Jasper couldn’t believe it. He was sure he was dead and yet, and yet here he was sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair in front of a cheap looking pine desk. And to his right was his best bud and beyond Randy sat, or rather, perched Randy’s big slob of a brother Marty.
A harried looking middle-aged man with a mop of messy greying hair and a bushy tobacco stained beard materialized on the other side of the desk. The man eyed them with disapproval; he snapped his fingers and a lit cigarette appeared in his mouth. He puffed at it furiously and then blew out a stream of foul smelling smoke.
“Hey mister, you shouldn’t smoke indoors. You know it’s a filthy habit and the smoke is bad for you. Second hand smoke isn’t healthy either,” Jasper.
Randy snorted in amusement but the man just looked irritated. He drew in another lungful of smoke and exhaled a stream of smoke directly at Jasper. Jasper coughed.
“Typical,” said the man. “You darned humans are all alike, first you introduce us to smoking, and now you preach about the evils of smoke. Why can’t you darned mortals make up your bloody minds?”
“What do you mean, you humans, aren’t you human?” asked Jasper.
“No!” snapped the man as he drew in another lungful of smoke. Looking at his much reduced cigarette he produced another from thin air, and lit it from the but of the first before it vanished back into thin air.
After blowing a series of smoke rings while examining them the not human said: “You three weren’t due yet, the fact that you’re here is extremely annoying. Two of you had things to do. Why were you on that bus anyway?”
After glaring at them for a while longer and receiving no answers, he starting flipping through the pages of a big leather bound book that hadn’t been there just a moment before. “Well, I’ll just have to make the best of it. There are always nonentities that can be guided. Our plans for your old world will be delayed by a few years. Hopefully that won’t matter in the long run.
“Now about you three; lets see. Oh that’s quite interesting. That might be something I can use.”
Jasper shook his head and glared at the idiot on the other side of the desk. “What are you on about? Let us go home.”
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“Home?” he laughed out loud. “You’re dead! There’s no going home. So you idiots like fairy stories about adventure, magic and dungeons? Worlds ruled by the System? Good!” He grinned sadistically and snorted. “GO! I hope you have fun! Not!” BWAHAHAHA!
The world faded out and Jasper lost consciousness.
* * *
Jasper regained consciousness, he couldn’t see or feel anything, and all he could hear was a vague humming. Then an emotionless mental voice that sort of reminded him of one of the more advanced computer generated voices murmured in his mind:
« So you are a fan of dungeon fiction... We can work with that... Mmm... Initializing dungeon core information download. »
« Downloading: Time remaining eight hours, thirty minutes... »
‘Yes!’ Exalted Jasper, ‘I might be dead, and it wasn’t a truck, but I’m gonna be a dungeon. I’ll be the greatest dungeon ever ’cause I know how to make gunpowder and things. And no Ms Harlow to kick me out of chemistry for making stink bombs...’
Eight hours later a very bored Jasper perked up when the voice spoke again.
« What is your preferred dungeon companion type? »
“Oh Wow, I get to choose... I want a sexy Imp like in the Dark Dungeon trilogies. Big tits with lots of sexy curves, she has to be beautiful.”
« Very well. Processing... »
Jasper felt himself being changed, a body was being formed for his soul to inhabit... ‘Oh shit, NOOO! I thought I was going to be... NOOO! Not a girl Imp! NOOO! Oh you fucking bastard! I’ll get you for this you filthy nicotine addict, even if it’s the last thing I do....’
Even as he felt himself, or rather, herself being sent into the world Jasper could have sworn that she heard a sadistic laugh.
« (Randy) »
The words: “GO! I hope you have fun! Not!” Echoed through Randy’s mind as the sight of the irritated being in the improbable office faded into blackness. Randy felt a twinge of regret that he had helped Jasper bully his brother into taking the bus. He knew it was childish of him to resent his younger brother for his size but the big klutz didn’t do anything with his advantages. He and Jasper could have used those inches for basketball. He knew Jasper’s resentment was mostly down to jealousy but...
Then he felt himself spinning round, he felt as if he was composed of water and he was swirling down a plughole.
Then it hurt, he was being squeezed, and it was cold! Well colder, something rough was scraping across his fur. His eyes were stuck shut. Something was pushing him and there was food... His thoughts faded out... he knew he would wake when he was ready and able to be himself once again.
Randy enjoyed a period of warmth and contentment as he tussled with his brothers and sisters for his mother’s milk. They felt loved and when their eyes opened they still couldn’t see much as their den was dark. But it didn’t matter. They could smell their mother and each other. Somehow Randy adapted to accepting that the information supplied by his nose as more important than his eyes.