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Arcane Deliveries [High fantasy]
Get the hell out of my kitchen

Get the hell out of my kitchen

An orb of light flew out of the open maw of a statue sitting on one of Manuel's shelves and hit the grand wizard straight in the face. He frowned and opened his eyes. To him, sleep was not something he'd require, but was still a much-desired activity. The peace it offered him was simply something no spell could ever substitute. However, it had one rather gigantic downside—mornings. He was not an early bird.

He growled and without getting up from his bed, he swung his arm at the statue. A beam of light flew out, shattering itself against the piece of decoration. It had already been destroyed so many times that past Manuel had placed a protective ward on it.

The wizard sighed and finally got up. If one was to see him, they would assume he had slept in his suit. Even his pyjamas looked like one, although the material they were made from was much smoother. The most blatant giveaway that he was in his sleepwear was his green fluffy sandals. They were the only part of his wardrobe where he preferred comfort over style.

He slowly shuffled his way down onto the second floor and carefully peeked inside the kids' room. They were all still asleep, peacefully snoring away. Manuel smiled and headed further down to the bathroom.

"What's it gonna be?" the wisp asked the moment he saw him enter, the buttons on his shirt already half-undone.

"Lavender soap for some good smell. Aluvine moisturiser for my skin. Oh! And before that, one of those gels with sand grains for a good scrub. Elven Knot shampoo for my hair, I'd like it to look flowy and presentable today. Ooh! And a Dragonroot conditioner. I do like that extra glistening effect. Shave too, please. Not completely, only to keep it in shape where I want it. And some aftershave that doesn't sting, it always makes me red."

The wisp rolled its eyes. "And wouldn't like me to give you an entire spa treatment?" they barked.

"Please, you are well-paid and are working for the most powerful wizard in the world. This job requires a certain prestige, and therefore, your polished skills."

Manuel's time in the bathroom was longer than that of all the four kids combined when they came back dirty from head to toe due to their misadventure in the swamp.

The door to the tea storeroom opened. Even the village's warehouse, stuffed with all sorts of cloud chemicals, wasn't as big as this place. Rows upon rows of all sorts of teas were filling the shelves. There were so many different types now that it could be considered one of the biggest collections in the world, without the public even knowing about it. Manuel took a deep breath and exhaled with a satisfying "ah". The smell of the herbs was always soothing for his soul. With a few flashes, he teleported between the aisles.

"Hmm... no, too earthy. Too herbal. Too strong. Ooh, yeah, this one has a nice citrusy flavour and can be quite rejuvenating. Perfect for a morning wake-up."

He hummed a quiet melody as danced back and forth around the kitchen, preparing himself some simple scrambled eggs, along with the water for the tea. The preparation of his breakfast occupied so much of his attention he almost didn't notice the small yellow fairy that entered the room.

"Samlas!" he yelled out her name and nearly spilt the hot water. "How long have you been floating there?"

"For a couple of minutes. I was waiting for you to finally get the hell out of my kitchen," the creature replied. Her voice was much rasper than one would expect from a creature barely a quarter of a metre in height.

"Last time I checked, this was still my tower and my kitchen."

"I have it in my contract that I take over any kitchen I am hired to operate in during my work time," she replied, a smug smile spreading on her face as she adjusted the flower she wore as a hat.

"Okay, okay, I've got my omelette, I've got my tea, I'm already gone," Manuel replied and shuffled towards the door. "Actually, wait a moment," he stopped and turned around. "Please, remember that they all have a different diet. Meat is healthier for imps, but the human boy should have something lighter. The dryad is a vegetarian so absolutely no meat there, and the Cloudfolk could use some sugar but lives mostly off of air, so make sure to open the windows in their room for some fresh breeze. They should also rest, so don't let them run around too much, should they have the energy for it. And for the love of heavens, do not let them carry anything heavy, okay? They should–"

"Oh by the ley-lines, shut up already!" the fairy snapped at him. "I know all this! I studied to be a caretaker, you know? I served in hospitals, hotels, inns, and everywhere in between. Let me do my job and I'll let you do yours.

Her words had more effect on Manuel than even the strongest spells. He shook his head and left the room without a word to enjoy his tea in peace. As much as he trusted her, he would still prefer to stay home and take care of his apprentices himself, but he simply couldn't be in two places at once. Or at least not effectively.

He opened his wardrobe. Countless green robes hung there, each mostly the same but with only slight variations in the shade of green and the shapes of the golden markings. His shirts and trousers were all pretty much the same, since, according to him, no other colour than tree trunk brown would go well with the green of his robes and the slight tan of his skin. The shoes were then pure black and very formal. According to him, any wizard who would deliberately present himself in anything else was a madman. Finally, there was the hat. Brimmed, pointy, and matching the colour of his robes. His mind slipped to the idea that he might gift the kids such hats of their own once they'd gain sufficient proficiency in the art of spell casting.

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Manuel picked up the first package and eyed the rest. A sigh of desperation left his mouth. There were at least eleven of them, all scheduled for today. So much work and just up to him. This was the first time he thought about whether this entire delivery service was a good idea or not. It didn't matter that delivering them would take him barely an hour or two. It was about the principle, or in other words, he was lazy.

He stepped through the portal and immediately, the magic gathered in his head adjusted the feeling of gravity for him. Unlike the kids, he suffered no disorientation.

