I was drowning.
I could feel the coldness of the water surrounding me, from all sides and directions, as if it not only wanted to kill me but own every part of my body.
As if it wanted to possess me.
I was scared to open my eyes and see where I was; if I was surrounded by darkness from falling to the depths or if there was still light trying to reach me.
At first, I tried to swim, even with my eyes closed. However, at some point, I was forced to open them. To see what surrounded me, to recognize and accept my final moments.
And when I finally did open my eyes, I saw things that made my very heart stop and bleed, made it kill itself just so it wouldn’t have to face those things again.
From below all that water, I could see the small pavilion. Even if the sunlight was fading, there was still a lit lantern to make sure I could see its shapes and form even within the water. The water was murky, however there was nothing else around me. No fish, no seaweeds, no anything.
As I continued to fall, I saw a figure stepping into the pavilion, someone who seemed to be looking at me.
Someone who was watching me as I drowned.
My lungs burned and my body had no more warmth to spare, and as I reached my final moments I could do nothing but stare at that figure. For my eyes were too tired for me to even close them.
「Are you happy now?」
My heart beat once more. Just once. A reflex of its dead state as I heard that voice, as I finally recognized the face behind the figure.
「Had you behaved yourself, had you learned your place, this would've never happened.」
「So, are you finally happy? With the things you amounted?」
「Are you happy?」
The water eventually came to possess every inch and every part of me, trapping me in that murky darkness as I saw the last bubbles try to reach the surface.
My mother’s face remained as it was, even if I could not see it so clearly. Regardless, I could very well picture her eyes and her expression in my mind. I could see her staring at me, with not even an ounce of pity or sorrow.
Only her dark eyes judging me from above.
----------------------------------------
I took a deep breath as I stood up, gasping for the air I thought I would never feel again. My heart would not stop racing, the sweat would not stop falling and my hands kept trembling while desperately grabbing my shirt, as if I could take a better hold of my heart this way.
It took long minutes for my breathing to normalize, to calm myself as I confirmed again and again I was still Park Eun-Woo.
I was not back to that old body, I was not back to that garden.
For it was not my reality anymore.
As I collected myself, my throat as dry as it could be, I finally looked around trying to recognize where I was. Apparently, either the system or someone had brought me back to my house.
Though the windows and curtains were closed, I could tell it was quite late at night, and even if I had only seen the place once, being in that place—in a bed—brought me some comfort.
It took a while so I could piece together everything that had happened the day before.
My official first Trial…Two of Wands.
I had beaten it. Once again, I was victorious. I was one step closer to keeping my life as Park Eun-Woo.
Yet people had been killed, once again. The more I thought about it the more my situation resembled those horror survival games and stories, the ones where most characters would be dead by the end.
That system was somewhat predictable, however, I was still struggling to understand its true motivations.
The reason behind all of this.
Assuming the system was the one behind the additional rules, and assuming it was constantly monitoring all of us “Selves”…what was it really trying to achieve, by making us go through them?
Why it didn’t forbid all use of skills from the get-go, instead of gradually ruling them out? It was almost as if it was taunting us to find those loopholes, to keep trying to find ways to abuse its nonsensical and unfair rules.
But why even go for this trouble?
This made no sense to me…which was why I had to first try to understand the system's goal. What was it really trying to accomplish by having all of us in such a place, completing those ridiculous Trials. Once I finally discovered who or what was behind the system and what it truly wanted…
Then the real game would start.
Out of nowhere, dozens of notifications started to pop up in front of me, making me jump on the bed.
[Your contribution to the last Trial was counted! Your rewards are being processed.]
[Congratulations! You ranked in the top three in the Two of Wands Trial. The Court wants to reward your efforts.]
[You achieved a conquest!]
[You were the first to battle a Shadowed Chimera directly! You earned 2000 points.]
[You achieved a conquest!]
[You were the first to kill a Shadowed Chimera directly! You earned 4500 points.]
[You survived all the Waves without considerable damage! You earned 1500 points.]
[You completed the Trial Two of Wands! You earned 2500 points.]
[You have received a message.]
[You have received a message.]
[You have received a message.]
[You have received a message.]
[You have received a message.]
[You received a message from your Benefactor!]
[You have received a gift.]
[You have received a gift.]
[You have received a gift from the Court!]
