does this cave every reak. Swallowing a little vomit, I scope out my new home away from home. Ah hey, it’s Tom the lion eating troll, thankfully fast asleep. By the by, never enter into a dick measuring contest with a troll, YOU WILL LOSE. I’ve seen way to many dude’s jangly bits today.

A nearby chirp and the wiz of an arrow, causes me to turn around and see the green man group. A very pained roar that rattle’s me onto my ass, bellows out of good ol’ Tom. Craning my neck over my shoulder, I spot the arrow. Poor Captain Winky has a new addition, impromptu prince albert. With Blood red eye’s he charge’s at the goblin tree, flinging me into the cave wall, and start’s turning goblin’s into ground beef. A few arrow’s and a swing of ye olde club, and the goblin’s beat feet as I groggily make my way towards the cave entrance. I avoid goblin paste guy number 1, and sneak myself out towards the dense foliage. Next thing I know, I’m face to eye with the troll, big teeth coming to grind me down. Panicking, I grab an arrow embedded in his skull. Lady Luck love’s me. I must have pressed it into its brain. It twitched and dropped me as its eyes rolled back and slumped over. Right the fuck on top of me. Screw you lady luck.

Using the arrow and strands of greasy hair, I start pulling myself out. Ding! A real one this time. Checking my HUD, my energy has leveled up again. Using my 2 points, I dump one into strength and quickly put the other in physique. Pain, pain, and more mind numbing pain. This better get easier. Pulling up my status screen, I look it over, until my head clears up.

Name Darius Kane Strength 3 Physique 2 Dexterity 2 Endurance 1 Intelligene 2 Charisma 2

Using my now superman type strength, I start wiggling my way out from under the now dead troll. Heroically, very, very heroically. Taking a breather and resting my hand on Tom, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Then I fall on my ass, followed by another, Ding! Seriously, leveled up again, no way. Checking my HUD, I pull up the flashing little icon of a dude, that was greyed out earlier. Oh Traits. Looks like I gained Troll Skin. Blinking and looking around, I’m about to pull up the nice little tool tip that will tell me WTF that is. When I notice Tom, is now a pile of skin and bones that is quickly turning to dust. Seriously, how did that happen, Al’s got some explaining to do. Ignoring that for now, I check out Troll Skin.

Troll Skin Trait acquired from baby rock troll. Increased skin toughness and durability from blunt or piercing attacks