“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” I thought as I sprinted away from the four gang members chasing me. I don’t even know which gang is it? It’s not like they had a sign on their foreheads. I’m not a mind reader. “You know, being chased by you ladies might sound fun, but this is borderline stalking,” I joked, trying to keep my spirits up as I ran for my life. It’s not my fault they’re fast...

“Stop so we can pummel you, you piece of third-rate laboratory-donated sperm!” one of them shouted angrily.

“That’s it, you’re fucked,” another one of them said.

“No, thank you, you guys are way below my standards.”

“None of us would even touch your dick, even if our lives depended on it. I bet the only action you ever got was from a fan blowing on your dick because you wanted to know what a blowjob feels like,” one of the blue-haired menaces responded.

Damn, I thought, that cuts deep. I need to up my game with these retorts—DODGE!!! On instinct, I did a backflip, twisted my body sideways, spiraled at the apex of the jump, and got out of the way of four rocks thrown with enough force to dent the wooden electric pole in front of me. Fuck, this has got to end. I was planning on losing them, but it seems like I’m in way too deep to pull out... This is why I need a safe word.

I tapped the bracelets on my wrist, and they unfolded into spider-looking devices on my forearms. My own web shooters—it took me days to synthesize a solution, but some chemicals in my blood made this webbing possible, using bio-electricity to keep the liquid from disintegrating when I shoot it, and making it super strong.

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I spun around, adrenaline pumping through my body. I slightly lowered my stance and sprung into action. I fired a web at a trash can and flung it at them. Before they had time to react, I had already glued their feet to the ground, so the trash can hit all four of them, knocking the breath out of them and hurling them into the wall on their left. “Guess you guys are in a sticky situation,” I quipped as I webbed them up. “Hang in there, gals. I’m sure someone will find you,” I said after finishing securing them to the wall.

I could hear the sirens of the police approaching, so I decided to bounce before they asked questions I didn’t want to answer—like why my webbing was all over the place. I quickly leaped up onto a wall and started running up it. Launching a string of web with both hands, I slingshotted from the electric pole, flinging myself feet into the air. I landed on a rooftop and saw the concrete field breaking away into a concrete jungle full of skyscrapers, mag trains, bad traffic, and the smell of street food. Tapping a button on my Arachelet, I activated my scrubber program, which wiped me from all cameras by emitting sound and light waves that made me invisible to technology and harder to see by humans.

Quickly, I shot another string of web, and it latched onto a building. Remembering my two weeks of training, I thought, Dodge, dodge, dodge, as I swung above the streets at breakneck speed. Thank you, TFS sensei, I thought with a smile, remembering Gohan getting his ass kicked on YouTube for not dodging. I let myself free-fall after gaining enough altitude, and when I was close enough to the ground, I shot a web. The pullback almost snapped my arm out of its socket... Never doing that again, I made a mental note with a grunt.

I smiled as I saw my apartment building in the distance. Now to face the fury of a mom who knows you passed curfew.