[You have received a message.]
.
.
.
My head hurt. Without even reading them all, I started closing the notifications one by one until I could finally see again.
I was not in the mood to check all those messages and gifts and whatever more I had earned. First, I wanted to take a shower. No—I needed a shower. And new clothes, ones that were not stained with blood or reeked of death.
But before that, I needed some water. One that wouldn't drown me.
I drank directly from the tap, trying not to recall the feeling of having all that water surrounding and drowning me. After my thirst had been quenched, I took my shower. My skin was sticky, the sensation fading as blood went down the drain.
I wondered how much of that was mine—probably not a lot. I could see some small cuts here and there, cuts I didn’t even recall receiving much less feeling it. Adrenaline was sure something interesting.
It would be great if I could know what time it was, how much longer until the sun broke into the horizon and morning came in. Yet I thought it was a good idea to enjoy that solitude and quietness of the night to take some fresh air.
I needed the fresh air.
As I walked toward the plaza, I was somewhat surprised to see how different that place was at night. The trees’ leaves did not glow and nature itself seemed…less alive.
Even so, there was this aura around the place, something like a veil that I could almost touch if I stretched my hands high enough, bringing an odd sensation to me. As if that entire place was frozen in an eternal beauty, a beauty that was as quiet as it was dead, something that said no matter your concerns and worries, nothing really mattered anymore.
All that was left was the eternal glow of the stars and the moon on that silent, mesmerizing night. When I got to the fountain, I was relieved to see the place was abandoned. I didn’t want any company at that moment.
I stood in front of the fountain, admiring its waters as I filled my lungs with pure air without daring to get too close to it.
Not even in another world—in another body, with another life—did those dreams let me go. Perhaps I was fated to have them as long as I breathed, until my last breath; that garden, that woman alongside my mother, their gazes.
And if that was my fate, could I truly be free from my past? Could I ever let the person I was go, burying those memories and that life as if it had never existed?
Was that something foolish of me to wish for?
“You are awake…”
I tried not to look as startled as I was, yet once I turned around and met those eyes, realizing who was only a few steps from me, maybe looking startled was a better reaction to the face I was making.
“Well, so are you.”
I did my best to reply to her in a calm manner, smiling to show some reassurance or confidence—more to myself than to her.
She gave a faint smile, nodding once before getting closer to the fountain. And to me.
“Yes, I should have phrased myself better. With everything you went through, I was surprised to see you already recovered…or maybe this is my mistake. After seeing you, I shouldn’t be surprised at all, right?”
Aída was wearing the same type of clothes; a crop and shorts with black gloves that covered only her fists.
Still, I had to force myself to keep staring at the fountain instead, tricking myself every couple of seconds while stealing some glances at her through the water’s reflection.
“I didn’t do much. And to be honest, more than having recovered, you could say I am a restless sleeper.”
“Then this makes both of us.” It took a few seconds for her to find her voice again, her eyes never looking up. “I…am very thankful to you. At first, I was uncertain of putting so much trust in you. But after everything, I am glad cap did—I’m glad I did. Without you, everyone would’ve…”
Her voice carried enough sorrow to make my chest hurt, to make me feel guilty for all the things I did that cost those people their lives. In the end, I should’ve known better.
“I think you were the most impressive of us all.”
I only realized I had spoken those words out loud when she turned at me, some surprise reflecting in her eyes. I cleaned my throat, trying not to lose myself in her blue and hazel gaze, trying to maintain our current distance.
“I mean, you fought against those mages when we had no hopes of winning. Without you, there would be no third or second waves. And the way you fought them…it was amazing.”
Aída smiled, suddenly looking up, at the sky. “Well, maybe I had luck with my Benefactor. There were a few that I could choose at the selection; I only chose the one with the coolest name. Apparently, it was a good call.”
That actually made me laugh. “You were better than me then. There was only one interested enough to make a proposal, and their name is not cool at all.”
She looked at me with some deviousness in her smile, a hint of mischief in her eyes. “What is the name of your Benefactor…?”
Hah, I see where this will go.
“I will tell you mine if you tell me yours. Deal?”
She seemed to think about it for a few seconds, her arms crossed while she reflected. Finally, she opened a full smile, stretching her hand toward mine for a handshake.
