Book 1: Epilogue

…

In the words of Julius Caesar: I came. I saw. I conquered.

Or, as mutilated by the internet: I came. I saw. I came again.

Some sex-addled neckbeard will probably commit to the second phrase, if they managed to conquer a city full of Elves. Hm? Why'd I say "they" for neckbeards?

Being a neckbeard is a way of life, not a gender. The outsides and the genitals can be different, but thirst and incel-like behaviors can be attributed to anyone. Male neckbeards will go after the pretty female Elves. Female neckbeards will go after the pretty male Elves. Whatever gender neckbeard will go after whatever gender Elves. They'll all be thirsty mouthbreathers who'll die to a knife in their sleep, but I'm sure they'll say getting laid by a 10/10 once will make it worth it… or make it better.

Moving on.

The Elves got their Citadel occupied, we succeeded in our early game rush, and now we had two starting bases instead of one against our enemies. Combining that advantage with the fact that we had the troops to seize lots of artifacts, I considered the early game a win and now we could focus on defending, teching up, and improving our economy.

Once again, if we try to do more than hold our ground and play on the defensive, everyone else was going to dogpile us.

The risk wasn't worth it.

And, I was glad that Riegert and Khanrow thought the same way.

However, I wasn't at all glad at their next decision.

As always, whenever Goths came into fashion, I found myself having to confront a form of calamity.

…

"The Academy? Now?"

"You are more than qualified"

"I'm 13!"

"You will soon be 14. The youngest amongst all your fellows, which will suit your legend well and mitigate the effects of your age in other's eyes." Khanrow and I were in the super-secret, underground command center of the Citadel. He had both rings on his fingers now, which allowed the two Citadels to link together. "While we consolidate our gains, you will spend the four necessary years in the Academy to learn how to rule and whatever other talents you deem necessary."

Two Citadels meant that they now shared energy, worked more efficiently with one another, and had power for other systems. So, at the center of the room, we now had real-time imagery of both provinces, and all the outposts activated automatically. We now had the means to effectively use quick-reaction forces, which meant enemyarmies in our region were going to have higher costs, and get lower health if they couldn't front it.

"Okay, but have you considered the fact that I'll be alone in a university with hundreds of people bigger and stronger than me?"

"The perfect place for a young lord to gain retainers. It's how I met Riegert."

"If I wanted to know about your love life, I'd have asked."

"Hah. You're better when you're brave, child."

"Being a coward got me to where I am now, so I'm not going to complain."

I glared at Khanrow, but he just kept chuckling. Meanwhile, I looked back at the Artifacts that we appropriated from the Elves.

"Did they have anything useful?"

"Plenty, but it's good they didn't know what they were. Guess reading literature not written by their people is below them." I grumbled, but returned to my work, barely pretending that I didn't know what they were by consulting a large book of records of artifacts found throughout history. "The staff their king used is a part of something bigger. There's two more parts. If they're found and attached, the caster can create forests in an instant."

"That will be quite useful on the battlefield."

"Yeah." There was a lot of bullshit you could pull off with it, especially with a mostly ranged faction. Block cavalry charges, provide cover for your squishy units, and even hide the Elves' version of siege weapons in it too. There are few things more frustrating that seeing a literal line of forests streaming after you knowing that there's massive, armored bears running through them. By massive, I mean house-sized. Middle-class. American housing too, which means almost three stories and bordering on excessive. "Best we get rid of it, because only the Children of the Elm can use it, and we can't trust them… in our lifetimes, at least."

"On that, I agree. My agents have already determined that there are cells being formed amongst the people we have captured, despite our mercy. I will be conducting crackdowns on their population soon, and taking newborns and those young enough to be raised elsewhere." The warcrime siren rang in my head, but I shrugged it off. Was I still condoning it by not speaking out? Most likely. But, these guys literally looked at their unlooted homes, barely any changes to any laws, and unraised taxes and got to planning a rebellion/insurrection/mass murder campaign right away. The silken glove was slapped away and spit on, so the steel-plated fist was going to come down. "I will have it destroyed. What about the others?"