His foot dipped into a puddle on the ground with a loud splash.

"Oh come on!" he groaned. Of all the possible weather conditions, he just had to find himself right in a massive rainstorm.

He quickly waved his arms and his aura expanded, forming a protective bubble around him that automatically evaporated all water that would come too close. With another similar gesture, he dried himself off. If there was one thing he hated, it was the feeling of wet clothes and how they stuck to his skin.

Due to regulations, his portal had to be opened outside of the nearest settlement, so while all the residents of Rodan strolled the streets dry and safe in their massive biodome, Manuel had to manually protect himself against the elements for at least the half an hour it took him to reach the town, and then, once the package was delivered, another half an hour to travel back.

If there was something that irritated him, it was the law system of the Rodans. All magic had to be licensed before it could be used in the vicinity of the biodome. He had previously managed to earn such a license. Seven times in fact. And seven times it was subsequently revoked when his magic caused the citizens worries and distress. According to the city council, there wouldn't be an eight time, so Manuel was stuck with only the most basic of auras for protection unless he wanted to be labelled as a threat to the city.

It seemed that fate was truly not on his side that day. Whatever place he visited seemed to be absolutely ravaged by the elements. The Chroma Caverns were always a delight to see. A city built into a mass of crystals that erupted out of the ground millennia ago. The colours of the rainbow always filled one's vision wherever they looked. That day, however, the glowspike was happening—an occasional natural phenomenon during which the crystals shined so bright one couldn't look at them without protective goggles. Or in Manuel's case, without dark blobs of aura sitting over his eyes, giving him the look of a giant fly.

The Whispering Bog screamed that day, the floating isles of Travelin were clouded in a mist that completely took away the view, and the Shihuani desert was plagued by an ongoing sandstorm. The colourful flying fish of the town Avalin had migrated away to mate in peace, and so the town looked as normal and boring as any other. Clouds gathered in the sky and blocked out the light of the ley line, and so Mirror mountains, instead of reflecting the beautiful sky blue on their surface, now looked like nothing but dull old stone.

Manuel's disappointment was immeasurable. Every place that was even remotely interesting had suddenly turned boring just for the time of his visit. For a moment, he considered whether or not god was angry at him. After all, he did speak rather unkindly of them during his scuffle with Rudy, and since not even the god would have enough power to smite someone like Manuel, they would at least take the joy out of his travels. Yes, that must've been it, as Manuel decided. The day was so bleak because the god was angry at him.

Manuel fell to his armchair, completely exhausted. For someone like him, physical exhaustion could be taken away with a simple flick of his wrist and a bit of magic, but mental exhaustion was something else entirely. No longer did he wish to travel to various cities, deal with their nasty weather, and wave at the staring inhabitants who couldn't take their eyes off of him. "Ugh... fame sucks sometimes," he muttered and reached for the final package on the table.

He had mixed feelings about this one. His friend must've ordered it. Nobody else lived at that location. It was called Oirun's lair for a reason. The only creatures giving him company were the few Dracii who worked for him out of admiration, and Manuel doubted those airheads would even know how a delivery service worked. Curiosity was hollowing out his heart, but he still resisted the urge to open the package. He doubted his friend would be very happy if he did, and he would do anything just to avoid his anger.

Therefore, Manuel carefully strapped the long box onto his back and headed down to the cellar. The only way to find out what was inside was to see him open it.

His boots made two satisfying clicks as he stepped through the gateway and into the lair. A wide smile spread across his face as he looked at the new decorations. The floor was gold. Not just golden in colour but made of actual gold. It was polished so clean that Manuel could see another version of himself standing upside down beneath him in the reflection. He winked at it seductively. Glowing gemstones sat embedded in the floor, surrounded by detailed floral carvings. "Must've taken him ages to make," Manuel thought. His eyes turned to the ceiling. The glowing stalactites showered the place in a pleasant shade of orange. It was like the light of a fireplace, only without the flickering.

Manuel's eyes slid forward. A hole in the floor? And another? Another? There were many of them as if somebody ripped parts of the gold out. "Renovation, maybe?" he thought until his sight landed on a group of three people sitting around a makeshift fireplace. A large lizard was cooking over the fire—a Dracii, one of Oirun's workers.

A feeling of anger bubbled up inside the wizard's heart. He was slowly putting a story of this scene together. He clenched his fist a few times to wash the negative feelings away. A smile appeared on his face. This was exciting. Moments like these were rare indeed.

"Excuse me?" he called out to the trio at the fire, who immediately grabbed their arms when they heard him. "I have a package and I feel like it's for you?"

The people traded expressions filled with confusion. "Is that Manuel Luzardi?" one of them gasped.

"In the flesh! What? You think I can't serve as a courier at my own company?"

The four admitted that the idea was odd but still plausible. They traded the package for a signature and one of them quickly began undoing the straps around the box.

"May I ask what brought you to this remote place in the middle of nowhere?" Manuel asked.

"We're on a hunt," a short but muscular woman replied as she pulled a massive spear out of the box.

"A hunt for the local dragon!" one of the colleagues specified.

Manuel's attention was grabbed by one of their backpacks, which lay open on the floor, with a few pieces of the broken gold flooring sticking out of it.

"A dragon, you say?" he said and smiled. "Well, I would love to see that."