Mai walks over and turns the light off, everything goes pitch black. The only light coming from the closed curtains. She walks out onto the balcony and pulls two chairs close together. Still sitting on the bed dumbfounded I stand up and walk towards the door. I can feel the cool air of the summer night blowing against me. I sit down in the chair next to her and she gives a sigh of relief.

Mai: This is my favorite thing to do. No one can bug me. I still can’t believe that Jun told you we were dating.

“It’s not like him to lie, it must have been a special reason. Maybe he truly thought you were.”

Mai: I told him that it wasn’t like that. I don’t see him like that, I made that clear.

“You seem bothered by it.”

Mai: Well I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.

“Funny you might say that.”

Mai: well, what about Makoto? She seems to think you’re dating.

“I care about her, but I don’t see her in that way. Not as much as I’d need to anyway. We were more like siblings growing up. She lived with us since the 7th grade. It’s not that I don’t love her like that, I just can’t bring myself to acknowledge that.”

Mai: Sounds troubling, maybe it’s the prospect of her loving you but you not loving her back that stops you from being upfront.

“You’re completely right, and that’s how it’s been for years. It’s easier to just ignore it for now. Anyway, where are you from?”

Mai: I’m from a place that I don’t want to talk about, and since you mention it I’m sure you saw that photo on the counter inside. That’s my mother, she was the only one I really had, and now she’s gone. I’m not really that sad though. We knew the cancer was going to spread. So we just tried to spend all our time with her. But I for some reason didn’t, after she got sick I distanced myself from her. It was so painful to slowly watch her lose everything she was. She was always sick, couldn’t walk after a point, could barely speak. That’s not how I wanted to remember her. So I just stopped showing up. I even moved here to get away, and now here I am. I saw her one last time when she was taking her final breath. Something in me broke that day.

“You shouldn’t feel badly for that, you were just doing what you knew. And honestly we all go someday, it’s not easy to deal with. I lost my mother 2 years ago and I did almost the same thing. Makoto was the one that was there by her side when she was dying, not me.”

Mai: Koshin let me tell you something, don’t let that be the reason you force yourself, because you will never be happy.

She reaches over and kisses my forehead. I would never have expected that from her. Her lips felt so warm against my face. The smell of her hair trailing behind her. As she reaches back, even under the dim moonlight I could tell she was turning red. Dumbfounded I just sat there, her cold blue eyes had warmed my insides this time around.

“What was that?”

She quiets my lips with hers, the feeling of them sending me into a daze. I could feel every twitch in her being. She stands up and pulls me closer to her. Her lips never leaving mine. She pulls me inside to the bed and lays on top of me. Her weight felt like nothing compared to mine. She was smaller than makoto, by a large amount. She runs her fingers through my hair a she kisses me. The door to the balcony letting in cold air. It was like something out of a movie. I put my hands on her hips and move her closer to me. She takes off her shirt and pants and continues to kiss me. Eventually things were about to escalate. There she was, this girl I just met, naked in front of me. For some reason this felt good, maybe it was the frustration I was holding in over makoto.

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

Mai: Be gentle.

As i start to go my phone buzzes. A message from makoto pops up on my phone reading “Sorry I forgot to text you, Jun and I are here with everyone else. Where are you?” Instantly a wave of regret comes over me. I push Mai off of me gently and sit at the edge if the bed.

Mai: It’s okay, I understand.

She sits against my back with her bare skin.

“I can’t, I just can’t do that to her.”

Mai: Koshin I don’t want you to worry, I’m right here.

Her skin felt so comforting against my back. She pulls me over lays me on her chest. I remember a million things rushing through my mind. The number one though was how Makoto would have felt if she had known. Still, this felt right for once. Laying here with someone else. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. Being sleepy I eventually doze off with Mai following shortly behind me. The whole night she wrapped herself around me, she didn’t let me go.

The night was long but comforting. She slept when I slept and woke up when I did. We had conversations about we thought love was and how we knew when we’d found it. We also talked about my issues with Makoto, but eventually the sun started to show through the curtains. We woke up lazily one more time, her body still against mine. I sit up and put my shirt back on to stretch.

Mai: How’d you rest?

“Pretty well, I’m glad you were with me.”

She was laying with the blanket covering only up to her waist. Her long brown hair an undefinable mess. She was staring at the still open door, the room was fully lit at this point even though it was only about 7 am. Accompanied with the sun was the dreaded Japan heat. I walk over and shut the door to ease the pain of the air conditioner running in vein. Looking over my shoulder I almost call her Makoto. I pick my phone up and have missed calls from both Jun and Makoto. Guess I should give one of them a call back.

Mai: Jun called me.

“Me too.”

Mai: Several times…

“Me too…”

Mai: Hope it wasn't important.

It wasn’t like Jun to call so many times, along with Makoto’s calls I became a bit worried. I hope they didn’t think I came back with Mai. If Jun was willing to lie about them being on a date then i can just imagine what he would do if he knew I spent the night. I walk over to the sink and get something to drink. Mai sits up and put on her shirt.

Mai: What are you off to do today?

“Well I don’t have class so I’ll probably just go back home and wait for one of them to text me.”

Mai: You want me to come with you? Maybe we could do something.

I start for the door and put my shoes on.

Mai: WAIT! I have to get dressed!

I give off a smile and continue putting my shoes on. Eventually she gets dressed and we walk out of the door. I hope no one I knows sees us walking out. I imagine that wouldn’t go over well. The heat is causing my skin to sweat even this early in the morning. Mai walks beside me and with how talkative she’s been you’d never know she was the same person from last night.The city was still pretty quiet at this time. It made the walk seem to be much longer than usual. Eventually we get back to my apartment and I unlock the door and take off my shoes. I hand Mai a glass of water as she looks around the far less impressive apartment.

Mai: Wow! This is so cute!

“It’s really small, sorry.”

Mai: Seriously! This is so cute!

We walk over to the bed and sit. She sits beside me and lays down. Her brown hair layering the fabric around her. I stare at her face and think about how pretty she was. I think it just occurred to me but she was stunning. Part of me saw a beautiful girl, and the other saw Makoto. Not a comforting feeling.

Mai: Why are you looking at me?

She has a smile on her face.

“I just am. Anyway, what do you want to do today?”

Mai: Whatever you want.

“I’m not sure, let me see what they might do.”

At this moment I forgot I never told them that I got home last night. I unlock my phone and my heart drops. A message from makoto reading “Why the hell is Jun telling me he saw you leaving Mai’s house early this morning?”. I feel the anxiety in my chest skyrocket. No messages from Jun yet… He must have seen me this morning. He probably came to check on her when neither of us texted them. Mai looks at my face and realizes something is wrong. Before I can find words to speak I hear the door unlocking. There’s only one other person who has a key to that door besides me. Mai shoots up and before she can stand Makoto stands in front of us. I can tell she didn’t come to hang out.

M: What is she doing here?

Mai: I just stopped by.

I stood there paralyzed without an answer. I knew Makoto and I weren’t together, but how was I going to explain this?