In the forest I feel at peace, as I listen to the occasional pitches of the birds I can’t help but wonder about my life back then.
Living with a brother and sister was hard, even more so when both of your parents have died. I hardly ever remember being useful to my brother and sister, my older brother was the one who brought the food on the table and my younger sister would always make sure to keep the house in order even with her busy school life.
She wanted to be an engineer; in all honesty I think she wanted the pay of an engineer as it had better prospects for her to support the family when for all I know about her she must have just quashed her own dreams to make a better life for me and my brother. God knows what dreams she had I never cared enough to even ask.
My brother would find work in most unlikely of places and he would grind people for any available work he could do, I always thought he looked pathetic doing that pleading people for any crumb of a job he could get, strict and stoic when it came to me and never once allowing anything fancy and I hated him for that. Only now do I realize how desperate he was back then, a boy of sixteen should never have such a burden on him.
And in all that I was just a cancerous parasite feeding of all the filial obligations my siblings had for me. I should have done better by them. They didn’t deserve the bastard that blamed and berated them for all his own misfortunes. Not having the wit to accomplish any of my lofty goals and never the wisdom to see what went wrong for all those times that I had failed.
Delusional clams of the wrongs they did to me was all that said to them in my last few days and now I hope they are better off without me. I just hope when they see the body they don’t cry as much I think they will. I should have heard the car coming but my earphones were too loud for me to hear anything, and lying in the wet asphalt I could see my life flash before my eyes and finally realize my faults, the delusions I held so dear because my small ego couldn’t take the responsibility that I ruined my own life.
I remembered all this when I was in the training fields where I was sparring with Williams, he had struck a blow too hard on me and I hit my head on a rock as I fell. The memories of my past life came rushing in and the most profound sense of regret hit me as I cried my lung out. The shock of it all made me pass out and when I awoke next morning I could still remember my previous life back then.
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At first the existential crisis I had for remembering my past life had made me almost go insane, but within time as the days went by I came to the conclusion that these memories were real cause in all the bad complex things that could be conjured up by my mind, I came to realize how much Jack and Mary loved me for all those years I lived. And that this regret was the most real emotion I had ever felt.
As I look at the vast scape of the forest, from a clearing off in the distance I could see a boy no older than fifteen quickly approach where I was. The boy was dressed in fine cloth and had quite the air of importance to him. Most noble children had that about them, a disposition to see themselves as more than they seemed.
“Jorge why are you here, the others are waiting for you at the palace square?” The boy said in a frantic panic.
“I just want to be alone for some while, tell them I’m busy with my archery practice or something”
“Jorge it’s important that you mingle with the others. Father said that these are the building blocks for us to create bonds and trust among the nobles, a way to connect with our generation”
“I rather keep to myself”
“Jorge, you’ve been different ever since ‘that incident ‘, people are beginning to spread rumors about you Jorge.”
“William if it helps I’ll go to party but don’t expect me to mingle much, and let them say what they want about me. I’ve never cared once about their gossip about me”
It was big issue once I got hit, the most spoiled prince of the Alager empire was severely hurt and William was most likely to be punished for his lack of control at that time. But after some time cooler heads prevailed and William was to be my steward from now on, a hefty punishment as William was still a noble from the house of Eddings, this permanently sealed his fate to me as my servant for the rest of his days. I still don’t know if William resents me for trapping him in this life, if so William knows how to hide it quite well.
But the rumors spread that the once spoiled youngest price had now gone insane. Can’t really blame them for it if I’m honest, I have changed ever since then. Most my time now are just contemplating the various ways in which this may be all just a sickness in the mind, a very cleaver trick my mind is playing on me but the feelings I felt still remain deep with me. How could these be just my minds creation the complexity of what I remember about the other world could never be something that my imagination could make up.
“Good then that’s all I ask is that you just be present for the party.”