"Good ones. This circlet will increase vision range and sight time, while this bracer will allow blows to pass through at least half of the armor." The first was for Rita and the second for Ilych. I didn't know how Ilych's level ups were currently going, but adding armor penetration to AoE damage has always been a broken combo. I'm sure I can just tell her to murder a whole cavalry brigade and she'll get it done. "The last one should be good for anyone. Charm of protection. Keeps you a little safer and not dead by warding off weaker attacks."

"You take that one then, so that some of your concerns can be mitigated." Gee, thanks. Now I'll survive a few more seconds than I should. Fuck that. I'm taking the easy way out if someone comes after me. That goes off and I'm dying quick and easy, while hopefully popping up in another world. Dammit, I shouldn't bank on that being what happens if I die. "The Academy is the best place for you to be now. Go there and you will meet your future foes and allies. Do everything in your power to be victorious… after all, I'd wager that there is no place safer than a Citadel."

"Yeah, yeah. I get it."

Khanrow chuckled again, while I poured over my book.

It was better than how things were a few years ago.

I was indispensable to the point where I had to be sent away to be trained. Though this was going to be terrible for my reputation in the short term, because reputations needed to be cultivated, it was also an opportunity.

I had to play the game Khanrow wanted me to play, in that I needed to get retainers like Riegert on my side, while making as many alliances as I could.

This was a gauntlet being thrown down: lose your reputation and become a pawn again, or increase it immensely and become somebody.

Still, given Khanrow's mindset and the fact that me being a pawn would be safer in the long term…

"Ah, yes. Ilych and Rita will be coming along to guard you, so that should assuage your concerns."

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

There it fucking is.

How the hell am I supposed to make friends and influence people if I have a seven-foot tall "human" berserker and an Undead, Elvish rogue hanging out around me!?

Perhaps most importantly, I'm entering puberty, while having those two around all the time!?

And, they're going to be in uniforms instead of combat gear!?

Do you understand how likely it is that I'll overstep my authority as a stupid teenager raging with hormones and get myself killed by one of the two!?

I'm really going to have to get myself neutered, aren't I?

…

Riegert stayed behind to do what needed to be done, and then scour the region for artifacts, while the rest of us made the trek back.

Surprisingly, while I was wallowing in the necessity of absolutely crippling my libido somehow, a bright, shining star appeared in the distance.

An Orc expedition led by Crusher.

Naturally, I asked to meet with him, and we did.

This time I pulled out all the stops to impress my favorite Champion.

Several whole roasted pigs, fresh vegetables from Elven farms, and whole barrels of wine. Enough to feed a hundred men, but barely enough for me, Ilych, Rita, and Crusher with his guards.

"Hmph, Boy King, your intention is obvious. Know that the Conquerors are not fools who disregard courtesy." The Orc took a whole leg of a pig and took a bite of it like a chicken leg. His guards ate first to check for poison, but they only started truly eating after he did. For a few moments, there was nothing but the noises of living war machines eating along with us, until Crusher spoke again. "I heard of your victory against the Children of the Elm. You laid their Guardians low by bringing your own. It will not work against us."

"I hope not. I'd hate to have to fight your people and Guardians at the same time. At least, without five men for every one you have."

"You shame us. You will need at least ten soldiers for every one of ours."

"For your Citadel, sure. In the open field, without Wyverns, five to one will do."

"My people will have them soon enough."

"Sure, sure." Good luck with that quest chain. I'm not looking forward to the quest chain that gives me rifle lines, but I need to get it done too. "So, how's the Citadel? It make you all soft enough to kill easily, yet?"