I shook her hand, not really believing what I was doing. Somehow, I felt like a middle schooler.
“Who will go first?”
“You proposed the deal; so you go first.”
I could see she was actually curious and excited about hearing my answer; that somehow made me happy, some warmth spreading across my chest.
“My Benefactor is called Fool.”
It took only two seconds for her to burst into laughter, holding her stomach without meeting my eyes. A couple of minutes passed with me staring at the fountain and her trying to control herself, until Aída finally managed to speak.
“Forgive me, I swear it wasn’t my intention to laugh like this but…damn, this is actually what I thought the first time I saw you.”
I felt the warmth inside me disappear. “What did you think?”
She gave me an apologetic glance, shrugging. “I thought you looked a bit foolish, to be one of the options for a leader. You don’t give a vibe of being someone who could take charge, you know?”
[Unique Aura - Foolish Endeavor]
[Active]
“Believe me…I am aware.”
She laughed again, slapping me on the shoulder in a friendly manner. “Hey, don’t worry about it! You proved myself to be wrong many times after that. Now I know you really had a place up there, with captain and the others.”
I could barely believe what she was saying, yet there was a genuine sincerity in her voice. Not only her voice, but I could see it in her eyes. She meant that. And had probably been the first person to ever think so.
“Well…thank you. For believing in me, I mean.”
She smiled back, stretching her arms and neck before continuing. “Okay, my turn! So, there were four Benefactors on my list. But their names…didn’t sound nice. I mean, Wheel, Tower, Chariot—they were so lame! I wanted something with a punch, you know? So…I picked the one with a pretty solid and cool name. Magician.”
The way she whispered her Benefactor’s name, giving me a side glance as she smiled, made not only my heart race but heat come to my face.
I really shouldn’t be blushing as if I were a teenager, I really shouldn’t. Apparently, this was the result of the complete lack of romantic relationships in my previous life.
“Magician does sound pretty cool, way better than Fool, I must say. Good choice.”
“Be honest, even Wheel sounds better than Fool.”
We laughed again, my chest suddenly feeling lighter, that dream fading away into those waters.
“Do you know how that Kurosawa guy is doing? He was also pretty impressive back there.”
The smile faded from her face, her gaze dropping. “Cap is well, but he is still resting. Sometimes I just wished I could do more by his side so he wouldn’t have to risk himself so much.”
Deep down, a thought started to surface. A question I had no right to ask, something that did not concern me.
How well do you two know each other?
Yet as suddenly as that thought appeared, I pushed it all the way down so it would not come to light again. So that I would not think of it again.
“He sure proved himself to be as foolish as I am.”
That made her smile return a bit, as she took one deep breath before looking back at me. “Sorry for asking, and you don’t have to answer, but…why can’t you sleep?”
I really didn’t have to answer. She was a stranger. In only a few trials, she could become my enemy, the reason I could be killed and eliminated.
“…dreams. Somehow I keep having dreams I didn’t wish to dream.”
Even so, I found myself answering her truthfully. Because, deep down, I still longed for some kind of intimacy with another person. No matter what kind.
At those times, I really was nothing but a fool.
“Funny. My dreams keep me awake too. It’s quite unfortunate, isn’t it? Since dreams were supposed to keep us asleep.” When I said nothing as a reply, she spoke again. “What kind of dreams keep you awake? Again, you don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to.”
As I stared at the fountain’s water, I tried to erase the sight of that pavilion. The sight of that garden, of that woman.
“Things I want to forget. What about you?”
And as Aída stared at the water, I wondered if she was also trying to erase something. “Things I’m afraid that could happen.”
We exchanged glances through or reflections for a couple of seconds, letting the veil that covered the entire place fall into my skin, the eternal beauty of that night slowly making me wish that the morning never came.
“We never presented ourselves formally, did we?”
At first, I was taken aback by her question, trying to recall the very first time we met. And realized she was right.
“No, we haven’t.”
“I’m Aída.”
“I’m Eun-Woo.”
She smiled, even if in her eyes I could still see some sadness shared by that eternal night. “It's nice to meet you, Eun-Woo.”
And as my heart beat faster, I tried to make it so that I would not hope. That I would not be wistful, would not pursue a hopeless endeavor.
“It's nice to meet you too.”
Even if somewhere inside me I knew I was too foolish to make things easier for myself.