"The comforts enjoyed by the Ancients are indeed too much. Too many hunt too little, and too many have started to use weapons forged from its foundries instead of ones made from good hunts." Crusher levelled a glare at me, but he didn't deny my words. His guards shifted. They had massive broadswords that were conspicuously bound in tattered rags and worn leather, but in the gaps between I saw the pure-white material of the Ancients. Nice try, guys. "But if it has not made your people weak, it will not weaken us."

Ooh, compliments are so nice to hear.

"I look forward to bringing your people under my banner once we've got our bearings. It's unfortunate that attacking you will make us targets for anyone else."

That earned me a single, bombastic chuckle that resounded through the tent. It made the walls even shift a bit.

Awesome.

How can you be this fucking cool?

Really, only a giant robot or two would make this better.

"We will use our time well and conquer you instead. Though, first, we will find weaker meat to cut through and grow strong from." Crusher admitted and showed off why I liked the Orcs. They always invested in their Diplomacy tree. A fight avoided is a fight won for these guys. "Then, with the Conquerors at the helm, three or four Citadels shall rid this world of the insanity that has overtaken it. All will be peoples once more, and only animals will be meat."

"Then, I can rest easy. That sounds just fine to me, if I lose!" I laughed and took a bite of some roasted pork. The perks of being rich allowed me to have access to spices and everything else that was fancy just fine. The Citadels being able to grow most spices and plants helped. So, the roasted pork was spicy, delicious, meaty, and fatty. There was a certain gaminess, since they lived harder lives and ran around more, but I just thought that was a plus. "If you don't mind, I'd like to be sent to the far southern islands. I've always wanted to be surrounded by the sea!"

I said that like a joke, but I meant it.

If my people lose, please exile me to the tropics, which'll get hit last.

Unfortunately, Crusher shook his head at my request.

"No. You have proven yourself. Your skill and ability is known to us. We have spoken to the peoples between your lands and the Children's. Our agents have spoken to your own people. Exile would be a waste." Oh no, the faction that I like the most wants to keep me around as a Champion if they beat me. Damn, it feels so awful to be wanted by the coolest dudes in the setting. Not. Oh, right, they were talking about being great at gathering info. I think this is the Espionage tree's most basic investment: Ears to the Ground, which just gives you access to Faction Reputation. Apparently, I'm great. "You will be given a dukedom, rule over your lands, and wedded to a woman of our tribe."

Rule over a Citadel? No thanks.

Political clout in a massive alliance? I'll pass.

Having a tall, bff, and buxom Orc wife? Hngrhf.

Must resist.

Damn, puberty, you're scary!

"Well, that's too bad. I'll exile you if you want, though!"

"You dare imply that I won't redeem my honor by fighting for a new peace!?"

"I said, if you want!"

I rolled my eyes at the glare sent my way, before noticing Ilych nudging my shoulder with her elbow.

Yes, my shoulder.

Not my ribs.

Hell, she was probably going to end up nudging my skull in the future.

Anyway, she wanted to hear about the Orcs and their information gathering ability. It would be a diplomatic failure to just ask, so I went with the next best thing.

"Oh, right. What did you guys hear about me? I'm curious."

Crusher barely took a moment to nod and swallowed a third of a rump with a single bite.

"Evil flees in your presence, or are put to the sword. Villages with long years of misfortune are graced by your presence. Nothing but peace and prosperity arise in the path of your armies, unlike others." Crusher spoke and I sat just a little straighter. Man, getting praised by your favorite character in real life sure gives you a heady feeling. I almost feel like I can float. "The Citadel you call home is filled with joy and happiness, and your soldiers will fight to the death at your command. The few Children of the Elm that managed to flee curse your name, but the actions of their Mage King are known to the world, and they will find little aid from any other."

Crusher took a deep draught from a small barrel of wine before finishing with his gaze locked onto mine.

It was hard to keep smiling.

"You are known as the heir of this whole continent, your enemies will know your measure, and all will come for your throne. Prepare yourself, King of Wisdom."

Fuck.

I painted a massive target on my back.